Bill Gates to Receive Honorary UK Knighthood

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Bill Gates to Receive Honorary UK Knighthood

Posted by ryuzaki0 on Tuesday March 1, 2005 @06:18AM from the all-it-takes-is-to-make-billions-of-dollars dept.

jolyon writes "Yahoo is reporting that Bill Gates will receive his honorary UK knighthood on Wednesday. He doesn't get to call himself 'Sir' though. He becomes a Knight Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire."

58 of 743 comments (clear)

DOJhood! by garcia · 2005-03-01 06:19 · Score: 4, Funny

"(Gates) is one of the most important business leaders of his age," he said. "Microsoft technology has transformed business practices and his company has had a profound impact on the British economy."

If only Knighthood came with all the grandeur that fairytales make it out to be. Luckily for Gates he falls right into the lot of Knights that were brutal barbarians who killed their competitors off by lopping their heads off with a sharp steel sword.

Among the pomp and grandeur of the formal state rooms at the palace, Gates will kneel in front of the sovereign, who will gently tap him on the shoulder with a sword.

You have to wonder if this is something like Gates received from the DOJ... "Among the pomp and grandeur of the formal courthouse, Gates will kneel in front of the judge, who will gently slap him on the wrist.

They need to name that something cool like Honorary Convicted Monopolist or something.
1. Re:DOJhood! by ciroknight · 2005-03-01 06:24 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Hopefully the queen will do more than "gently tapping" Gates with the sword.
  
  Here's to hoping Thursday's headline involves a headless Gate ;)
  
  --
  "Victory means exit strategy, and it's important for the President to explain to us what the exit strategy is." G.W.Bush
2. Re:DOJhood! by Minupla · 2005-03-01 06:31 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  "Oops, did I pick up the light saber instead of the sword again? So sorry. I loose more knights that way."
  
  Min
  
  --
  On the whole, I find that I prefer Slashdot posts to twitter ones because I don't get limited to 140 chars before
3. Re:DOJhood! by DangerSteel · 2005-03-01 06:39 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  I will only laff if afterwards the Queen mother says "There can be only one!"
4. Re:DOJhood! by w42w42 · 2005-03-01 07:08 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  I just had this image of Gates as Lord Farquaad in Shrek.
5. Re:DOJhood! by mickwd · 2005-03-01 07:16 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  "...I'd wager it was the headchopping assholes who actually got shit done."
  
  Isn't that what assholes are for ?
6. Re:DOJhood! by SlowMovingTarget · 2005-03-01 07:25 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  I doubt it... Microsoft doesn't know how to do headless anything.
7. Re:DOJhood! by JudgeFurious · 2005-03-01 07:36 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  I can picture someone standing near the queen whispering into her ear "Do it, you'll never get a chance like this again! For the love of god woman just lop his head off!"
  
  And then when she doesn't it'll be "And you call yourself a monarch! Real kings and queens of England are spinning in their graves right now. You could have at least held him for ransom."
  
  --
  Appended to the end of comments you post. 120 chars.
8. Re:DOJhood! by Anonymous Coward · 2005-03-01 07:37 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  Then we'd have to flame that apple guy... ...oh, wait, he's dead.
9. Re:DOJhood! by Cruez · 2005-03-01 07:45 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  He becomes a Knight Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire.
  Sounds like something from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
  
  Maybe they will pull a Mike Tyson and take a little off the earlobe..
10. Re:DOJhood! by first.last · 2005-03-01 08:12 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  Is the queen doing the knighting? If so, you know she's getting old and feeble, so we might get lucky and the sword slips out of her hands and....
  
  If you work at BP, and you're reading this, you know what has to be done. I'm not condoning violence, I'm just saying, a greased-up sword handle is much more likely to slip out of her hand.
  
  --
  Wishing I was a millionaire since 1969.
11. Re:DOJhood! by smittyoneeach · 2005-03-01 08:47 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  But...there was no NetCraft announcement...
  
  --
  Get thee glass eyes, and, like a scurvy politician, seem to see things thou dost not.--King Lear
12. Re:DOJhood! by Tablizer · 2005-03-01 09:22 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  "Ooops! I knighted him with a sword known to have a defective Safety.DLL"
  
  --
  Table-ized A.I.
13. Re:DOJhood! by Snowdog668 · 2005-03-01 09:32 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  so tell me, how many people does one beat up to create a wheel? how many throats does one slit to irrigate a field with river water?
  
  42?
  
  --
  I wouldn't say I'm a bad gambler but the last time I went to Vegas I even lost a buck on the soda machine.
14. Re:DOJhood! by Soruk · 2005-03-01 11:24 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Arise, Sir Hackedalot, I mean, erm, Sir Hackedtobits.
  
  --
  -- Soruk
Not the first Bill ... by pavon · 2005-03-01 06:19 · Score: 5, Funny

to have a Most Excellent Adventure through knighthood. Does this mean he call himself Bill H Gates, Esquire now? Party on Dude!

sorry, so so sorry
1. Re:Not the first Bill ... by dema · 2005-03-01 06:28 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Damn, grandparent beat me to the joke, and parent beat me to complaining about being beaten to ):
2. Re:Not the first Bill ... by Anonymous Coward · 2005-03-01 06:35 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  "Sir?!..." The man should be drawn and quartered and thrown into the deepest, darkest dungeon on earth for inflicting most of the world's desktop systems with his vile creations...obviously, the idiots who give out these rewards don't do tech support...that should be their punishment:
  
  Someone with a clue: "Who decided to give Bill Gates an award?"
  
  British bureaucrat: "I did, and a few of my colleagues."
  
  Someone with a clue: "Fine, you are all required to report for duty as M$ Windows tech support for all of the M$ Windows machines in the U.K. This includes anyone who wants you to fix their home computer, friends, etc. This is for life, and continues after retirement. Working hours are unlimited, pay is minimal, and oh yes, you have no choice. You may not use any alternatives. M$ junk only. Good luck."
  
  Talk about a fate worse than death...:-)
  
  I'm not sure if I prefer Bill burned at the stake, or simply hung by the neck until dead...
Commander? by Quasar1999 · 2005-03-01 06:19 · Score: 2, Funny

Oh dear lord... what's he in charge of? More importantly does this affect his borg status at all?

--

---
Programming is like sex... Make one mistake and support it the rest of your life.
1. Re:Commander? by Steve+B · 2005-03-01 06:20 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  does this affect his borg status
  That's Sir Borg to you, peasant!
  
  --
  /. If the government wants us to respect the law, it should set a better example.
2. Re:Commander? by Anonymous Coward · 2005-03-01 06:25 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  Now he is one of the Borgs of the round table.
Pah.... by Lovepump · 2005-03-01 06:20 · Score: 5, Funny

Almost all of us Brits have that title. It's handed down from father to son, in the same way the family bible would be.

We all live in castles too.

When does mc chris get is knighthood?
Does this mean... by KiltedKnight · 2005-03-01 06:21 · Score: 3, Funny

... that in two years he has to go back to have it upgraded?
Honestly, this is old news. I remember the story being out there over a year ago.

--
OCO is Loco
The commander's coat of arms... by Anonymous Coward · 2005-03-01 06:21 · Score: 5, Funny

The Blue Shield of Death.
1. Re:The commander's coat of arms... by Anonymous Coward · 2005-03-01 07:09 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  M------^------M l l l l 640K l (C) l l l l l------l------l l l l l $$$ l GPF l \ l / \ l / \ l / V
Next up for the XBOX2 by Crim-Prof · 2005-03-01 06:22 · Score: 5, Funny

Knight Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire or KCOTMEOOTBE
Most Excellent Knighthood, Bill!! by Xcott+Craver · 2005-03-01 06:22 · Score: 4, Funny

Ted, while I agree that in time our band will be most triumphant, Wyld Stallions will never be a super band without Eddie Van Halen on guitar.
Yes Bill, but: I believe we will not get Eddie Van Halen until we have a triumphant video.
Ted, It's pointless to have a triumphant video when we don't even have any decent instruments.
But how can we have decent instruments when we don't know how to play?
That is why we need Eddie Van Halen.
And that is why we need a triumphant video.
Excellent!
Crusade Against Open Source by ween14 · 2005-03-01 06:23 · Score: 2, Funny

Finally, Microsoft will be able to have an official launch of their Crusade against Open Source. The Open Source heretics must die, and Bill Gates will lead the army to do it.

--
Java has no friends.
Re:How much does it take? by carpe_noctem · 2005-03-01 06:23 · Score: 4, Funny

I dunno; ask Elton John. I heard he's pretty wicked with a joust, too.

--
"Quoting famous computer scientists out of context is the root of all evil (or at least most of it) in programming." - K
House of Lords by bitswapper · 2005-03-01 06:23 · Score: 3, Funny

Does he become a full member of the House of Lords?

Can I challenge him to a jousting match? I'll even let him choose the OS his mechanical horse runs...
OSD peasant yells by Anonymous Coward · 2005-03-01 06:23 · Score: 5, Funny

Come and see the patents inherent in the system!

Help help! We're being repressed!
1. Re:OSD peasant yells by Anonymous Coward · 2005-03-01 06:38 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Bloody GNU/peasant!
Arise! by AtariAmarok · 2005-03-01 06:27 · Score: 5, Funny

Arise!
Sir Embrace of Extend!
Sir Protector of FUD!
Sir Blue of Screen!

--
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
Titles by Exluddite · 2005-03-01 06:28 · Score: 5, Funny

.."Knight Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire." Protector of the Order of the BSOD, Royal Disseminator of FUD, and Patcher of the Realm.

--
What does this button do...
But in Ireland, by Anonymous Coward · 2005-03-01 06:30 · Score: 3, Funny

it's pronounced "Sir William H. Gates, the Turd"
Re:WTF? by Anonymous Coward · 2005-03-01 06:34 · Score: 1, Funny

So when does Linus get knighted?

"We are the knights that say... 'free'"
Re:How much does it take? by bladesjester · 2005-03-01 06:36 · Score: 5, Funny

"For some reason the United States aren't part of it"

Might have something to do with that little disagreement we had with the British a couple hundred years ago...

--
Everything I need to know I learned by killing smart people and eating their brains.
Monty Python Reference by punxking · 2005-03-01 06:38 · Score: 2, Funny

Today the part of Arthur will be played by Linus and the Black Knight by Mr. Gates:

Arthur: You are indeed brave Sir knight, but the fight is mine.
Black Knight: Had enough?
Arthur: You stupid bastard. You havn't got any arms left.
Black Knight: Course I have.
Arthur: Look!
Black Knight: What! Just a flesh wound.

--
You can have my cynical agnosticism when you pry it from my cold, dead logic.
The Clash...er...Crash of the Jedi by Quinn_Inuit · 2005-03-01 06:42 · Score: 4, Funny

(Darth Raymond) "I challenge you to a duel, Master Gates."
(Jedi Gates) "All right, just let me boot up my light saber."
10 minutes pass
(G) "Ok, my blade's on."
(R) "Then to battle!"
(G) "No, wait, now I need to turn on Windows Media Player so I can change my saber color."
(R) "What?"
(G) "Great, now let me close all of these pop-ups that show up whenever I turn on my saber."
(R) "You get light saber popups?"
(G) "Yes, but that'll be fixed in Service Pack 20, due out next year, barring unforeseen delays. Popups are really a normal part of dueling, you know."
(R) "You're a loony."
(G) "Am not!"
They fight. Gates is skilled, but after a few strikes his blade flickers and goes out, letting Raymond's blade slip through and destroy him.
(R) "Bill, Bill, Bill...didn't you read your own EULA? Longhorn isn't for use in airports, nuclear power plants, or other dangerous environments."

--

Stop learning! Only you can prevent esoterrorism.
1. Re:The Clash...er...Crash of the Jedi by SpongeBobLinuxPants · 2005-03-01 07:10 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  Would that be Kill Bill vol 3.1?
  sorry...
  
  --
  hack a day
As A Brit by mthaddon · 2005-03-01 06:43 · Score: 2, Funny

I can only apologize.

I feel so ashamed...
Monty Python was close... by Infinityis · 2005-03-01 06:46 · Score: 2, Funny

I suppose instead of being one of the knights who say "NEE!", he'll be one of the knights who say "moNEY!"
He doesn't get to call himself 'Sir' though. by consumer_whore · 2005-03-01 06:48 · Score: 3, Funny

Having MCSE certification doesn't make you an engineer either.
Re:WTF? by UserGoogol · 2005-03-01 06:50 · Score: 5, Funny

ARTHUR: O Knights of Free, we have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?

HEAD KNIGHT: It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly,... but there is one small problem.

ARTHUR: What is that?

HEAD KNIGHT: We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say 'Free'.

KNIGHTS OF NI: Free! Shh!

HEAD KNIGHT: Shh! We are now the Knights Who Say 'GNU/OpenKXEckySlashBangColonWhimpleDotCoDotUK++'.

ARTHUR: Not dotcom or dotorg?

HEAD KNIGHT: Of course not! We're British!

--
"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." -- Hanlon's Razor
Re:Pointless Title by Hognoxious · 2005-03-01 06:59 · Score: 4, Funny

I remember, growing up in the Soviet Union, mind you, after hearing fairy tails with all the kings, queens, and princesses and such.
Someone else do it, it's not my turn.

--
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
Re:I dub thee Sir Crashalot ... by maxwell+demon · 2005-03-01 07:06 · Score: 3, Funny

Well, Bill Gates has written a keyboard driver which does not only drive the F1 key, but F2 to F12 too, not to mention all the other keys on your keyboard ... so if a mere F1 driver is enough to deserve knighthood, then a driver for more than 100 keys deserves it all the more! :-)

--
The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
Re:Well.... by gahzinia · 2005-03-01 07:11 · Score: 5, Funny

Does the name "Robin Hood" ring a bell?
Re:Well.... by biglig2 · 2005-03-01 07:20 · Score: 2, Funny

Well, of course, Annie helps kill billions, wipes out the Jedi, but then decides that he won't kill his own son, and he gets forgiven, so let's cut Bill a little slack. He might install Red Hat one day.

--
~~~~~ BigLig2? You mean there's another one of me?
Took a while... by jangobongo · 2005-03-01 07:39 · Score: 2, Funny

Sheesh! First announced on January 26, 2004 and it took until March 1, 2005 to find a "mutually convenient date"?

This certainly doesn't look good in regards to getting Longhorn out any time soon...

--

Sig cancelled due to lack of interest
Becoming by hkb · 2005-03-01 07:42 · Score: 2, Funny

He becomes a Knight Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire

Will Bill and Ted be presenting?

--
/* Moderating all non-anonymous trolls up since 2004 */
Looks good on a business card by Ridgelift · 2005-03-01 07:48 · Score: 4, Funny

Good for him. That'll look nice on a business card, right next to his "Supreme Evil Minion" title bestowed on him by Satan himself.

--
Ruby on Rails Screencast
Re:How much does it take? by Gonoff · 2005-03-01 08:43 · Score: 2, Funny

you never see Anthony Hopkins credited as "Sir Anthony" in US films

I have always considered that ommission was just a sign of poor manners and arrogance...

--
I'll see your Constitution and raise you a Queen.
What about William Shatner? and Adam West? by antispam_ben · 2005-03-01 08:59 · Score: 2, Funny

Aren't these influential men also deserving of Knighthood?

--
Tag lost or not installed.
I knight thee.... by Anonymous Coward · 2005-03-01 09:10 · Score: 1, Funny

SIR CRASH-A-LOT.
Nee! by Shrug · 2005-03-01 09:11 · Score: 2, Funny

We are the coders who say NEE!
1. Re:Nee! by nsayer · 2005-03-01 11:29 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  How's this for a spelling flame:
  It's "Ni."
Re:Many, many different knighthoods by operagost · 2005-03-01 10:07 · Score: 2, Funny

I'm hoping to become a Knight of the Rose someday. I hear they get awesome attribute bonuses.

--

Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
Reminds me of Sports Illustrated... by The+Wooden+Badger · 2005-03-01 15:22 · Score: 2, Funny

The weekly bit enbtitled: "This Week's Sign that the Apocalypse Is upon Us."

--
Heroscape, it's like legos combined with anachronistic wargames.