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95% of IT Projects Not Delivered On Time
An anonymous reader wrote " The Globe and Mail reports that 'A new report conducted by market research firm Info-Tech Research Group says 95 per cent of information technology groups are not delivering some number of projects on time or to the full satisfaction of the business executive.' The article goes on to discuss the reasons for this pervasive (perceived?) problem. The article mentions Info-Tech's reasons: unrealistic time frames, staff shortages, and poorly defined project scope. However, the article's author lays the blame with vendors."
I was going to be the first post, but I could not get it in on time.
San Francisco Photographers
95% of IT project specifications are what the user WANTS rather than what the user NEEDS. When they get what they want, and discover its not what they need, of course they wont be satisfied.
Oh, its late...
If brevity is the soul of wit, then how does one explain Twitter?
Anyone who reads this site knows that this site is (probably) the reason 95% of IT Projects not being delivered on time. My PM just lost 2 minutes to this post when I could have been writing Rose models like I'm suppose to!
-Teiresias
... and the other 5% never ship at all. (ie Duke Nukem Forever)
Trolling is a art,
The other day I asked a programmer to bring me some cofee on the spot. The next day I had a new screen saver in java.
You may learn from this experience.
No sig for now.
I remember the first time I heard someone ask, "Is this deadline hard or soft?" I was just the video guy, so I kept my mouth shut and didn't laugh. The lead didn't even blink, and said, "Well, it's mostly firm, but a launch date hasn't been announced publicly, so we'll see at the end of the month." Good thing I didn't laugh.
It's not offtopic, dumbass. It's orthogonal.
Thats cuz i spend all my time on /.
That 95% not-on-time rate is for Canadian I.T. projects. So once you factor in the conversion it's only 78% for US I.T. projects.
Wasn't this story supposed to be run yesterday?
I'll turn into a supernova and burn up everything. Well I'll turn into a black little hole and you'll turn into string.
Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?
"Film at 11"
Actually, it won't be until 11:30
We're running late
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
The other day I asked a programmer to bring me some cofee on the spot. The next day I had a new screen saver in java.
Clearly a specification error on the customer's behalf. You should have requested 8 (or so) fluid ounces of liquid caffeine-bearing (I assume!) sustenance produced by passing hot water through the ground, blended beans of particular coffee tree species, while supported in a paper (or copper, or gold. Again, assumptions!) filter.
If I have been able to see further than others, it is because I bought a pair of binoculars.
if(internal project){ // CONTRACTORS! HERE BE DRAGONS! // VENDORS! GOOD LORD, HIDE THE WOMEN, KIDS, AND FARM ANIMALS!
;)
if(doneByEmployees){
if(manager.clueless){
if(manager.schedule.isRidiculous()){
project.lateness.reason = "Employees came, they saw the schedule, they laughed, then they did the project in its natural timeframe";
} else {
project.lateness.reason = "Employees came, they saw the schedule, something went wrong, all hell broke loose, then they finished the project as fast as they could, considering";
}
} else if (manager.isEvil) {
project.lateness.reason = "Employees hate him anyway and ignored his sadistic schedule. General sentiment of 'fuck it, I'm on salary' prevails, manager crashes and burns, employees get reassigned, everybody sings 'ding dong, the witch is dead' and goes to Starbucks for coffee";
} else {
project.lateness.reason = "Unforseen problems arose, employees did their best to deal with them, stakeholders wouldn't budge on schedule, so the project was late.";
}
} else {
project.lateness.reason = "maximization of billable hours (duh)";
}
} else {
project.lateness.reason = "Incredible, absolutely amazing scope creep, maximization of billable hours, platform/system/vendor changes midstream, refusal to engage in technology transfer as extortion technique, total screw up of vendor, outsourcing to country without indoor plumbing (but assume they can handle high technology), etc, etc, etc";
}
Did I miss anything?
Farewell! It's been a fine buncha years!
I blame Slashdot
No, see, he had the spec wrong. He asked for COFEE (sic), not coffee.
It also gives me time to check on Slashdot.
Probably also thanks to /. your project is late in the first place...
In other news, 95% of people in IT careers habitually read Slashdot.
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field. " "You must be an engineer", says the balloonist. "I am", replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well", says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must be in management." "I am", replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
There are 2 kinds of people in this world. Those that can keep their train of thought,
Ahh.. the old programmers plight:
Upon delivering the completed project, the end user simply states:
"Now hold on, this is exactly what I asked for.. But not what I wanted!"
....move along....nothing to see here....
That follows the standard IT software design lifecycle
1) Set the release date.
2) Code.
3) Act like you're testing.
4) Gather requirements.
5) Release software.
6) Bolt on functionality to 'meet' requirements.
7) ???
8) Profit!!!
Why do you need QA? End users make the best testers.
Yes, and in this case if Jobs is the customer, then his programmers/developers have the duty of customer relations. They should have promised to him 16, given him 25, and then marketing can project 18.
GPL Deconstructed
Canadian information technology groups can't seem to get IT right.
Not to mention, that 95% Canadian is only like 50% American.
Wax-Museum Fire Results In Hundreds Of New Danny DeVito Statues
As others have pointed out, all projects are "late". This phenomena is not unique to IT projects. I put "late" in quotes because the projects are usually delivered on time -- from a realistic standpoint -- but the manager has to lie about the cost and time to be assigned the project in the first place.
There are two type of managers. Let's call them "Honest Joe" and "Sleazy Bob". Both want to lead the project and must meet with the executive who can approve the project. This is how it goes.
Executive: "Hi Joe. Tell me you much this project will cost and how long it will take."
Honest Joe: "It's going to cost five million dollars and will take about eighteen months".
Executive: "Thanks, Joe. You're fired. Before you clean out your office, could you stop by Bob's office and tell him I want to talk to him?"
Bob walks in...
Sleazy Bob: "Wow, I really like your tie. You know, I saw that tee shot you made on number four yesterday. Absolutely amazing. Did you ever consider going pro?"
Executive: "Thanks, Bob. Now about this project. How much will it cost and how long will it take?"
Sleazy Bob: "Six months and a half a mil."
Executive: "Sounds great. Get on it".
Eighteen months and five million dollars later the project is complete and Bob gets promoted.
If I had a nickel for every time I've seen this scenario play out, I wouldn't need a job anymore.
A man driving a backroad across country came upon a cowboy out driving cattle. He stopped, got out, and said to the cowboy, "If I can tell you how many cattle you have, would you give me your smallest cow?" and indicated the animal he desired.
:(
"My smallest cow, you say? Well, why not, give me your estimate," replied the cowboy.
"Sir, you have exactly 400 head of cattle," the man said after some contemplation.
"Wow, that's exactly correct," said the cowboy surprised. So, the man walked over, picked up his prize and put it in his trunk. The cowboy, concerned for the animal, asked, "Now, if I can tell you your profession, would you let me win back the animal?"
The man, somewhat taken aback, agreed with a chuckle, "Sure."
"Sir, you are a consultant," said the cowboy without hesitation.
"Wow. That's pretty impressive. How did you know?"
"Well, you came out of nowhere telling me that you could give me an answer to a question I didn't ask for a price that was over the top," said the cowboy with a stern look. "Now give me back my dog."
--Wish I knew who to attribute this to
If we told them the truth about how long it will take, and how much it will cost, they would never let us do it.
...for each time you saw this scenario:
Let's be generous, and assume you've seen this scenario four times per day: that's USD0.20/day.
Assuming you don't work on weekends, that's USD1.00/week.
If you don't take holidays, that's USD52/year.
I'd always assumed the cost of living in the US was a bit higher than that.
Pretend that something especially witty is here. Thanks.