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U.S. Scientists Create Zombie Dogs
Alex_Ionescu writes "U.S. scientists have managed to revive dead dogs to life, by using a technique similar to cryogenation, in which the dogs' blood was drained and replaced by a cold, saline liquid. A couple of hours, their blood was replaced, and an electric shock brought them back to life with no brain damage. The technology will be tested on humans within the next year."
The technology will be tested on humans within the next year.
.. and after the testing they will become slashdot editors.
[segue: See the new George A. Romero movie LAND OF THE DEAD! It rocks, baby!]
Ok, looks like taxes are the only sure bet left.
New Gravy Brains(TM) brand dog food has the brain flavor your zombie dog craves.
there's more than one way to do me.
I've heard stories of Keith Richards doing this sort of thing since the '70s.
From what I understand, the dogs can't fetch very far either.
may I be the first to welcome our zombie dog overloads seriously I need to get the slash name zombiedog
BRA.... errr... BONES!!!
I love to slaughter the english language.
From the Desk of Paramount Studios:
George, baby, love that flick in the theaters now. Yeah, brilliant baby, that whole cpaitalist pig dog thing, and the gore, man you are the best...
George, baby, I was wondering if we could take lunch next week with you and Stephen. Yeah, we got this new story based on real life, we think it's right up your alley...
I Volunteer, Bring me back when being 26, working at helpdesk and living with your parents dosent make me a looser.
OK - sponsored by Umbrella Corp. and Union Aerospace Corp.
[Insert pithy quote here]
The Good: Zombie dogs are much slower than the normal kind.
The Bad: Normal dogs will not attempt to eat your juicy, delicious brain.
The picture that comes with the article sure makes this whole process look really appealing. It reminds me of the picture that the local news station shows when there is any asteroid in the news (a huge moon-sized rock hitting the earth). Aren't stock pictures great?
I Am My Own Worst Enemy
I have just gone through a time warp and it is April Fools Day, right?
What year is it?
Bitcoin pyramid: Join here: http://www.bitcoinpyramid.com/r/1427 it's FREE!
George Romero?
GRAAIIINNNNSSSS...Grains...
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
This is a great idea in concept, terrible idea in practice. While I laud the thought of using this on soldiers, it will most likely actually be used on those that have no business being alive ... e.g. people that are attempting to earn Darwin awards. We already have an overpopulation problem; how bad will it get when even the dead don't stay dead?
I, for one, welcome our new canine zombie masters...
How do we know if the dog didn't suffer brain damage? Did this new super dog talk and say wow i got away with no brain damamamaamamamamage.
I think this explains a lot about Dick Cheney.
It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire speed, the teeth acquire stains. The stains become a warning
I'm wondering if the US (or other countries) would allow those on death row to volunteer
;)
So what... they kill them, bring them back to life, and kill them again? That explains the concept of being given multiple sentences of death
Besides... from what I heard, as soon as the dogs were brought back, they immediately headed to the nearest computer and started incessently sending out bulk email.
What a crazy random happenstance!
Depending on the thickness of your tinfoil hat- there are many examples of the gov'/military testing things on humans despite the fact that they "aren't supposed to." The Tuskegee Airmen are a well known example, others may require a little more belief in some conspiracy type things.
It seems to me that this would, or has already been, tested on humans who aren't from the good ole US... The are billions of people of Earth, and they gov'y knows where to find the ones who won't be noticed... i.e. prostitutes etc.
This does bring up all types of amazing possibilities- like having this on ambulances so peopel could be suspended until they are at a hospital and the trauma team is ready...
Although I seem to remember a few times I tried to replace my blood with liquor, and even at a relatively low %, I still woke up with a heck of a headache...
And All I Ask is a Tall Ship And a Star to Steer Her By
I can hear it now:
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in?
Igor: And you won't be angry?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.
Igor: Abby someone.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Abby someone. Abby who?
Igor: Abby Normal.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Abby Normal?
Igor: I'm almost sure that was the name.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME?
Talk about extreme punishment ...
I can just see death penalty advocates jumping all over this - "See, we'll just keep everyone we execute on ice for a couple of decades, so that if we've made a mistake we can fix it, sort of."
And now we can torture terrorists to death - and beyond. Look out, Buzz Lightyear!
Nothing these scientists have done defies the laws of nature. Got that? No laws were broken! The scientists have merely "time shifted" the animals, which is perfectly permissible under Fair Use.
Breakfast served all day!
I wonder if they can equip these zombie dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot zombie bees at you.
"Woof!"
"Fluffy's alive! It's ALIVE! IT'S ALIIIIIVVEEE!!"
1 point 21 Gigawatts!@!
I'm looking over
My dead dog Rover
Who I hit with a power mower
One leg is missing, but never fear
I've put him in cryo, next to the beer
No need explaining, life is remaining
I've put saline through his veins!
I'm looking over
My frozen dog rover
A little current will make him roll over.
Sometimes it's best to just let stupid people be stupid.
Tests show they are perfectly normal, with no brain damage.
I would like to know how they gauge "normal" behavior. Althought dogs are forgiving animals, I think they might hold a grudge if you killed them, and then brought them back to life. What are baseline are they using for "normal" behavior? Are we talking Scooby Doo, or a Pit Bull? Is success defined as the dog not developing a taste for human brains?
Even more of there spuse gets them money wether or not the person survives.
I'll bet that reads much better in the original Klingon.
Well the dog in the pic does look disturbingly close to the dogs in the original PS1 game. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find out where the hell I can get my hands on some green herbs.
(warning: marijuana jokes bound to follow.)
"Plans are for fools! Oglethorpe, the plutonian (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)
What do you want to #rub?
(w) - saline liquid
What do you want to rub the vial of saline liquid with?
(Q) - wand of cold
The vial glows briefly.
What do you want to wield?
(w) - saline liquid (cold)
You break the vial over the little dog's head. --more--
The little dog yelps! --more--
The little dog falls asleep.
The zombie dog awakens! The zombie dog bites! --more--
The zombie dog bites!
Sounds more like Victorian Sci-fi to me, but what do I know?
-Peter
If those are the only two choices, I'd have to go with a Pit Bull. Scooby Doo is a cartoon, so reviving him would really just involve getting some fresh ink for the next panel.
This has been a test. If this had been an actual Sig, you would have been amused.
Artificial blood is drained from satan's third nipple.
Paying taxes to buy civilization is like paying a hooker to buy love.
Sweet zombie Jesus, how can you tell if a dog has brain-damage anyhow? They already eat their own shit if you don't stop them.
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Well, on the plus side, they could collaborate with the Japanese inventor (can't remember his name) who is developing a dog translation device. I can see it now:
Dog: Woof! Woof!
Translator: Why did you kill me?
Dog: Woof! Arf! Woof! Woof!
Translator: Mmmm... Big, tasty scientist brains!
Similar to the upcoming US election results
"And I, for one, welcome our new zombie dog overlords." -j00
When all you have is a hammer, everybody looks like a Messiah.
And I can't imagine how the dog's mind would survive intact, but that's just me.
Dude, have you never played Resident Evil? Never seen Dawn of the Dead? The mind isn't supposed to survive. DUH! Otherwise most zombies would go back to work instead of feasting on delicious brains.
If I remember the old joke right* :
Monday: U.S. scientists announce a new discovery.
Tuesday: Pravda reports that Soviet scientists discovered it 20 years ago.
Thursday: German engineers invent a device that puts the discovery to use.
Friday: Japan exports the device to the U.S.
If only I could remember what happened on Wednesday...
* Last heard this one back in the early 1980's, if that helps put the stereotypes in context.
Because if its the later I may want to become a paramedic!
Cue announcer, we haven't told them, but we've replaced these patients regular blood with new Dracu Instant Blood Product. Lets see if the can tell the difference!
My other car is a Popemobile
Right, but in 1940 they were still the Soviet Union. So, technically, dogs created zombie scientists.
Bill Clinton: Pimp we can believe in. - The Shirt!!!
Inigo Montoya: He's dead. He can't talk.
Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.
Inigo Montoya: What's that?
Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
Plant a tree in a developing country.
having been a longtime Toronto resident, I can assure you it was shot in Toronto for easy access to zombies, not financial reasons ;)
Here's a deal: kill yourself and I promise to give your kids a better education than you ever could.
Presumably someone turned you into a newt?
I had an argument...with the person here at the university that teaches OS design. I wonder when I'll learn --Linus
Now, if you wanted to keep someone in hibernation for more than a few hours, I'm guessing you'd have to have replacement blood to use when you want to bring them back out. Artificial blood would be the way to go. And of course, the way the artificial blood would have to be manufactured would result in a peculularity in which the artificial blood would have a green tint after the body has oxygenated it.
Presumably someone turned you into a newt?
It was an effective tactic, as newts do not suffer from any of the maladies that had brought me to that particular pass. This bought them time to stablize me and develop an effective treatment strategy.
Actually, I was bit disappointed, as I had hoped to be transformed into a zombie newt and go out in search of amphibian BRAAAAAAAINS!
(I admit it, I haven't had time to read the whole thread. Has anyone pointed out yet that zombies are, by definition, animate, and thus a dog in suspended animation cannot be a zombie?)
KFG
Give him a sedagive!
by full recovery, you mean this person was able to socially interact with other people from North Dakota? You sure he wasn't dead?
If only I could remember what happened on Wednesday...
Profit?
*ducks*
Anyone who does not understand the difference between mostly dead (you can work with it), dead (even Miracle Max can't do a thing about it) and undead (a zombie is animate, but still dead) should not be writting headlines for medical stories.
.wait, let me come in again)
It only gets the hopes of us zombie hunters up that we'll be off the dole soon. If you think the employment situation is bad in IT right now, you should try being a fearless zombie (or vampire) hunter (we don't do ghosts. They're just dead. Any idiot with a proton gun and a ghost trap can deal with them. Dealing with the undead is done hand to hand, or hand to paw, or hand to. .
KFG
Tom Cruise just recently became a 7th level Scientologist. This means, of course, that he can now cast 4th level spells, and that's what we're seeing.
A mortally wounded gunshot victim?
What luck! I just happen to be...
*collapses on floor*
The only surefire protection against Microsoft infections is abstinence. - The Onion
Obligatory Monty Python Tasteless Joke:
You'll be stone dead in a moment.
On a related note, I went into cardiac arrest when I was 2 as a result of a bee sting at a park. After 10 minutes of CPR, a nurse who had been at the scene where this happened pronounced me dead (much to the dismay of my mother).
A couple minutes later while everyone was giving condoloensces to my distraught mother, someone noticed I had gone missing. I was over on the swings as if nothing had happened.
Later, at the hospital, the doctors ran a bunch of tests and concluded I was fine.
There are some funny things that happen in life. For everything else there's ZoMbIe DoGs!
~X~
~X~
So what... they kill them, bring them back to life, and kill them again? That explains the concept of being given multiple sentences of death ;)
It could also be very convenient. Suppose not all the grieving relatives were able to make it to the execution. You could stage it again, possibly even closer to their homes. Think of the possibilities.
OK, I'll go sit in the corner and take my sense of humour with me.
meh