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Canada's Do-Not-Hesitate-To-Call List
An anonymous reader writes "The creation of a do-not-call list in Canada has run into
trouble. Michael Geist reports that the proposal has been effectively destroyed, with exceptions for just about every telemarketer including businesses, political parties, polling companies, and charities. The government committee apparently heard from the marketers but refused to listen to consumer groups."
I would like to thank Canada for creating a place where a lonely person like me can go to have constant human contact via phone calls. I will now be able to live a much fuller life if I move to Canada.
The subject says it all. It could also be a solution: /. the telemarketers
My wife's sketchblog Blob[p]: Gastrono-me
I'm moving to the U.S.!
With pre-emptive slashdotting, the target website is obliterated BEFORE any slashdotter has any chance of seeing it!
The way I think it works out now is that if you sign on to the Canadian Do-Not-Call list you will only receive calls from businesses, political parties, polling companies, and charities.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try.
-- Dr. Spock, stardate 2822-3.
So what's the problem? I mean how long does it take your dog to answer the phone, anyway? I should think he could handle 30 sales calls per day, easy.
John
Is that why the dog is the one with two phone lines?
I would be extremely interested to know if cats can be trained as well. Perhaps with some catnip on the handset?
Vintage computer adverts: http://www.vintageadbrowser.com/computers-and-software-ads
Where's the "mom" in the mom-n-pop? If it's just you 4 guys and the dog...
...it gives the truly twisted an opportunity to counterstrike the telemarketer with a reverse crank call. I've done this for years and extracted some interesting responses on sexual orientation, inclinations, and practices before they know it. Sometimes you're fighting to keep composed and not break down in suffocating laughter.
As far as looking out for the privacy of Canadian citizens however, it does suck.
If my grammar and spelling are off, I am [distracted/tired/careless] (take your pick)
You've almost got the correct solution. I'm convinced that the "real" correct solution is to maximize the amount of time a telemarketer has to spend on the phone with you without a successful sale.
The trivial method of doing this is straightforward, you get them into their selling mode, and then very quietly set the phone down. They'll talk for maybe 5-10 minutes before realizing that there's no one on the other end of the phone. After 15 minutes (or when you hear the annoying "phone off the hook" tone), come back and hang up.
The slightly more effective method would be to record a sample of yourself saying (at 10-15 second intervals) "OOOoooh... Aaaaaahhh.. That sounds really cool.... Yes, please, tell me more..." You want the recorded loop to be ~5 minutes long to try to make the tape last longer during the phone call... People are pretty good at picking up patterns, so the longer the loop, the longer you can keep the solicitor on the phone. There is a slight improvement possible on this method whereby you record the samples individually and then use winamp to randomize the playback. That oughta be good for at least 20-30 minutes of telemarketer time.
But the optimal solution is clearly to write an AI application that leads the telemarketer down the longest possible path through their script, and possibly loops them through it from time to time. Ideally, the application would even recognize call waiting and would ask the marketer to "hold on" while it clicked over and allowed you to speak with the person on the other line. It would need to analyze what they're saying and then say "no" at appropriate times to keep the marketer on the phone for as long as possible. I imagine with such an application, you could probably keep a marketer on the phone for 2-3 hours, if not more!
As soon as I'm done writing this app, I'll be happy to sell it to you for a mere $19.95. Just send me your telephone number so I can call you and....
I currently have no clever signature witicism to add here.
I know a guy who always gets his three year old daughter to talk to the telemarketers. Apparently it is quite entertaining.
------- Mark
A dog with 2 phone lines?
Where do you plug them in?
Or should I ask; where do you plug the other one in?
Just feed Eliza some random input from an irc channel and pipe its output into ATT&T TTS system and then into the phone for the telemarketer.
Option 2)
And if you are really lucky (and spammed), team up two telemarketers with each other, just as we saw with skype here.
Don't answer your phone... Mine has been on an answering machine since about 1980. We talk to each other by leaving messages on each other's machines. Keeps the phone bill down too.
Oh well, what the hell...
It's been quite effective for this U.S. resident. In fact, the only telemarketing calls I get nowadays are from Canada...
Seeing bad movies only encourages them. Watch responsibly
Bah, it's fun leading the telemarketer's scripts to deadends anyway. It's a simple state machine.
TM: Hello. We are from bank XXX and we are offering a free gredit card. Blah, blah..
Me: I'm sorry but I don't have the time for this.
TM: You don't have to do anything.
Me: Nothing?
TM: Yes. A courier will bring it to your house.
Me: And it's free?
TM: Yes.
Me: Well, ok then.
TM: Ok! A courier will visit our house tomorrow at about 13:000. We will need a photocopy of our ID card and..
Me: Wait! You said I don't have to do anything.
TM: Well, you just have to make a photocopy.
Me: But that means that I have to get out of my house and go do this. You told me I don't have to do anything at all. That is something.
TM: Are you serious sir. You cannot get a photocopy of your ID card?
Me: -almost laughing- I'm afraid not.
TM: -very disappointed- ok then *sir*. If you can't get a photocopy of your ID...
I'll have you know that in addition to milk and honey, we also have Tim Horton's... Mmm... utopia..
Live forever, or die trying.
Which was great until I gained a mother-in-law that blocks Caller ID and doesn't understand *82.
Did anyone bother to ask the customers what they want?
record a sample of yourself saying (at 10-15 second intervals) "OOOoooh... Aaaaaahhh.. That sounds really cool.... Yes, please, tell me more..." You want the recorded loop to be ~5 minutes long to try to make the tape last longer during the phone call...
Sounds like a great Podcast!!
There are two types of people in the world: Those who crave closure
Which was great until I gained a mother-in-law that blocks Caller ID and doesn't understand *82.
Being married myself, I fail to see how this still isn't great. Now if only I could get my in-laws to go with private dialing I'd be set.
Which was even better when I gained a mother-in-law that blocks Caller ID and doesn't understand *82.
Thought your post needed a bit of editing.
Right. Just what you want, your voice saying "yes". If they were clever they'd just start asking, "would you like to donate $10,000 to my hooker fund and we'll bill it to your phone?" And your voice so cooperatively comes along and says "Yes, tell me more." Then they ask "And would it be alright if I fucked your wife up the ass?" And you come along with "Yes, tell me more." And they then move onto, "As I understand it you recently joined Al Queda and plan to murder all your neighbors children?" And you sweetly answer "Yes, tell me more."
Heck, you could probably modify Eliza to do it.
"EARLIER YOU SAID YOU HAVE A DISCOUNTED PRICE FOR A LIMITED TIME"
"ARE YOU PREPARED TO ELABORATE?"
"SUPPOSE I WERE NOT A QUALIFIED RECIPIENT OF YOUR SPECIAL OFFER"
If a job's not worth doing, it's not worth doing right.
Probably means that she comes over more often now. Tell me you don't actually think something so puny as a phone block could really stop a rampaging mother-in-law.
The eternal struggle of good vs. evil begins within one's self.
I hate when those police organizations call and say stuff like, "We think that losing even ONE child is too many. Don't you agree?"
I usually try to say completely calm and cold, "No actually one is ok. Most people have more than one kid as a backup anyways."
Very hard to do actually, you should try it sometime.
*Of course I value human life, especially children. It just gets me how these people try and prey on your emotions to get $10*
You can then be guaranteed that they won't be coughing over you and will have it recorded. :-)
I am not a resource! I am a free man!
Well doesn't federal law apply to the states also?
I may just be the only one, but must ask, what telemarketers?
I get calls every week from my creditors, but they're my own damn fault. I only recieved one unsolicited call last year, and I took pity on the poor schmuck and did his 40 minute survey so he wouldn't have to worry about feeding his kids (read: drug habit) that night.
So, yeah, they can resist making a dnc list all they like, so far as I'm concerned, cuz I'm not harassed anywhere near as much as those poor folks I used to call almost 10 years ago, when I was a call-bot.
A couple fans told me that my last journal entry was mint; give it a shot. Hope you like.
From someone who has had the nerve, it tends to work even Better if your both men :
.. sure I guess .. "
Telemarketer: "I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions?"
Me: "May I ask you one question first ?"
TM: "Umm
Me: (Deep breathy kind of voice) "What are you wearing right now. I mean, is it sexy ?"
TM: "Umm"
Me: "Lacey ? Leather ? What, common now, don't hold back."
TM "Thank-you sir, I hope you have a good day."
*click*
--Ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum, non erravi pernicose!
With all the "dumb mother-in-law" references in these comments; let's not forget that if your mother-in-law wasn't so dumb, she never would have fallen for your even dumber father-in-law's pick-up lines, and he consequently wouldn't have had the opportunity to get her blind drunk and fuck her with her panties around her neck like a drunken slut, consequently getting her preggers with your future wife.
Maybe that's not such a good thing?
interesting but i'd rather take it in this direction..
TM: You don't have to do anything.
me: Oh good sign me up, i'm glad i don't have to do Anything including replay you. Because you know if i don't have to do Anything for this offer of free money, that includes repaying you...
That doesn't sound like much, but for a small mom-n-pop ISP run by 4 guys and a dog with 2 phone lines, it's awful.
Fire the dog. Trust me on this. That vicious scoundrel is signing you up for all this. Lose the dog and the problems will go away.
Signed,
the friendly cat association.
Comment removed based on user account deletion
My 4-year-old just LOVES to talk on the phone. "Ya wanna speak to the lady of the house? SURE! I'll get her for ya!" Usually the poor schmucks hang up after about 5 minutes.
"He who would learn astronomy, and other recondite arts, let him go elsewhere. " -- John Calvin, commenting on Genesis 1
It's more fun than a barrel of telemarketers. Just lie to them. "My air travel habits, well lets see we take the company jet to Japan twice a month but we don't really travel on commercial flights." Which hotel do we use? Well our company does major business in Japan so we often stay with the Prime Minister. Lovely home, so many servants." Make stuff up, tell'em you've got 15 kids all under the age of 2. String 'em along until they drown in BS. If everyone did this their data would be worthless. "Boss our poll data shows everyone in Canada makes 10 million a year and rides Radio Flyer wagons pulled by hamsters to work."