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U.S. Deploys Orbital Communications Jammer
kpwoodr writes "An interesting article at the Washington Times makes note of a recent satellite launch by the U.S. It seems we have put a jammer in space that will allow us to disrupt enemy communication systems at will. From the article: 'The U.S. military is bracing for future attacks in space, and the Air Force has deployed an electronic-warfare unit capable of jamming enemy satellites, the general in charge of space defenses says. "You can't go to war and win without space."'"
i won't be able to get telemundo anymore?!?!?!
"We're not talking about weaponizing space. We're not talking about massive satellite attacks coming over the horizon or anything like that. This is really a way to understand space situational awareness, who's out there, who's operating. We understand that," Gen. Lord said.
On a more comic-book note, it's kinda fun that the United States Space Force is run by "General Lance Lord!" *cue dramatic music*
You can't talk about Wikipedia's flaws on Wikipedia
Okay, just kidding
I'm still waiting for Kinetic Energy weapons. Ya know... big spikes of metal being dropped into our gravity well in order to obliterate targets.
[Fuck Beta]
o0t!
every time some European brags about how much better their cell phones are than American cell phones.
I read Usenet for the articles.
General "Buck" Turgidson:" Mr. President, we cannot allow a mineshaft gap!"
General "Buck" Turgidson: "Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines."
Memorable Quotes from Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
"Academicians are more likely to share each other's toothbrush than each other's nomenclature."
Cohen
You've saved the world this time, General Lance Lord, but mark my words, I'll be back!
The General later apologized and blamed it on too much time in the desert, but not before raising his fist and screaming "Long live the Fighters!"
The Air Force has refused to comment further.
------ The best brain training is now totally free : )
A good old EMP and all your data is steganographed and you can't get to hotmail.
Ob. Simpsons reference
The wars of the future will not be fought on the battlefield or at sea. They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall mountain. In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by small robots. And as you go forth today remember always your duty is clear: To build and maintain those robots.
Read up on your history if you don't believe it. No major war has ever been won without a significant space presence.
it makes microwave popcorn at ~ 100 km
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
In Soviet America, satellites jam YOU!
Heh, couldn't resist!
-Acercanto
I can see it now.
General: Ok soldier, activate the communications jammer!
Soldier: Yes, Sir!
Soldier flips a switch.
Soldier: Jammer is activated. All communications are jammed, sir.
Static is heard coming from every communications device.
General: Ok, soldier. It works. You can turn it off now.
Soldier presses a few buttons and shakes his head.
General: I said you can turn it off now soldier.
Soldier: I'm trying sir. I sent the signal to the satelite but it seems the signal was jammed.
General: By who?
Soldier: By the satelite, sir.
D'oh!
DEAD DEAD DEAD DELETE ME
does it run Linux?
That's a simple enough issue. To deal with the antiantisatellite satellites, we'll unleash wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the antiantisatellite satellites. To counter that, we'll unleash a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat. Then, the beautiful part: when solar maximum rolls around, the gorillas will fry to death.
Also, I can kill you with my brain.
I for one am ecstatic that the Americans are taking this bold step. We have suffered under the threat of extraterrestial communication interference far too long. As a godless Canadian, a citizen nonetheless of the pan-American empire, I will proudly point my cell phone toward the heavens in the direction of least reception, and prostrate myself in the name of his divine governance, whoever-it-is-who's-running-the-military-down-ther e, Jr.
Britain will go our own way, bust out the top secret technologies we've been working on for 50 years and hold the world to ransom for...
ONE MILLION POUNDS STERLING!
Muahahaha*cough*... Ahahaha!
How many people can read hex if only you and dead people can read hex?
nah, it's the cool and efficient that are contradictory. A rock is far cooler to kill someone with than a gun.
Darth Sidious: Begin landing your troops. Wipe them out... all of them.
Sio Bibble: A communications disruption can only mean one thing...invasion!
Jar Jar: Weesa gonna die!?
Why, Oceania of course. We've always been at war with Oceania.
would dare to use raspberry jam. THE USA!
Did anyone else think of "The Big Hit" with this post?
...
Dude1: This muthafucka is a trace busta. This busts their tracer so they can't trace our call.
Dude2: What if they have a trace buster, too?
Dude1: That's why we have the trace busta, BUSTA! This muthafucka busts their bust of our trace busta, which busts the bust of their, uh.... uh....
Dude2: Trace!
Dude1: Yeah!
Guy on other end: So you have a trace buster, buster, huh. Well say hello to my trace buster buster BUSTER.
Career Sergeant Zim: Put your hand on that wall trooper. PUT YOUR HAND ON THAT WALL!
[Zim throws a knife and hits Ace's hand pinning it to the wall]
Career Sergeant Zim: The enemy can not press a button... if you have disabled his hand. Medic!
"We're not talking about weaponizing space."
He left out the word "yet".
I am glad they have the capability to strike al-quada from space though. I am sure this will mean the war on terror will be over any day now.
evil is as evil does
This is an old joke - but it might be new to some of you colonials.
An Irishman is walking down the Falls Road when suddenly another man in a balaclava pull him into an alleyway and presses a gun to his head.
"Are you a catholic or a protestant" he demands.
"Oh Shit!" thinks the Irishman "I'm stuffed, how do I know which is right?"- then he has a moment of inspiration and answers "Actually I'm Jewish".
"No kidding!" says the man in the balaclava "I must be the luckiest arab in Belfast".
Yeah!!! Maybe it already is a weapon... Do you know how many times I have seen this in movies??? 'They' say it's to monitor weather patterns... when it's really a FrEaKiN lAzzzzzer beam that's so accurate it can burn the damn wiskers off your face!!! Smart, Smartass, or funny.... yeah I went w/ a bit of the last 2.