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FBI Raids Home of Spam King Alan Ralsky

Posted by ScuttleMonkey on from the click-here-to-enlarge-your-prison-cell dept.

wstearns writes "The Detroit News is reporting that the FBI has raided Alan Ralsky's home. In the raid, the FBI took computers and financial records, effectively shutting him down. Mr. Ralsky has been frequently covered here."

25 of 422 comments (clear)

  1. Will I be notified by dzafez · · Score: 5, Funny

    Will I be notified, if they find out I'm a victim??

    Hell the guy from nigeria didn't write me for a while, I'll send him an E-Mail. I'm still waiting for a large transaction :-)

    1. Re:Will I be notified by Coneasfast · · Score: 2, Funny

      they just took away his stuff, how lame! he committed a crime and should be punished.

      if i was the FBI, i would take those penis enlargment pills and start shoving them up his ass until he begs for mercy.

      poor business ethics are ignored so much in todays society that it's hardly considered news anymore.

      --
      Marge, get me your address book, 4 beers, and my conversation hat.
    2. Re:Will I be notified by ryanr · · Score: 2, Funny

      Will I be notified, if they find out I'm a victim??

      The pills didn't work?

    3. Re:Will I be notified by SeventyBang · · Score: 2, Funny



      Unfortunately, no.

      His parents still managed to conceive him.


  2. In Other News... by thesnarky1 · · Score: 5, Funny

    I am heir to the FBI throne which was recently desposed. FOr only $2000 down, you can secure your right to this massive wealth as well.

    --
    Want to find other gamers to play board and role playing game
  3. What about his crown? by Datagod · · Score: 5, Funny

    Did they get his Spam Crown and Scepter?

    1. Re:What about his crown? by DoraLives · · Score: 4, Funny
      Did they get his Spam Crown and Scepter?

      Am I allowed to ask who's going to get the Royal Shaft?

      --
      Is it fascism yet?
  4. Oh no! by rock217 · · Score: 5, Funny

    NOW who will fill my inbox?!

    --
    Wah Sig!
    1. Re:Oh no! by Alien+Being · · Score: 2, Funny

      I dunno, but Bubba's gonna be filling Ralsky's outbox.

  5. That explains it by Seq · · Score: 5, Funny

    I had thought my Inbox was rather empty today...

    --
    -- Seq
    1. Re:That explains it by macrom · · Score: 2, Funny

      Tell me about it -- I knew something was up when I only had 367 unread messages in my 'Spam' folder. I thought maybe the internet was down last night or something.

  6. This isn't news for nerds.. by grasshoppa · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...unless they shot him.

    --
    Mod me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!
    1. Re:This isn't news for nerds.. by Tweak232 · · Score: 3, Funny

      ...unless they shot him.

      Or beat him to death with an enlarged penis.

    2. Re:This isn't news for nerds.. by v1 · · Score: 3, Funny

      but death would be too good for... oh, or do you mean like in the testicles?

      --
      I work for the Department of Redundancy Department.
  7. I'm shocked...SHOCKED.... by JoeLinux · · Score: 4, Funny

    I mean, I'm sure he opted out of FBI raids on questionable business practices....

  8. The FBI will e-mail you by jurt1235 · · Score: 4, Funny

    This is the proposed message:

    DeAR u.ser

    Precvio3sly you have b33n victim of unsol.citated e-mail, so called s.pam selling u v1agra and p.enis enlarg.ements products, us.iNG aNNoying layouts ant teipos to confu..se your s.p.a.m..filters.
    The FBI now offers you the ReA.L links to the places where you can buy your V.1agrA and P.eniSEnlar.gement produCTs for the real pr1ce without the middle S.P.am man.

    Please go to v1agrahfDUgfapitdrGPSRGf.fbi.gov for the fastest S$hop

    --

    My wife's sketchblog Blob[p]: Gastrono-me
  9. Re:Stop the buyers not the spammers. by DurendalMac · · Score: 2, Funny

    Not if you send out spam emails to all the other spamlords that show their buddy getting his shit pushed in by Bubba the Mad Dog Rapist in the joint.

  10. He couldn't opt out... by Hamster+Lover · · Score: 2, Funny

    he had a "prior business arrangement" with them.

  11. What? by Bob+McCown · · Score: 2, Funny

    No "shot while resisting arrest"? Too bad.

    1. Re:What? by swordgeek · · Score: 2, Funny

      My sentiments exactly. If I were an FBI agent, I think I'd be willing to risk the red tape and disciplinary action involved in an 'accidental weapon discharge incident.'

      --

      "People who do stupid things with hazardous materials often die." -- Jim Davidson on alt.folklore.urban
  12. Good news for a change by sirgoran · · Score: 2, Funny

    I for one applaud the efforts of our FBI Overlords and welcome more news like this in the future.

    -Goran

    --
    Carpe Scrotum - The only way to deal with your competition.
  13. You are surrounded by Tablizer · · Score: 3, Funny

    This is the FBI. Come out with your penis enlarged!

    --
    Table-ized A.I.
  14. Re:Too bad... (deprived of property w/o due proces by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    (Mod parent "-1, moronic application of incorrect Niemöller quotation.")

    If only psychologically and/or genetically defect people could reasonably be expected to protest against the arrest of Niemöller, then there was obviously no fault with his arrest (and imprisonment in Sachsenhausen/Dachau) and thus no reason to protest.

    Or are you trying to say that the whole German state at the time exclusively consisted of commies, teamster mafiosos, social democrats, kikes, and the criminal traitor Niemöller? Damn, then not much has changed! :)

  15. In Soviet USA... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Taxpayers inconvenience spammers!

  16. Apology by ozTravman · · Score: 2, Funny

    Maybe his sentence will be to send out thousands of unsolicited emails apologies for all the SPAM he has sent.