When The Other Woman Is An Xbox

MTV's Game News service has a report on a an anti-gaming college club started by a group of disgruntled gamer SOs. From the article: "Jaci and Jake, who both attend Kansas State University, are a modern couple dealing with a modern issue. One of them is a gamer; the other is not. Theirs is not an unusual plight. For decades gamers and non-gamers in love have struggled to find harmony. At Kansas State the frustration is rampant. Like most college campuses, it is a place where the release of Halo 2 last year was the best of times and the worst of times. And while there is such a thing as couples in which both people are into games -- and while there are sometimes boyfriends who are the non-gamers -- the most frequent complaint involves game-crazy guys leaving their girlfriends out in the Xbox-free cold."

Comments

This is why...

[BigDork1001]

... I married a gamer. We play games together. Stuff on the Mario Kart, Smash Bros., WoW, and a bunch of other games. And when I get involved in a single player game she understands. She gets addicted too sometimes.

Meeting a gamer wasn't something I was specifically looking for but it's worked out great.

Re:This is why...

[Anonymous Coward]

Maybe I'm just lucky, or maybe it is just the apeal of Nintendo, but I have converted many 'Non-Gamer' Girlfriends into gamer girlfriends simply by playing games with them that they would find enjoyable. Everyone can have fun playing Mario Tennis, Mario Kart or Mario Party because they're approachable, fair and easy to pick up; the design of the Gamecube controller is easy for everyone to pick up without studying, Press the Big Green button, Press the little red button, press the right trigger button (most of these games don't use the extra buttons for any core functionality).

To get a person who isn't into games to play Halo 2 you'd first have to give a lecture on how the controller works, after that you'd have to spend a year teaching them about how to strafe kill an opponent (and what not) just so that they wouldn't die all the time.

I can't wait for the revolution controller so I can have conversations like:
"What do I do?"
"When you see a fly just wack it, it's not that hard"
"What do you mean wack it?"
"You take your controller and wack it! it's just not that hard"
"You mean like this" - She gestures with the controller
"Exactly!"
"cool"

Re:This is why...

[xenocide2]

The last thing I want in a relationship is to sleep on the couch because I abuse the bananna peel in Mario Kart too much. They let you drag it along for a reason, damnit!

It's a joke, right?

[Jeff DeMaagd]

If it's not, the non-gaming SOs should just take it as a hint that they need to move on. It's not their responsibility to force their gaming SOs to pay attention to them. The potential problem I see is that it would taint their ability to tolerate a SO that has any hobby they dislike as the result of one person that didn't have self control.

Re:It's a joke, right?

[MBCook]

BINGO!

What is this? Isn't the point of dating trying to find someone you can spend the rest of your life with? So when you find someone who spends all their time playing video games and doesn't seem to be as interested in you as those games, what do you do? Dump them because that's not what you are looking for?

NO!

You start a support group, of course! That way you can complain about him, and stay with him! Then you can marry him and continue to yell at him for doing the same thing he did when you were dating. This is pure genius.

So many people seem to be such idiots these days in these things. If you don't like the guy's personality, DUMP THE GUY.

Re:It's a joke, right?

[Surt]

What you're missing here is that gamers are the new jerks. And we all know a woman can't possibly leave a jerk.

What the deuce!?

[Ninj0r]

What are these girls? Are they multi-platform yet?

Re:What the deuce!?

[PhotoBoy]

Yes there are multi-platform girls these days, Bangkok has a version with an extra joystick called the ladyboy.

Re:What the deuce!?

[mobby_6kl]

>What are these girls? Are they multi-platform yet?

No, but they are multiplayer-capable, up to three (3) players are supported. More is possible but not recommended.

All Very Sad

[bateleur]

It never ceases to amaze me how many people pick a partner seemingly at random and are then surprised when they're not all that compatible. Or is it just that the only selection criterion is "Must answer 'Yes' to 'Will you go on a date with me?'"?

Is this really news?

[kingsmedley]

a modern couple dealing with a modern issue. One of them is a gamer; the other is not.

Well this is one short-sighted article. Throughout time, there has always been a common issue at the heart of MANY failed relationships - the idea that one of them isn't getting enough attention from the other. As time goes by, ex-significant-others keep finding new things to blame the failure of their relationships on. (Because of course it can't be THEIR fault!) Halo 2 is just the latest scapegoat.

But let's be honest here - if she (or he) truly is more interesting than Halo 2, then Halo 2 will lose. Look, if they are more interested in playing games than spending time with you, take the hint and move on! And gamers, if your S.O. is constantly whining about your game time, then perhaps you should just dump 'em and find a partner more appropriate for your game-intensive lifestyle. After all, isn't that what dating is all about?!?

Re:Is this really news?

[Seumas]

If it wasn't the xbox, it'd be work.

It seems that in the mind of many a women, you should be able to remain successful, productive, bring in an impressive income, receive promotions, buy a nice house, car, vacations, raise children and all the other things that women you may hook up with, date, or even marry would want out of a guy and would want to be able to brag to their family and friends about . . . while not actually focusing yourself on your work.

You should make time for the other person, certainly, but chicks need to understand that you only got where you are through hard work and that all the things of yours which she enjoys came at a price. Both monitarily and in personal sacrifices of various kinds.

If you can't respect the fact that, as a man, work and career and achievment are a very large part of my existance and want me to sabotage that to spend even more time with you at, say, the risk of you hooking up with some unemployed loser or the pool boy who don't have the responsibilities and can give you the time while I give you the money and house and nice cars and fancy dinners, then you might as well step-off from the get-go.

So how does the XBOX (or cars or any other hobby) fit into this? Because when you work hard, you need to relax, too. You need time alone to decompress and enjoy yourself and being suffocated by another human being every free second you have is not always the most relaxing thing. Likewise, your mate needs to understand that fact in addition to the "I have a career" fact.

If she can't, it's time to start looking for a better breed of women and start thinking with your head when you choose the next one.

Re:Is this really news?

[Elad Alon]

In the Land of Slashdot, the man who's bitter about his single past relationship is king.

Re:Is this really news?

[Tim Browse]

Reminds me of a guy I worked with once - he was talking about his (failed) marriage, and he sounded reasonable, until he said the words "...but that was before I realised that all women are just bitches who will screw you for every penny you have."

One or two issues there. Just tiny ones, maybe.

Re:Is this really news?

[syousef]

So how does the XBOX (or cars or any other hobby) fit into this? Because when you work hard, you need to relax, too. You need time alone to decompress and enjoy yourself and being suffocated by another human being every free second you have is not always the most relaxing thing.

If you can't be around your SO for a long period of time without feeling suffocated, it's you with the problem. Certainly not every second with them is going to be relaxing, but most of your time should be. Your SO should BE your downtime. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to play games for a few hours a week. But you need to get her into the things you enjoy if she doesn't mind them, and you need to get into some of her stuff.

With my financee and I it's fantastic. She'll let me do my thing on the computer sometimes while she paints. She'll join me in the game playing. At the moment it's flight sims, and Battlefield - she's actually pretty good at the basics in a C172 on MS flight sim, and she's great to run around with in battlefield Vietnam cause she's a crazy woman. She's also someone I can count on to help me with just about anything I want to get done. Guess what though. I'll watch reality TV with her (which I openly tell her I think is crap, but I love spending the time with her anyway) and I've seen my fair share of cartoons this year. We also spent a heap on our engagement party (which I wouldn't have even bothered with except it was important to her).

It's about give and take and making each other's lives better, and understanding that you don't always get to do your own thing. If you're not doing that you don't belong together! Sacrifices shouldn't always make you miserable!

family guy quote

[bigwang]

It's my sex box...
And her name is Sony

How?

[Apreche]

How can you go out with someone who has interests so different from your own? I'm into geeky things and I'm going to go out with a girl who likes the same sorts of things. I might be willing to have a physical relationship with plenty of girls, but I'm not going to have a serious emotional relationship with someone who wont play games or watch anime and such.

I see too many middle age geeky guys these days who want to do geeky stuff but their wives wont let them. I shit you not, some guy had to watch anime in secret because his wife would have thrown out the DVDs if she saw them.

What kind of relationship is that?

Sure, in some cases guys are just paying way too much attention to other stuff and not the girls. You can't do that, you've gotta give some time. But also remember, girls can't expect to be the only thing that gets attention from the guy. There are other things in his life besides you and there should be other things in your life besides him. Goes both ways.

In short. Everybody get a life and don't be with incompatible people.

Re:How?

[vertinox]

What kind of relationship is that?

The kind where a man puts he thing in the womans thing one night and hopes she doesn't call him the next day?

Seriously, people need to learn sex and love are two different things.

Just because you have found someone that will have sex with you doesn't mean they make a good husband/wife.

True love is when you found someone who you emotionally bond with and make passionate love to, but if you never could have sex with each other for the rest of your life, you'd still want to hang with each other for the next 50 years.

Re:How?

[Guppy06]

Disclaimer: I am the stereotypical Slashdotter.

"How can you go out with someone who has interests so different from your own?"

So long as we're just talking "interests," it shouldn't matter too much. Though I have precious little experience, I think the important part is how the personalities mesh, and the only really important shared interest is an interest in each other.

"I shit you not, some guy had to watch anime in secret because his wife would have thrown out the DVDs if she saw them."

See, this isn't "lack of shared interest," this is "domineering wife." His problem isn't that his wife isn't an otaku, his problem is that he's whipped.

"What kind of relationship is that?"

It's the one you end up in when you let yourself get too desperate. If you're just looking for "a woman, any woman," this is where you'll end up. I hear you shouldn't set your standards too high, but you should have some standards.

"But also remember, girls can't expect to be the only thing that gets attention from the guy."

Yeah, but some women are "high maintenance" and some are outright misandrists. There are women out there, like your previous example, who are of the opinion that men were put on this planet to fulfill their whims.

"Everybody get a life and don't be with incompatible people."

Define "life." Define "incompatible." I'm willing to bet the guy from your example is all too compatible with his wife.

My own thoughts

[LordZardoz]

If your girlfriend is not more intresting to you then your game console, then chances are good that she is not "The One" anyway.

The best test of this is to try to interrupt the gamer by offering Sex. In most cases, offering to play with his joystick should get him to put down the other joystick. If they turn you down, then one of two things are happening.

1) Your hideous, deal with it.
2) They are screwed in the head.

Men have ditched or ignored their women for many reasons. I am sure that there are intstances of guys watching the latest hockey / football / basketball game and ignoring their women for the duration. The only difference with gaming is that gaming can be done at any time.

END COMMUNICATION

Re:My own thoughts

[Lord Kano]

Sex sometimes ISN'T better than gaming.

Maybe when you're 15 and it's still amazing that you're having sex, but I'm 30. I've had all kinds of sex. I've been married and divorced. I've had several girlfriends over the years.

When I'm having a good run at CS and I have an 80/23 kill/death ratio, I'd rather keep playing for a while. Sex is something you can have anytime, a good gaming session needs to be enjoyed when it happens.

LK

Re:My own thoughts

[bigman2003]

Dude, I've done it while playing Halo 2 on-line.

Because as another poster says down below...when you are older (I'm 37) sex isn't some sort of mind-blowing, my whole reality is changing kind of thing.

Don't get me wrong...my wife and I do have some very good sex. But like most couples, we also have our share of quickies, and relatively inconsequential sex. The type of thing you do just to blow of steam or whatever.

So, we've had sex while I played a game.

It was fun.

Sex should be fun.

Attention: people of the world

[blincoln]

You do not have to spend every waking moment with the person you are dating. If they like to play Halo and you don't, go do something else.

Re:Attention: people of the world

[An Onerous Coward]

If she likes playing Halo twelve hours a day, and I think that's absurd and excessive, I'll probably go do someone else.

It's one thing if your SO can't stand the fact that you have a hobby. But it's perfectly reasonable for her to expect that you'll put a lot of time and energy into the relationship.

What?

[osopolar]

"I truly loved her, but gaming affected that," What the hell kind of excuse is this. True love affects other things not the other way around. Sounds like he truly loves gaming and she was affecting that. Oh and by the way MTV blows.

How 'bout the other shoe?

[Anonymous Coward]

Do the (mostly) women in this group not ever exclude their SO from activities when they go off with their buddies? Shopping/spa days/gossip?

All too easy

[Guppy06]

"Jaci and Jake, who both attend Kansas State University, are a modern couple dealing with a modern issue. One of them is a gamer; the other is not."

"Jaci" and "Jake," hm? Guess which is the gamer!

"Theirs is not an unusual plight."

Around here it is. Actual dating?

"For decades gamers and non-gamers in love have struggled to find harmony."

Which decades, exactly? I'm pretty sure "gamer" = "single."

"At Kansas State the frustration is rampant."

What, the gamer guys have started to give themselves tennis elbow?

"Like most college campuses, it is a place where the release of Halo 2 last year was the best of times and the worst of times."

"The best of times?" Last I heard, it was a collective "What, that's it?"

"And while there is such a thing as couples in which both people are into games"

Yes, but are they both into video games?

"-- and while there are sometimes boyfriends who are the non-gamers --"

Where, San Francisco?

"the most frequent complaint involves game-crazy guys leaving their girlfriends out in the Xbox-free cold."

This confuses me. In order to leave one's girlfriend out in the cold, one must have a girlfriend to begin with.

I am so in

[the eric conspiracy]

a an anti-gaming college club

Ultimately it sounds like these gamers are going to fail to pass along their genes, thus solving the problem.

"new"

[chaosmarine]

How is this new and different when compared to golf?

Not me..

[mar1no]

If my gf ever interupts me during a game, say by phone call for example, it goes like this:

*pick up*
Me: "HELLO?!"
Gf: "Hey what are ya-"
ME: "BUSY! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!!"
Gf: "Uhh I dunno I just wa-"
ME: "CANT TALK! BYE!"
*click*
I've never had to deal with her complaining about my game playin. She understands that when I say I'm busy then I'm busy and should not and cannot be bothered. Thats what the rest of these pie-making laundry-cleaning women should realize.

Gaming addicition again?

[Xarius]

Maybe their boyfriend really needs to step back and re-evaluate his situation. He's not going to have a healthy relationship with anyone if he's got an 'addiction' to games.

Relationships are all about compromise, so maybe he should cut down on the games and spend more time with her, and maybe she should take a little time to play games with him and show a genuine interest in his hobby.

Just ditching each other over something like this, instead of working through it, is stupid.

Re:Gaming addicition again?

[Stargoat]

Working through this in a relationship is stupid. Boyfriends and girlfriends break up with each other. They are not married. It's for the best.

If you are married and do not like your husband's video game habits, then you are a fool. If your husband is at home playing computer games, good. He's not out drinking or whoring. He's not gambling away the money he makes. He's not committing crimes. He's not hurting anyone. He's relaxing in a safe manner.

Instead of watching football or baseball, he's playing video games. He's surfing on the internet playing games with friends, not fantasy football. There is zero difference between watching games and playing games (except for the fact that playing games makes you smarter), just how some of society perceives it.

Next time you read about a girlfriend angry that her boyfriend plays video games, pay her the same attention you would any whiny complaining stupid person.

ID

[charlie763]

"At *Kansas* State the frustration is rampant"

Blame it on intelligent game design.

Re:Seems overblown

[bigman2003]

Well, there are a lot of points here-

Women view men for thier potential, and would like to change them. This is actually fairly well known. When a couple meets, men want women to stay the same way forever. (Young, beautiful, spirited, funny, etc.) Women are looking for the man to be responsible, caring, considerate, etc. etc. When you see some girl with a disgusting guy who burps, farts, talks shit, and acts like an imbecile, she doesn't see a future with THAT guy. She sees a future with the guy that she can mold him into.

Also, women are not 'bat-shit insane.' They just see the world completely differently. They value completely different things than men. (This is all generalities of course) They value the emotional far less than the physical. And by emotional, I don't mean that they just want you to sit there and suffer while they talk about their feelings. (Which of course is a start...) They want you to UNDERSTAND what they are talking about. Which of course, you never will.

Even when I think I am beginning to understand my wife, I realize that I only have about 5% of the same emotional awareness she has. But then again, I can kick her ass at any video game. Of course she won't play them...but if she did...I would kick her ass.

Lastly, when you want your wife/girlfriend to think that you understand what is going on...follow Chris Rock's advice: everyone once in a while, throw in, "I KNEW you couldn't trust that bitch/ho/girl (depending on your social status)" Because there is a damn good chance they are complaining about some other woman somewhere.

Really...next time she goes on a tirade, try it. Just throw that in. "I never trusted her. What is her problem?" Man...you'll score some huge points, even if you have no idea who the hell she was talking about.

But I have to give my wife credit. Every month or so she'll spend about 20 minutes playing a game...which isn't too bad. And she has to listen to me talk about them, and is able to repeat back what I've said. Maybe she has her stock answers too, I don't know. But she does know the names of the games I play...and the types of games I play. (FPS, Driving, Sports) and she even knows what I DON'T play (WoW, RPGs, etc.) So yes, I'm impressed.

Last thing...

Don't forget your anniversary, her birthday, or any other times that SHE looks bad if you forget. Because remember guys...you might look like an ass for forgetting your anniversary...but to other women, she looks even worse. Because what you do, reflects on her.

Xbox

[Profound]

By Tripod, an Australian comedy band:

Baby, Gonna make you happy tonight.
Gonna make you happy tonight, Oh, sugar.
Give my love to you, Oh baby.

Gonna make you feel so right.
Gonna make you, make you happy,
Oooh, sugar. Yeah!

Spend some time with you,
Do the things you want me to.
Gonna make some sweet, sweet love, sugar.

So get ready,
Oooh, get ready, get ready.
Get ready for lovin', Tonight.
Before we get down to love,
Before we get down... ... I just gotta finish this level.

You see, I got a high score tonight.
And I just want to save my game.

Well, I'll be with you in a minute,
Sweet darling, baby, honey.
I love how you dance for me.
Oooh, la la la la la la la la...
Could you move a little to the left, baby?
I can't see the TV.

Baby, I can't want 'till we start,
It's just that the save points are quite far apart,
In this game, baby.

Oooh, la la la la la la la...
This bit's got a multi-player section, honey,
Maybe you can operate a turret with me.
Would you like that, baby?

Games give you hand-eye co-ordination,
And spacial intelligence, together with... ... map-reading skills. Oh, sugar.

Turn the lights down low...
Turn the lights down, just a little bit lower, baby.
Turn the lights down low...
Turn the lights down low...
Turn the lights down low...
It's just that it helps me feel like I'm in a spaceship. ... Baby. Have you brushed your teeth yet?
Take your time, no hurry.
It's just that I'm not tired. Are you tired?

I'll see you in the bed, then.
You might want to take a book.
You know I can't stop thinking about you, baby.
And all of the magic coins that I need to collect.

See, I just gotta find one more point of armour class,
And then I can take on the robots of Zirgon B,
And then we can make love...
I think this X-Box, Is the best present I ever bought for you, Baby!

Re:Seems overblown

[GreaterThanZero]

Are you allowed to re-post previous /. responses? Don't know why I always feel compelled to add my voice to /. relationship discussions. So, here is an update/edit of a previous post I made long ago on the subject...keeping in mind that I'm on graveyard shift right now and posting on sleep-deprivation may not be as great of an idea as it sounds at the moment...

For a semi-specific reply to the parent, couple of points:
- explaining emotional state to SO: Thumbs up for that one. NEEDS to happen. See below.
- understanding that SO will continue with hobby after relationship start: Another thumbs up. Some people are just dumb. What, do women think that a guy's life is Games XOR Relationship? As if many of them would ever agree that their lives should be Shopping XOR Relationship. But, granted, the article includes comments from girlfriends that are bad and not as bad: 'Grow up and give them up' (basically the Games XOR Relationship idea) and 'Spend some of your gaming time with me instead' respectively.

Personal example: I remember when my boyfriend first got Earth & Beyond. It was soon after our relationship began, and I wasn't a fan of it. Granted, there are some new-relationship-sillies involved in that("LET'S BE TOGETHER ALL THE TIME, HOORAAAAY!"). But I got over it, and when he got bored of the game, I got him back, as it were.

Then came City of Heroes. I didn't like it for the first few days of watching my bf play it. From what I saw of the gameplay, it sucked. But, I later realized, I was only seeing the first few levels, so the combat seemed slow because of lame recharge times on your character's powers...so it looked like he was choosing a CRAPPY and SLOW game over me. So I got upset. Long story short, now I'm into it. Recently we moved our computers in the same room shortly before we got our City of Villains Beta invites. Heh, communicating verbally when you team together in the same room is WAY easier than typing.

Anyways, I got over my aversion to City of Heroes because we had a talk about how the amount of time he spent playing upset me. In that, we figured some stuff out. Part of which is that I made a big assumption that was wrong: he was choosing the game over me (not to say that there aren't any guys out there who DO actively choose games over their girlfriends all the time...but I can't speak to that, luckily). The reality, he said, was that he was choosing the game over doing nothing. I was afraid to speak up and ask to do things with him because I assumed that all he wanted to do was play games all the time. Turns out that isn't the case; it was just a vicious cycle of: him playing --> me assuming he doesn't ever wanna hang out with me because he's playing --> me not saying we should do something because he obviously already has something to do --> him assuming I don't wanna do anything because I never said anything --> so he played the game. Luckily it wasn't long before that stupidness was all straightened out.

In short: something I have learned in our relationship is to just SAY SOMETHING. Don't mindfuck him with weird ultimatums, don't try and show how you're upset by saying you're "Fine, I'm JUST. FINE." (and ladies: Ever seen another girl try and do that? Personally, I've never seen it work), don't be evil. We're currently watching a friend have trouble with her relationship because she has a tendency to just silently stew about an issue instead of talking about it. Sometimes with little mindgames to try and 'prove her point' (that he misses / doesn't take the 'bait' for). And her boyfriend thinks that things are great because he's not much of a talker himself. I stopped stewing when this City of Heroes problem happened, and any problems that come up have always been solved more easily since through good ol' fashioned straight-up communication.

Re:So true...

[AutopsyReport]

I'd wager that Halo 2 is not the source of your fights, but that you probably spend so much time with Halo 2 that it is the source of your fighting. Of all the people I've known that had problems with girls and games (a few), the issue was never the game, it was the amount of time spent gaming.

Re:One is a gamer... the other is not.

[Kelson]

Nah, you don't have to *enjoy* what your partner enjoys, just accept it. My wife plays online games. I don't. I read comics. She doesn't. But there are plenty of other things that we both enjoy, so its no big deal.

You've got to have time together, and you've got to have some time to yourself.