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Top 10 System Administrator Truths
Vo0k writes "What are your top ten system administrator truths? We all know them already, but it's still fun re-telling them. Stuff like "90% of all hardware-related problems come from loose connectors", even though you already know it's true, may save you from replacing the "faulty" motherboard if you recall it at the right time."
... are operator errors. But you can't tell the operator that.
australian project gutenberg is better than the original.
Never post stupid top ten administrator lists on Slashdot, lest I have to spend my time restoring a web server from backup.
the future is but past forgotten
When all else fails, reboot. If it still fails, blame the user.
He who knows best knows how little he knows. - Thomas Jefferson
IT'S NOT A CUPHOLDER!!
"Destroy science and religion. Science would re-emerge exactly the same; but not religion." - Penn Jillette, paraphrased
Most users should not being allowed to operate computers, let alone drive cars. Sysadmins need to learn who these people are and minimize the damage they cause. I suggest randomly changing their password every day until they quit in frustration.
GetOuttaMySpace - The Anti-Social Network
We do not live in the 21st century. We live in the 20 second century.
What I'm listening to now on Pandora...
Unless you lack plans for the weekend.
"I'd rather be a lightning rod than a seismometer." -Ken Kesey
Number One: You will die alone.
Information wants to be anthropomorphized.
If your job requires you to wear a name tag, carry a gun, or administer a Windows system, you have made a serious vocational error.
-- oh.... so..... sleeeeeepy.
It doesn't matter whether I'm giving or requesting tech support, the number one rule is that the person on the other end of the telephone is an idiot.
The next Cmdr Taco duplicate will be ready soon, but subscribers can beat the rush and see it early!
Don't get linked to by Slashdot!
None of the other nine truths will save your server!
Richard Steven Hack - This sig is TOO GODDAMN SHORT TO DO ANYTHING USEFUL WITH! MORONS!
If the acronym contains an F, don't ask what it stands for.
Support the FairTax
Spontaneously combust
Trust me -- you do not want to get that call:
Caller: You know that machine in (room) that has a sign that says 'do not turn me off'? You: YesBuild it, and they will come^Hplain.
No One Ever Got Fired For Buying Microsoft.
Microsoft has been BOUGHT!?!?
*Runs to Check the stock market*
Now let me just kill that last background process with the old 'kill %1'
[$researchgroupserver]: kill 1 enter
Crap!
Problem In Chair, Not In Computer :-)
Great. Glad you feel that way. Now, before we all hug, skip, and fling daisies, you need to remember ONE thing:
THERE ARE NO FEELINGS IN IT. EVER.
Feelings are reserved for secretaries named Gladys who come crying to you when they accidently delete all the pictures of their grand kids.
"This article is very comforting."
You better sack the hell up if you are going to make it in the IT world.
"I'm just here to regulate funkiness."
Back in the mid 80s a co-worker of mine had told his boss at a previous job that the unix machines needed to rebooted when the PIDs got too high! Great bit of fun at the PHB expense. (This is also the guy who submitted an purchase request for some close parenthesis... got it signed also!)
Actually not true. I know the guy, and I fired him myself.
(We are a Linux/OS X shop today.)
"Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival."
--Dr.W.Edwards Deming
Very often, people asking me for technical help have problems that refuse to manifest themselves when I am present.
Lots of people in IT find this. Generally, it's because most vaguely complicated electronics is sufficiently sentient to know when it's in the presence of a Higher Power, and that it Must Obey.
Fortunately, they're not that sentient. I have found an extremely good way to maintain system reliability is to place a photo of myself in the server room.