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RIAA Approved mp3 Player Reviewed
buckminster writes "Medialoper has an exclusive review of the soon-to-be legendary Prism DuroSport 6000. According to the review, 'if the RIAA had had designed an industry approved digital media player this is what it would look like'. The player has an extraordinary collection of features including 'disposable flash memory' and built-in DRM system with 'opt-in listening'."
FIRSTUS POSTUS
Did I get it, did i?
OMG Ponies!!!
One Trick Ponies!!!
But does it play .ogg?
Does it run Pink?
Earn a % of cash back from Newegg, Tiger Direct, Walmart.com, and more: http://www.mrrebates.com?refid=458505
A true iPod killer! If the sales don't work, I'm sure it could simply crush them.
Silence is golden... and duct tape is silver.
Like OMG, can I listen to N*Sync on it?
"It is the stillest words which bring the storm. Thoughts that come with doves' footsteps guide the world."
The RIAA approved players will make your listening experience safer and better.
Now, your player will connect to a world wide marketing database to automatically determine if your player has pirated music! Any song you spent less than $2 or converted is likely to have pirated, so your player will delete the music for you!
You'll need to rebuy the song every year to support your artists continually. And your songs will only play on this player with the same set of batteries-if anything changes, your license has expired and you'll need to buy more music, that you can only listen to during off-peak hours. Peak hours, 7:00am to 7:00pm, will cost twice as much in order to support the "artists".
DRM-making your life better (TM)! Buy this so the RIAA can get another Benz...I mean, support the artists.
At first sight, I thought this was the first legit article to be posted on april fools day, but my fears were quickly dispelled by http://www.prismdurosport.com/products/. You're getting more believable, but still no cigar. Please, let's have april 1 stories that are not obviously hoaxes!
OMG - it's a reference to the US version of the Office. Isn't it? The name sounds familiar, but I'm too lazy to check. Can anyone back me up on this?
one MP3 player that is unable to play mp3 :)
http://www.michel.eti.br
best line ever
well...more than one line...but anyway...
DuroSports new battery powered battery charger allows you to charge your DuroSport battery just about anywhere. With this amazing new device youll always have enough power to listen to your favorite music.
Please note that the battery powered battery charger has no power adapter and must be charged by another battery powered battery charger. Because of this the minimum purchase is two (2) units/i.
You cannot even come here because CmdrTaco want to bullshit us all with his april fool's day jokes.
Maybe he should post node puctures of himself if he wants to get popular.
I would love to see him naked. It looks like he's got nice butt.
If that's not a joke, let me be the first to point out the irony in the last line:
"Stop idiocity and hipocrecy"
idiocity? hipocrecy?
You're being an idiot with your spelling, and being a hypocrite by being an idiot. GG.
April Fools!
The webserver for that link is really a bunch of wires connected to a potato.
Or a pile of molten slag.
A completely offtopic post waiting its 5 lovely upmods!
the humour dies. Satire dies when the RIAA gets involved.
I am trolling
Epilation, Taro would all be more interesting than the current crap articles. It would make for a funnier, happier, more productive April Fools
was bare bones software Personal Analog device http://www.barebones.com/company/press.php?news_id =16&sort_year=2002
OMG Ponies!!! with Glitter!!!! I miss Pink
Buying an RIAA-approved MP3 player is like flying on an Al-Qaida approved jetliner. It's guaranteed to have unwanted consequences and side effects that are the exact opposite of the experience that you are paying for. Basically you're giving extra money to extortionists in advance in order to be assured by the extortionists that the bad things that they do to people for money won't happen to you. But these organizations exist not to extort money, but to do nasty things to people. So by using equipment 'approved' by them only ensures that the bad things that these people do are going to happening to you.
An Al-Qaida airliner can be expected to blow up in mid-flight, because that's what they do. They aren't in it for the money or to sell 'Allah-approved' transportation, they do what they do in order to murder as many people as possible. An RIAA-approved MP3 player can be fully expected to stop playing your music randomly until you plug it into a phone line and automaticilly transfer more funds from your bank account to the RIAA's 'copyright and artist's protection' account. It's a guaranteed hassle from a band of assholes. It's hard to imagine any intelligent person buying it. It's like setting up an automatic bank transfer to extortionists and then being shocked and amazed that they are demanding more money each month.
Al-Qaida is a criminal organization obsessed with the murder of randomly selected individuals. The RIAA is a criminal organization that gets its money by using vast legal resources to extort money from randomly selected individuals. You can't fight criminal organizations or defend yourself from them by giving them the money that they demand. They just get stronger and meaner. You have to band together with others who are being extorted to defend each other and as a group refuse to pay the extortionists and then defend yourself against the violence (either physical or legal) that they bring against your group.
That's the only defense against the RIAA or the mafia. With Al-Qaida the only defense to be willing and able to kill everyone who aids and supports them, regardless of how cruel that these actions will make you appear to the world or history. It is their religious fanatisism that has put them into a mindset to where they can't be reasoned with or bought off like normal criminals. And they use the common people to hide them, like Mao's fish guerrillas in a sea of peasants. So to fight them, we are forced to kill everyone in the lands where they excape. They force us to be insanely cruel in order to defend ourselves. It is like Golda Meir's observation that the worst thing that the Palestinian terrorists do is force us to kill their children. But since they live to be martyrs anyway, we have no choice but to deliver this onto them.
Anyway, don't buy any 'RIAA approved' MP3 players. They're just a box of DRM hell.
The controls can only be operated by a bodily orifice (yes, like the southpark thing, only not as well endowed.)
Ex nihilo nihil fit.
First post!
I suspect this will be modded down, but only by folks who don't get it. To the rest of you, happy april.
The webpage has died already =/ Must be the RIAA trying to make it look popular They'll never win!!! http://www.prismdurosport.com.nyud.net:8090/produc ts/
do they require my soul as well as my money?
It seems like a pretty common way of orchestrating DDoS attack on remote hosts! I'm turning in everyone who submits a story!
^o^
Finally...an article posted on /. that remains firmly grounded in reality (on an April Fool's day, no less). The digg fanboys have at last met their match; /.'s new format matches digg's as far as depth and discussions go.
And for the record: OMGZ, this site is like so AWWWWEEESSOOOOMMMMEEEEE!!!
^_^ Also: I think I've exceeded my "sweetness" threshold for purposes of karma-whoring. You can find me in detox.
Mr. T pitied this fool on 27 July 1992.
medialoper wants to run code on my 'puter.
application/x-httpd-fastphp
I'll pass.
qz
Ipso facto, post hoc, propter hoc.
this is a good example for what you should never do :|
the device looks worst than my old am/fm tunner and it was in stereo 10yrs ago.
they must living an utopia thinking they technology rules because it uses nuclear power and the metalic design shines (not to mention all the bloat ware it installs).. ho yes and I almost forget the fact it doesnt uses the "illusory" stereo mode :)
Legal music players - works with any format file (yes, including OGG), even live performances!. Listen to the audio once, and then you can replay it any number of times on any of these devices! Legally!! Of course, it uses lossy compression, but with repeated "listenings" of the original source, it'll get better.
They finally see the light!
An RIAA approved mp3 player?? Haha, this was the funniest April Fool's joke!
Beware: In C++, your friends can see your privates!
I can use it to balance my table...
All it needs is Angelina Jolie lips and everyone will love it!
54th post! I win!
That is plain UGLY !
Where's the padlock? I mean you aren't really meant to be listening to the music you buy, well not until your ears have DRM attached to them. :)
Jumpstart the tartan drive.
[after finishing song]
...this player will self-destruct in 5 seconds.
Not with those external speakers.
That would enable unauthorized public performances, resulting in unlicensed users getting a free ride. Then there's the real potential for piracy should someone have a tape recorder nearby.
The RIAA are working on a similar model with permanantly attached earbuds. In a partnership with Vanderbilt University, DNA sequencing is being developed so that each licensee will receive a user-specific genetic implant that will decode the music they have purchased for their personal enjoyment.
Beta testers are currently needed for the latest build of [b]Random Oscillication Output Tools Kinetic Internet Technology.[/b] or R.O.O.T.K.I.T. for short. Earlier versions of R.O.O.T.K.I.T. encountered some technical difficulties, though most of the research participants are out of the ICU at this time. Those bugs have been located and resolved.
A patched version appears to have fewer than 0.02% incidents of serious anatomical deformation in test subjects, so we're quite confident we have that issue resolved. However, a minor programming glitch prevented the decoding algorithm from terminating when the earbuds were removed. Consequently, only audio sources encoded for the each user can be understood by them. The RIAA has generously halved the licensing fees to their immediate families to faciliate communication with their Phase 2 participant kin.
We are assured that all these issues have been addressed and that the R.O.O.T.K.I.T. implants are now 100% safe and effective. Volunteers are now needed for a phase 3 trial. Please [url=mailto:rootkitstudy@riaa.org]contact us[/url] if you are interested in participating. Benefits of this study include a prototype portable audio player, free R.O.O.T.K.I.T. implant (A $69.95 Value!) and a 10% discount at the RIAA music store!
The backlash has already started at Prism DuroSport Sucks. Is nothing sacred?!
is an advertisement for the wireless adapter:
"Now you can connect your Prism Durosport to your home network with our new wireless adapter. Please note that the due to power requirements the Prism DuroSport must be plugged into the wall adapter when connected to the wireless adapter."
This is the work of a genius.
"It's a reverse vampire...they....they crave the sun!"
This company sounds like it's being run by a bunch of pre-pubescent teenage kids.
m ers-to-ignore-medialoper-review.html
From their website:
DuroSport Urges Customers To Ignore Medialoper Review
We regret to inform our loyal customers that the highly anticipated review of the new Prism 6000 which appears in Medialoper today is full of inaccuracies and misleading information. We urge you to ignore the review and spend the day listening to your Prism DuroSport.
The DuroSport support staff has worked diligently over the past several months to assist the Medialoper review team in understanding the advanced features of the Prism DuroSport 6000. Unfortunately, it is clear from the review that the staffers of the Medialoper Review Labs must have some sort of learning disability. If ever there was an instance of user error, this is it. Over and over again. If anything, the fact that these retards had so much trouble with the Prism DuroSport stands as proof as to just how far ahead of it's time it really is.
If all of this weren't bad enough, the Medialoper team has attempted to return their Prism DuroSport 6000 without first completing an RMA form.
Needless to say, we are consulting our legal advisors and will be taking appropriate action shortly in order to best respond to this scurrilous and defamatory attack on our flagship product.
www.prismdurosport.com/news/durosport-urges-custo
It's true no man is an island, but if you take a bunch of dead guys and tie 'em together, they make a good raft.
That's odd, you'd think the RIAA would have noticed that it was missing the play button before approving it...