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Lawyers Ordered to Play RPS to Settle Dispute

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the best-two-out-of-three dept.

Rent-to-Pwn writes "After the lawyers involved couldn't settle even the most basic disputes without court intervention, a federal judge ordered the two lawyers to play one (1) game of rock, paper, scissors to settle the dispute. Being a federal case, in theory, it could become precedent for similar, unimportant decisions. Of course, there's no mention of what the two lawyers are supposed to do in case of a tie ..."

44 of 265 comments (clear)

  1. Geez... what a precedent by Nefarious+Wheel · · Score: 4, Funny

    I can't wait to see what Groklaw has to say about this precedent. Or who owns the game...

    --
    Do not mock my vision of impractical footwear
    1. Re:Geez... what a precedent by metalog · · Score: 4, Informative

      What precedent? The game was to settle the location of a deposition, not the case itself. They where fighting over what floor it should take place since their offices are in the same building. The whole thing is ridiculous and the judge responded accordingly.

    2. Re:Geez... what a precedent by StikyPad · · Score: 5, Funny

      Fortunately, games cannot be owned, under current US IP law. They can be pwned, but that's something altogether different.

      --
      https://www.eff.org/https-everywhere
    3. Re:Geez... what a precedent by fm6 · · Score: 5, Insightful

      That's a pretty good summary. Some analysis is in order, though: it seems to me that the purpose of this ruling is not so much to settle the argument as to publically censure the two opposing counsel for failure to achieve adulthood.

    4. Re:Geez... what a precedent by Adhemar · · Score: 4, Interesting
      The World RPS Society writes (in an update to this story):

      Pro Player Mr. C. Urbanus quickly offered his consulting series to one of the lawyers and received the following response from one of them: Fortunately, we, the attorneys have worked out our differences by agreement. We will not have to resort to combat by RPS. Thanks again and best of luck.

      Sidenote: "Combat" is that what lawyers are calling "conflict resolution" these days??

      Personally, I was more surprised by the existance of pro RPS players than by the use of the word combat in legal conflict resolution.
    5. Re:Geez... what a precedent by lptport1 · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Unfair or not, it is important that people express themselves clearly, and spelling is an integral part of written communication. When I read through a document and find mistakes such as "then" instead of "than," I find my opinion of the author's communication skills to be lessened. I also tend to think a person who doesn't know the difference is less knowledgable than someone who does. I have more patience for people who use English as a second, or greater, language, as I would barbarize another language in both speech and writing.

      Basically, if a person does not know the difference when writing a word, why would they know the difference when reading it? That affects their comprehension of the material, and their communication of it.

  2. probably as fair than most legal proceedings by batray · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Since there seems to be a great deal of chance in any legal proceeding, it makes just as much sense, if not more.

    1. Re:probably as fair than most legal proceedings by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Lawyer #1: "Rock"

      Lawyer #2: "Paper"

      L1 "Aha! I win"

      L2 "No you don't! Paper wraps rock, it says that right here under section 1A of the rule book."

      L1 "Look, according to the expert witnesses, rock would rip right through paper. We have a geologist to testify to the strength of rocks, and a materials engineer to testify to the relative weakness of paper."

      L2 "Well, we have a person from the Rock Paper Scissors assosiation and another from the paper industry, both of whom assure us that paper wraps rock."

      Etc, etc ad infinitum....

  3. Good old rock... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...nothing beats rock.

    1. Re:Good old rock... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      I guess we all know to use paper when playing against you then.

    2. Re:Good old rock... by TripMaster+Monkey · · Score: 4, Informative

      It's a reference to a Simpsons episode:

      LISA: Look, there's only one way to settle this. Rock-paper-scissors.
      LISA'S BRAIN: Poor predictable Bart. Always takes 'rock'.
      BART'S BRAIN: Good ol' 'rock'. Nothin' beats that!
      BART: Rock!
      LISA: Paper.
      BART: D'oh!
      --
      ____

      ~ |rip/\/\aster /\/\onkey

    3. Re:Good old rock... by qyiet · · Score: 5, Funny

      ...nothing beats rock.

      [Scissors]Nerf rock!!!!
      [Scissors]Nerf rock!!!!
      [Scissors]Nerf rock!!!!
      [Paper] Actually I think rock is fine

  4. Damn... by CWRUisTakingMyMoney · · Score: 5, Funny

    Damn, and just when my faith in our justice system had been fully restored...

    --
    Those who anthropomorphize science and/or nature already believe in an intelligent designer.
  5. I wonder... by jfclavette · · Score: 5, Funny

    ... if they're allowed to summon expert witnesses.

    1. Re:I wonder... by ultranova · · Score: 3, Funny

      It said that you should always start with scissors because the other person will uncounciously make the connection that rock is the strongest position and then, "to be clever" use paper. Ergo, you should use scissors.

      No, you should use rock. If you lose, you can use it to bash the other guys head in and win anyway ;).

      --

      Forget magic. Any technology distinguishable from divine power is insufficiently advanced.

  6. In case of tie.... by ClamIAm · · Score: 3, Funny

    Sue for unsportsmanlike conduct. Or something.

  7. PBF by falzer · · Score: 5, Funny

    PBF said it best: There's only one way to settle this.

  8. A training manual... by Skidge · · Score: 4, Funny

    I'd recommend The Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide.

  9. wont work by illuminatedwax · · Score: 4, Funny

    You know they'll spend at least 2 hours arguing over on what count to shoot, what hand gestures constitute "scissor", "paper" and "rock", how to dispute ties, etc., etc.

    --
    Did you ever notice that *nix doesn't even cover Linux?
  10. Rock Paper Scissors by Sentri · · Score: 5, Informative

    Well son, you've gone and got yourself in for a battle.

    Heres what you gotta do:

    study up http://www.worldrps.com/ and get this http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0743267516/ theofficiaroc-20

    You may want to get some fancy RPS gear, http://www.worldrps.com/index.php?option=com_wrapp er&Itemid=53, and dont bother bringing that rolex, it will slow you down

    Also, we knoe those who ignore history are doomed to repeat its mistakes, so why dont you read up on the history of the game too, could come in handy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rock%2C_paper%2C_scis sors

    --
    Can't we all just get along
  11. Re:Umm... by UserGoogol · · Score: 4, Insightful

    This is news for NERDS, not news for techies. There's more to being a nerd than just liking technology. Another common characteristic is an antiauthoritarian sense of humor where "silly" things are put into ordinarily serious situations. For instance, said comedic device was very popular on Monty Python, a nerd standby.

    --
    "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." -- Hanlon's Razor
  12. game on your honor by agendi · · Score: 5, Funny
    I originally mis-read it as "Lawyers Ordered to Play FPS to Settle Dispute".

    Echo's of "QUAD DAMAGE" and "J00 CAMPING SOB" in the Halls of Justice.

    --
    I just can't be bothered.
  13. With so *much* at stake... by Nerdposeur · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...perhaps a duel would be more appropriate.

  14. Play Paper! by catch23 · · Score: 4, Interesting
    Since there's still time before June 30 (the date of the RPS game), I'd play paper. As world rps so eloquently describes it:

    Paper is often considered the most subtle throw. There is nothing aggressive about the limp documents that move through our desks and offices. Even the gesture used to represent paper is peaceful - an open palm like that used in a salute or handshake. Historically, an open palm has been a sign of friendship and peace because an open hand cannot hold a weapon. Some players, who unconsciously perceive Paper as weak or a sign of surrender, will shy away from using it entirely or drop it from their game when they are falling behind. On the other hand, Paper also connects with a player's perceptions about writing. There is a quiet power in the printed word. It has the ability to lay off thousands of employees, declare war against nations, spread scandal or confess love. Paper, in short, has power over masses. The fate of the entire world is determined by print. As such, some players perceive Paper as a subtle attack, the victory of modern culture over barbarism. Such players may use Paper to assert their superiority and dignity.
    1. Re:Play Paper! by Shishberg · · Score: 5, Funny
      If players tend to shy away from paper, shouldn't you play rock?

      Alternatively, this bit probably applies best to lawyers:

      On the other hand, Paper also connects with a player's perceptions about writing. There is a quiet power in the printed word... As such, some players perceive Paper as a subtle attack, the victory of modern culture over barbarism. Such players may use Paper to assert their superiority and dignity.
      ...in which case, the rational throw would be scissors.

      But if the other side will rationally choose scissors, then the sensible course of action is to throw rock.

      But if the other side reasons the same way, then obviously you'll have to play paper.

      Either way, never get involved in a land war in Asia.
  15. ... it has to go and do something like this ... by pavon · · Score: 4, Funny

    and totally redeem itself!!!

  16. Rock Paper Scissors Spock Lizard by PayPaI · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Rock Paper Scissors Spock Lizard

  17. "Has the jury reached a verdict?" by Spittles · · Score: 3, Funny

    "We're about to your honor... one.. two.. three.."

  18. Re:Funny yes....but "your rights online"? by FooAtWFU · · Score: 5, Funny
    You're right.

    It obviously belongs in Games.

    --
    The World Wide Web is dying. Soon, we shall have only the Internet.
  19. Guess we'll have to Roshambo for it! by RoadWarriorX · · Score: 5, Funny

    I can see it now....

    (Digging for Arrowheads)
    Pip: OOH! OOH! I think I found one!!
    (Cartman has hold of the other end.)
    Cartman: No, I found it!
    (Cartman and Pip hold the large arrowhead by opposite ends.)
    Pip: Oh, I do believe I found it first.
    Cartman: No, I did!
    Pip: Oh, dear...
    Cartman: Well, guess we'll have to Roshambo for it.
    Pip: What do you mean?
    Cartman: Well, first I kick you in the nuts as hard as I can. Then you kick ME in the nuts as hard as YOU can. And we keep going back and forth until somebody falls. Last one standing gets the arrowhead.
    Pip: Oh, my. Well, I suppose if I must...
    Cartman: Okay, ready? I'll go first.
    (Cartman takes a step and hauls off, kicking Pip square in the balls. Pip immediately turns blue and falls to the ground coughing. Cartman looks pleased. After Pip stops coughing, he finally manages to speak.)
    Pip: Well, I guess you win.
    Cartman: Oh, I don't care, you can have the stupid arrowhead. I don't want it.
    (Cartman tosses the arrowhead down to Pip, who is still lying painfully in the dirt.)

    --
    That would make court dramas interesting!

    --

    Coderz 4 Life
  20. In related news...Betting on the event has begun. by Mindragon · · Score: 4, Funny

    June 7 (Las Vegas) -- Bookies in Las Vegas have already begun accepting bets. 1.2 to 1 odds are that the winning lawyer will pick Paper over Rock.

    --
    Just add {In Space!} to anything.
  21. Coin flipping by interiot · · Score: 4, Informative
    Well, various US states also say that a coin flip is a valid way to break a tie in elections (eg. in Washington).

    I mean, sometimes officials can state with a fair bit of certainty that 1) it very important to make a choice... you can split the baby in half, and 2) with statistical certainty, that either outcome is equally prefered. In this case, such a procedure is appropriate even in law or elections.

  22. Actually, its mostly because the issue is trivial by patio11 · · Score: 4, Informative
    The judge was sort of miffed. The issue that was decided is "Where do we have a deposition?" This is something that people who were not petulant two-year olds could agree to in a matter of seconds ("Your place or mine?"). What makes it *particularly* a waste of the judge's time is that the two firms are located in the same office building, four floors from each other. So the judge said essentially "Heck if I care, flip a bloody coin and stop wasting my time", except with rather more tact.

    This information comes from www.overlawyered.com.

    --
    Help poke pirates in the eyepatch, arr.
  23. It was almost the perfect crime... by Floydius · · Score: 5, Funny

    but you forgot one thing. Rock - Crushes - Scissors! -- But, Paper covers Rock, and Scissors cuts Paper! Kiff, we have a conundrum! Search them for Paper, and, bring me a Rock.

  24. Spoilsport... by Graboid · · Score: 5, Funny

    Gee - it's no fun when you spill the punchline.... Subtle references are best left unexposed so the inner sanctum can continue to feel superior to and laugh at all those unknowing fools who have yet to master the intricacies of modern cartoons.

    So, why don't you just bite my shiny metal ass? Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

    1. Re:Spoilsport... by Ythan · · Score: 3, Funny
      >>So, why don't you just bite my shiny metal ass?

      This is a reference to Bender, a character on the cartoon Futurama.

  25. Re:Games are patentable by Kadin2048 · · Score: 5, Interesting

    To be fair, that patent was eventually shot down, or so I heard. Basically the USPTO invalidated all of its claims, and then the holder just declined to pay the fees and it expired.

    Still, whatever examiner passed it ought to be punished in some sort of humiliating way.

    I have heard from a friend who is starting work as a patent examiner that they have totally revamped their recruitment and training programs. Now, instead of going through nominal 'welcome aboard' training and being shoved out onto the floor and told to start processing patents, there's like 8 or 9 months of training, following which you're basically an apprentice to somebody more senior (where they have to approve/rubberstamp your work) for a while.

    There still seems to be some obvious issues, like the number of patents you process per day/week influences your promotions, so that there's an indirect reward for pushing more paper, but they do seem to be making some progress.

    Still, I wouldn't mind seeing them drag out a Dunce cap for patents like that.

    --
    "Ladies and gentlemen, my killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available."
  26. This is nothing by Raul654 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Rock-paper-scissors was used in this case to determine which lawyer could choose the location for the deposition. A minor aspect of a minor part of the trial.

    On the other hand, in New York City courts determine which judge is assigned to the case (a CONSIERABLY more important question) are by spinning a wooden wheel with all the judges' names on it. (I'm sorry I don't have a citation)

    --


    To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt.
    --E.C. Stanton
  27. Guns Do! by ImaLamer · · Score: 5, Funny

    I swear that when I saw the headline I was thinking "Real Person Shooter" !!!

    R typically stands for real in these cases, and not being familiar with rock as a choice, I figured they were going to duel. I like that we can sometimes take the justice system back a few hundred years every now and then. Maybe they should just tie up both parties and throw them into a body of water - whoever lives obviously is wrong!

    --
    Get your Unix fortune now!
  28. Cool Judge! by Opportunist · · Score: 3, Insightful

    He did the right thing. It wasn't about the case itself, it was about a minor, completely unimportant issue that was simply an immature dick-waving contest between the lawyers, not much different from the usual schoolyard "I want to be right!" bickering.

    His solution was quite appropriate to the situation presented. And it just might have shown the lawyers how silly the dispute was.

    --
    We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
  29. Toss a coin by old+man+moss · · Score: 3, Insightful
    In English elections the outcome is decided by the toss of a coin if the vote is still tied after a number of recounts.

    I recall this happened in two seats in this year's local elections (where the number of electors is small and the turnout is even smaller).

    One of the losers was interviewed on the radio and seemed quite cool about it - "fair enough", he said.

    --
    rt
  30. Not to be a complete prick, but... by Elemenope · · Score: 3, Funny

    It would be "Rochambeau", and while Wikipedia offers your alternative as legitimate, this is one of those cases where I believe Wikipedia has been overtaken by rude, uncultured philistines bent on destroying all meaningful cultural reference and offering bland Americanized bastardizations in the place of perfectly good imported words.

    And just for the mods, who occasionally can't figure this part out, 'I'm Kidding!(tm)'.

    --
    All the techniques ever used to make men moral have been themselves thoroughly immoral... (Nietzsche)
  31. Not at all by achurch · · Score: 4, Insightful

    By telling them straight out, he'd have given them a chance to argue back, and he might have ended up embroiled in their childish arguments as well. Instead, he's told them to go make fools of themselves in front of everybody, and not even show up again until they've decided to start making sense--thus cleverly robbing them of any chance to talk back. I think it's perfect, and I wish I could be there to see it.

  32. In case of tie... by dR.fuZZo · · Score: 4, Funny

    there's no mention of what the two lawyers are supposed to do in case of a tie ...

    File an appeal?

    --
    -- dR.fuZZo