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Walmart Tries to Emulate MySpace
mattsucks writes to tell us that according to AdAge, retail behemoth WalMart is trying desperately to target the MySpace demographic with a new, and highly sanitized, site designed to appeal to teens. From the article: "It's a quasi-social-networking site for teens designed to allow them to 'express their individuality,' yet it screens all content, tells parents their kids have joined and forbids users to e-mail one another. Oh, and it calls users 'hubsters' -- a twist on hipsters that proves just how painfully uncool it is to try to be cool."
I didn't think it was humanly possible, but I think I like Myspace better.
If that site were any more out of touch it would download via Senator Ted Stevens' tube based internet.
I think Walmart's been taking marketing advise from Steven Colbert:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PbJJUy1KD8
"Things are more moderner than before- bigger, and yet smaller- it's computers-- San Dimas High School football RULES!"
Oh.... My... Gawd....
I have finally seen it: The Worst Idea On The Internet.
I always thought it would come from Bush, Ballmer, or Bin Laden, but congratulations, Wal-Mart, you've won! Yes, because we all know that teens are clamoring to be associated with that haven of cool, the Wal-Mart Supercenter! They'll hang out all day in chat rooms monitored by a giant smiley face that threatens to "Roll back trolls"! They want clever, yet unoffensive nicknames like 'The gr33tr' and 'mop_guy_99'! They'll argue all day over whether they should get the 80-pack of Charmin or the 120-pack of generic brand toilet paper!
What teen wouldn't mind saying in the halls of their school, "I'll see ya on The HUB, dude!" "ya, see ya later, HUBSTER"?! (tragically these two kids were beaten to death with Abercrombie & Fitch merchandise a few moments later)
Seriously, I can imagine the Gap or Abercrombie, maybe even Starbucks doing this, but.... Wal-mart?!?!
I can only imagine that the kind of teen that would use Wal-mart for a social networking service are the ones who go there barefoot and pregnant because they thought Saran Wrap was a contraceptive. That and the guys who argue over Coors Lite vs. Miller Lite.
May Cthulu help us all.
Perhaps I'm too old.
Yes, definitely. If, by old, you mean born before 1993.
You missed the other error: "the trying-way-to-hard dept."
Unless, of course, it's about ways to get to 'hard', and this is a trying one...
This is embarrassing. This is like the federal government starting a myspace rival.
Just wait. Walmart will realize their mistake and allow kids to do things like add hot pink text on top of bright orange, move the text boxes all over the fucking page and feature looping, inane, impossible to shut off Walmart-friendly music that highlights all the best boy bands Walmart has to offer.
Actually, this is a hopster.
Hey Flynns, I'm sending you an email invite for the hub at walmart. I am recommending that we use underages, and use a different email addy for your parents. I don't know about you, but I can still get in trouble with my dad for doing immature stuff, even though I'm forty.
It's not offtopic, dumbass. It's orthogonal.
Baloo, I'm sending you a walmart friend invite. Keep in mind that we're should all register underage. Use a real secondary email address to be your "parent's address. Etc.
It's not offtopic, dumbass. It's orthogonal.
Well, I've been out of the country and away from my friends for a few months.
I can't go egging houses, but tonight, yeeeess tonight we see what we can get past the censors at WalMart.
Will post updates here.
I should probably shave first.
I counted the number of times the girls said "cute" and "like" in that front page video. Here's the rough numbers:
cute: 11111111
like: 111111111111
There is a fine line between being a cultivated citizen and being someone else's crop. - A. J. Patrick Liszkie
Emulate myspace?!?!? Slashdot is really missing a story-click headline opportunity here. Walmart is launching a mySpace-KILLER!
Seth
$5 / month hosted VPS on linux = awesome!
I'm not a big MySpace user, but a lot of my (adult) friends use it quite a lot for the "Music" section. By being attached to a big media company they've managed to get an official presence for almost every major label and band on that site, and they also allow unsigned/smaller bands to register themselves. My friends trawl around the music section looking for new bands, and the group of my friends that are in a band of their own use it to promote said band to fans of similar bands.
The pure social networking bit is mostly for the kids, but the music section seems to attract young adults a lot more.
From the Article: The Columbus teen doubts she'll submit a video or enter the contests because "it, like, takes a lot of time, and it's not very likely you'll win."
That's the smartest thing I've heard in a while. Take out the slang "like" and this 14 year old girl analyzed, prioritized and made an executive-level decision.
I don't know what's worse, the fact they spelled it wrong, or that the original title is spelled correctly. They cut and pasted the title, yet still managed to insert a new spelling error anyway!
I can explanate how to administrate your network. You must configurate and segmentate it, so it can computate.