Ladies and Gentlemen, the Electronic Toilet

BlueCup writes "The bathroom has been one of the few places people frequent where digital technology hasn't taken over. Most people use toilets more often than iPods, yet the humble American commode has remained as low tech as things get, essentially a combination of pipes, levers and flaps. Computers are now invading the bathroom. For several years, manufacturers have been quietly pushing toilets and toilet seats costing $1,000 or more that use small, built-in computers and remote controls to add new features that warm, wash and dry you. As bathrooms become more upscale and luxurious, a digital toilet fits right in."

Comments

Asinine

[BWJones]

Jeeeez, talk about flushing money down the drain....... :-)

Seriously though, there are some things whose design has absolutely been optimized to a point where it would take a revolution in technology to make any changes worth while. Think about things like the doorknob, or a book, or a toilet seat, which arguably has been around since Roman times. Now you might say that technology has allowed an evolution of sorts in each of these examples, and that is true (mass production for the doorknob, printing presses, computer fonts and the Macintosh for books, and polymers for toilet seats), but each of these items works fundamentally the same as they have for hundreds of years such that a person from a hundred years ago could still recognize and interface with the device.

Putting a computer on/in a toilet seat is...... *dare I say it?*....... asinine.

Re:Asinine

[jackbird]

Think about things like the doorknob

...which is on its way out in the USA, due to the Americans with Disabilities Act

Re:Asinine

[clockwise_music]

>Most people use toilets more often than iPods.

No shit.

Sorry.

Re:Asinine

[aiken_d]

I tend to agree with you. But then again, I'm sure that plenty of people said exactly the same thing when indoor plumbing replaced outhouses.

-b

Re:Asinine

[TubeSteak]

but each of these items works fundamentally the same as they have for hundreds of years such that a person from a hundred years ago could still recognize and interface with the device.

Have you ever read The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck?
It was written in 1939, but set in the 1920's.

The Joad kids lived on a farm all their life and have never seen a 'real' toilet and when they flush one, they actually thought they broke it. Steinbeck wasn't dramatizing anything, people in the 1920's (and even today) have never seen a flush toilet or any of the other marvels of technology that we take for granted.

That said, I'd pay extra for a heated toilet seat, even without the retractable bidet and ass blow dryer. IMHO, that is more than an incremental improvement.

Re:Asinine

[Pseudonym]

Perhaps more to the point, a toilet is the classic example of something that is mission critical. Sometimes safety critical, I'd suppose. It has to work under all sorts of conditions (e.g. power outage/flat battery) where it's not a huge deal if other devices like the iPod don't work.

The simplicity of a toilet is one of its strengths. Less can go wrong because there's less to go wrong.

Re:Asinine

[WgT2]

Have you ever even seen an outhouse?

Speaking of outhouses: I have two words for you black widows.

Re:Asinine

[Nefarious Wheel]

Speaking of outhouses: I have two words for you black widows

I'll see your black widows and raise you a redback

Snakes and crocodiles aren't really that much of a problem in Australia; the spiders pretty much keep them in line.

Re:Asinine

[Gli7ch]

Pfft. Redback. I got bitten by one of when I was four and all that came of it was a few days off kindergarten and a whole backet of jellybeans... After I was rushed to hospital and delivered anti-venom.

Lousy parents didn't take me to the hospital till the next freaking morning. Stupid irresponsible father.

Re:Asinine

[ericdano]

WTF. You serious? Why? If they can't open a freaking doorknob, what else can't they do? I mean, I'm all for ramps, hanicap parking and stuff, but there is a point where you just gotta say "look, you are going to need someone to do that for you".

Of course, I also believe that California shouldn't have SPANISH on the ballots but whatever.......

Re:Asinine

[x2A]

The thing is, these "flaws" of toilets are what give them their charm. Sitting next to me is a 70-year-old, worn-down toilet that I alone have used a number of times (not to mention its numerous prior owners). If you were to take away the personality, the weak flushing and beauteous stains, the feel of the seat, the heft and mass, I'd rarely crap in it; it would merely be another toilet sitting in my living room or what-have-you. Certainly, I run the risk of losing it after a curry, but I accept that risk because I'm just so glad to have it.

(sorry :-p)

Re:Asinine

[Danga]

I see your redback and raise you a redneck... actually, I'm gonna raise a hundred rednecks, yargh har! My own redneck zombie army!!!

wouldn't that be the KKK?

Re:Asinine

[Grab]

Actually American flap-operated toilets are over-simplified. It's very easy for the flaps to fail open or to leak, and a shitload of water (or more accurately, many shitload-disposals'-worth of water) gets wasted because of this.

UK toilets use a siphon-operated system instead. Push the lever down, it sucks water round the top of the siphon, and the cistern empties using that siphon effect. The great thing with that is that it simply *can't* leak (unless you manage to get a hole in the pipe, which is majorly unlikely).

Grab.

Re:Asinine

[Fred_A]

It is well known, and irrelevant, that the flush toilet was not widespread until the 19th century.

I have seen "self flushing" toilets that were nicely designed by getting a little water to run through a little U shaped trench under them. Inside the house. In a 11th century (roughly, if I remember correctly) Icelandic house of Viking (long house) design. There were no traces found of seats though, so it wasn't clear whether there actually were any.

In Medieval castles one had to "flush" by hand but the evacuation was built in by having the toilets either placed above a hole that was on the outer wall or by going to an inner chamber (typically still often renamed "oubliette" nowadays, even though there actually was no such thing). A septic tank really.

Re:Asinine

[Anonymous Coward]

*New* digital technology?? I don't get it. I've been doing number 1's and 10's for years.

Re:Asinine

[WgT2]

I should have said brown recluse as these photos tell why.

Re:Asinine

[Silverstrike]

Its really not that ridiculous. It might seem like it at first, but think about it.

But what is it really? It's a luxury item. Granted perhaps one with limited appeal, but it is certainly no less ridiculous than a lot of other luxury items popular today. Need some examples?

A $3000, 50" flat screen TV. A $200 CRT will let you watch TV too. Hell, a TV in general is a luxury item.

Any car costing over $15,000. If you live in a city, any car at all

Cell Phones. Period.

That list is endless, really. It's all about who it appeals too. TBH, the idea that my toilet will one day wash my ass, blow dry it, and then analyze my piss and tell me that I had better see a proctologist because I have some cancer brewing, all sounds pretty good to me.

Re:Asinine

[kniLnamiJ-neB]

Slashdot... news for turds, stuff that splatters.

Re:Asinine

[hswerdfe]

a revolution in technology

like the 3 seashell thing?

Re:Asinine

[morgan_greywolf]

WTF. You serious? Why? If they can't open a freaking doorknob, what else can't they do? I mean, I'm all for ramps, hanicap parking and stuff, but there is a point where you just gotta say "look, you are going to need someone to do that for you".

Yep. If you haven't noticed, doorknobs are more and more being replaced by doors that push open, open automatically, or, nominally, by door handles that do not require grasping in order to turn them.

The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) makes it very clear that you have to make accommodations for anyone with any sort of disability to get around. This includes replacing or augmenting doorknobs with other ways of opening doors because some people with severe arthritis, Parkinson's, mental handicaps, spinal cord injuries and some other disorders simply cannot turn a doorknob.

Re:Asinine

[Rei]

This whole article isn't "news" to the Japanese. Here's a picture of a toilet that I took inside the cheapest youth hostel in Tokyo that had rooms available when I was there:

http://www.daughtersoftiresias.org/Japan%20Trip/.. . hmm, looks like the URL is down. Well, lets grab one that looks the same from images.google.com.
http://www.crappersquarterly.com/images/japan/Japa neseToilet.jpg

You see "warmlets" even in the most middle-of-nowhere places. Part of the reason why toilet tech is so advanced over there is that western-style toilets are competing against tradition -- the ever-annoying squat toilet -- and so need all the bells and whistles they can get.

Re:Asinine

[blueturffan]

Slashdot... news for turds, stuff that splatters.

Umm... wouldn't that be:

Splashdot...news for turds, stuff that splatters?

Re:Asinine

[The Snowman]

Disabilities? Try turning a doorknob when your hands are full, for example, when carrying a box. Trust me, I moved three times so far this year. It's a pain in the ass. Door handles make this much easier. Just push down to turn, then walk forward. Works great. Also, handles are better than knobs if you're drunk.

Moo

[Chacham]

And the warm water, once we got the temperature right, was also a luxurious twist on the normal bathroom experience.

The bathroom experience?

I'd rather see Larson's idea of a big light over public bathroom doors: "Didn't wash hands!"

Re:Moo

[megaditto]

Don't underestimate the importance of the restroom experience. How about this:
-a moistened TP dispencer (for when the 'roids start acting up) w/ antiseptic
-armrests and an executive leather ergonomic backrest
-a webcam with a UV spotlight to examine for traces of fecal matter (battle the 'klingons')
-a penile/scrotal 'cupholder' (hate when 'it' touches the cold porcelain)
-a control to adjust seat angle and elevation
-negative-pressure air exhaust for the toiletbowl (why do I have to smell it?)
-surround sound and dimmer lights (pooping in the dark could be a wild adventure (This Disney's Pirate Cave boatride!))
-neon pool lighting (aesthetically pleasing fishbowl; combine with dimmer lights et webcam)
-a timer/bestOf scoreboard!
-a shotgun rack and a Peltier beer cooler (hate the compressor fridge noise).
-stall doors that freaking go all the way to the floor!

Re:Moo

[Animaether]

- you can already get moistened TP dispensers. There's one problem with these - they're expensive. I'd rather see that more places (restaurants, etc.) start using the toilet seat cover dispensers as found in any airport (well, not Schiphol - where they want you to wet some toilet paper and scrub.. arguably better) and airplane

- armrests? aren't you supposed to hold part of your body, at least if you're male, to make sure you're not just going to flop all over the place with that thing? And what when you want to wipe your ass? Just for kicks, try making that motion while seater in your chair with armrests. And a leather backrest? Would that be built into the toilet lid? If so - how do you handle flushing with the lid closed? ( presuming you flush with the lid closed - unless you love the spray of course )

- klingons / dingleberries? if you miss one of those, you probably didn't wipe well enough - do you really need a webcam to see where you need to wipe some more? Scary. You're never going to get it 100% clean.. if you could, you wouldn't have a particular need change underwear every day. Fact is, you're going to leak more pee than you'll have to worry about with poo.

- penile/scrotal cupholder just sounds like an STD-spreading device. The solution to not having your penis or scrotum hit the porcelain is to get a decent bowl - sounds like the one you've dealt with/are dealing with is far too shallow. Either that or you're just very, very well-endowed; congratulations ;)

- seat angle and elevation.. now this one I can get into, but mostly due to the fact that the elderly can't sit all the way down on typical toilet seats easily - so you can get taller ones for them. While at the same time, what parent hasn't had to hoist their kid up onto the toilet? Now if you could make it alter elevation, that would indeed be cool. It'd also be a bit more difficult to manage with regards to flushing-as-we-know-it, though

- you don't have to smell the toilet, typically.. unless you live in Europe and still have an older style bowl where your faecal matter just rests in a small puddle before getting flushed ('observation deck' bowls), you'll have one where all that stuff goes into a deep body of water where no odor can escape. Presumably you'd also have some manner of perfumed flush block thingy in there to keep whatever diluted smell of urine covered.

the remainder of the list is just getting silly.. why no HD TV? fold-out laptop with broadband internet? make the seat double as a massage chair and shoepolish station! Let's leave it at it being a restroom, please :)

That said, there have been advances even in recent decades as far as the toilet seat goes. e.g. from the 'observation deck' style to the deep bowl style, and from a regular gravity-does-it-all flush to a gravity+jet-flush, from one-flush-fits-all to the water conserving dual-flush-capacity tanks, etc. Maybe they're nowhere near as cool as an elevation-controllable toilet, but they're worthy progressions nevertheless.

Re:Moo

[DJPenguin]

Congratulations - you are now officially slashdot's leading toilet expert :)

Re:Moo

[thePowerOfGrayskull]

- you don't have to smell the toilet, typically.. unless you live in Europe and still have an older style bowl where your faecal matter just rests in a small puddle before getting flushed ('observation deck' bowls), you'll have one where all that stuff goes into a deep body of water where no odor can escape.

Clearly, you've never eaten beans.

Go ahead

[wickedsteve]

Get your self a fancy shmancy hi tech toilet. I will stick with my old school mechanical toilet. And when the nukes and EMPs hit us, I will be the only one with a decent place to take a crap.

Re:Go ahead

[Patrik_AKA_RedX]

You're asuming your toilet wouldn't be right in the center of the explosion. I mean if I would attack your country, the first thing I'd do is a full out asssault on every toilet. Then food drops followed by food-with-laxative drops. All that is left then is to wait until every soldier blows up because of the need and inability to go. Then the survivers get to clean the whole mess up in exchange for toilet priveledges. Trust me, they'll be very eager at this point.
All that then is left is a nation wide Wash-Your-Hands-Campagne.

WTF?

[BrokenHalo]

Most people use toilets more often than iPods

I can't remember the last time my iPod used the toilet...

Power outages

[UbuntuDupe]

Back in May where I live, there was a severe storm that knocked out power for, depending on where you live, 12-72 hours. Being without power in the black of night with rain pounding on my windows and having to navigate with a flashlight made me realize how thankful I am that the toilet DOES NOT depend on electricity.

Please folks, make sure the technology makes you better off than before.

Re:Power outages

[TigerPaw]

Being without power in the black of night with rain pounding on my windows and having to navigate with a flashlight made me realize how thankful I am that the toilet DOES NOT depend on electricity.

And when lights came on, you realized that it wasn't the toiletseat you were sitting on...

Re:Power outages

[UbuntuDupe]

If you're making a subtle joke about the quixoticity of installing a whole dedicated backup battery generator, just so your toilet can use electricity, good one.

If you're serious, well, that's going to far. All I want is for there to be some decoupling from the electrical aspect. For example, in the storm, I could still open my garage because it has a backup cord with which I can manually lift it open. Likewise, for the toilet, the plumbing could be run as now, with just the unnecessary electrical parts separate. But I just get the funny feeling that some moron is going to design it so that you literally *can't flush* merely because you lost power.

Re:Power outages

[Nefarious Wheel]

a subtle joke about the quixoticity of

Please, someone come up with another use for quixoticity? I REALLY want this one in general use.

Of course, I could be tilting at windmills here...

Re:Power outages

[catbutt]

I think you're kidding but....

I'm quite sure you can use the toilet if the power is off. It just won't be warm and wash your butt for you. I'm pretty sure as well that most people who own one will still keep toilet paper or tissues in the bathroom.

Given that these things are everywhere in Japan (and bidets have been around in europe for half a century at least), I don't see what the big deal is. Some people like to be squeaky clean, and have some cash to spare. I can think of lots of more frivolous ways to spend a few hundred bucks.

Japan?

[Anonymous Coward]

I was just in Tokyo and all the toilets in nice places are heated and (you have the option to) squirt warm water up your crack... Not news.

Re:Japan?

[Bega]

High-tech toilets aren't always very fun.

I had the questionable honor of getting to experience a 40C degree fever and a very liquid and fiery diarrhea, while being in Hiroshima. So, after a day of being half dead, I decided to go to the hospital. While I was waiting to get in to the doctor's office, I decided to go to the toilet.

It was one of those high-tech toilets. The seat was awfully warm, but it was all good since I was freezing my ass off because of the fever, anyway. So, I took my dump, or whatever you could call it at that point, and was about to leave. "Wait a minute!", I thought for myself. "Where do I flush?"

There were buttons for washing and drying my ass, there were buttons to adjust the temperature of the water, as well as the seat, some buttons even played some awfully nice and catchy music, while another button gave me a toilet flush sound (almost, but not the flush I was wishing for). So finally, I ended up not flushing the toilet, because there wasn't any kind of control for that function to be found. But it might've been me and my fever, I wasn't really thinking clearly back then.

As an afterthought, I feel sorry for the next guy to use the toilet. Most of the high-tech toilets I've used, has had the water level so high that your balls usually touch the water when you sit there. Needless to say, three days account of random digestive byproducts in liquid form mixed into a huge amount of water might account for some nausea for some people. Might just be me.

Yes, I know. "TOO MUCH INFO" etc etc.

Re:Japan?

[braoult]

I have been living in Japan for many years, and I *never* saw toilets without flush. It can be on the wall sometimes, on the floor, but always separated from the "high-tech" part which is *only an add-on*. You buy "washlet", as they call them here, in electronic shops, and just put them on your toilets. They just cannot control the mechanical part which is already there.

I will say the same for paper. Washlet does not prevent paper to be there obviously.

Don't forget something: Japanese people are all ready for a "big" earthquake. They have plenty of water at home, batteries, portable radio, food, candles, etc... They are prepared to fill their bathroom with water if something happens and if they have time to do it. Who could believe they would have toilets which would only work with electric power?

By the way, some friends & family (including my parents and sister) came to Japan during these years. They all came back with washlet in their package and have them now installed in their home.

People who don't like it just don't push the buttons, it is simply an addon.

My 2 JPY.

Broadband.

[EnsilZah]

Get your broadband enabled toilets today for a quicker download.

Oh Shit!

[Tablizer]

it's the Blue Plunger of Death!

This isn't new

[bblboy54]

I've had webcams in bathr.....
Nevermind, nothing to see here.

Korean Toilets

[localman]

First off, a warning: this post may have too much information. That said...

Anyone here ever use one of those toilets with the built in ass washer? I visited Seoul a few years back and stayed with in-laws. Their toilet had a little control panel with various symbols on it for male, female, water, wind (no earth or fire, thankfully). I feared it for most of my visit, and never tried it out. Eventually though curiousity got the better of me and i pressed a button after I was done (male water). It made few little mechanical sounds and then a tiny sprayer started shooting warm water into my ass crack. It was so ticklish that I just about jumped off the seat; fumbling around with the controls to get it to stop. Eventually I succeeded, but man that was weird. Despite any potential improvement in hygene, I can't handle the ass tickling fountain thing. But hey, I say try it out sometime if you have the chance.

Cheers.

Re:Korean Toilets

[TubeSteak]

In many foreign countries, because of the bidet, the plumbing isn't designed to handle wads of toilet paper being flushed.

When I was much younger, I found the idea of water squirting at my ass weird and as a consequence, ended up using the plunger quite frequently.

Eventually, I grew up and got over my fear-of-things-that-are-different and had no more trouble while traveling overseas. Once you get used to it, it's no big deal & is a bit more hygenic than wiping your ass with paper.

Hopefully that wasn't too much information

Re:Korean Toilets

[Patrik_AKA_RedX]

The female option could have the ATR* function. That could be very painful for the male user.

*Automatic Tampon Remover.

Re:Korean Toilets

[bangenge]

it's not just a tiny dribble. it's in fact an adjustable spray of water. note to everyone: don't try to go and set it to the max pressure immediately. and in case if you're still wondering if it's effective, up to a certain point, it is. with that said, you better watch your diet otherwise you're gonna have a really messy time.

Re:Korean Toilets

[Kremmy]

Well, how often do you shower compared to how often you shit?
How long do you wait between a shit and a shower?
It's going to be effective because you aren't in the shower scraping dried crap-funk off your ass, you're gently washing away the fresh crap-funk that hasn't had a chance to get ingrained into the landscape. Simple, really.

Interface improvements

[z4pp4]

Seriously though, there are some things whose design has absolutely been optimized to a point where it would take a revolution in technology to make any changes worth while.

Think like a programmer! You can always improve the interface to be more user friendly.

Re:Interface improvements

[nmb3000]

Think like a programmer! You can always improve the interface to be more user friendly.

Holy crap! (Pardon the pun). A few modifications and this thing could be your workstation chair. Really kick those coding marathons into high-gear!

"Buy 50 cases of Bawls and get a GreatJohn office chair for half off!" Coming soon to ThinkGeek.

New meaning to accident in the toilet

[syousef]

Geek 1: I heard you were in hospital. What happened?
Geek 2: My computer froze then fried my penis.
Geek 1: Oh well at least it wasn't anything vital
Geek 2: Normally yeah, but I'd just signed up for 2 years of penthouse.com

Vapooh-rize it...

[foniksonik]

Seriously, where is the solid/liquid waste sanitizer that will be self-cleaning, self-disposing, etc.... I'd love to pay a little more on electric bill and get rid of my sewage costs and reduce my water needs... make it a recycling unit that outputs fertilizer for my yard even better (after blasting it with UV rays of course), maybe even mixing it in to a cistern of water that is used to feed my sprinklers with an herbicide pellet thrown in once a month to boot.

Where's my smart house that is smart about everyday things... forget the 'avatar' that tells me stock prices or whatever, just make it a more efficient house please.

Moo

[Chacham]

I welcome Gnu inventions, that help with free time.

I means, it's used in the stall, man.

Better that you nix the rest of this post. before it gets really bad.

Additional note.

[EnsilZah]

Forgot to mention it's speficially designed for Pee-er-to-Pee-er use.

Re:Broadband. Save the Toilets!

[kihjin]

Actually, it's not the "down stream" of water we need to worry about. It's the Quality of Shit we want to "upload."

Basically, the waterco's want to charge us depending on the types of poo we upload.

Larger poo clogs the infrastructure. Where will these companies acquire the funding to upgrade it? They have no choice but to charge the source of the "content." People like you and me.

Time to buy more apple cider. Save the Toilets!

The Toilet...

[monoqlith]

is the most evolved piece of human machinery, if you measure evolution in the years it has existed in any form at all. Contrary to popular belief, cleansing your colon into a hole is the world's oldest occupation, not prostitution. You might have thought it was prostitution, but you are wrong. It's making cleveland steamers in a ditch.

So I'm confused about this article. On the one hand, I'm pretty sure nobody's made any noticable improvements to bathroom equipment (toilet paper, plungers, sink, soap, etc) for however many years because maybe, dare I say it, it's one of a select few pieces of technology that we have that's done, perfect, finito in a design sense. It's reached a critical point of punctuated equilibrium in its development. All change after this point is slow and arbitrary.

This may of course be shortsighted, but I think this is a good thing. I for one don't like to think about releasing the hostages(although, like anyone, I find it momentarily pleasing when it happens) or even attach all that meaning to it, and so the fact that the current equipment renders the process as unceremonious, functional and utilitarian makes everything in the room just what it should be: perfectly forgettable. I think baking the brownies is gross, and so now that we have mastered our bathroom thrones we can move onto a prettier stage in human evolution: the one where we forget about our logs.

On the other hand, perhaps innovation in the bathroom should continue. I know there are plenty of embarassing things that happen in public bathrooms. Urinal separators could stand some improvement, and toilet paper dispensers need to be more automated and less frustrating when the roll runs out. I know it's really agonizing when you have been sitting there for ten minutes, you are missing a meeting or are in the middle of an exam, you have one sheet of two ply left to split among your cheeks, and you can't get the f-ing next roll to come down so you can squeegee your butt and skidaddle. Perhaps someone can innovate on noise blockers so someone with gastrointestinal stress won't have to wait till everyone who heard their noise pollution(or smelled their olefactory pollution) to leave before exiting stage front out of the stall and washing their hands. Boy those are some awkward moments

But one thing's for sure: whoever comes up with a successful, widely applicable way to improve bathroom technology is a genius. And to that person: please come along soon and making sinking the Bismarck even more enjoyable.

I have to take a crap.

Listen up, people

[Anonymous Crowhead]

If your defecation is so out of control that you need a $1000 toilet to help stay "fresh", then maybe you should address your diet. If everytime you have a sit down you end up with explosive shit-chunks plastered all over you nether regions, then SOMETHING IS WRONG. If you need a computer-assisted washdown, you are a sick animal. You need to get your fat ass out of the Taco Bell line and down to the produce aisle of your local grocery store, stat.

This bidet garbage was invented when contaminated water gave everyone a daily dose of the runs. You should not need it today. If you do, you are unhealthy.

Re:Listen up, people

[morie]

actually, the bidet was not invented to wash your behind, but as a preservative, used to wash out semen after copulation and thereby prevent conception. It then developed into an asswasher.

Re:Listen up, people

[MidnightBrewer]

Don't knock it until you try it. There's nothing like coming out of a bathroom feeling as clean as when you went in. Next we'll be sneering at people who use showers when they know darn well that they're just going to be dirty again by tomorrow. Despite all the things Americans have invented technology-wise, we're still Luddites compared to the rest of the world. Go figure.

Re:Listen up, people

[kraada]

I suffer from Crohn's Disease, along with approximately half a million other Americans. To summarize: Crohn's is an autoimmune disease of the digestive tract which causes inflammation in various places. When you have inflammation in your intestines, that part of the intestine cannot reabsorb liquid.

I don't have a bad case. But there are some horror stories out there: people who have to go 10-20 times a day, people who end up needing permanent ileostomies (a surgical bypass of the end of the intestines), etc.

Even with my relatively mild case, I have to take three Sitz Baths a day, two showers a day, and cleaning up after I go is not fun on top of that.

This toilet seat? Sounds like it would be fantastic for me and others like me. It could probably save me 20 minutes a day, at least. If my health insurance covered it, or I could afford the thing, I'd buy one tomorrow. Seriously.

And one in 350 people in America have this problem along with me. And the numbers are rising. (The disease was unheard of pre-20th Century -- not from lack of diagnostic methods, from lack of existing. There's a growth curve that is followed in developing countries; a Crohn's specialist I spoke to said that there are varioius studies underway to figure out what parts of our diet changed enough to create such an outbreak -- he hinted at processed sugar being a leading candidate. Unfortunately I lack a citation here, but the head of the Crohn's & Colitis center at Mass General seems like a pretty good source to me.)

I can see these things selling very, very well if they can bring the price point down just a tad, or convince health insurance to cover it for people in scenarios like mine (even partially).

So, yeah, I'm unhealthy -- but it's not my fault, and one of these things could make quite a difference.

Re:Listen up, people

[jez9999]

Actually, I suspect the reason the French and the like need a bidet is because of the bizarre 'shit plinth' design of European toilets, which seems like a much more messy affair than UK/US toilets with water in the bowl. They should really make their toilet design more sensible, but noo... nous etes Francais!!!

Re:Listen up, people

[Belgand]

A while back in Wired (I believe this was around '95-'97 or so) one of their standard features (Future Watch IIRC) consisted of brief blurbs from various relevant parties about technology that may or may not be available in the future and when (or if) they thought it would come to pass or become commonplace in the USA.

One of the blurbs from this was about when bidets (and since it was Wired they're probably hoping we'll assume this means computerized auto-bidets such as seen in various Japanese models) has stuck with me for a long time because of the essential rightness of the thought behind it, essentially the quote was: "I've never understood how Americans will fastidiously wash their hands after going to the bathroom, yet are content to merely use a handful of wadded paper on their bottoms."

Why indeed? From a rational point of view is it not the clean, hygenic, and proper thing to do? No more crude "wiping" for me. I want my ass washed, dried, and factory-fresh when I get up from my comfortable, lightly-padded seat.

Eliminating is already unpleasant enough, why continue to make it worse than needs to be?

Re:Listen up, people

[QMO]

Considering that I regularly, without gloves, shake hands with people, open doors and use phones and keyboards that are used by others, but have yet to touch a stranger's bare butt, I don't find it at all strange that washing hands is considered more necessary to hygine than washing the rear end.

So, since I'm not even going to see your butt, let alone touch it, as long as I can't smell it, I don't care if you wash it.

Re:Listen up, people

[TheDugong]

"use phones and keyboards that are used by others, but have yet to touch a stranger's bare butt" Well, this is slashdot after all.

Re:Listen up, people

[ajs318]

There is definitely something in that. I was talking to a woman friend a few years ago and she mentioned she was experimenting with reusable alternatives to sanitary towels and tampons. Natural sea sponges are good and absorbent but they're also made from dead animals; foam rubber artificial sponges are less absorbent; cotton terry towelling is bulky. The conversation eventually got turned around to "Could you eat a diet that gave you all the nutrients your body required and also eliminated, or at least minimised your use of toilet paper?"

I don't think either of us ever tried a TP-free diet in earnest, and I've lost touch with her since then.

Re:Listen up, people

[Strategos]

For the gay community it doubles as both.

Re:Listen up, people

[morie]

not sure you've got the concept of conception down...

Re:Listen up, people

[wirefarm]

I live in Japan and when we bought our apartment, they installed a new toilet and Toto washlet. I thought it a bit over the top at first, but now would miss it if I had to go back to a featureless seat.

When they were first introduced I think in the mid 1970's, the first commercial showed a pretty girl squirting a big blob of blue paint across her hand and then trying to wipe it clean with tissue. For maximum shock value, they ran the commercials at dinner time and though there were plenty of complaints from viewers, the mental image stuck and sales took off. There was a really good program here in Japan called "Project X" on NHK that told the whole story of the development and engineering of the things, including how the engineers had to find "shameless" women willing to be measured for adjusting the spray and such...

Another time, I saw an interview with "Kin-san" and "Gin-san" a pair of 100-plus-year-old twin sisters--they asked them what they thought was the most amazing technological advancement made during their lifetimes and they answered "heated toilet seats."

The thing is, these things are a lot cleaner. As far as bathroom hygiene goes, the more clean people are decreases the chances of things like Escherichia coli infections, Cryptosporidium infections, Giardiasis, Shigellosis and Viral gastroenteritis. Not just you, but also the people who prepare your food, take care of you in the hospital, care for your children, anywhere there is human contact. Ever get a "24 hour stomach virus" or food poisoning? It's likely because someone who handled something that you ate didn't wash their hands after going "number two." In other words, you got sick because you ate their poo.

So, where you can't imagine that anyone but an unhealthy, lazy slob might want one of these, perhaps it's just a matter of different priorities?

Re:Listen up, people

[sckeener]

So, yeah, I'm unhealthy -- but it's not my fault

I don't wish to be mean, but if this is caused by a lousy diet, surely it is.

I guess he could stop eating. I am faced with that choice frequently. It hurts to eat. It is similar to food allergies...you have no clue what is in what you are eating. Playing russian roulette isn't always fun. I usually eat a ton when I know I am in a safe place to suffer....such as at home...thus when I am out people always get mad because I didn't eat very much. Well, you wouldn't eat very much if you knew 20 minutes after you did, you'd be spending 4 hours in the toliet in pain.

MOD PARENT TMI!

[Deviant Q]

Too much informative :-P

What if it crashes?

[Bimkins]

Do you get a BSOD?
(Brown Shit of Death)

washlets are better

[m4c north]

Yes, here in Japan the 'washlet' is very popular. You'll find it in most department stores, restaurants, and houses. However, in train stations and public spaces, you'll find the opposite end of the spectrum: washiki - the squatter. It's arguably the cleanest since you don't actually touch anything (no seat, no bum sweat residue, no stray hair, ...). The first go is a challenge though: a delicate balance between, well, balance and positioning.

I prefer the 'dirty' washlets.

Re:Hold on, I'm expecting a fax....

[westlake]

Seriously, are we THAT dependent? I mean, no offense, but I dont feel a need to have a remote control to wipe my ass.

We grow older. In time even the simplest of things become more difficult. The paperless, self-cleaning, toilet begins to look pretty good when the alternative is "assisted living" or nursing home care.

Go to Japan sometime

[dido]

Most everything is high-tech, including the john. That is if you've got a western-style toilet. Many of the nice places automatically turn on a seat warmer and exhaust fan as soon as you sit down, and there are a number of buttons there which spray jets of water at your anus to wash it, and some others that I'm afraid to try... However, if you have one of them Japanese-style toilets, God help you if you need to take a dump...

Re:Broadband. Save the Toilets!

[RsG]

The sewage system is not a big truck! It's a series of tubes!

Computers in the bathroom..

[Rodness]

Why does the term "core dump" come to mind?

Sorry, couldn't resist! :)

Re:Current design is NOT optimal, far from it

[legoburner]

To be honest, a lot of what is described is available in Japan already. 17-button toilets are not too uncommon in decent hotels there, and I have seen the future and want one of their seats in my house. Such glorious electronic features include:
- Bidet with adjustable pressure, temperature, etc
- Noise maker which plays background noise so people cannot hear you making bodily noise (not so important but if you have shy relatives over and have a small house it can be beneficial)
- Automatic seat heater (although this sounds pointless if you live somewhere with harsh winters and bad heating, the cold toilet seat in the morning is pretty horrible... this is the greatest invention since sliced bread I think :), although it does feel like the toilet has just been used by a really fat person at first so takes some getting used to)
- Builtin extractor fan to remove bad smells instantly

In addition to all this, some outlandish/development level toilets are now performing analysis of your output to determine medical problems (sugar levels, etc).

Re:Hold on, I'm expecting a fax....

[x2A]

"I mean, no offense, but I dont feel a need to have a remote control to wipe my ass"

You could make it into a game, have a xbox style controller, a small screen with a crosshair, and computer imagery would replace the brown star with a black hole, where aliens come out and you have to kill kill KILL HAAahaaa.... sorry, a little carried away there... and then of cause, different difficulty levels can be achieved through eating slightly rotten veg.

Then you can use it to get kids to eat their dinner, "if you don't eat, you won't have any aliens to shoot!".

You could get an open source version called AssPire!

I see them all the time in Tokyo

[rhythmx]

I moved to Tokyo on business a few months ago, and (to my surprise) there were electronic controls on all the toilets in the office. Features include:

• deoderant fan
• bidet on/off
• bidet aim
• water pressure
• seat warmers

I've come to find that these are actually quite common here too.. see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilets_in_Japan

Shitting iPods

[AriaStar]

I have a friend in Ohio whose iPod took a shit earlier this year. By last count, I's sure she has taken at least that many in the last day. So yeah, does use the toilet more than her iPod. And mine has never used it. Unless it's sneaking around behind my back.

Crappy The Toilet Brush

[Gleng]

Crappy The Toilet Brush: It looks like you need to go to the toilet. Would you like to a) Urinate or b) Defecate?

John Q. Toiletuser: Just lift the damn lid, I'm busting!

Crappy: I'm sorry, I didn't understand your response. Would you like to a) Urinate or b) Defecate?

John: Oh Jesus! Err..."Defecate"

Crappy: Please answer "a" or "b". Would you like to a) Urinate or b) Defecate?

John: For fuck's sake! "B" *winces in pain from the stomach cramps* OW! HURRY!

Crappy: You chose to defecate. Thank you. Would you like me to pre-warm the seat? Yes/No?

John: I DON'T CARE! JUST LET ME SIT DOWN!

Crappy: I'm sorry, I didn't understand your response. Please answer "yes" or "no".

John: NO!

Crappy: You selected "no". The seat will not be pre-warmed. Will you require a) Durable toilet paper, or b) Extra soft toilet paper.

John: ARRGH! I don't care! It's on the move! Umm...err..."b"

Crappy: ERROR #E4F0: EXTRA SOFT PAPER NOT FOUND

John: "DURABLE" THEN!

Crappy: I'm sorry, I didn't understand your response. Please answer "a" or "b".

John: ...ack...

Crappy: I'm sorry, I didn't understand your response. Please answer "a" or "b".

John: Forget it. It's too late. "CANCEL". I'll have try my luck with the shower and the washing machine.

Crappy: I'm sorry, I didn't understand your response. Please answer "a" or "b".

Washing wiping. Anyday. In Asia.

[140Mandak262Jamuna]

Our verdict? While some features of the Swash 800 made our sit-down experience more of a luxury, we were unconvinced by its bidet-like cleaning and drying process.

Most Asians consider wiping with paper not hygenic enough. Must wash with liberal quantities of water to be clean and to feel clean. In India and Middle East the recent toilets have a simple non-digital non-electronic bidet like attachment. It dispenses a horizontal stream of water from behind. In India it is quite common to see a hand shower attachement next to the flush tank.

Only left hand should be used for washing. So the left hand is considered to be unclean and it is considered very disrespectful to give/accept something from someone using the left hand, in the Middle East and India.