DARPA Funds Remote Control Sharks

An anonymous reader writes "From Undersea Spies: Turning Sharks into Robotic Sentries "It seems like science fiction, but the U.S. military would like to use sharks as underwater spies. The folks at the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), who dream up the future of weapons and military systems, envision squads of sharks prowling the oceans with sensors that could transmit evidence of explosives or other threats.""

Comments

Now all that's missing

[Rosco P. Coltrane]

are the friggin' laser beams and head mounts...

Re:Now all that's missing

[Kierthos]

Damn, you beat me to it.

Re:Now all that's missing

[SilentBob0727]

http://www.wickedlasers.com/?cpe=Y3A9a2VlbnNwb3Qmc z13d3cua2VlbnNwb3QuY29t

Got you half covered. You'll have to provide the head mount.

Re:Now all that's missing

[msobkow]

Yeah, but the naval commanders could never pull off the pinkie-lip snear as well as they did in the movies. Plus, having a bunch of bald or balding military commanders making such comments would really freak people out. :D

Didn't they used to do the same thing with dolphins back in the 1960's-70's? IIRC animal rights activists objected to the bottlenose being trained to carry bombs.

Yikes! The US military was training sea life to be suicide terrorist bombers! :eek:

Re:Now all that's missing

[ozmanjusri]

Now all that's missing are the friggin' laser beams and head mounts.

And the paradox is, they'd all be lining up to jump themselves.

Re:Now all that's missing

[Dysl3xicDog]

I finnaly created an account just to leave that comment.

Re:Now all that's missing

[LiquidCoooled]

So, you expect to be able to open the account create page, fill in the details, submit your captcha three times, wait for your acceptance email, signin, re-find the page and actually type and submit your clichéd comment before a subscriber?

Theres optimism if ever I saw it!

Re:Now all that's missing

[Anonymous Coward]

Didn't they used to do the same thing with dolphins back in the 1960's-70's? The US military was training sea life to be suicide terrorist bombers!

Heh. "Used to". Ha. "Was". Hand-to-Snout combat. I recommend rolling to a ball and protecting your soft pink belly. They will break your ribs and you'll probably still drown, but the divers might get to you in time.

Re:Now all that's missing

[raphae]

From the article:

Atema was able to use electrical stimulation of a sharks brain, mimicking odor, to guide the shark around a large tank.


This is one of the most hideous, ghastly things I have read. Not only should any "scientist" who engages in such ghastly experiments lose all his credentials, he and everyone in the chain above him should be criminally prosecuted.

Such a horrific, sickening abuse of life is appalling.

Re:Now all that's missing

[sanman2]

Nah, I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for sharks, when you hear about the horror stories from shark attack reports. I don't care if they're given disproportionate press coverage, the fact is that sharks are ruthless, cold-bloodedly remorseless killers. If we can get them under our control with brain implants, then that's fine by me.

Re:Now all that's missing

[Walt Dismal]

Such a horrific, sickening abuse of life is appalling.

I take it you've never been to Taco Bell?

Re:Now all that's missing

[TheSpoom]

I think you're confusing them with bears.

Re:Now all that's missing

[mmdog]

Such a horrific, sickening abuse of life is appalling. Elaborate please. I don't find it particularly horrifying, abusive maybe but not horrifying. As far as appalling, well I'd suggest that runs to personal taste. I'd say that the cattle, pig or chicken industries would much better fit your description (although I'm glad to have them around too.)

Re:Now all that's missing

[raphae]

Elaborate please...

Sure I'll elaborate: think of all the experimentation it took to figure this out. How many times did the sickos cut open the skulls of sentient beings and mess around with their brains to get the results they wanted? How many failed experiments were there? How many grotesque atrocities were perpetrated in the operating room? Its not too hard to visualize the animal laying there on an operating table with its skull cut open and blood and brains everywhere while these "researchers" slopped about. Its absolutely horrific.

And sorry, because a shark is a (very well-designed) predator that sometimes (but only rarely overall) attacks humans in no way excuses such ghastly abuse of other living organisms nor violation of their fundamental sanctity as beings.

Re:Now all that's missing

[mmdog]

While your imagery indeed paints a horrifying image, you offer zero evidence of any such butchery. Considering that these are scientists and not high school biology students gone wild, I tend to believe that they would be working in a more orderly and methodical manner. It's also not too hard to visualize a non-invasive research program, followed by a humane and sterile surgical procedure less invasive than some cancer treatment. Given the right spin almost anything can be imagined to be gory and horrifying.

Should we be stewards of the planet? Absolutely. Does that mean that scientific research and experimentation on animals is somehow inherently unethical? Not by a long shot.

Re:Now all that's missing

[totally bogus dude]

It's not so hard to visualize the baby seal[1] with its limbs torn apart, flailing desperately in an unimaginably painful - yet entirely futile - attempt to escape the shark as it comes around for another pass. It's absolutely horrific.

Of course, you'll probably excuse the shark's behaviour because it's "just an animal" and it's "doing what its instincts tell it to" in order to survive. Well, humans are animals too, and we do what we think will benefit us. You think the shark would hesitate to experiment on humans if it was able to and thought it'd gain from doing so?

Not that I actually disagree with you. It is awful, but it's not as black and white as you paint it.

[1] - or substitute for your preferred prey animal.

Re:Now all that's missing

[chord.wav]

We already have head mounts and lasers that can do pretty good damage.

What we really need is a battery good enough to power the laser without sinking the shark or disrupting the shark's swim. The battery ideally would be IN the shark to preserve it's hydrodynamic coefficient. And I guess that's where robot sharks comes in.

Re:Now all that's missing

[raphae]

Considering that these are scientists and not high school biology students gone wild, I tend to believe that they would be working in a more orderly and methodical manner.

You should read about the experiments done to develop genetically modified crops. Sure, we all hear about the wonderful successes of the technology, such as Roundup Ready soy or cotton which are supposed to save the world, but we never hear about the dozens of horrific failures it took to get the results they wanted. Cotton whose heads would just turn brown and fall off for no reason, or plants with grotesque malformations or other characteristics. If people knew about these grotesque monstrosities they would understand better the nature of the technology used to generate these crops. But consumers only hear the propaganda and think is some very highly precise, innocuous technology and will trust it because of that. This isn't to say that the scientists slopping around with shark's brains used methodologies just as imprecise, but certainly just because they're "scientists" doesn't really stand for much.

Re:Now all that's missing

[raphae]

Well I'm supremely glad I'm gifted to have this opportunity to be a human in which I have the higher volition to actualize a world in which the sanctity of things is accorded the respect it deserves, and not just respond reactively to stimulii in order to satiate base cravings. I think I'll go celebrate by having an organic vegan feast.

Re:Now all that's missing

[totally bogus dude]

That seems a bit harsh on the fruits and vegetables. Or is it okay to slaughter them for food because you don't consider them to be "intelligent"?

Also, while I applaud your decision to respect the sanctity of living things and all that, do keep in mind that the only reason you're able to do so and still enjoy all the benefits of modern life that you have is because other humans have chosen to further their own interests at the expense of other living things.

And you can bet your vegan ass that a primitive tribe of natural-living animal-lovers would have been decimated by competing tribes which were a little more pragmatic about the nature of life.

Re:Now all that's missing

[raphae]

Vegetables are not slaughtered. They are harvested.

If you are somehow attempting here to attack or invalidate the position of practicing a way of life that minimizes harm to other beings to the greatest extent possible and the wisdom of doing so you have totally failed. Your judgement may be occluded due to past conditioning and be preventing you from seeing clearly, but reducing harm to others as much as possible right now at this moment of your life is the most logical and ethical thing you can do.

Re:Now all that's missing

[totally bogus dude]

Cattle aren't slaughtered either, they're harvested. See, I can use the word too. That doesn't make the act any different. What exactly is the difference between growing lettuce to be killed for food, compared to raising cows to be killed for food? If something doesn't show any obvious signs of discomfort proof that they don't feel it? Sounds a lot like claims that fishing isn't cruel to fish because they don't feel pain from the hooks.

That said, I have no desire to "attack or invalidate" any way of life; I have vegan (or at least vegetarian) leanings myself. It just annoys me when people make it all sound so simple and black and white, and imply that people who don't make the same choices as them are somehow being "unethical" (or even "illogical").

I'm going to take a few guesses here about how you live, but it's clear that you use computers, so it's likely they you also use cars (whether private or public transport), most likely you purchase foods made available in various convenient ways (maybe even with plastic shrinkwrap!), and so forth -- all things which do harm to other living things in various way, directly and indirectly.

If you really wanted to reduce harm to others as much as possible right now, you'd be living a vegan subsistence lifestyle. So what you mean is, "reducing harm to others as much as possible right now at this moment of your life without sacrificing too many of my comforts is the most logical and ethical thing you can do."

Also, while I won't argue the ethical point at all, I think it's reasonable to say that the logical thing to do in many cases is to put yourself first. Say you're driving along in your greenhouse gas spewing auto on a cliff road, and some sort of wildlife strays onto the road in front of you. You can't brake in time to avoid killing it, and the other lane has an oncoming vehicle which you'll certainly hit if you swerve that way.

By your reckoning, the logical thing to do would be to drive over the edge of the cliff. Certain death for you, but it does reduce the harm to others as much as possible at that moment of your life.

Sorry, but I don't think suicide is the logical option here.

Gotta be an easier way to use lasers...

[Anonymous Coward]

Right?

Yes, but...

[Anonymous Coward]

Do they have lasers, controlled by a Linux kernel, attached to their heads?

Animals make a fine robotics platforms

[Dr. Eggman]

So long as there aren't any speedy blue ones to foul it all up...

Re:Animals make a fine robotics platforms

[FusionDragon2099]

Your username makes your post all the more amusing.

First five posts - all about lasers

[PIPBoy3000]

Please, how far can you beat a dead shark?

Re:First five posts - all about lasers

[WallaceAndGromit]

Aparently to at least +5 funny

Re:First five posts - all about lasers

[wik]

This research is like kicking dead sharks down the beach.

Re:First five posts - all about lasers

[Anonymous Coward]

All the shark comments are on the laser stories. Didn't you get the memo?

Re:First five posts - all about lasers

[Anonymous Coward]

Or like shooting sharks in a barrel. With a frickin' laser, of course.

Administration

[Anonymous Coward]

Once again, proof that administration is one hell of a lucrative business to be in. Even when government fails outright, it is normally rewarded with more power and revenue, quite unlike what happens under voluntary support.

Not a laser beam joke

[TodMinuit]

[insert mashup of "Jaws" and "James Bond" theme music here]

Does that mean

[lupine_stalker]

That all the people killed in Jaws were terrorists and/or illegal immigrants?

Re:Does that mean

[Anonymous Coward]

Yes.

Friggin' lasers

[MrNaz]

I know I'm late on this one and the joke has already been made. But there is no way in HELL that I'm not making a post about friggin' lasers. So here it is.

Not another laser joke

[unitron]

So does this mean that DARPA has officially jumped the shark?

Re:Not another laser joke

[dangitman]

They could probably jump the sharks through hoops at Seaworld to get some extra funding $$$$$. But you'd really want the Fonz at the controls for maximum effect.

Please update me

[rumith]

... what's up with lasers and sharks on Slashdot? I must have missed something some time.

Re:Please update me

[gravesb]

On the assumption that you are actually serious, watch Austin Powers.

Re:Please update me

[Don_dumb]

Watch this - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118655/ and all should become clear.

Re:Please update me

[Anonymous Coward]

It's a line from Austin Powers where Dr. Evil says that what he wanted was sharks with lasers on their heads and the other guy has to explain that sharks are endangered and so they settled for the next best thing -- sea bass.

Dr. Evil: You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here! What do we have?
Number Two: Sea Bass.
Dr. Evil: [pause] Right.
Number Two: They're mutated sea bass.
Dr. Evil: Are they ill tempered?
Number Two: Absolutely.
Dr. Evil: Oh well, that's a start.

Re:Please update me

[ncc74656]

The others have already answered, but they forgot to tell you to turn in your geek card on the way out...so I'm doing that.

Re:Attatch laser beams, and we have another sequel

[stonedcat]

I believe your post has jumped the shark.

Let me be the first to ask...

[alexhard]

Will they have frickin' lasers on their heads and/or will they run linux?

it used to be dolphins

[quixote9]

Really. They were even training them to do various things. (Look for subs or something. I don't remember.) There was talk of training them to attach mines to enemy vessels. Then an outcry began--rightfully, as far as I'm concerned--that it was a Bad Thing to use such intelligent and simpatico animals for this. Now, I see, they've moved to sharks. No lobby supporting them, I'll bet, but the military also won't be able to train them to do much. Sharks are well below flounders in brain power.

Re:it used to be dolphins

[Hal_Porter]

Really. They were even training them to do various things. (Look for subs or something. I don't remember.) There was talk of training them to attach mines to enemy vessels. Then an outcry began--rightfully, as far as I'm concerned--that it was a Bad Thing to use such intelligent and simpatico animals for this. Now, I see, they've moved to sharks. No lobby supporting them, I'll bet, but the military also won't be able to train them to do much. Sharks are well below flounders in brain power.

They're not training them, they're remote controlling them

http://www.bu.edu/alumni/buforward/archives/Dec_20 06/articles/spies.html

DARPA turned to Jelle Atema, a College of Arts and Sciences professor of biology at the Boston University Marine Program, who for many years has been researching how marine animals use their sense of smell. Atema proposed that because sharks are expert at tracking odors over very long distances, the key to steering a shark was to follow its nose. With more than a year of DARPA funding, which ended last year, Atema was able to use electrical stimulation of a sharks brain, mimicking odor, to guide the shark around a large tank.

So the simplicity of the shark's brain is actually an advantage. From the shark's point of view, it's chasing the smell, presumably, of prey.

Interestingly, something like this happens naturally. Parasitic wasps perform brain surgery to zombify roaches.

http://www.boingboing.net/2006/02/03/wasp_performs _roachb.html

Makes you wonder if you could do it with higher animals actually. Even though we seem to have aa certain amount of free will about how we achieve our objectives of eating and reproducing and avoiding pain, there's probably low level hardware in our the oldest parts of our brains which enforces those objectives by sending reward/punishment signals 'up' to the high level, conscious bits of our brains. I can imagine that if you attached electrodes in the right places, you could run mammals and even humans in remote controlled zombie mode too. It would be a hellish experience though, since you'd know your free will had been strongly curtailed.

Still, look on the bright side, most /.'s seem to be quite skilled at ignoring the signals from their cerebellum to reproduce. So long as the evil scientists don't wire the neurons that reward you for successfully finding carbohydrate based junk food we should be immune.

Re:it used to be dolphins

[antiaktiv]

They still use dolphins. You can watch them train in San Diego. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._Navy_Marine_Mamm al_Program

Re:it used to be dolphins

[Venotar]

My understanding is there are some parasites that affect human brain functions - apparently there's a worm of sorts that can infect people through puncture wounds, but I wasn't able to find a specific reference to it in my quick search. There is a parasitic microbe in cats that some scientists believe could have influenced the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasma_gondii">de velopment of whole human cultures.

Then there's the Gordian Worm seen forcing a cricket to drown itself here. Apparently it grows inside the host until it releases a chemical that sends the host searching for a convenient place to do a header. Creepy stuff.

Re:it used to be dolphins

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm going to go ahead and debunk this. I worked on that project. Hell, I got Dr. Atema his funding. When I left the lab, we were nowhere close to actually getting the damn things swimming with anything attached to their brains. We were trying to keep these things alive while monitoring their heart rate. The good doctor is huge on positive publicity, and I'm almost positive that they never got anywhere near the prize with this one. Why else would DARPA pull the funding, no?

Re:it used to be dolphins

[Hal_Porter]

Actually, I found this parasite fasinating

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/medicalnews.php?ne wsid=44092

It knows how to regulate the human immune system for it's own purposes. It actually seems quite close to being a symbiote, since it can treat Crohn's disease. Reminds me a bit of Goa'uld in SG-1 actually.

But I guess Rabies manages to change host behaviour in a way that encourages transmission.

Re:it used to be dolphins

[darkfire5252]

They already solved that problem.

By using electricity to manipulate the nerves in the inner ear in the same way that the scientists are manipulating the nerves in the nose, scientists were able to make a person feel like they had to go a certain direction in order to keep their balance.

Re:it used to be dolphins

[Anonymous Coward]

Still is:

http://www.spawar.navy.mil/sandiego/technology/mam mals/

Re:it used to be dolphins

[IchBinEinPenguin]

It would be a hellish experience though, since you'd know your free will had been strongly curtailed.

For a second there I thought I was back in the Vista thread...

Re:it used to be dolphins

[EtherealStrife]

Yea the human model has been in use for some time now. DARPA lent out the prototype to Cheney in the late 90's, for field testing. The remote can't handle linguistics as well as they'd hoped, but otherwise it's worked perfectly.

Re:it used to be dolphins

[quixote9]

Trying to remote control sharks, judging by comments below. Still, given the simple nature of sharks' brains, I can see where that could be theoretically workable. As far as insects go, yes, there's some really bizarre stuff that goes on. "Alien" had nothing on some wasps. My favorite parasitism story is Wolbachia. Since the bacteria are passed to the next generation of insects through the eggs, the bacteria reprogram the host's reproductive system so that males either die, don't reproduce, or turn into functional females. Probably don't need to worry too much about the macho DoD playing around with that one.

Re:it used to be dolphins

[quixote9]

Hmm. I thought that program had been nixed. Looks like it never even hiccuped. I thought I remembered that sea lions had been used too. I guess the reason it bothers me so much that the military uses them for this is that I have a hard time believing the military is treating them like, say, seeing eye dogs. I figure the Navy thinks that if dolphins get blown up, it doesn't matter much. On the other hand, considering how much training must go into each animal, maybe the Navy cares more about them than some of the enlisted folks.

Re:it used to be dolphins

[totally bogus dude]

Who woulda thunk you could fit so much worm in so little cricket?!

Re:it used to be dolphins

[cbacba]

obviously someone has been watching some really cruddy grade F sci-fi movies. I don't recall the name of it - but it's already been done by holy-wood. Hopefully, this unimaginative soul is some druggie poster who cannot comprehend the difference between reality and the cinema rather than some worthless derailed career officer who will forever be stuck as a major. Hopefully, neither saw that epitome of wasted film - Pirhana II with the flying, walking fish. Geez, the scifi channel sucks so much of the time.

Re:it used to be dolphins

[Hal_Porter]

Since the bacteria are passed to the next generation of insects through the eggs, the bacteria reprogram the host's reproductive system so that males either die, don't reproduce, or turn into functional females. Probably don't need to worry too much about the macho DoD playing around with that one.

Oh, I dunno -

http://www.e-sheep.com/spiders/3.5/01_hospital.htm l

Can't see the lawyers allowing it, but feminizing most of those hostile Islamic societies would be a vast improvement, both for us and for the people in them.

Re:it used to be dolphins

[chochos]

You can remote-control and zombify certain humans with carbon in a compressed form.

Re:it used to be dolphins

[quixote9]

Good point. ;-/

I didn't know...

[denttford]

...that DARPA has a division researching /. trolling.

if you read the article....

[gravesb]

It seems like most of the kinks are worked out, and the project has been classified. The really interesting part, though, is the potential civilian applications. If this doesn't harm the sharks, it seems a lot cheaper and more efficient means than either human divers or remote subs.

Re:if you read the article....

[Joebert]

If this doesn't harm the sharks, it seems a lot cheaper and more efficient means than either human divers or remote subs.

Means of what ?
I don't keep up with the news like I used to, but last I checked, sharks didn't have opposable thumbs or an easy way to attach robotic arms.

Re:if you read the article....

[gravesb]

According to the article, tracking fish groups and monitoring water tempature changes. It also mentions chemical spills, but that seems like it would hurt the sharks, so probably not as easy to justify.

Re:if you read the article....

[Maurice]

How do you send electrical signals to its brain without harming the shark? My guess is they drilled electrodes into the sharks' brains.

Re:if you read the article....

[totally bogus dude]

I don't know about tracking fish groups, but you could certainly herd them in the right direction (i.e. into the fishing nets).

<tinfoil racism> One wonders if the Japanese will call a sudden end to whaling... at about the same time schools of sharks start chasing whales toward the Japanese coastline where they beach themselves. </tinfoil racism>

DARPA or DHARMA?

[SirBruce]

Do the sharks have logos on them?

Bruce

Re:DARPA or DHARMA?

[Patik]

For those at don't get it, it's a reference to Lost (and actually the first thing I thought of before laser beams).

NEW and IMPROVED!

[Alsee]

US army, now with more lawyers!

-

Re:NEW and IMPROVED!

[Dysl3xicDog]

You Forgot, Army Strong...

Humans be warned

[ShadowLeo]

Resistance is futile.

Once the smart sharks are born ..

[cahyotw]

they will seek Samuel L. Jackson and eat him!

Dumb idea

[Anonymous Coward]

The Chinese will defeat this by increasing their uptake of shark fin soup by ten fold.

The Only Thing Worse

[jaypeg]

The only thing worse than roving gangs of US Navy mind controlled sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads is a land shark from Mother Russia with a beowulf cluster!

Re:The Only Thing Worse

[andphi]

What exactly is the Challenge Rating on an army of Russian-born Bulettes? It sounds fairly horrendous.

Re:The Only Thing Worse

[Anonymous Coward]

There is one worse thing yet:

A petrified Natalie Portman mounted Netcraft laser* carried by a shark full of hot grits propelled by old people from Korea.... running Linux.... on rails... inside a warrantless timecube.

* The ultimate weapon - everything it points to is dying.

Re:The Only Thing Worse

[blippy]

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see. -- Jack Handy

So far just BS comments

[aliquis]

Ok, I've read them all so far and it's just BS comments about lasers.

Anyway all I wanted was some serious post to attach my opinion to but since there are none a new post will have to do. And what I wanted to say is that I think this is both wrong and cruel against the animals, they aren't supposed to be drones for humans. Get real robots or put humans into it, but not animals, or even better yet just stop dumping oil, start wars or whatever.

Re:So far just BS comments

[Anonymous Coward]

I prefer the laser beam posts.

Re:So far just BS comments

[Hawkxor]

even better yet just stop dumping oil, start wars or whatever

What does this have to do with the story? (-1, Hippie)

Re:So far just BS comments

[leoc]

I agree 100% about the sharks. DARPA could not have come up with a better way to help ensure the extinction of sharks, because now every country that thinks they have something to worry about will be catching and killing as many sharks as they can find, and the species is already heavily fished and at risk.

Re:So far just BS comments

[Pichu0102]

Ok, I've read them all so far and it's just BS comments about lasers.

You must be new here.

Re:So far just BS comments

[jeffeb3]

I agree, it's horrible. Puting tracking devices on sharks is totally invading their privacy.

Re:So far just BS comments

[aliquis]

Didn't even thought about the possibility that during wars people might become even more affraid of them, anyway even the idea of "remote controlling" sharks, cockroaches or whatever is so fucked up. Let them live their lifes and do whatever they want to do with it.

Some idiot moderated me -1 aswell, sure the begining was filled with useless crap but I didn't liked the fact that ALL the comments I read had those retarded laser jokes in them and nothing was on topic.

Re:So far just BS comments

[Anonymous Coward]

"I wanted to say is that I think this is both wrong and cruel against the animals, they aren't supposed to be drones for humans"
do you have a pet dog that you have trained to fetch a stick? what do you think that is?

"Get real robots or put humans into it, but not animals"
real robots. that's awesome. as for remote-controlling humans, seriously? SERIOUSLY? are you seriuosly suggesting that?

"better yet just stop dumping oil, start wars or whatever."
yeah, because no one has thought of that. 'you know, bob, it strikes me that dumping oil is a bad idea.' 'you think so? i don't know.. we've got a lot of support from the fur seals and the penguins.'

Overlords

[youthoftoday]

I, for one, welcome our new robotic shark overlords.

Navy sharks

[Anonymous Coward]

If one of those beasts attacks me while I'm surfing, can I sue the navy for damages?

Isn't it obvious ?

[Joebert]

The Military, tired of Atemas' funding milkage, have enlisted Tucan Sam to train theese sharks to follow their nose to explosives.
The Military plans to recoup their lost funding by excluding the part of the protocol that would make the sharks stop when they got to the explosives, then selling the Hi-Def video captured as the Digitally Remastered, Cut Scenes from the Jaws movies.

Sounds great at first....

[Starker_Kull]

...but all they'll be doing in the long run is teach other navies' that don't wish to be spied on to take out any fish that happens to wander too close - or better yet, just preemptively take out all large sealife so as not to interfere with our wargames. Animal rights activists will love that one.

OTOH, we might have a new way of tracking enemy submarines - look for the trail of dead fish floating on the surface...

Re:Sounds great at first....

[hazzey]

...but all they'll be doing in the long run is teach other navies' that don't wish to be spied on to take out any fish that happens to wander too close

But we have already started on this path with all of the experiments with dolphins detecting divers and the like.

Actually, why are they using sharks at all? Besides having sharp, pointing teeth, I wouldn't imagine that they would be any easier to train than dolphins.

I love it.

[MobileTatsu-NJG]

A story comes along about a defense company funding shark development and the site lights up with countless ameteur attempts at SNL-quality writing.

Even better...

[Anonymous Coward]

Lame critics of amateur attempts at SNL-quality writing.

Shark fin soup

[alshithead]

I can see it now..."Waiter there's a laser in my soup!"

Updated

[Das Auge]

This needs to be updated...

just the title sounds ...

[josepha48]

.. like a bad movie I saw on SciFi. It sounds almost like Peter Benchley's "Creature", which was about a mutated shark. Then again there is that movie set "Shark Attack" 1, 2 and 3.

I can read articles that are like this!

oh noes! sharks!!!

[randomned]

_____|\_____\o/_____ oh noes!! SHARK!!!

sharks with frickin' laser beams ..

[rs232]

'Dr. Evil: You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!'

because tree-huggers won't let them use dolphins!

[Anonymous Coward]

This is old old old old OLD news with a new twist.
15 years ago it was dolphins and people became super upset "Oh those poor dolphins, blown
up in some stupid military training excercise"

Anyway... bleeding hearts took it and ran with it....

I guess they figure the tree huggers won't mind if a few sharks get whacked during
some military fiasco...

Tell me again why the united states budgets 44 cookies for defense and a cookie and a half
for the entire education system???

Sounds similar to Fabien Cousteau's device

[Kerhop]

So it's just an automated vesion of Fabien Cousteau's fake shark?

Correct link

[adnonsense]

Shurely you mean this?

Fonzie would be proud!

[Anonymous Coward]

The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency has finally jumped the laser beam equipped robotic shark.

Re:Attatch laser beams, and we have another sequel

[RexxFiend]

It tried to but tripped on the laser on it's head...

not only that but I posted it at the same time as the first post but still got modded redundant ;-(
I guess the slashdot editors had a sweep on how many "fricking lasers" posts they would get in the first five minutes. We really are a sad and predictable bunch.

Countermeasures

[DoofusOfDeath]

I think the main military benefit to this technology is that it will force hostile nations to build chum launchers as a countermeasure. The notion is so disgusting it will reduce reenlistment rates for their navies.

Hello extinction, hello dupe

[perrin]

This proposal is unethical on so many levels. Most urgently - many species of shark are already nearing extinction, and if subs and other sea vessels that would like to go undetected start killing any sharks that come close "just in case", they will disappear quickly. As noted in this slashdot story: http://science.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=06/02/2 3/0214242, and this one: http://science.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=03/01/1 7/1815250

Besides, this story is a dupe: http://science.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=06/03/0 2/0031225 was the previous one.

Sealab 2021?

[spyinnzus]

Gentlemen, I have taken nature's most dangerous killing machine, and needlessly made it a robot.

Tracking Tags

[X-rated Ouroboros]

I was thinking about how we'll tag whales and dolphins with low power radio collars. It tracks time and depth and maybe a few other parameters. When the animal surfaces to breathe, the tag squirts off its collected data.

Why not tag animals with something that measures, say, salinity and temperature and then gives this data to our submarines? Or that detects the presence of explosives trace? Radiation? Large sound transients... like a mobile living hydrophone network.

Re:Tracking Tags

[Laserwulf]

...the tag squirts off its collected data. Aquatic mammals use Zunes?

Well, actually...

[Anonymous Coward]

... we're also missing a giant water tank built inside a Boeing 747 (possibly using transparent aluminum) and Samuel L. Jackson delivering his signature line: "get these motherf**kin' sharks off this motherf**kin' plane".

This isn't new

[Anonymous Coward]

For several years, surveilance groups have been able to implant tiny video cameras in the eyes and small microphones in the ears of peoples' pets. It has been a great boon to the FBI. I even call my hamster FBI!

oh good

[1ntegral]

Hooray, we're yet again selfishly messing around with nature, causing it to substantially deviate from its normal patterns. The funny part will be when something gets messed up on a large scale (such as the ocean ecosystem becoming seriously disrupted and so forth) and people will be all surprised and shocked, "All we did was put electrodes in shark brains and have them do our bidding!"

here's an idea

[SaberTaylor]

Let's remote control every shark in existence. Then we won't have to worry about sharks attacking humans any more.

Re:here's an idea

[chord.wav]

I bet the number would actually go up.

Shark Controller (moving 2 levers constantly): MMMMM yummy surfer!!! DIEEEEE HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Sea bass

[Latent Heat]

The original post should have been made under the Humor than the Science category. Yes, it is wrong and cruel to animals and perhaps a stupid use of tax money as well, and that makes it funny. No, there is nothing wrong to see humor in something that is wrong and cruel because that is one way to make people aware that something wrong and cruel is also stupid.

Re:Sea bass

[Shakrai]

No, there is nothing wrong to see humor in something that is wrong and cruel because that is one way to make people aware that something wrong and cruel is also stupid.

It's that same logic that compels me to point out that my Grandfather died at Auschwitz every time somebody starts talking about the Holocaust. Poor bastard fell out of a guard tower :(

Re:Sea bass

[totally bogus dude]

That's just the story they tell you, because nobody wants to admit the truth: your grandfather was a Jew.

Re:Sea bass

[Anonymous Coward]

Who knew that Sen. Allen was a /. member.

Re:Sea bass

[Anonymous Coward]

Fuck off Macaca, I still eat ham sandwiches.

I will *not* be remote controlled!

[Shark]

Seriously, I think remote-controlling animals is pretty unethical.

Then again, this could be a good thing... Might put some political pressure into protecting sharks. They are in serious overfishing trouble nowadays. If one is going to use sharks as spies, might as well make sure there are plenty of sharks everywhere.

Re:I will *not* be remote controlled!

[totally bogus dude]

But then the commies will develop their own remote control sharks and set them hunting our good USA RC sharks.

I have a unique and UNREDUNDANT idea

[Anonymous Coward]

lets put lazer beams on their heads!!

obligatory mashup joke

[Wise Dragon]

In Soviet Russia, Shark jumps YOU!

I promise, no lasers...

[The Monster]

Who is it?

Candygram.

Re:Attatch laser beams, and we have another sequel

[Antony-Kyre]

I wonder whatever happened to the Funny modifier, and just leaving something at one or zero would be good enough.

And...

[Cyno01]

LL Cool J will be the only one to survive...

Note to political dissidents:

[Anonymous Coward]

Don't go swimming.

Didn't the Russians already claim...

[stardude82]

that they could do this with sea turtles? I guess thats why we're looking at their natural predators. I think some Limies proved the theory with rats some time ago to.

Remote control shark

[extern_void]

Nah.. Spielberg did it first.

In Soviet Russia

[Anonymous Coward]

... navy sailors are the chum!