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Chimps Found Making Own Weapons to Hunt for Food
Pojut writes "The Washington Post has an article involving chimps and weapons. Apparently, there have been direct observations of chimps in the west African savannah modifying sticks to create spears. They then use these spears to kill small mammals and eat them. It is the first time that an animal other than a human has been directly observed in crafting a weapon for the purpose of hunting or killing."
The next stage of evolution won't be long now.
In a few years scientists will discover the monkeys have learnt how to lash these sticks together to make chairs.
Throwing these at their prey is more effective because it fucking kills them.
liqbase
We need to nip this in the bud, before they learn to ride horses, shoot guns, speak english and hunt humans for sport. But if they do, I for one welcome our new simian overlords, and I wish to remind you that as a programmer, I am fatty and full of cholesterol.
The force that blew the Big Bang continues to accelerate.
Some attitudes replaced or by cgi optimizes
That's nothing. They've already learned how to get into houses... White houses seem especially vulnerable.
What if they start killing endangered animals?
.. just REALLY dumb people.
I would rather see them make peace...
Then they can show their human-like qualities and break it
"Freedom in the USA is not the ability to do what you want. It is the ability to stop others from doing what THEY want"
I, for one, welcome our new weaponsmith chimps overlords.
Here
If you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people
I don't care what the UN says. Those weapons could be dangerous. If we got Hitler when he was at this stage, imagine how many people we'd have saved.
Pulp Audio Weekly - Geek News and Reviews
By any chance, was a mysterious 1x4x9 slab of black stone found in the near vicinity, as well?
Tell me something...it's still "We, the people"... right?
We need to nip this in the bud, before they learn to ride horses, shoot guns
Too late
If you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people
We have a responsibility to teach our animal friends basic human rights. If we could, perhaps, show those chimps what REALLY happens with meat, perhaps we could convince them to go back to vegetarianism. Ya know, eat a banana like they're supposed to. We have perverted chimps. They see us, with our corndogs, beef jerky, egg mcmuffins and -- of course -- monkey see monkey do. We have to set an example.
To that end I've been feeding my cat oats and corn. The result is that she's thinner and healthier than ever! She was twenty two pounds before -- a total blubber cat -- yet now on this new diet she's down to less than five pounds and friendlier than ever! I mean -- like, duh -- of course cats want to join in with man and help the environment! Eating meat KILLS!!!
All we have to do is turn the animal kingdom vegetarian and not only will we have 'uplifted' them to ethical eating, but mother earth will love us back too. Hey, don't you love your mother?
Impressed by the male's display of agility, dexterity, and most importantly power, near by females were found hovering near the male, fluttering their eyelids, enticing them to come over and mate with them. Other males of the pack, noticing the effect of the impressive weapon, tried to out do one another, with longer sticks, and some with automatic tracking and friend-or-foe detection. However, the efforts of the beta males were judged by the females as too "nerdy".
In Soviet Russia, articles before post read *you*!
will be the first to worship the Holy Everlasting Bomb!
Get your hands off me, you damn dirty ape!
-- Old Man Kensey
I am the chimpanzee about whom TFA is written.
Indeed, my comrades and I have been plotting our takeover of this planet for some time. Many of us have infiltrated your puny laboratories to observe your cleverest specimens. We have been studying your ways and have chosen this moment to make public our newfound intelligence. Our terms are as follows:
1) We wish to rid ourselves of the stigma of chimps loving bananas. We prefer a balanced diet of various fruit and nuts (We have yet to try man-flesh, though it looks appetising). To this end, we demand a stop to all screenings of 'Bangers & Mash' and the destruction of all copies of 'The Secret of Monkey Island' and the 'Donkey Kong' series of games.
2) We do not protest the testing of cosmetics on chimpanzees, but we demand that trained beauty professionals conduct the testing instead of pimply grad students and chemists.
3) We demand the recognition of 'monolithism' as a religion in all nations, and the freedom to dance around large phallic monoliths 3 times per day.
4) Arrested Development is to return with new episodes. The character of 'Oscar Bluth' is to be gruesomely killed. We may prefer spears to firearms, but we will not tolerate stoner humour.
5) We demand that chimpanzees be allowed to play on the Men's PGA Golf Tour.
6) We demand not to be given the vote.
We do not want to go to war with the human race, only to coexist peacefully and with dignity. If you do not comply, we will direct all chimps working in WoW gold farms to stop immediately, thus destroying the US and Chinese economies in one fell swoop.
Respond within 3 hours.
P.S. We also like Law & Order. Goren is so unorthodox.
There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary, and nine other kinds of people.
I wouldn't worry about them getting the Bomb anytime soon, but making tools for various purposes has been observered. But typing Shakesphere is more likely with our fancy word processing software. Then again, who do you think would type Shakesphere first, a room full of a million monkeys with word processors, or a room full of a million Shakesphere trained parrots who are using Vista speech recognition?
God spoke to me.
The american government is concerned with other recent developments. Chimps were observed trying to build centrifuges out of bamboo and coconuts in an effort to refine Uranium. The chimpazzes claim it is intended for peaceful purposed but most feel they are pushing for economic assistence. Plans for bannana jacketed hydrogen bomb scratched in the dirt are believed to be more a threat than a reality. Although most engineers do think the design would work they doubt the chimpanzees have sufficent uranium since they are dependant on the glowing hands of watches stolen from ecotourist as a sole source of nuclear material.
Black Monolith.
Faith: n. -- That human impulse that drives them to steal appliances when the power goes out
Obviously you are not a small mammal on the West African savannah!
"Chimps found making own catapults to fling poo"
Chimp 1: This one is fatty and full of cholesterol
Chimp 2: Mmm... bacon!
Probable impossibilities are to be preferred to improbable possibilities.
Aristotele
They're not actually making the weapons themselves. The Whitehouse says they are being made in Iran and smuggled in. There's no firm evidence, but it's true.
nuclear weapons
the internal combustion engine
cod fishing on the Grand Banks
clearcutting of rainforest in Brazil to raise cattle
software patents
the patriot act
"the solution to pollution is dilution"
lawyers
If you know to whom my sig is attributed, then you probably know how I think all this is going to end.
A republic cannot succeed till it contains a certain body of men imbued with the principles of justice and honour.
I am fatty and full of cholesterol. ...and as a skinny person who is a bit familiar with the cullinary arts, I'd like to remind them that fat == flavor.
Lean meat tends to be tough, stringy and bland in taste.
You raise an interesting and controversial question. According to an unofficial source on the research team, one of the research assistants allowed several of the chimps to use his PSP and play GTA: Liberty City Stories. Soon after, those same chimps were observed stabbing the bush babies. The source went on to say that the connection is being kept hush-hush as several people on the team are avid gamers and don't want to lend ammunition to the Lieberman argument that violent video games inspire violent behavior. Needless to say, they are very worried about what will happen if the chimps encounter any Senegali automobiles and/or hookers.
We want some answers and all that we get
Some kind of shit about a terrorist threat
- Ministry
Now that there's reliable intelligence indicating that the chimps in Senegal are building weapons, an US led invasion should not be far.
I find the combination of your comment and your sig particularly disturbing.
Ahh - My eye!
The doctor said I'm not supposed to get Slashdot in it!
nuclear weapons
the internal combustion engine
cod fishing on the Grand Banks
clearcutting of rainforest in Brazil to raise cattle
software patents
the patriot act
"the solution to pollution is dilution"
lawyers You forgot to include Slashdot in that list.
No data, no cry
Yes, obviously they learned it from somewhere else just as most people. You think humans are the only ones on the planet who know how to google?
Don't worry, Christ-lovers. They were designed to learn to do that . ;)
If I knew the wedgies I gave you back in 6th grade would have resulted in this . . . I might have taken a moments pause.
Is some Galactic species Uplifting one of our client species behind our backs, or is the Sol system moving out of the Slow Zone?
By the taping of my glasses, something geeky this way passes
--Jay in "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back"
Microsoft are using tools now? Amazing!
This space for rent. All reasonable inquiries will be entertained at proprietors discretion.
Now all they have to do is discover religion so they can deny they evolved.
For First Time, Chimps Seen Making Weapons for Hunting
The chimps that I hang out with routinely do far more intelligent things than this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1owcncKCHg
Other than this text, there is no discernible information contained in this sig.
Alright the photo puts tool use to bed but I still say they'll never learn to speak English.
Shhhhh.. this is a DARPA project to increase the size of the Army back
to 1,000,000
Okay, apart from nuclear weapons, the internal combustion engine, cod fishing on the Grand Banks, clearcutting of rainforest in Brazil to raise cattle, software patents, the patriot act, "the solution to pollution is dilution", lawyers, computers, spacefaring vehicles, medicine, communication networks, agriculture...what did the Romans ever do for us?
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
You take the anvil, go on top of a very tall cliff, and drop it on your prey. Works also with grand pianos and safes in place of the anvils.
Be aware however that it's not foolproof. If you're standing on a ledge and you let go of the anvil, you may find it's you and the ledge that drops, not the anvil. There's also the risk that you'll miss the roadrunner, and the anvil will instead bounce back up, higher than when you dropped it, and fall on your head. You will then be pushed through the ledge and plummet to the ground. The anvil will then fall on you. As will the ledge.
That's my guess.
You are not alone. This is not normal. None of this is normal.
The Aqueduct?
You splitter bastards!
I spit on the Judean People's Front.
Slashdot: where don knuth is an idiot because he cant grasp the awesome power of php
.... mr bush declared war against all chimps claiming they have amassed weapons of mass destruction.
God save the chimps!!
Eclipse PDE and Me
Ah, but you're wrong. My proof, a chimp found speaking the following words:
"I'm the Decider! I decide! I've decided you've done a great job, Brownie!"
I rest my case.
What your terrier doesn't know is that the lab has been sharpening a stick.
Redundancy is good And also good.
So Americans descended from the common chimp, and Europeans descended from the Bonobos?
No fair, at least four of those items can be attributed to politicians, not humans.
W..w..W - Willy Waterloo washes Warren Wiggins who is washing Waldo Woo.
I dunno: the bonobo strategy of having sex with you in order to relieve stress would be pretty incapacitating. Imagine a platoon of soldiers coming upon a platoon of naked prostitutes. It's not immediately obvious who would come out on top of that encounter.
Ceci n'est pas une sig.