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Gates and Jobs to Share A Stage
Rob wrote with a link to a Computer Business Review online article, which reports that Microsoft chairman Bill Gates and Apple chief Steve Jobs will make a joint
appearance at a future technologies conference in Carlsbad, California. The event is expected to last a little more than an hour, and the two computer industry magnates are expected to reflect on their pasts - while theorizing on the future. "[WSJ Tech columnist] Walt Mossberg, a co-producer of the conference who will interview the execs on-stage along with colleague Kara Swisher, said they simply invited Gates and Jobs to do the interview ... [Mossberg] declined to give any color about the questions he and Swisher are preparing, or any additional information. Most likely, Gates and Jobs will use the occasion to do some friendly sparring on their polar-opposite philosophies on personal computing. Jobs may bang on about the benefits of a software-hardware approach, while Gates may rattle off the joys of partnering with hardware partners."
I have this vision of the future Heroes episode where Peter and Syler have a showdown. Glowing hands and all.
"Jobs -- while Gates drinks a glass of water -- may bang on about the benefits of a software-hardware approach."
"All great things are simple & expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope." --Churchill
Hope they don't talk about computers
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
When they get on stage, the lights will drop, strobes start going off, and as chain link fences lower from the ceiling, the techno music starts and the announcer screams, TECHNOLOGY CAGE MATCH!!!!!!!
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
He couldn't make it, so they decided to put a cage of these little guys up there instead for cute-factor.
That, and it'll be the only way to get any noise up there that isn't marketing rhetoric.
34486853790
Connection too slow for X forwarding? Try "ssh -CX user@host"
Dear Mr Jobs,
Please could you ask Bill to bring along 235 software patents or shut up.
Sincerely, everybody.
Actually, my vision was of Stewie and Olivia fighting over who was on-key in that Family Guy episode. ^_^
____
~ |rip/\/\aster /\/\onkey
It would be funny if they kissed like one of those wacky MTV movie awards shows.
M$ = Lawful Evil (we can do what we want, our lawyers will make it legal)
Mac = Neutral Evil (we're evil, if we break the law our lawyers will get us out)
M$ = 20th level necromancer
special attack = Summon Zombie pc
Mac = 20th level enchanter
special attack = Charm people into thinking a Mac will make them cool
Under the influence of Post-Cyberpunk Gonzo Journalism
1. a spoof of those pc guy/ mac guy ads with jobs and gates in the appropriate roles. it will never happen, but still
2. an icon for jobs on slashdot. gates has his borg visor one. why not jobs with an ipod?
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
I wager 30 quatloos on the newcomer.
____
~ |rip/\/\aster /\/\onkey
...when I first glanced at it, that the article headline said, "Gates and Jobs to Share A Grudge?"
Those who can, do. Those who can't, write technology blogs.
Gates: We want you to be locked in to proprietary Microsoft products
Jobs: We want you to be locked in to proprietary Apple products
Would that be east-west poles, 'cause they seem pretty close together...
My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love
2 CEOs enter...
One CEO leaves.
Walt Mossberg: Bill Gates, what about a shared interview with Steve Jobs?
Billg: Sharing a stage with Steve Jobs? That's the dumbest fucking idea I've heard since I've been at Microsoft.
I envision it starting like this:
...and I'm a PC
Jobs: I'm a Mac
Gates:
Jobs: Hi, I'm a Mac. Gates: And I'm a PC.
I'm sure Apple technicians breathed a sigh of relief when they found it was going to be Gates instead of Ballmer. An anti-pie personal forcefield is much easier to build than an anti-chair personal forcefield. :P
Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Bringing matter and antimatter so close together? What if they annihilate each other in a giant explosion?
sed -e 's/Chuck Norris/Rajnikant/g' joke > fact
I'm surprised nobody's excited about the part where Bill Gates walks towards a table of Apple gear and Steve Jobs stops him, yelling, "You shall not pass!"
Wow.
I hope Jobs introduces himself as Mac and Gates introduces himself as PC.
"Hi, I'm Mac.. and I'm PC"
That would be great!
Jared F
...you would think that Gates and Jobs would be best buddies....
After all, who else besides them have duped and lied more than them? (outside of politics, of course)
The difference between Gates and Jobs is only this: Gates TELLS you he is fucking you in the ass, whereas Jobs just hopes you won't notice.
Living With a Nerd
Jobs does not hinder reality.
He merely... distorts it.
Circumcision is child abuse.
GM: M$, you go first. ...although computers with Ubuntu cost the same as Windows machines... ...no, they're actually more expensive, since they're not bloated with our crap... /. mod: *goes to preferences, unchecks "willing to mod"*
M$: Trying to summon a lawyer.
GM: 1d20+43 = 63, you summoned bloodsucker bastard lawyer from ninth circle of hell. Your turn, Apple.
Apple: Trying to cast "Control minds of iPod users with vision of drm-free music"
GM: 1d20+16 = 17, forty thousand iPod users are under your command, Steve. M$?
M$: We try to sue Linux users for using software infrigning our patents.
GM: 1d20 - 16 = -4, and you do not own any useful patents. Apple?
Apple: We tell our customers that higher bitrate is worthy 30c.
GM: 1d20+27 = 41, forty one thousand users now believe you. Minus the forty thousands that were hypnotised, they've lost their mind and thus cannot reason.
Some Random Geek: But where are the Linux users?
Some Random Computer User: WTF is Linux?
GM: Some Random Computer User does not know Linux. Sorry, Some Random Geek.
Some Random Geek: But there is Ubuntu...
Dell:
Some Random Crapware Company:
Another Random Geek: It was supposed to be a fight between M$ and Apple.
Some Random Geek: Mod parent +5 insightful!
Another Random Crapware Company: This is not crap!
Dell: Let's have a deal with M$...
M$: OK, like the one with Novell?
Novell: We only want SuSE to be more compatible with M$!
Another Random Geek: You betrayed us, Novell!
Some Random Geek: Mod parent +5 insightful!
Some random
Apple: Leopard will be delayed.
Another Random Geek: Damn it! I knew that Apple is going to forget about Macs when it dropped "Computers" from its name...
Some Random Geek: Mod parent +5 insightful!
Another Random Geek: Mod parent -1 redundant...
GM: SHUT UP EVERYONE! Time's out, it's been an hour.
Linus nah get RMS. He'll make sure that if you were thinking about switching to Linux you wouldn't.
If something is so important that you feel the need to post it on the internet... It probably isn't that important.
Shuttleworth needs to bust through the ceiling and decend to the stage suspended from a cable about halfway through the Gates/Jobs "summit", throwing Ubuntu CDs into the crowd with his full astronaut gear on. That would be entertaining, if nothing else.
Oppressing an entire population is never cheap.
--Jeckler (/. Beta IS GARBAGE!)
Where's Linus and Stallman? Throw them in there for Super Smash CEOs Brawl!
Or both gates and jobs, with his fearsome lack of personal hygiene...
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
Jobs: I'm a Mac
Gates:
Gates: Hello, I'm a Wii
Jobs:
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Hope to God that Gates doesn't wear an assless hospital gown...
/* No Comment */
The Apple attendees will walk in casually in their tie dye shirts and Birkenstocks, sit down and wait for the movie... er event to start with a glaze in their eyes and a half smile on their lips. Their wallets and ID will be safe and no one will get sick. They paid twice as much to attend, but no one will complain.
The Microsoft attendees will each be stopped at the door and asked "You are entering the auditorium. Accept or cancel?" When they go to sit down they'll discover their wallet is gone. Every fifth person will have a cold or some sort of virus so by the time the event is over, all the attendees will leave sick. They'll sit expectantly waiting for something to happen, but each time Bill walks out onto the stage he stumbles, falls and has to restart his entrance. Once he does get going all he'll talk about is how beautiful the backdrop is.
I personally think it would be rather humorous that they each give a presentation created and shown on their respective systems. We know Bill has been embarrassed by crashes a few times. Think he'll use Vista or XP?