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Attack of the Evil Monkeys From Hell
grrlscientist writes "A new form of communication between wild vervet monkeys and humans is causing humans distress — and a collapse of their food supply. Approximately 300 vervet monkeys in Kenya are sexually harassing the women of a village so they can steal their crops. None of the attempts to discourage the monkeys has so far worked."
Have they tried flinging feces at the monkeys yet?
Shoot the damn monkeys already
they're phi sigma kappa pledges
That way, they'll only watch porn all night and never actually lay a hand on anything female.
They've been watching BET.
eat the monkeys. problem solved.
in all srriousness what could be done is trying taste aversion [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taste_aversion] basically this was used on wild animals to prevent the killing of sheep. what they did was add a lithium salt to a set of dead sheep, the animals would eat the meat, lithium and all and it caused nausea and reduced their activity. these affects were associated with the sheep meat and after a while the animals stopped attacking sheep as a food source. now all of these behaviors with these particular primates stem from their attempt to acquire food so putting a stop to that motivation stops the problem entirely. the last reason this could be an option is that the predators survive the encounter, taste aversion shouldn't cause long term harm like a few other options [hunting for one]
Sigs are too short to say anything truly profound so read the above post instead.
The monkeys fear men and harass women. Therefore, have the men work the fields, and send the women out to do whatever the men are doing now.
As soon as your done having your laughs, folks, remember that it's a hell of a lot funnier when it isn't your family that's at risk of hunger.
300 female Vervet Monkeys in black teddies..
Take a stick and sharpen it. Then plunge it into the monkey. No ammo needed.
Actually, you probably won't even need to kill them. Maybe a cattle prod or something and shock them a few times. You could take a stick and put a bunch of dull needles on them and hit the monkeys a few times. Animals are generally good at not doing things that cause pain. After a while they would just associated the women with pain and stay clear.
TONIGHT WE DINE IN KENYA!
I'm quite able to understand the why there. "why" in this case, can be any number of reasons, danger of extinction, protected habitat area, significant to plant growth of a protected wildlife area (fecal seeding, or the like). That's a no brainer. However, they're also a danger to farming operations in Africa, which for a good chunk of the last quarter century at LEAST has been plagued by drought, mismanaged farms and other issues which confound the ability of the populace to adequately feed itself. Therefore, the only real reason is a WWF/UN imperative created by 1st world enviromentalist interests to protect the animals.
However, regardless of how many monkeys of that particular species there might be, we're doing overreaching amounts of harm by allowing them to become attached to a method of food gathering that relies on raiding human foodstocks. A raiding party clearly needs to be made example of (harmed preferrably, but face it, it's Africa, they're getting killed.) So that the monkies return to a sustainable natural gathering method that would allow them to function smoothly and avoid attracting human ire in the long run. Failing the luxury of such a solution, the other viable alternative is moving the clan of monkeys entirely.
Anyways, in response to your post, that why should be something like "why are they being blindly protected" not "why are they protected". Protection schemes that interfere with the ability of an organism to cope with certain challenges damage that organism when that challenge arises.
Is there anything they do that ISN'T entertaining?
Oh, you're not stuck, you're just unable to let go of the onion rings.
from TFA: "The monkeys grab their breasts, and gesture at us while pointing at their private parts."
You try that at work and see what happens...
"Despite their new problems with the monkeys, it is a criminal offence[sic] to harm or kill any of them, so the besieged villagers must figure out a way to outwit the monkeys instead."
Given the artificial constraint that the women can't just carry a small caliber rifle with them, and the government is not willing to relocate the animals I only see one solution. Relocate the humans. If the monkeys cannot coexist peacefully with the local human population, then one or the other must go. In most cases the humans win, but under artificial constraints that is not always the case.
If little animal started "sexually harassing" me with rude gestures, I would find it funny. I think it is ignorant to be offended by what an animal does, because it is an ignorant creature with out a fine understanding of human society and culture. Obviously the real problem is the stealing of food, physical harassment of people, and invasion of people's homes. (won't be so funny when a monkey passes a disease along to an infant or attacks one in a home)
I can only hope that the laws are flexible enough that if a monkey physically assaults someone that they have a right to defend themselves. It seems like a small cudgel or even a sap would be a practical solution for the women to carry. And if the government is worried about fabricated stories of monkey attacks to justify unprovoked culling, just make the flexibility of the law only apply to the female population.
A higher tech solution would be pepper spray or even garden hose, but I suspect neither are practical for a small agrarian village.
Here in the US, most of our pest animals are also over populated. Nobody bats an eye if you kill mice, rabbits, raccoons, wild pigs or deer in the parts of the US where they are serious problems to the agriculture industry and they are often threats to public health. Poisoning, kill-traps and shooting is very common. (except for mice, we don't shoot mice)
“Common sense is not so common.” — Voltaire
More to the point, if pandas start to steal food from humans (yes, I know they wouldn't, it is just an example), we wouldn't wipe them out as a 'pest'. You have to take into account the fact that pandas are critically endangered. That said, I believe vervet monkeys are far less endangered than pandas, so it might make sense to allow some reasonable action against them.
How on earth you make a link between corperations and road side gangs stealing food is a theory i truly need to hear for my own amusment.
lastly, i'd like to point out that it's YOU that's the insensitive one. how the fuck can you sit there and propose that a poor farming afican community should go with LESS FOOD so that the monkeys are ok, and still claim the moral high ground, i'll never know. As CLEARLY stated in the article, they already tried their best to just scare the monkeys off (which i'm in favour of if it works). I suggest you get a little perspective and lose the aggorance.
If you mod me down, I will become more powerful than you can imagine....
What Would The A-Team Do?
First, to travel a long distance with B.A. by plane, he'd have to be tricked into taking a sedative, then loaded onto the plane.
Hannibal and Face would be too busy sexually harrasing the women themselves to get serious for a while. Murdoc would 'get to know the enemy' by joining the monkeys, while B.A. would be pissed about getting tricked again.
Inspired by the earlier drugging of B.A., Hannibal would come up with the plan to have Murdoc sleeping drug the monkeys while B.A. and Face Montage-Weld a specialized monkey-scooper truck, to load them on the plane. As they leave they drop the monkeys into the compound of the military dictator.
(maybe I shouldn't port at 2 am)
"they would need to think their way around a .38 bullet"
For small, fast moving critters like monkeys I would use bird shot. It would be hard to hit them with a bullet.
right, didn't think so.
If you mod me down, I will become more powerful than you can imagine....
dimwit, did you go to africa and worked in ANY relief effort ? ill leave that out, because i know its impossible. did you just ever know any person that volunteered to go right into middle of africa and tried to feed the hungry ? note, im not even asking if you did or not, im asking if in your close circle did you have anyone to tell whats going on in there even second hand ?
ill answer for you - you DO NOT. therefore the bastardized "they are hungry for god's sakes" song you are singing out of your cozy armchair has no basis or effect.
get the below facts in your head from those who know before ever speaking again :
- zillions of tons of u.n. aid lands in all the affected countries
- majority of these aid NEVER leave where they land, because they are confiscated by "militia" at the moment they land. aid workers volunteered there are TOLD TO SIT ON THE SACKS OF FLOUR and watch out not to intimidate the incoming militia, because there is nothing else to do.
- militia sells them on the black market. needy rarely sees the food that have made into airport.
- government in those countries are unable to stop the militia, and at least one faction of 'militia' works for the government anyway
- africa social structure except places like senegal, arab-influenced countries, and south africa are still TRIBAL in nature, hence fractured like no society is fractured, and they have long standing enmities between them that go over hundreds of years and more
- therefore tribes prevent each other from getting aid in considerable number of cases, leaving out the fact that they slaughter each other with ak-47s, despite they dont have cash to buy food as a tribe, they do have cash to buy those.
- u.n. is powerless to do anything because the megacorporations of prominent member nations, those who sit in the security council have too much interests that are tied to the puppet dictatorships that are instilled there - those countries u.n. can persuade to send forces in there therefore comes from not proficient countries in regard to military operations, but other african countries that have the similar problems themselves.
- at the wake of this situation the ordinary people have to fend for themselves, and they increasingly encroach on forest and its resources, because its abundant
in this setting the problem is neither drought or monkeys or any other thing. it is the international political situation. there are droughts for a long time in many countries around the world, yet africa is the one to suffer famine. it is easily telling.
and yes, i DO feel bad for 'some monkeys'. those who have the capacity to feel bad, feels bad for creatures in distress, like the villagers.
yet those who has reason and logic, seeks out the solution to REAL problem. just described in above.
Read radical news here
See ethology of vervets.
its dead simple why we have to come up with a more mutually beneficial solution.
check out the evolution process.
when you dig around, you will see that its not being tougher or stronger or more aggressive that propels some species into higher evolutionary stages, but cooperation, mutually beneficial acts WITHIN the social structure of the species and with the other species. lets now examine examples :
stellar example - humans. the evolution of humans have gone parallel to their capacity of being cooperative within the specie or even the social unit, and therefore besting out dangers and dire situations. caring for the weak, protecting the infant, nurturing the needy were the strengths that allowed the early primate societies to be able to go into playing with this and that and come up with tools that were eventually to be used in survival.
lets get it further - humans have established mutually beneficial relations with many other species and caused both parties to thrive - wheat might be one of the most abundant plant specie on the face of the earth, and this is solely due to human dependence on them. same goes for cattle. they are protected, and they give out something in return. there are kinks to work out as to the degree of mutually beneficialness because we slaughter the cattle in parts of the relationship, but as with recent human history this will be evolving into a more mutually benefical relationship too.
taking human near history - in the last 2000 years, wars and aggressive acts have decreased in FREQUENCY and distribution to geography - compared to what it was before and after a brief stellar period during rome, you do not have any chance of a local raider living 100 km to you to come raid you, rape your wife and take your child as slave. therefore in the last 2000 years we have seen an increasingly consistent level of civilizational development. again, excluding rome, which is a real anomaly in regard to history - in that the modern concepts we still use are taken from rome, from the concept of apartment to modern law, and even medicine in parts.
you can increase examples just as you wish - there are seemingly weak fish and lobster species in the ocean that live together, one is acting as sentry and other is digging the hole both will live in. they never go further from each other than 10 cm. yet, in an ocean of many dangers, these two species best out many other species and thrive despite when compared to other species as a single unit, they should be long extinct. or the jellyfish - bacteria mutualism in southeastern asia.
therefore, it is conclusive that the acts which mutually benefit a specie and the other continually elevates the chances of both species. from this comes the conclusion that "we are further advanced since we need to find a less aggressive, more beneficial way". acting otherwise have brought many problems to the modern world, that are making the worldwide news today.
Read radical news here
But they're only black African savages, so it's "funny".
If you want to get technical bird shot is a lousy way to go. You're more likely to badly injure them than kill them unless you're fairly close. Something like #4 Buckshot is better. They hold 28 pellets that are each nearly the size of a .22 round. There are rounds like turkey shot but most bird shot is smaller than BBs. It's really meant for small birds not mammals. Small buckshot gives you a better chance of killing rather than wounding them. It's common for bird shot to not kill the birds just cripple them. At a short distance it can be devastating but after 20 or 30 feet it looses energy fast and spreads out.
At first I thought this was a scam or a joke. But then I noticed the source at the bottom of the article. And it is one of the most credible news sources there is: BBC.
It would have been better if the article linked to that, rather than to some, at least to me, rather obscure blogger.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6959209.stm
nay, maybe i miscommunicated. or did not explain all parts of my point.
apex of evolution need not and should not be being on top of food chain. apex of evolution would be to be the governing body of a living, breathing, entirely integrated ecosphere of mutual relationships - no species grinding each other down by killing, yet every specie using byproduct of one or more species' activities. that would eliminate the instinct/gene to breed rapidly in many species too, like rabbits. is this possible ? yes. evolutionary history says so - a few billion years ago there were species that even ate their own species, leave aside others, yet today cannibalism is something that is rarely seen in species and our ecosphere is much more mild and plausible, and cooperative within itself than the ancient ecosphere of live and let die. if no stellar disasters happen to nuke earth ecosystem into oblivion, things will progress in that direction apparently.
in such an environment that would be the result of this process, impossible is possible. it would be possible to terraform land using other species, and tap untapped resources.
actually the abundance would get so overboard that noone would know what to do with the excess resources around.
Read radical news here
"The monkeys grab their breasts, and gesture at us while pointing at their private parts...."
So by my count that's two (2) hands to grab breasts, one (1) hand to gesture and one (1) hand to point at the privates. Total four (4) hands per monkey. Do these magical monkeys fly too?
Rich people are eccentric. Poor people are strange. Me, I'd be happy with odd.
Gecko45? Is that you? God, I love the anti-guerilla counter-terrorist guys on the net. They're always fun.
Yeah, well, I was an elite CIA Force Recon UDT Sniper Seal Yellow Beret (much cooler than those Green Beret pansies) with OSS doing black ops in the Argonne Forest just north of the Chosin Reservoir back in '84. I can't comment on which unit I was with or anything I actually did because it's so top secret the government will deny I was ever in the military, and you might get on the NSA's super-secret list if you even reply to this comment.
-l
If these monkeys were "in the closet," though, would they be going after WOMEN?
It's the ones that have come out of the closet that wouldn't.
A cattle prod would require that you approach the animal, possibly dangerous. Tasers are the answer
After a while they would just associated the women with pain and stay clear.
I don't know where to begin with that one. Are you suggesting...matrimony?
What?
Welcome!