Slashdot Mirror
Air Force Mistakenly Transports Live Nukes Across America
kernel panic attack writes "Surely the late Stanley Kubrick is somewhere smiling at this one. Forbes.com has a story about a B-52 Bomber that mistakenly flew 6-nuclear tipped cruise missles across several states last week.
The 3-hour flight took the plane from Minot Air Force Base, N.D, to Barksdale Air Force Base, La., on Aug. 30.
The incident was so serious that President Bush and Defense Secretary Robert Gates were quickly informed and Gates has asked for daily briefings on the Air Force probe, said Defense Department press secretary Geoff Morrell."
Well, boys, I reckon this is it - nuclear combat toe to toe with the Roosskies. Now look, boys, I ain't much of a hand at makin' speeches, but I got a pretty fair idea that something doggone important is goin' on back there. And I got a fair idea the kinda personal emotions that some of you fellas may be thinkin'. Heck, I reckon you wouldn't even be human bein's if you didn't have some pretty strong personal feelin's about nuclear combat. I want you to remember one thing, the folks back home is a-countin' on you and by golly, we ain't about to let 'em down. I tell you something else, if this thing turns out to be half as important as I figure it just might be, I'd say that you're all in line for some important promotions and personal citations when this thing's over with. That goes for ever' last one of you regardless of your race, color or your creed. Now let's get this thing on the hump - we got some flyin' to do.
Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest. --Denis Diderot
Some news sources say five, some say six.
I know what you're thinking. 'Did they lose six warheads or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. You've got to ask yourself a question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?"
Kwisatz Haderach
Sell the spice to CHOAM
This Mahdi took Shaddam's Throne
is still waiting for their baggage to show up.
What?
"B-52, this is the United States Air Force. You have entered U.S. airspace. If you do not leave immediately, we will be forced to open fire."
The only surefire protection against Microsoft infections is abstinence. - The Onion
Nuclear missiles fly YOU over several states!!!!
"a plane can always find the most depopulated areas to fly over. Trucks and trains don't have that option."
They could always create a new depopulated area to drive through...
Didn't you read the label?
The crew members will all die early and mysterious deaths within 5 or 6 years. I've got to finish wallpapering my apartment in aluminum foil now...
Be heard || Be herd
Because it is easier than mounting nuclear weapons on a prairie?
Maybe they were running CAMS on Windows Millenium Edition.
Didnt Sideshow Bob do this once? Perhpas the crew flew cross country to eradicate television. My oh my cartoons have a lot to answer for.
Oh please, they were just 6 nukes. My grandma handles more dangerous payloads everyday. Stop whining. Plus, traveling over the fly-over states the pilot probably wouldn't have noticed if he dropped any. Less cows, maybe. Only gripe I have with those fellas is they didn't mistakenly head up north and have an accident, ridding us of the friggin canadians once and for all. We'll never have an opportunity like this again. This could've been the answer to Celine Dion.
...he continued to read a story to a classroom of young children.
"I know there's one country in the world that doesn't have some horrible weapon of mass destruction, they don't have some horrible weapons lab in the mountains... Jamaica. They would never make an atomic bomb. They may make an atomic bong. But I'd rather fight a war with an atomic bong. Cuz when the atomic bomb goes off there's devastation and radiation. When the atomic bong goes off there's celebration!" -- Robin Williams
Circumcision is child abuse.
Has anyone called Jack Bauer yet???
Or maybe just those Godless blue states.
Right because its usually Standard procedure to crash a plane loaded with normal cruise missiles? Or perhaps the plane might get called into active duty in mid flight and deploy its weaponry? or the crew normally sells half of the inventory to the first shady looking guy standing next to the fence of the airport when they land?
What extra precautions would you advise someone carrying nukes as opposed to conventional weapons?
Well.. maybe. Or Maybe not. But Definitely not sort of.
Central Command: Blue Bird C451, this is central, do you copy.
C541: Copy, over.
Central Command: We have good news and bad news for you, over.
C541: Ready to reciev orders, over.
Central Command: Good news is you're going to be famous. Now your payload..
C541: Yes Sir.
Central Command: Can you verify your current payload?
C541: Kidney beans and tomatoes sir, over.
[Muffled laughter, static]
Central Command: Actually, those are nuclear warheads on your left wing, lieutenant.
C541: Spicy kidney beans? Over.
"We have a Broken Arrow"
"A what?"
"A Broken Arrow. It's when we lose a nuclear weapon."
"I don't know what's scarier, the fact that we lost nukes or the fact that it happens often enough that we have a name for it"
Using openSUSE instead of Windows since 9th of October, 2007 and liking it.
Moderators: WOOOOOOOOSH! That's the sound of sarcasm being accidentally flown over your head.
Come on mods... this was clearly tongue in cheek. Except the part about Celine Dion, of course. Nuclear annihilation just isn't enough in some cases.
You can't win, Darth. If you mod me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.
He was downmodded because the need to nuke Celine Dion is most certainly not a laughing matter.
....the Iranian army today is still trying to figure out why three dummy missiles were dropped on Tehran....
Hey, Sam-I-Am, You forgot:
put them in a box,
pack them with a fox.
keep them in a house,
keep them with a mouse.
store those nukes here or there.
store those nukes anywhere.
I do not like that Sam-I-Am.
What do you think could be the worse story?
That the pilot was wearing adult diapers in her cross country flight in a last ditch attempt at reuniting with an old flame? And that she would use 'whatever she had onboard' to win him back?
WARNING: Smartphones have side effects--most of them undocumented.
I think we ought to add ASCII art to the axis of evil
Control is an illusion, order our comforting lie. From chaos, through chaos, into chaos we fly
Bauer saves the america by manually defusing falling nuclear warheads in mid-air, without a parachute.
Read radical news here
It's OK, it's intelligent design.
So which SqlServer bug will be blamed for this coup attemp^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hbureaucratic foulup?
And I was not even allowed to check in toothpaste.
Imagine the crew's reaction when they found out after landing!
"Enough is ENOUGH! I have HAD it with these MOTHERFUCKING NUKES on this MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!"
Funny-point farming aside... this scares the living shit out of me. The fact that we were TOLD means that either the people in charge of locking this shit down are incompetent (scary), or it was leaked to cover up for something even worse (scarier).
Well, the B-52 does in fact carry large amounts of cargo, which it unceremoniously unloads when flying over the destination. Getting someone to sign for that cargo at the end point has, historically, been a bit of a problem, but with this particular bird they chalk that up as a feature rather than a bug.
Get your facts straight guys. She's in Vegas now. That's in Nevada, same state where they did nuke tests. There is still hope.
"You superiour intellect is no match for our puny weapons" - The Simpsons
Only three things are certain; death, taxes, and apocryphal quotations - Ben Franklin.
Wasn't it SIX?? Dammit.. How do we keep losing these things??
Could you imagine Kansas getting their hands on nukes? We'd all have three weeks to start implementing intelligent design in science class and ban gay people or they start the rain of fire!
That's our life, the big wheel of shit. - The Fat Man, Blue Tango Salvage
We need to know where you live ... Got any oil?
Why would you put something not supposed to be transported on the tip of a cruise missile?
Sheesh. The military mind.
~Idarubicin
Maybe they were going "accidently" nuke new orleans...
we can only hope.
AMMO!
For those unfamiliar with Air Force traditions, IYAAYAS stands for If You Ain't Ammo, You Ain't Shit
Members of Air Force munitions squadrons, responsible for the storage, handling, and loading of weapons on USAF aircraft, are a notoriously independent bunch. Except when transporting and loading weapons on aircraft, they live in their own tightly guarded compounds (REALLY tight if storing nukes). Some say this is to limit access to the weapons, but many in the Air Force believe it's to limit exposure to the "special" breed of troop that spends his days counting BBs. This seclusion has given them their own separate identity, which they proudly proclaim with the above acronym as well as shouting AMMO! in unison whenever their squadron is mentioned.
Something tells we won't be hearing AMMO! yelled around Minot AFB for a while. . .
What?
To: new.guy@fortbrag.gov
Dude, I toldya five times already... the live ones are coded OMGWTFBBQ, and the fakies are ROFLCOPTER.
Quit fucking up or I'll suspend your ass with pay.
--1_1
Except this was just a "would've" spelled incorrectly as "would of". But frankly, I find all of this idiotic. There is no reason to maintain traditional spellings. Everything should be spelled phonetically, and then we could quit wasting our time on this crap. Just think of all the mindless drudgery our students would be saved from if they didn't have to learn to spell.