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Disney Takes Another Stab at the House of the Future
Disney has announced that they are going to take another stab at showing us the "House of the Future". The 5000-square-foot house will appear normal from the outside but will house gadgets like lights and thermostats that automatically adjust when someone enters the room and countertops that can identify food placed on it and suggest recipes. "Millions of Disneyland visitors lined up a half-century ago to catch a glimpse of the future: a home teeming with mind-blowing gadgets such as handsfree phones, wall-sized televisions, plastic chairs, and electric razors and toothbrushes. [...] The $15 million home is a collaboration of The Walt Disney Co., Microsoft Corp., Hewlett-Packard Co., software maker LifeWare and homebuilder Taylor Morrison. Visitors will experience the look of tomorrow by watching Disney actors playing a family of four preparing for a trip to China."
In addition to the standard house-of-the-future home automation, the house will also include its own micro-fusion electric generator (running on tap water), a landing pad for the flying car, and Duke Nukem Forever running on a secure update to Microsoft Windows.
Visitors will experience the look of tomorrow by watching Disney actors playing a family of four preparing for a trip to China to welcome their new Chinese overlords. Fixt.
Also rumored to be incorporated into the walls of the kitchen is a Frosty Piss dispenser. A generous assortment of options includes the ability to pre-select steaming, foaming, or on-the-rocks varieties. In a press release, Michael Eisner claims "The Frosty Piss dispenser is one of the most innovative concepts we have seen yet in domestic technology. Gone are the days where you had to brew your own Frosty Piss -- now, you can enjoy a tall steaming mug at any time of the day." Retail prices of the Frosty Piss dispenser have not been set.
Oh the possibilites... - What happens if I'm in the shower and the OS crashes? Will it never turn off? - Will the toilet only accept one kind of input? - Will the house "phone home" to let said manufacturers know what I do in the house? (For statistics only, no personal information of course) - Will my furniture be compatible with the floor? - What if the fridge is stuck in an infinite loop and keeps ordering me eggs? - Can it defrag my junk drawer?
You never expect irony, do you?
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What's not mentioned is that DRM will be built right into your house. It will prevent you from doing anything that Disney considers a violation of intellectual property (as Disney defines it). That means your VCR won't record. Your DVR will self-destruct. Your computer won't download music or videos. You CDs will be locked to the first player you use the disc in. Your original and priceless manuscript of Grimm's Fairy Tales will smolder and burn (Disney now owns all that). iPods and other MP3 players will have permanent memory corruption. You'll be sent a bill for royalties if it detects you singing copyrighted songs in the shower (and the "Happy Birthday" song you sing for your kid on his third birthday).
-- Will program for bandwidth
...does it run Linux?
Actually, they sound even less useful than your idea - that closet might at least be good for some shits and giggles.
"You're dressing up slutty tonight! Would you like directions to the red light district?"
*sounds of an expensive talking closet being turned into firewood by an axe*
I'm sorry, you want to use your toaster in the bathtub? You have to purchase extra permissions to do that: $50 at amazon.com.
Remember, breaking usage agreements is STEALING. You wouldn't steal an old ladies purse, would you?
Any unauthorized appliance usage, or sharing of appliances is deemed a criminal offense and will be instantly reported directly to Microsoft.com. Your house will enter a "restricted usage" mode, and will drop to below freezing until sufficient licenses are purchased.
"Knowledge is the only instrument of production that is not subject to diminishing returns" -Journal of Political Econom
That may work in the House of the Future, but it will never be approved by the Senate of the Future.
Think global, act loco
Microsoft has a hand in it, so considering how they write their software I doubt you can remove or replace anything in thhe house without the walls turning blue, black, or crashing down.
If you remove the laser razor is it "House Of The Future Lite"? I'll bet you can only use Microsoft Light Bulbs and Microsoft Lamps because the bulb screws, light sockets, and wall plugs are all nonstandard and proprietary.
mcgrew's razor: Never attribute to stupidity that which can be explained by greedy self-interest
Oh boy, I can't wait for the future house to tell me it's having a problem getting rid of a virus in the fridge-server and all my Choco-Tacos have melted! Then I'll set a nice tri-tip onto the counter and see if I can't get around the "Unrecognized Item on Counter! Abort, Retry, Ignore?" displayed on the inside of my eyelids. Future House I already hate you! :)
Wake me when the house of the future runs on a platform that is secure and stable and relatively free of solutions in search of problems.
This is the NSA, we're gonna geet U h@x0r5! Also, what is a h@x0r5?
Father: Come on medicine cabinet! I need my insulin!
Automated medicine cabinet: The serial number on your refrigerator seems to be invalid. Please call 1-800-chinasoft for assistence.
Father: Alright but hurry up I have to get to work.
Phone: It appears your telephone service provider is not supported. Can I interest you in signing up for MSNfone?
Father: I knew I should have installed linux but I just couldn't find those drivers for my countertop and showercurtain .
http://greenobyl.com/ please.... think of the children!!
Yeah, but who the fuck wants to see the inside of a cargo hold?
You foresee a lot of errant stray wrecking balls flailing through the air in the future?
They already make houses out of materials which exhibit the properties you seek.
They're called "Legos".
Buckle your ROFL belt, we're in for some LOLs.
"countertops that can identify food placed on it and suggest recipes"
how stupid is that... when my food gets on the countertop, it's because I already know what I am going to do with it...
Will I need to empy my fridge on my countertop to know what to cook every day?
Anyway, it's been tried before and it's totally useless.... instead it should track what you have in the fridge and suggest what you can cook with what you have... or tell you what to buy to make a specific recipe...
Me: What can I cook ?
Fridge: Beer... beer chicken... beer hotdogs... beer cheese... beer...
Best janitor breakroom ever?
[+HAL9000 voice] Excuse me, Dave. It seems you have a large quantity of SPAM there, may I suggest a recipe? [-HAL9000 voice]
This issue is a bit more complicated than you think.
See, if you were running an operating system that didn't crash all the time, you wouldn't be so grumpy. :)
... and Yul Brynner goes nuts and kills everybody.
My other car is a 1984 Nark Avenger.