Smilin' Bob Not Smilin' Anymore

Consumerist reports an Associated Press release that Steve Warshak, 42, was found guilty of 93 counts of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering. His 75-year-old mother, who has cancer, was found guilty of conspiracy and other charges, and was sentenced to 2-years, but is free pending appeal. US District Judge Arthur Spiegel, in Cincinnati, OH, denied Mr. Warshak's request to remain free pending appeal, but gave him 30 days to wrap up his affairs and report to prison. Besides Enzyte, Washak's company, Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, who also distributes products to boost energy, manage weight, reduce memory loss and aid sleep, will be allowed to stay in business — but must forfeit $500 million. Among their most egregious offenses was a requirement of a Notarized statement from a doctor certifying that they had a small penis. Amazingly, remarkably few customers availed themselves of the refund offer. Unfortunately, it looks like the commercials will still be able to continue...

Comments

Snake Oil

[18_Rabbit]

How do people suspend their critical thinking enough to believe these things? Snake oil has been around forever, it looks like it's not going away any time soon.

Re:Snake Oil

[KGIII]

People with little dicks will do anything for a cure. One that doesn't require them telling people about their sexual problems is even more likely to make money given their desperation.

Re:Snake Oil

[Renraku]

Its easy to get people to believe something they want as opposed to something they don't.

Trying to convince the religious that their religion is a sham is next to impossible.
Trying to convince the poor that they can become rich overnight is easy.

Re:Snake Oil

[TheRealMindChild]

The nasty trick in this game is that they offer a free sample... all you do is pay like $1.95 for shipping, which MUST be paid for by credit card. "Not bad" they think. "The worst that could happen is it doesn't work and I'm out a couple of dollars" they say. Sure. It sounds reasonable. By that time, you are already screwed. See, when you open your package of wonder, it comes with an "informational" booklet that is actually more like an advertisement for their other products. Almost everyone just throws it out. But in the middle of the 13th page, between two paragraphs that have nothing to do with it, is a statement saying "By ordering this sample, you agree to become part of an automatic plan in which we send you a new supply every month and charge your credit card. If you do not agree to this, you must cancel this agreement by calling 1-800-Screwed-U"

A lot of this seems like a dramatic embellishment. It isn't. Obviously the quotes aren't exact and the phone number isn't really what I listed (explanation for the humor impaired), this is how it works. By the time you realize that you are on some automatic plan to get crap that didn't do as advertised in the first place, they have already charged you for two months supply. And you can not return it under any circumstances.

Disclaimer: I worked with a guy that sued Berkeley Nutraceuticals.

Re:Snake Oil

[Maelwryth]

That reminds me of a conversation I was having with my brother about how much we hated our toilet because you always ended up touching the bowl. A friend of ours walked in on this and said,"Really? I've never had that problem." At which point we both collapsed laughing.

People should put more thought into toilet design. :)

Re:Snake Oil

[HisMother]

Two guys peeing off a bridge. "The water's cold!" says the first. "And deep..." says the second.

Re:Snake Oil

[smashin234]

Actually they are more well known as "supplements" which fit into a nice little loophole in our system.

There are many cases of supplements causing health issues and the cases have been going on for quite some time. Since supplements do not require "evaluation by the FDA" they can claim just about anything as long as there is some thread of truth to it. And remember, that long term health effects have not been studied by ANY supplement, and since this is the case, you should always be careful with supplements and ALWAYS talk to a doctor first.

Doctors will probably not know, but its better then letting the commercial decide for you. At least an educated person who can NOT disclose what you talked to them about will give you some advice verses some well-scripted commercial.

As for smiling Bob, if you notice the commercials they never once state "this will make your dick bigger". Its assumed by innuendo. They claim "male enhancement" which can mean just about anything. Maybe you will lose weight, or maybe you will have more energy...but there are millions of ways you can interpret those commercials which was what really bothered me about the commercials in the first place. However, the innuendo was so strong that you had to think they were claiming their product increases dick size.

Which is only part of the problem to begin with. Supplements need tighter restraints to begin with.

Re:Snake Oil

[Covener]

Two guys peeing off a bridge. "The water's cold!" says the first. "And deep..." says the second.

I've heard it as two Texans, and the punchline was "and the bottom sure is muddy".

Re:Snake Oil

[dubl-u]

I can't blame people quite as much for not understanding how to do proper research on something, or knowing signs of a scam.

Further, we here at Slashdot, who are probably biased heavily to the educated, analytical, and practical, will always see through more of the scams. A scam artist in it for the money only has incentive to improve things to the point where it fools enough of the population to get money.

Not only do they have no need to make their scam better, but there's probably a disincentive. If I got scammed on something, I'd be livid, and I'd have the time, money, and skills to try to get the cops involved. Going after the bottom quartile is not only easier, but probably safer.

Re:Snake Oil

[ScrewMaster]

Probably because most people are clueless about their rights as credit card customers. People simply aren't aware that they can call their credit card company and get instant action on any fraudulent charge.

Yes and no. Last January I had a substantial amount in fraudulent charges racked up on a credit card. All car rentals (same $45.80 charge over and over) at three car rental places, same company but in other states, all on the same day. So, I call up and explain the situation, got through to a fraud officer. He was very cooperative, had no problem admitting the charges were obviously fraudulent or erroneous (I mean, I'd have had to have rented about fifty cars to have been responsible for them.) Now, about a year earlier they'd had an (ahem) "security problem" and had proactively sent me a new card with a new number. What amazed this guy was that all the rental charges had been made with the old number which (as he said) "should have been impossible." So he wrote them off just like that. At this point, all is fine.

Six months later, after what they called a "reasonable investigation", these bastards put all the charges back on my card without warning, including a whole bunch of penalties. So my card is way the hell above its limit now, and they go and charge me overlimit and late fees. I'm completely unaware of this until I tried to pay for dinner one evening, and the thing came back "denied". Then I get a letter saying that they'd put the charges back because I had "activated my new card from my home address in Iowa (I haven't been to Iowa since 1973) at some phone number I've never heard of, because I was "obviously trying to defraud the company." That did it for me ... I called up and told them that they had one, and only one chance to make good on this before I sued them for everything they owed me plus the damage to my credit rating because they'd already reported me. I then found out that the rental company's auditing system had already reversed all the charges anyway!

After multiple conversations with their fraud department, they agreed to perform another investigation. In the meantime, I got issued another card and a new number. I'd been a fifteen year customer of this particular card, and never had a problem before. To say I was pissed off is an understatement.

After a few weeks, they completed their second investigation (I think performed by someone not in India this time, like the first one was.) Needless to say, I don't use that card anymore. Not that I expect any better from other issuers: how can you tell how a company handles their internal security, and how they treat customer relations, until something bad happens?

Re:Snake Oil

[Anonymous Coward]

A guy walks up to a urinal to take a piss and whips out his unit. He can't help but look over at the guy on his right, a dreadlocked Jamaican dude, and is astonished to see that he has a tattoo on his penis that says "WY".

"Hey, we've got the same tattoo!" he says, pointing down. The Jamaican looks over, and sure enough the first guy also has "WY" tattooed on his penis.

"Of course you can't see the whole thing," says the first guy, "when I'm, uh, at my best, it reads 'Wendy'. That's my girlfriend's name!"

"That's cool mon, real cool" says the Jamaican dude. There is a brief pause.

"So, what does yours say?" asks the first guy.

"Mine says, 'Welcome to Jamaica mon, have a nice day'!"

Re:Snake Oil

[witherstaff]

At my family plumbing shop a customer had us install a new Kohler toilet. The next day the client called to request a new fixture be put in. The client, an older distinguished gentleman, wouldn't give a reason at first. After a longer discussion he finally gave the reason of 'when I sit down, my testicles touch the water'. The best part? His name was Mr. Float.

Prison

[dopaz]

Perhaps his enzyte-enlarged member will make him the big man in prison.

Do the crime, Do the Time

[nickswitzer]

She had pleaded with the judge not to send her to prison. "I have grandchildren," she said. "The time I have left, I'd like to spend with them. I don't think it's fair to take me away from them."

I don't understand how it matters that she has grandchildren or how old she may be. She was convicted of fraud and other crimes, so the law she punish her the same.

Re:Bring back the bunco squads

[RyanFenton]

Indeed - and the war on drugs itself, I would define as a confidence scheme. Why? Because the only way people believe it's working and paying off is because of the words of those enforcing it. Meanwhile, those enforcing the war on drugs don't count the lost productivity of those jailed for minor drug charges, and can claim that every arrest saves countless productivity, and can claim, just by throwing an unlimited number of people in jail, that they're making society more productive without limit. It's a complete scam that's stealing a very large portion of America's resources mostly to feed and perpetuate its own existence, while not actually doing much to actually fight the more destructive aspects of drug use in our culture.

I'm saying this as a guy who, like Penn Gillete, has never used any illegal drugs, nor even drank anything more than a sip of an alchoholic beverage. I personally hate the idea of a substance changing the way my mind works, and love consciousness itself too much to want to mess with it - but I know a broken system when I see it, and see the "war on drugs" as a completely broken method of fixing our nation's problems with drug usage.

Ryan Fenton

What I don't understand, though

[Moraelin]

Well, that is partially true, but a lot of those are borderline scams too. Or, as marketing likes to call it, "creative puffering."

What I don't understand, though, is the insecurity about being within the normal parameters for your species. Let's face it, the human species just doesn't have the DNA for huge penises, nor a vagina design which would require one. Unless you were planning to fuck a mare, I guess. Last I've heard most women find over 7-8 inches outright uncomfortable. And most of the nerve endings are on the outside and first third of the vagina, so basically, if there was a modification to keep her happier, it would be girth, rather than length.

Even most of the male porn stars with huge "tools", had surgery to that end.

So, seriously, it seems to me just about as stupid as if, I dunno, I were to get upset because I don't have feet as big as the clowns. It wouldn't be an improvement to walk, but, boy, I wanna be above average. I wanna be like those clowns too. 'Cause you know what they say about men with big feet. (They need big shoes ;)

I mean, seriously, when and how did the penis size obsession get started anyway? (Including all the stupidities that serve as substitute penis size symbols.) Did marketing just manage to make half the male population insecure and unhappy about being normal human beings? And we still think that marketing is a _good_ thing then?

That said, I find it ironic, but nevertheless a good lesson in that this company required a doctor's affidavit that you have a small penis, to get your money back. Because unless someone was well below the normal size for a human, they didn't need to have it extended in the first place. I would have required a notarized declaration along the lines of "yes, I'm an idiot and insecure about being a normal human", but I guess their version is good too.

Re:What I don't understand, though

[griffjon]

Unless you're counting squirrel balls in the genitalia department...

But honestly folks, xkcd nailed this one a while back

http://xkcd.org/194/