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Smilin' Bob Not Smilin' Anymore
Consumerist reports an Associated Press release that Steve Warshak, 42, was found guilty of 93 counts of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering. His 75-year-old mother, who has cancer, was found guilty of conspiracy and other charges, and was sentenced to 2-years, but is free pending appeal. US District Judge Arthur Spiegel, in Cincinnati, OH, denied Mr. Warshak's request to remain free pending appeal, but gave him 30 days to wrap up his affairs and report to prison. Besides Enzyte, Washak's company, Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, who also distributes products to boost energy, manage weight, reduce memory loss and aid sleep, will be allowed to stay in business — but must forfeit $500 million. Among their most egregious offenses was a requirement of a Notarized statement from a doctor certifying that they had a small penis. Amazingly, remarkably few customers availed themselves of the refund offer. Unfortunately, it looks like the commercials will still be able to continue...
How do people suspend their critical thinking enough to believe these things? Snake oil has been around forever, it looks like it's not going away any time soon.
Perhaps his enzyte-enlarged member will make him the big man in prison.
I'm sure he can't wait to meet some of his satisfied customers in prison. Except now, he'll be the one notifying his doctor about erections lasting longer than 4 hours.
So he has to go to prison, and his 75 y/o mom stays free? Screw that! put her wrinkly ass in the pen too.
If you have the balls, but not the penis, to ask for the refund, go for it.
Not that I ever used their products...
"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus
Why is this news for nerds, stuff that matters? Maybe ScuttleMonkey has a small penis and wasted money on these pills?
Do you even lift?
These aren't the 'roids you're looking for.
She had pleaded with the judge not to send her to prison. "I have grandchildren," she said. "The time I have left, I'd like to spend with them. I don't think it's fair to take me away from them."
I don't understand how it matters that she has grandchildren or how old she may be. She was convicted of fraud and other crimes, so the law she punish her the same.
Anything and Everything about the Net
For as long as there's been culture, there's always been con men. It's always a sensitive balance for a society to decide how much fraud to allow to go on, and what to call fraud. From countless iterations of fortune tellers, to confidence schemes, to games of chance, to plain old commercial advertising, there have always been the grey areas where the clever can take from the gullible, but find ways to avoid the usual punishments for theft or fraud.
Most societies find ways to prevent too much subjective productivity from being lost to these schemes, but sometimes more than just public awareness is needed to counter the effects of such large scale con jobs. In the 1950's, there were bunco squads, or sections of the police force organized to find common fraud, such as fortune tellers, rigged games, confidence swindles, and the like. I think we could use more of those today - law enforcement devoted to tracking down leads on swindlers for the public interest. Skeptical communities and movements are nice - but very few people are really interested in learning how scams work before they're fooled by them, and it seems there's always a multiplying number of desperate swindlers looking to fool more folks out of money while hiding from consequences.
Ryan Fenton
A lot of people start out somewhat but not completely skeptical, think "hmm I'll try a few and see", and think they see signs of it working so get sold.
Of course, this should be harder with something like penis enlargement where in theory you could actually measure it. It's a lot easier explanation for why things like homeopathic sleep aids work, because falling asleep is a very placebo-susceptible sort of thing.
And of course, it's not just snake-oil salesmen: a large portion of modern "lifestyle" pharmaceuticals work more through the placebo effect than they do through pharmaceutical means, even the ones that do have demonstrable more-than-placebo effect.
10 PRINT CHR$(205.5+RND(1)); : GOTO 10
still in business that means we still have to see the stupid Smilin' Bob commercials? Or worse, will they think of another stupid ad campaign to try to drum up more business and soften (no pun intended) the blow of the $500 million forfeiture?
this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom. -- Lincoln, Gettysburg Address
By ordering this sample, you agree to become part of an automatic plan in which we send you a new supply every month and charge your credit card.
This is the old "eleven albums for a penny" scam you used to see in old comic books.
Weaselmancer
rediculous.
...it was shown that this stuff doesn't do anything. It's just a combination of every herbal 'aphrodisiac' in one pill. I admired the ads early on because they were so cheeky and it otherwise looked like a 'legitimate' pharmaceutical. Shortly after that they just became annoying. Besides, when you can get something like this without a prescription, over-the-counter (or worse, by TV mail-order) you must understand that it will not do anything useful.
They use the same thought process that they use before they purchase "Airborne".
As a medical scientist, I cannot help but cringe any time I walk through the cashier aisle of a drug store, that is inundated with glorified sugar pills that claim to do anything from giving you more energy, to curing sleeplessness, to providing you with more stamina in bed, curing cancer or getting you pregnant (*the last couple may have been made up).
No parole. Maybe 20 years with time off for "good behavior".
This guy got more prison time than Jeff Skilling of Enron fame. And Enron's collapse cost a lot of people some serious coin.
Great guy, heard some really hilarious stories about the company...grandma winning employee of the month on numerous occasions. Groups of employees taking product at work just for "fun". He told me his uncle said they sell confidence in a bottle and nothing more! The dood always had plenty of money and never went to class, but 500 million...damn!
Well, that is partially true, but a lot of those are borderline scams too. Or, as marketing likes to call it, "creative puffering."
What I don't understand, though, is the insecurity about being within the normal parameters for your species. Let's face it, the human species just doesn't have the DNA for huge penises, nor a vagina design which would require one. Unless you were planning to fuck a mare, I guess. Last I've heard most women find over 7-8 inches outright uncomfortable. And most of the nerve endings are on the outside and first third of the vagina, so basically, if there was a modification to keep her happier, it would be girth, rather than length.
Even most of the male porn stars with huge "tools", had surgery to that end.
So, seriously, it seems to me just about as stupid as if, I dunno, I were to get upset because I don't have feet as big as the clowns. It wouldn't be an improvement to walk, but, boy, I wanna be above average. I wanna be like those clowns too. 'Cause you know what they say about men with big feet. (They need big shoes ;)
I mean, seriously, when and how did the penis size obsession get started anyway? (Including all the stupidities that serve as substitute penis size symbols.) Did marketing just manage to make half the male population insecure and unhappy about being normal human beings? And we still think that marketing is a _good_ thing then?
That said, I find it ironic, but nevertheless a good lesson in that this company required a doctor's affidavit that you have a small penis, to get your money back. Because unless someone was well below the normal size for a human, they didn't need to have it extended in the first place. I would have required a notarized declaration along the lines of "yes, I'm an idiot and insecure about being a normal human", but I guess their version is good too.
A polar bear is a cartesian bear after a coordinate transform.
"Sorry, but do to a supply chain issue, we can not fulfill your order. Here's your refund, courtesy of The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company."
That's an amazingly long time in prison for scamming people. He would have got less if he sold legitimate drugs that occasionally killed people.
No wonder American prisons are overflowing. Why not make him empty bedpans in retirement homes or some other yucky community service for a few years instead?
Great Windows SFTP Server!
ROTFLHAO? Rolling On The Floor Laughing, Having An Ovaltine?
wot?
I'm replying to your post just because it is the highest rated for this point in the thread. I mean this as an honest question as I have never found the concept humorous.
Why is male on male rape in a prison environment considered either funny? Why do some appear to view male anal rape as part of the punishment of being imprisoned?
I've not seen once the male to female or female to female rape shown in a humorous manner or as justifiable. Is it just the discomfort of the subject matter of male anal rape that gets the grins.
"What luck for the rulers that men do not think." - Adolph Hitler
*shrugs* It's actually somewhat on topic, so I think it'd be sort of encouraged.
I'm just disappointed that the commercials will continue 'cause they always make me crack up uncomfortably. (Yeah, I'm an immature girl, oh well.)
open source modern art: laser taggi
Women are insanely insecure about their bodies. I've known a lot of great looking women who are perfectly fine and they all have body image issues. Some so bad they're afraid to be seen in public in swim suits or sports bra's.
And by "perfectly fine" I mean body's that are athletic and toned, but aren't that Maxim perfect tone you see in the magazines.
Men are just as insecure, but we care about our penis size and our sexual prowess. Hence all the viagra and penis enlargment spam on the internet.
It's really pretty sad and a huge waste of energy. Men really don't care too much about a woman's body size so long as the girl is in the range of "average". And women could care less about penis size and some silly idea of how awesome a guy is in bed.
I mean, if you're an average guy with a decent job, has his own place, is a stand up dude, honest, caring, and isn't a push over, that's pretty much the dream man.
But we're basically stupid animals so we fret over the dumbest things and worry ourselves into being complete fuck ups.
I live less than 5 miles from their headquarters and it was all over the news here when the FBI raided their place a couple years ago (or whenever it was). Their headquarters/call center is a one level shit hole that used to be a JC Penney credit card call center.
Check Google Maps Streetview for Waycross Rd & Mill Rd, Cincinnati, OH 45240. Their building is the small one under the sun in that view.
I wouldn't go so far as to say it should be encouraged. At the time I posted though, it was the only thread and the memory of that conversation still makes me smile (the things people say!).
As for the ad's making you crack up uncomfortably, thats perfectly natural. Ad's for condoms or tampons used to do it to me as well. Our inhibitions are part of our social training, and are very hard to get rid of. Look on the dark side, if you seriously ever want to hurt a man, tell him he has a small penis. He will always wonder.
I reserve the write to mangle english.
I *never* start a new thread, so it's *always* the Parent's fault.
Is this a rhetorical question?
Actually, I've mostly heard that in spam, rather than from any actual woman.
I'd warn against trusting marketing and PR "testimonials" too much. Especially when they tell you what someone else wants.
As a non-penis-size (well, or rather indirectly;) thing, take diamonds. Nobody gave much of a damn about them until the PR campaign to convince men that every woman wants a diamond. What actually happened there is that they actually asked some women, and were expecting to hear them confirm that they want jewellery. To their surprise, most said that they'd rather have the guy invest that money into something useful for both, like getting a home after they get married.
The whole point of that campaign became to convince you to _not_ ask a woman. Trust _us_, not her. We know better that she really wants a diamond. Just buy one already.
A polar bear is a cartesian bear after a coordinate transform.