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British Royal Navy Submarines Now Run Windows
meist3r writes "On his Government blog, Microsoft's Ian McKenzie announced today that the Royal Navy was ahead of schedule for switching their nuclear submarines to a customized Microsoft Windows solution dubbed 'Submarine Command System Next Generation (SMCS NG)' which apparently consists of Windows 2000 network servers and XP workstations. In the article, it is claimed that this decision will save UK taxpayers £22m over the next ten years. The installation of the new system apparently took just 18 days on the HMS Vigilant. According to the BAE Systems press release from 2005, the overall cost of the rollout was £24.5m for all eleven nuclear submarines of the Vanguard, Trafalgar and Swiftsure classes. Talk about staying with the sinking ship."
Blue Submarine of Death
I record my sleeptalking
The last time I drove my car into a lake the windows didn't last past 15 feet. Of course my car is American, and those Brits have that funky metric system, so who knows?
(Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week)
Vote monkeys into Congress. They are cheaper and more trustworthy.
The navy liked their version of minesweeper best.
I mean who in a sane mind would want windows on a submarine ? It's not like there is anything interesting to see in the darkness of the depths.
From "Das Boot" to "ReBoot".
Tech support: "Can you tell us the problem with your submarine?"
HMS Bob: "Das Not Boot."
Don't you mean gnuke? :)
Wolfgang Petersen is reportedly preparing to make "Das Reboot", a (very) short sequel.
That'll explain this recent Royal Navy advert.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=aDHPCr5m4ko
I find the words Windows and nuclear been uttered in the same sentence very disconcerting.
If taxation is legalized theft, then Capitalism is a prolonged rape followed by a slow death.
They did indeed learn from past mistakes and are remarkably forward-thinking. They made a boat that was doomed to fail miserably, named it the Titanic, and said it was unsinkable. Many years later there was a movie made about it that was a box-office smash hit. They're now seeding an even bigger future movie by making certain that ALL their boats will sink.
..the Blue Screen of Death isn't just a namesake anymore?
Real men read Slashdot articles at -1, bottom up.
Now I can sleep safer knowing that if the Brits are about to launch a nuclear missile from a submarine and start WWIII, a UAC window will pop up asking if they are sure about it.
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
'I don't know if they frighten the enemy, but they scare the hell out of me.'
at least they're up front about it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDHPCr5m4ko
"hello! i am your friendly helpagent clippy! what do you want to do? wage nuclear war? or just launch a conventional cruise missile? learn how to do that here."
Now think about a corporate drone using Windows. Your desktop is locked down, updates are rolled out by IT. If your machine is taken over by an IE exploit, the Exchange server fails, etc. etc., there is nothing you can do about it.
Conclusion: Windows is the appropriate operating system for submarines.
From scarped cliff or quarried stone she cries "A thousand types are gone, I care for nothing, no not one."
Summary fails to mention, and sort of implies the opposite; The cost saving is down to using off the shelf hardware, not switching to windows.
Windows made the submarines on-the-shelf hardware, they'll be sitting pretty on some reef shelf in no time.
Mr. Malda, I'm submitting the news article for 2009-01-19 ahead of time:
Microsoft's Ian McKenzie announced today that the entire Royal Navy Nuclear Submarine fleet had sunk due to a Windows buffer overflow. HMS Vigilant's captain, Commander Bob Anstey, said: "I heard my 1st officer shouting 'Captain, Be SOD, Overflow!', so I yelled at him: 'Get the caulking guns ready, you SOD!' and he just gave me a blank stare and said: 'We cannot caulk this one, sir! Vigilant's a goner!' Well, bugger me!"
In other news:
HMS Vigilant's captain, Commander Bob Anstey allegedly accidentally fired a nuclear missile at Redmond, Washington in an attempt to complete the Windows Activation of the newly installed 'Submarine Command System Next Generation' customized Windows XP system. "It was a bug, yes, that's it. Some kind of unfortunate bug triggered the 19-step launch sequence," said Commander Anstey. Nobody at or near Microsoft could be reached for a comment.
In the great coordinate plain of life, we seem to have a situation where the line tracing British IQ and the line tracing the mortality of the human race are getting perilously close. I've always taken comfort in the fact that mouth breathers and knuckle draggers seemed to remain alive almost in spite of their gross stupidity. Now a bunch of twits from the dept. of silly walks decides that the most expedient means of managing a nuclear force is with an operating system whose answer to digital indigestion is at best rebooting and at worst reinstallation. I can only imagine how that might impact (and I use the word "IMPACT" in all it's most unpleasant possible meanings) a critical nuclear encounter.
Some additional new possible acronyms;
DBSD ----- Deep Blue Sea of Death
BGAD ----- Blue Glass Ashtray of Death
RBGD ----- Radioactive Blue Glow of Death
BSOA ----- Blue Screen of Armageddon
O-SHT ---- The Missile Ranger is Turning Blue Because Windows Has Wedged and He Can't Abort the Missile Launch!!!
Going open source would save even more money, no?
Or maybe they wanted to just make a one-time payment for Windows and not hire a Linux admin, because it's easier to configure the things they need in Windows, people are more familiar with it and don't need to spend time to learn new stuff, I doubt any external users would have access to their network and there may be other reasons we're not aware of.
/lib, other times from /usr/lib and other times from /local/lib. There are multiple versions of the same libraries, with different functionalities which appear under the same version number in each of these directories. Can someone help me, please?
./nuke-launch /home/linuxzealot/nukez/src/lib/src/build/nuke.so /home/linuxzealot/nukez/maps/europe/general/europe-map-0.1.33-beta-delta-psi
Windows does what they need. The BSOD is extremely rare on 2k/XP.
"Going open-source" can also mean something like:
IT: Captain, we're doing down!
Captain: Fix that computer problem!
IT: I'm trying, I've posted the question on two forums, but we're in a bad timezone, sir.
Meanwhile, on forum.freedom_from_microsoft_forum_hackers.com:
NEW POST: USN Hi guys, I have a problem with my Linux server. Sometimes it loads libraries from
NEW POST: Kid in garage RTFM!
NEW POST: USN I did that and I searched on google and I asked on IRC. There were some things but they were pretty unclear to me and I lost the URLS. They didn't show up in my browser because I was using the latest version which respects the W3C standards but the pages were made to be compliant with older browsers.
NEW POST: Other kid in garage What distribution are you running?
NEW POST: USN This is the US Navy, we're using Kopper Kidney Kinux, kernel 1.0.0.0.0.1
NEW POST: Kid in garage I'm sorry, the support for that distribution has stopped a long time ago, here's a torrent of the lates Zupper Zume Zinux, kernel 1.0.0.0.0.2. Everyone who knew something about your distro moved on and forgot about it.
NEW POST: USN But I can't just update all the servers, we're sinking and these waters are full of sharks! I need a solution for my distro ASAP!
NEW POST: Other kid in garage Fuck Microsoft! Yeah! Linux rules! NEW POST: Kid in garage What are you talking about? What water? What sharks? Are you high?
NEW POST: Admin: This forum has been closed, because I'm going on vacation and there's nobody to watch it for a couple of weeks. See you after x-mas and happy new year, everyone!
Back on the submarine:
Captain: Damn it man, did you fix that problem? Just reboot the computers and it will most likely go away, that's what I do at home...
IT: Sir, this is Linux; it's so stable that rebooting it won't help, it will remain in the same stable (and buggy) state. But there were also some modifications we made to the system without rebooting in the past two years - hey, btw, check out my penis size! - which my get broken if we reboot...
Captain: Then just rebuild everything!
IT: I'm sorry, sir, but my religion won't allow me to reinstall Linux.
Captain: I read something around here that says our computers are in used by gnomes, what the fuck is going on?
And the IT goes back to his computer:
IT: tar zxvf nuke-launch-0.3.9-alpha
IT: cd nuke-launch-0.3.9-alpha
IT:
IT: Damn typo! No, I meant version 0.1.34! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Computer: Kernel panic! Arrrghhhhhhhhh!!!
IT: write captain@deck sir, the computer just panicked, i think we really have a problem.
Why do some people think that Windows can ONLY mean bad things? And yeah, everyone remembers the BSODs we used to get back in '98 until 2001, but nobody remembers the "kernel panic," because it was less c
See, this is actually an elegant solution, as the bloat will act as a redundant buoyancy system in case of the inevitable blue-screen crush.
Never open the Windows in a submarine!
Gentoo Linux - another day, another USE flag.
I can't wait for the first national nuclear emergency to occur because of Windows Genuine Advantage (tm)
Sounds like sub standard software to me
Slashdot people often said that a Windows computer is only secure when encased in a steel box and sunk beneath the sea. So, why complain now?
Everybody would be laughing out loud....
40% Funny, 40% Insightful, 40% Informative, 40% Dolomite
It didn't take 18 days to install windows. It took 18 days to re-cable the whole submarine with an ethernet network, replace all the computers, AND install windows. I'd like to see you rewire a submarine in that time...
I can't believe I just defended the military.
A latent existence
no really when i was young there was jokes about irish people and one was "how can you tell an Irish submarine... it has windows" ok it was funny
> ... making certain that ALL their boats will sink
These boats are submarines. They'd be broken if they _didn't_ sink.
So, the USS Yorktown was an actual real life fail boat?
I would love to see a group of 100 Microsoft executives taken down thousands of feet under the ocean's surface and then informed that the entire vessel is run under a Microsoft Windows operating network. With bio-monitoring devices attached to each of them, I have to wonder how many of them would not cringe at the news that their safety was in the hands of their "no longer supported" operating systems.
I am not sure how we could work Samuel L Jackson into this plot, but it would make a pretty funny movie, I think. "Das-Reboot"
Just came here to say "Das Reboot" in a random place.
No sig today...
First, Wellington wasn't in the Navy.
as any fan of blackadder would know. :-)
wellington:The men had a whip-round and got you this. Well, what I mean is I had the men roundly whipped until they got you this. It's a cigarillo case engraved with the regimental crest of two crossed dead Frenchmen, emblazoned on a mound of dead Frenchmen motif. - some of the funniest words ever on tv.
rather i saw it as an english officer talking of those that were supposed to be supporting him.
Second, he said it of Spanish officers, not the British Navy.
strange i'd always heard it used as a description of the irish soldiers under his command. i've seen it in print form as well as on the web.
For real Navy incompetence, you need to look no further than John Jervis, Lord St. Vincent. His idea of blockade was so close that its main danger was to his own ships, which were often wrecked close inshore. Appointed to shore command, he couldn't see the need for all those people working in shipyards. So he sacked 20% of them and cut the pay of the rest. Hence Nelson's depleted fleet at Trafalgar. Making stupid decisions to cut costs has a long history in the Navy, beginning with the aftermath of the Armada.
which is referred to in the fictional master and command series i'm currently reading. good reading!
...it looks like you're trying to fire a torpedo. What would you like to do?
That's our life, the big wheel of shit. - The Fat Man, Blue Tango Salvage
Depends on what you mean by "runs the whole ship". The application in question probably was related to engine control, since a technician working on a fuel valve entering the offending zero. That makes a loss of engine power easy to explain: the system that controlled the engines was offline.
None of the public descriptions of the Yorktown incident are entirely satisfactory. For example, it is often said that the faulty data caused the LAN to down. Why would that be? And why would that stop the engines?
Reading between the lines, I bet it worked something like this. I'll bet that design of the engine control system used multiple servers connected over a LAN to ensure that engine power was not lost in the case of any single computer being lost in battle. However, the servers must share data in order to make sure any one of them can take over the engines if the others are out. This makes the shared data itself a single point of failure.
Personally, I think it is unconscionable that the ship was not navigable under manual control. It may be that in such circumstances, the ship could not perform its combat functions, but it still should be able to move out of danger if at all physically possible.
With respect to whether Microsoft has any role in the incident, that is impossible to say. Why did it take so long to bring the system back online? Well, one of the aspects of SQL Server is that it lacks workable log utilities. It is impractical without such utilities to quickly bring a complex database back up to some arbitrary point in time, or to undo the consequences of a single problematic transaction unless you know exactly what the state of the system was before that point. For that reason, while that product has its good points, it's not really something I'd use where recovering data after some kind of problem is an important requirement.
Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.
Michael Phelps