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Microsoft Zunes Committing Mass Suicide

jddeluxe writes "There are multiple reports springing up all over the internet of a mass suicide of Microsoft 30GB Zune players globally. Check Zune forums, Gizmodo, or other such sites; the reports are spreading rapidly, except apparently to the Microsoft official Zune site."

72 of 785 comments (clear)

  1. Suicide? by catbertscousin · · Score: 5, Funny

    It's a Stand Alone Complex!

    --
    No good deed goes unpunished. - Avon, Blake's 7
    1. Re:Suicide? by retyurecvb · · Score: 5, Funny

      My Zune was among the affected. In my defense, I got it from a fire sale for 50 dollars, so either way, no big loss. Farewell, sweet PMP, you were taken from us too zune.

    2. Re:Suicide? by 0prime · · Score: 2, Funny

      So it's only the players used to watch Anime?

      --
      I am not a *blank*, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
    3. Re:Suicide? by jhol13 · · Score: 5, Funny

      I think you can get a few bucks for the iPod.

      Maybe even enough to buy a decent mp3 player!

    4. Re:Suicide? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      Score: -1, MS Fanboy

    5. Re:Suicide? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      Score: +5, Apple Hater

    6. Re:Suicide? by Missing_dc · · Score: 4, Funny

      Unless he invested that $300 in stocks, then he might be double screwed.

      --
      How amazed would you be to suddenly find that you just forgot what I wrote and you needed to reread my post.... again.
    7. Re:Suicide? by Pollardito · · Score: 4, Funny

      fine, then he GAINED the depreciation that would have accrued on the alternate music player that he would have had to buy last year in the absence of the Zune

    8. Re:Suicide? by severoon · · Score: 2, Funny

      Perhaps the Zune folks implemented the MS policy on planned obsolescence a bit too zealously. Hey guys: it's a subtle art!

      --
      but have you considered the following argument: shut up.
    9. Re:Suicide? by severoon · · Score: 2, Funny

      In addition, it loses value over time. So if he bought a zune for $50 dollars and it comes broken breaks right away, $50 lost(assuming for some reason it cannot be returned or exchanged). But if it works for 2 years and he expected about the same amount of usage, then nothing lost. His $50 was put into use.

      WARNING! Car analogy: WARNING! I buy a car for $1000 (so not a good car, shut up it is a car analogy). I use the car for a year and sell it for less than the original value, say I get $750. Did I lose $250 dollars or use $250 to have a working car for a year?

      You should've leased that car. For $250/month, you could've had a much sweeter ride. (Sure, you'd have defaulted after that one month...but what a month!)

      --
      but have you considered the following argument: shut up.
    10. Re:Suicide? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Why don't we all leave you Ferengi to mutter among yourselves and the rest of us will worry the problem of the Zunes that stopped working.

    11. Re:Suicide? by freyyr890 · · Score: 2, Funny

      Score -1, dream crusher.

  2. BZOD by Subm · · Score: 5, Funny

    Blue Zune Of Death!

    1. Re:BZOD by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      So instead of saying it's a brick, we can now officially call it a turd?

    2. Re:BZOD by G0rAk · · Score: 4, Funny

      Kneel before iZOD!

      --

      Nothing to see here. Move along.
    3. Re:BZOD by wootcat · · Score: 2, Funny

      That requires two Zunes getting close enough to transfer the virus. What's the likelihood of that? And then getting close to other Zunes for this to spread as much as it has?

      Hrm.

      --
      I'm really a low 5-digit Slashdotter, but this ID is where I am now.
    4. Re:BZOD by sbillard · · Score: 2, Funny

      There is no Dana... there is only Zune.

  3. 3 bit years should be enough for anyone. by jellomizer · · Score: 4, Funny

    I guess they just allocated a 3 bit year, in their systems (starting year 2000). Hey who would think there would still have Zunes around b 2009.

    --
    If something is so important that you feel the need to post it on the internet... It probably isn't that important.
    1. Re:3 bit years should be enough for anyone. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      "Microsoft release the Millennium Bug after 8 year delay"

    2. Re:3 bit years should be enough for anyone. by jacksonj04 · · Score: 2, Funny

      Time Quarks? Up, down, top, bottom, sex-appeal and peppermint?

      --
      How many people can read hex if only you and dead people can read hex?
  4. Is this a troll? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    30mb Zune? Micro$oft? Go back to /b/ CmdrTaco

  5. re by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Let me know when one commits homicide. That will be news.

    1. Re:re by geckipede · · Score: 2, Funny

      You just need a few tens of thousands of them stacked together so they can use their wireless as a directional maser array. More than that would be needed against a target that takes less than 24 hours to move out of range.

  6. Gotta hand it to MicroSoft by larry+bagina · · Score: 5, Funny

    They've successfully dispelled the rumor that no own owns a Zune.

    --
    Do you even lift?

    These aren't the 'roids you're looking for.

    1. Re:Gotta hand it to MicroSoft by Chris+Mattern · · Score: 5, Funny

      ...and replaced it with the rumor that no one owns a *working* Zune.

  7. $la$hdot, your be$t $ource for tech new$ by kbrasee · · Score: 5, Funny

    $top the pre$$e$, thi$ ju$t in -- $la$hdot ridicule$ Micro$oft!

    Al$o I think $omeone me$$ed around with my keyboard driver$...

  8. I heard a song about this once... by eclectro · · Score: 5, Funny

    You don't need no entertainment
    You dont need no Zune control
    No dark sarcasm on the nets
    People leave them Zunes alone
    Hey! people! Leave them Zunes alone!
    All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
    All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

    --
    Take the cheese to sickbay, the doctor should see it as soon as possible - B'Elanna Torres, "Learning Curve"
  9. song parody by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    but something touched me deep inside...the day the 30 gigs died

    I started singing "bye, bye MS 30 gig zune"
    tried to download from the zune store but the zune store was dry
    and the ms fanboys were drinking whiskey and rye
    the day...the 30 gigs died

    1. Re:song parody by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      I see the bad Zune arising.
      I see trouble on the way.
      I see blue screens and crashing
      I see bad times today.

      Dont turn it on tonight,
      Well, its bound to take its life,
      Theres a bad Zune on the rise.

  10. Designed Obsolescence by neo · · Score: 4, Funny

    Designed Obsolescence.

    You didn't really think they'd support this thing through 2009 did you? Oh, go back and read your EULA. It clearly states that at the start of 2009 you'll have to pay a subscription fee for you unit to continue working. You signed it in blood from the paper cut. Legally binding in hell.

  11. Re:Real mature by jellomizer · · Score: 5, Funny

    That is a common mistake that anyone who is older then 30 years can do. Dag Nabbit, Back in my day I would have pined for a 30 megabyte music player. We had to use instruments fashioned out on animal hides and termite infested wood. Then pay from memory the music. And it never sounded as good as you remembered it.

    --
    If something is so important that you feel the need to post it on the internet... It probably isn't that important.
  12. If you were a Zune ... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Would you not want to commit Suicide ?

  13. Re:Suicide? Really? by GameMaster · · Score: 2, Funny

    Ah, antifreeze. Sinfully delicious...

    --

    Rules of Conduct:
    #1 - The DM is always right.
    #2 - If the DM is wrong, see rule #1
  14. Zune 3.11 by kbrasee · · Score: 5, Funny

    If the Zune 3.1 firmware turns out to be the problem, then I assume the patched version will be Zune 3.11. Hey, this sounds familiar.

  15. Bailout? by El+Torico · · Score: 4, Funny

    So, how long before Microsoft has to beg to Congress for a bailout?
    "No one will buy our products ever since the Zune Fiasco! Give us money! WA WA WA!"

    --
    In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is usually crucified.
  16. Re:Real mature by larry+bagina · · Score: 3, Funny

    You ate a McDonald's Big Mac once. It's well known that their minimum wage employees occasionally jack off into the secret sauce. So it's perfectly fair to call you a cum guzzling jiz mop.

    --
    Do you even lift?

    These aren't the 'roids you're looking for.

  17. Re:How do I know it's dying.. by Talderas · · Score: 4, Funny

    Then you must cut the one ring from Sauron's hand, carry it to the fire of Mt. Doom and cast it into the cauldron.

    --
    "Lack of speed can be overcome. In the worst case by patience." --Znork
  18. Re:The Fix by eclectro · · Score: 4, Funny

    And all accross this great nation of ours countless tiny screws are getting lost in the carpet.

    --
    Take the cheese to sickbay, the doctor should see it as soon as possible - B'Elanna Torres, "Learning Curve"
  19. New Trademark by DieByWire · · Score: 2, Funny

    Played For Sure.

    --
    Never shake hands with a man you meet in a fertility clinic.
  20. In the meantime in Redmond... by neonux · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...people see Zunes commiting suicide by flying out from Ballmer's office.

    --
    @neonux
    1. Re:In the meantime in Redmond... by Alien+Being · · Score: 2, Funny

      Zunes are born from Ballmer's orifice. And people wonder why they're brown.

  21. Re:Value did get lost :( by sundarvenkata · · Score: 2, Funny

    I am feeling bad because of the hardship that MSFT has to go through just because *Microsoft* did this. Had this been any other corporation (Apple for instance), there will be no fuss and fanboys will defend Apple left and right). I still love MSFT products (I see you, VS 2008) but MSFT employees are still human, right?

  22. Leap year bug? by Zerimar · · Score: 2, Funny

    I have two 30GB Zunes that are affected by this. The best theory I've heard is that it is having issues with this being the 366th day of the year. Maybe all will be well again tomorrow - we'll see.

  23. They are all fine! by impaledsunset · · Score: 4, Funny

    The fact that it doesn't load UI and doesn't play music doesn't mean they aren't working perfectly fine. Apparently, they just gained sentience.

  24. Re:Real mature by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    It's already kind of lame when someone spells it M$ or Micro$oft in a comment but... in the summary? Childish much?

    My apologies for offending your employer. Speaking of childish antics, I wonder if Steve Ballmer got a new chair for Christmas?

  25. Re:Real mature by NtroP · · Score: 5, Funny

    You had wood? Spoiled kid.

    Are you kidding? When I was a kid I had wood constantly. Now that I'm [much] older I can only dream...

    --
    "terrorism" and "pedophilia" are the root passwords to the Constitution
  26. Re:Checked Google Trends lately? by 4D6963 · · Score: 4, Funny

    "I felt a great disturbance in the Trends, as if thousands of people realised their Zune was broke and looked it up online."

    --
    You just got troll'd!
  27. Re:Real mature by robot_love · · Score: 4, Funny

    Then pay from memory the music.

    I believe you are mistaken. To my knowledge, it is still free to remember music, but the RIAA is working with the US government to close this so-called 'neural hole'. They're really just looking after the good of the artists. Really.

    --
    .there is enough of everything for everyone.
  28. Re:'Committed Suicide?' by Joce640k · · Score: 3, Funny

    It might be the DRM code, in which case "suicide" is appropriate.

    --
    No sig today...
  29. DRMfail by Rinisari · · Score: 2, Funny

    I sooo hope this is related to the DRM on the device. That would totally make my day/year, as well as that of every other anti-DRM person.

  30. Re:It's a firmware bug. by locokamil · · Score: 2, Funny

    You bought two zunes?

  31. Re:NOT Zune 3.11 by neonux · · Score: 5, Funny

    but... Zune 3.11 for Workgroups

    --
    @neonux
  32. Re:Leap Day... by 0xABADC0DA · · Score: 4, Funny

    Just one (likely) possible cause. If that is the case it should fix its self tomorrow.

    Or it could be the Zune Rapture. This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't put Marilyn Manson on it.

  33. Y2K 8 years late? by angelwolf71885 · · Score: 3, Funny

    due to lousy programming MS cant even git the Y2K bug in the right year

  34. Re:Xbox,HD-DVD,Zune...Anyone Admit To Owning All 3 by JWSmythe · · Score: 4, Funny

    Every time I hear the name "Zune", for some reason I look around for sandworms.

    --
    Serious? Seriousness is well above my pay grade.
  35. Re:Real mature by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
    Sorry, couldn't resist (probably has something to do with me passing the Ballmer peak, thus this ACiness)

    there are only 10 types of people in the world, those who get binary and

    9 others that I don't care about.

    Good thing I've conditioned myself to press the preview button, or I'd have to come up with some witty reply to myself explaining why I forgot to check the AC box.

  36. Re:Real mature by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    In Soviet Russia, joke tells YOU!

  37. Re:Leap Day... by elrous0 · · Score: 3, Funny

    That means that the first one purchased wasn't until well into 2007.

    --
    SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
  38. Re:The Fix by AndGodSed · · Score: 2, Funny

    You are overestimating the amount of zune users out there...

  39. Oblig. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I sense a disturbance in the Force... It's as if tens of voices cried out in terror and were silenced.

  40. Re:Article summary by ConceptJunkie · · Score: 2, Funny

    Wait. You're implying that they sometimes do read the entries?

    --
    You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.
  41. Re:Real mature by fahrbot-bot · · Score: 2, Funny

    I wonder if Steve Ballmer got a new chair for Christmas?

    I hear Bill got him a few throw pillows for the sofa.

    --
    It must have been something you assimilated. . . .
  42. Re:Xbox,HD-DVD,Zune...Anyone Admit To Owning All 3 by HTH+NE1 · · Score: 2, Funny

    Worst Console Ever.
    Dead Movie Format
    and a dead 'iPod killer' with a stupid brand name

    It's hilarious in a pathetic sort of way to know there are huge numbers of diehard Microsoft fanboys out there who are actually dumb enough to own all three of those Microsoft turds.

    If you're looking for a company with a history of failed product launches, look instead to Sony. With their sudden success with Blu-ray, I'm starting to think there's a chance the Cubs might win the World Series.

    --
    Oh, say does that Star-Spangled Banner entwine / The myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's vine?
  43. All thosr MP3 will be lost... by Alex+Belits · · Score: 2, Funny

    ...like tears in rain.

    --
    Contrary to the popular belief, there indeed is no God.
  44. Re:Real mature by kv9 · · Score: 5, Funny

    For my next trick, there are only 10 types of people in the world, those who get binary and those who..."

    ... get laid?

  45. Re:Real mature by ivan256 · · Score: 2, Funny

    It's too bad you couldn't simultaneously make that joke and put yourself on the right side of the comparison....

  46. Re:Leap Day... by stokessd · · Score: 2, Funny

    Zune Rapture! Outstanding! One free internet for you.

    Sheldon

  47. Re:Open Source Hardware by christoofar · · Score: 2, Funny

    If you follow that logic... boarding a jet liner would freak you out.

    Does it?

  48. Re:LOL, Retard by Paradise+Pete · · Score: 3, Funny

    especially considering everyone knows the best color is black.

    I used to think that, but then I came back.

  49. Re:Value did get lost :( by drerwk · · Score: 2, Funny

    looks like it has had -zero- impact on the share price

    Kind of like the Zune in the first place?

  50. Re:Microsoft official fix: drain battery. Really by reybrujo · · Score: 2, Funny

    Look at the bright side: it is the fastest fix released by Microsoft. Ever.

  51. Re:Maybe he MADE $50 by daybot · · Score: 2, Funny

    a brand new Ferrari for $100, and I bought it and drove it for 20 years, then one day it just vanished into thin air

    Could be pretty serious if you were doing 180mph at the time...