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Burglar Logs Into Facebook On Victim's Computer

Posted by ScuttleMonkey on from the status-reads-i'm-robbing-a-house-right-now dept.

yet-another-lobbyist writes to mention that Facebook addiction has finally caused real world consequences, at least for one would-be burglar. It seems that 19-year-old Jonathan Parker couldn't stay away from the popular social networking site, even long enough to rob a house. Parker not only stopped mid-robbery to check his Facebook status on the victim's computer, but left it logged in to his account when he left.

67 of 337 comments (clear)

  1. "You have been poked by the Police" by CdBee · · Score: 5, Funny

    Seriously - what a muffin.... Wonder how his addiction will do, in jail...

    --
    I have been a user for about 10 years. This ends Feb 2014. The site's been ruined. I'm off. Dice, FU
    1. Re:"You have been poked by the Police" by goombah99 · · Score: 2

      He was framed!

      --
      Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
    2. Re:"You have been poked by the Police" by JSBiff · · Score: 4, Funny

      So, will his status for the next 3-5 years be updated to:

      JOHN PARKER is serving a sentence in the State Penn.

    3. Re:"You have been poked by the Police" by SomeoneGotMyNick · · Score: 3, Funny

      he was iFramed

    4. Re:"You have been poked by the Police" by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Well, thankfully you broke the curse. None of us are laughing at what you wrote.

    5. Re:"You have been poked by the Police" by mdwh2 · · Score: 2, Interesting

      Do you have a (non Daily Mail) source for this?

    6. Re:"You have been poked by the Police" by Dishevel · · Score: 2, Funny

      An iFrame is .... Ahh forget it. AC and stupid. No way facts are going to make it past your assumptions.

      --
      Why is it so hard to only have politicians for a few years, then have them go away?
  2. That was you? by dmmiller2k · · Score: 2, Funny

    Parker, you scoundrel!

    --

    "No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up." -- Lily Tomlin

  3. just too funny by onepoint · · Score: 2, Funny

    Darwin effects will always rule!

    --
    if you see me, smile and say hello.
    1. Re:just too funny by PinkyGigglebrain · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Unfortunately he will likely still get a chance to contribute to the decline of the the gene pool when he gets out of jail so he is, again unfortunately, ineligible for a Darwin Award. This time.

      This is an extreme example supporting my long standing belief that only stupid criminals get caught, the smart ones end up running mega-corps like M$.

  4. Frame job? by JSBiff · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Part of me has to wonder if someone else might have logged into the facebook account and left it for the victim to find, to implicate this other fellow?

    Granted, there's probably more evidence to tie this guy to the burglary, but, I dunno, this seems *too* convenient.

    1. Re:Frame job? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      You've got to remember where this happened - Martinsburg, WV... where they old saw goes:

      How do you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?
      Because anywhere else it would have bene called a teethbrush.

    2. Re:Frame job? by jittles · · Score: 5, Interesting

      Don't underestimate the stupidity of your average criminal. My dad is a lawyer who has defended some really dumb criminals. I remember him telling me one time about a client who got busted for robbing a jewelry store. Apparently on his way to commit the crime he was pulled over for speeding. As luck would have it, he brought the ticket into the store with him and accidentally left it on the counter. Needless to say, it didn't take very long for the police to find him

    3. Re:Frame job? by Tony+Hoyle · · Score: 2, Interesting

      I doubt the police would go for a prosecution just based on a facebook login. It will give them a prime suspect though - which will turn up other evidence, as in this case.

    4. Re:Frame job? by brian0918 · · Score: 4, Informative

      Granted, there's probably more evidence to tie this guy to the burglary

      Yeah... like the fact that he asked a friend if they'd want to help rob the house.....

      He also said that the night before the burglary, Parker asked him if he wanted to help break into the victim's home but he refused.

    5. Re:Frame job? by Brigadier · · Score: 2, Funny

      I have a few friends who are detectives in two local jurisdictions, one being the lapd. After learning of some interrogation tactics only a seasoned criminal really has a chance, well them and those who are smart enough to request a lawyer immediately. I fully see the following scenario.

      cop: So mr iamsosexyinthewv you do realize your mafia wars experience points will be subtracted once this goes to court right !?
      perp: What do you mean they will be subtracted when i go to court.
      cop: well if you weren't on the scene then they don't count.
      perp: Your damn straight I was on the scene, I just got to cuba and i'm not about to go back.

      or something like that...

    6. Re:Frame job? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Interesting

      I don't know; guy from my high school crawled through an elderly woman's kitchen window and raped her. And dropped his wallet. And didn't realize it. True story; he didn't go straight home so the cops actually got to his apartment before he did and we were waiting for him when came home. People who have no impulse control (in other words, most criminals), really don't have the ability to prioritize like most of us "OK, I'd like to check facebook like I usually do every 5 minutes, but right now the potential negative consequences are just too great."

    7. Re:Frame job? by hawk · · Score: 4, Funny

      Back when I handled criminals, I had some *real* dumb ones, but my favorite robbed a friend's credit union.

      When the police found him, he leaped up to tell them that the money in one pocket was his; that theirs was on the other. And when they brought the teller out to ID him, *he* IDed *her* instead!

      Yes, criminals really are this dumb.

      hawk, esq

    8. Re:Frame job? by hawk · · Score: 2, Informative

      In that case, you plea bargain while the DA is laughing his *** off. :)

      hawk

  5. Jonathan Parker by Phoenixlol · · Score: 3, Funny

    is postin this from this house im robin... WAD UP JAY!!1 WANNA CHILL TONIHGT/

  6. stupidity by sopssa · · Score: 5, Funny

    Always when I think I've seen the most stupidity ever, there comes a next sucker and tops it.

    Next on news, casino robbers twitter about the process using @heist tag while executing their plan.

    1. Re:stupidity by JustOK · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Sweet place you work at, where anyone can come along and log into your computers and get online.

      --
      rewriting history since 2109
    2. Re:stupidity by omeomi · · Score: 3, Insightful

      At a previous job, we fired a cleaning crew because they logged into our computers to check their email while we were out.

      We called to tell them why they weren't getting paid or allowed to come back, and the boss said, "they might have pressed some buttons when they were dusting."

      We said, "the login we have here is 'john.smith123@hotmail.com'; the odds of that being pressed sequentially are 2.7^15 to 1 against."

      Why didn't you just lock your screen when you left for the day?

      --
      ZuluPad, the wiki notepad on crack
    3. Re:stupidity by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      You fired them for checking their email? Thank god they didn't make a phone call or you guys would have had to send the hit squad.

    4. Re:stupidity by smoker2 · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Yeah I run a web server off my browsing machine. But I lock the screen when I go out.

    5. Re:stupidity by gandhi_2 · · Score: 5, Funny

      are 2.7^15 to 1 against

      Coincidentally, 2 954 312.71 is the phone number of the Islington Flat where a cleaning crew supervisor learned that he had lost a contract.

      --
      THL phish sticks
    6. Re:stupidity by yurtinus · · Score: 2, Interesting

      Clearly the cleaning crew were illegal immigrants. I mean, who are they gonna complain to?

      --
      +1 Disagree
    7. Re:stupidity by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Insightful

      I'd further that by saying most criminals who are caught (and yes, this is most of them) do not rise to the top of the intelligence pool. Who knows how many ultra-smart uncaught criminals are still out there though...

    8. Re:stupidity by da5idnetlimit.com · · Score: 4, Funny

      In one of our offices, failure to lock your screen means you'll send an email proposing your sexual favours to a bunch of same sex colleagues for a modicum of money.

      Second offender in the same day makes the same offer, but to both sexes, and for a lower amount.

      This taught basic security to all newcomers.

      It is lucky that :
      - Most of us got caught, and pass on the joke
      - we all have a sense of humor
      - we are not in the US 8p

      --
      It takes 40+ muscles to frown, but only four to extend your arm and bitchslap the motherfucker
    9. Re:stupidity by cymen · · Score: 3, Informative

      Here in the US the email offers to buy free beers at a local bar after work.

    10. Re:stupidity by couchslug · · Score: 2

      That was the custom in many USAF shops where I worked. Endless computer security briefings don't make near the impact of romantic odes to ones entire section (if you were lucky) and sometimes senior leadership.

      --
      "This post is an artistic work of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."
    11. Re:stupidity by Dan541 · · Score: 2, Funny

      I'm thinking an aluminium keyboard (do they exist) and I bit of electrical wiring may help turn the joke around.

      --
      An SQL query goes to a bar, walks up to a table and asks, "Mind if I join you?"
    12. Re:stupidity by Dan541 · · Score: 3, Funny

      I used to screen shot the desktop, set it as wallpaper then drag all the icons off screen.

      --
      An SQL query goes to a bar, walks up to a table and asks, "Mind if I join you?"
    13. Re:stupidity by xelah · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Unless US law is very different to English law, having one party to a contract break it doesn't mean the other is automatically allowed to break it in any way they please in response. They might be if it's the right kind of breach, or the contract might say what they can do explicitly, but this doesn't sound to me to be likely to be that kind of breach.

      You'd have to be a complete idiot of a cleaning company to sue, though, so I doubt anyone cared.

  7. Did he update his status? by Toe,+The · · Score: 5, Funny

    I can just imagine it...

    Status: Robbing a house at 319 Elm St. ROTFL!

    1. Re:Did he update his status? by clone53421 · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Yes. You're correct. They should have said he was checking his friends' statuses and/or checking for comments.

      --
      Alexander Peter Kristopeit bought his basement from his mommy for one dollar.
    2. Re:Did he update his status? by camperdave · · Score: 4, Funny

      I don't have an account
      either, but it might be like
      checking Slashdot to see
      if anyone replied to your
      comments.

      ...or if they've fixed the idle
      comment entry field yet.

      --
      When our name is on the back of your car, we're behind you all the way!
    3. Re:Did he update his status? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      I don't have an account

      either, but it might be like

      checking Slashdot to see

      if anyone replied to your

      comments. ...or if they've fixed the idle

      comment entry field yet.

      That was like the worst poem ever.

    4. Re:Did he update his status? by mrdoogee · · Score: 4, Funny

      Burmashave!

    5. Re:Did he update his status? by clone53421 · · Score: 4, Funny

      I don't have an account

      either, but it might be like

      checking Slashdot to see

      if anyone replied to your

      comments. ...or if they've fixed the idle

      comment entry field yet.

      That was like the worst poem ever.

      Burma-Shave.

      --
      Alexander Peter Kristopeit bought his basement from his mommy for one dollar.
    6. Re:Did he update his status? by CdBee · · Score: 4, Funny

      Facebook could REALLY improve their traffic levels if every 24 hours they autochanged statuses to "is sucking a cock" unless the user logged in before the time-out......

      --
      I have been a user for about 10 years. This ends Feb 2014. The site's been ruined. I'm off. Dice, FU
    7. Re:Did he update his status? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      Well, that would take care of homophobic men and anyone without a sense of humor.

      What about the heterophobic women with a sense of humor?

      Venn Fai

    8. Re:Did he update his status? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Your mom wouldn't have to log in as often.

  8. Facebook Status: by Codex_of_Wisdom · · Score: 4, Funny

    JOHN PARKER is robbing a house :)
    updated 2:57 PM today

  9. Facebook addiction by TrippTDF · · Score: 4, Interesting

    I know what that is like.. I actually made my wife change my password for me, and she logs me in a couple times a week so i can check messages.

    I don't think anyone predicted that the internet would give us infinite narcissism.

  10. Re:This proves the old adage... by TrippTDF · · Score: 5, Insightful

    SOME criminals are stupid... obviously, you never hear about the smart ones.

  11. Re:Criminals are stupid, film at 11? by clone53421 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Stupid criminals leave their Facebook accounts logged in on your computer. Smart ones steal all the passwords that are stored in your browser.

    --
    Alexander Peter Kristopeit bought his basement from his mommy for one dollar.
  12. Left the Computer? by ViViDboarder · · Score: 2, Insightful

    So the burglar just left the computer there? You'd think if you were robbing the place you'd just take it with you...

    I'm calling shenanigans! Frame-Job!! :P

  13. Further evidence... by idontgno · · Score: 4, Funny

    that criminals aren't criminals because they're too smart to hold down a regular job.

    --
    Welcome to the Panopticon. Used to be a prison, now it's your home.
  14. Status by Manos_Of_Fate · · Score: 2, Funny

    I can only assume he was stopping to set his status to "is about to get arrested for burglary".

    --
    Isn't enough that I ruined a pony, making a gift for you?
  15. Re:Criminals are stupid, film at 11? by ckaminski · · Score: 4, Funny

    Smart ones take the FUCKING COMPUTER!

  16. Mafia Wars? by stonefry · · Score: 2, Funny

    Perhaps he needed to make sure his mafia wars character was doing ok. Maybe he needed to rob some mega casinos or something.

  17. What I want to know is ... by Gravitron+5000 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    if was robbing the place, why didn't he take the damn computer?

    1. Re:What I want to know is ... by pluther · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Probably a tower case.

      Most burglars are no professionals. They are just looking for easily-grabbed items that they can fit into their pockets. Any cash laying around, jewelry, mp3 players or other electronic devices, stuff like that. Carrying a computer down the street would be too obvious.

      Likewise, people like this are usually crimes of opportunity. Little to no planning would have been involved - this guy is obviously no professional.

      --
      If the masses can keep you down, you're not the Ubermensch.
    2. Re:What I want to know is ... by Ingcuervo · · Score: 3, Funny

      of course he is not a professional, social networking on working hours????

    3. Re:What I want to know is ... by clone53421 · · Score: 2, Funny

      It's actually sorta in the middle, between "backslash" and "shift". Pounding on the "return" probably isn't a good idea, though, cause you might break the keyboard.

      --
      Alexander Peter Kristopeit bought his basement from his mommy for one dollar.
  18. A newer spin... by mevets · · Score: 5, Funny

    Why is there no CSI Hillsboro? There are no dental records and everybody has the same DNA.....

  19. Re:On a semi-related note by zoward · · Score: 2, Informative

    Burglary charges tend to be more severe when they involve a night-time break-in since it's more likely that the homeowners are going to be at home (possibly asleep) then.

    --
    "Can't you see that everyone is buying station wagons?"
  20. Re:This proves the old adage... by Archangel+Michael · · Score: 3, Insightful

    SOME criminals are stupid... obviously, you never hear about the smart ones.

    Sure you do, they are called congressmen and senators.

    --
    Agent K: A *person* is smart. People are dumb, stupid, panicky animals, and you know it.
  21. Predictions by SuperKendall · · Score: 4, Interesting

    I don't think anyone predicted that the internet would give us infinite narcissism.

    For anyone who read Usenet back in the 90's, this was not a prediction - it was a certainty.

    --
    "There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
  22. Protip for criminals by Lord+Grey · · Score: 3, Funny

    Habitual Multitaskers Do It Badly.

    Dumbass.

    --
    // Beyond Here Lie Dragons
  23. Re:This proves the old adage... by CityZen · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Sorry, but you're mistaken. It's "politician = criminal", not "politician = smart criminal".
    Politicians, just like criminals, can be smart and dumb.
    You only hear about the dumb ones. I'm not sure if the smart ones exist.
    (We never hear about them.)

  24. Re:Criminals are stupid, film at 11? by networkBoy · · Score: 2, Funny

    I'd take the TV remotes and the hard disks.
    Leave everything else untouched...

    Burglary to fsck with people sounds more fun than anything else...
    -nB

    as a victim of a burglary recently I must note that I would kill me if I ever caught me doing said things. Also, that the first thing I thought when I saw the door busted was *please god not the server*.

    --
    whois gawk date unzip strip find touch finger mount join nice man top fsck grep eject more yes exit umount sleep dump
  25. Full of LOL by EkriirkE · · Score: 2, Funny
    Here's his MySpace:
    http://www.myspace.com/parkersworld16

    And a choice quote from one of his friends:

    ...Aubrey wants you to join their mob in Mobsters, a Mafia-style combat game played on MySpace.

    Start out as a petty thief and work your way up to become a Mob Don!

    --
    from 09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0
    to 45 2F 6E 40 3C DF 10 71 4E 41 DF AA 25 7D 31 3F
  26. Daytime bulgrary? by SlashDev · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Jonathan G. Parker, 19, of Fort Loudoun, Pa., was arraigned Tuesday one count of felony daytime burglary." Is there a felony nighttime burglary? How about after nap burglary?

    --

    TOP DSLR Cameras Reviews of the top DSLRs
  27. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 2, Informative

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  28. In Soviet Russia... by WWWWolf · · Score: 2, Funny

    Ah, back in the Soviet Union days, the social networking at least made sense and didn't leave any incriminating evidence. Back then, after all, "social networking" was just notes on the kitchen table:

    "I've gone to the women's activism group at the collective meeting hall. The supper is in the oven. Long live the Party! -Mother."
    "I've gone to the Young Pioneer Palace to meet my friends. Long live the Party! -Son."
    "I've gone to the political rally in the city. Long live the Party! -Dad."
    "I've stolen everything of value in this house. Long live the Party! -Thief."

    See? New technology isn't always better.