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What If They Turned Off the Internet?

Posted by timothy on from the very-funny-now-where-is-slashdot dept.

theodp writes "It's the not-too-distant future. They've turned off the Internet. After the riots have settled down and the withdrawal symptoms have faded, how would you cope? Cracked.com asked readers to Photoshop what life would be like in an Internet-addicted society learning to cope without it. Better hope it never happens, or be prepared for dry-erase message boards, carrier pigeon-powered Twitter, block-long lines to get into adult video shops, door-to-door Rickrolling, Lolcats on Broadway, and $199.99 CDs."

15 of 511 comments (clear)

  1. (And now with more Pants!) by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

    If it gets Idle off /., it wouldn't be a complete loss.

    1. Re:(And now with more Pants!) by sopssa · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Sad thing is that this story *is not* in idle, but entertainment.

  2. Uhm... wrong site. by nametaken · · Score: 5, Insightful

    What is this, digg? Cracked joke pages don't belong here.

    1. Re:Uhm... wrong site. by wizardforce · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Idle and Slashdot 2.0 don't belong on Slashdot either. Unfortunately, someone behind the scenes thought that the best way to lure new users was to emulate Digg instead of doing what Slashdot did best; allow nerds and geeks to discuss interesting articles and thus provide intellectual entertainment. I think that they'll find that the whole charm of Slashdot was the discussion after the article and it is what made Slashdot worth returning to on a daily basis.

      --
      Sigs are too short to say anything truly profound so read the above post instead.
    2. Re:Uhm... wrong site. by altek · · Score: 5, Insightful

      +1000

      I have been on /. since it launched (yeah, back then we nerds were quite resistant to ever creating logins for sites, hence my non-low account ID). And it seems in the last 6 months or so it's been going this way - I have gone to reading it in Google Reader and also have Gizmodo and Engadget in there as well. It seems like at least a third of the posts lately are just regurgitated from Giz and Engadget, a day or so later.

      My thought is that the internet has grown so huge, that /. can't compete with sites that have pageviews hundreds of times higher, and this is their way of sucking in some extra pageviews.

      The content on here has definitely changed. I still find some engaging comment threads, but it just seems like the truly geeky content has gotten watered down with posts about new products, jokes, etc.

      Part of it may just be that the tech world as a whole has transformed from what it was in the mid-nineties. Back then, everything was awe-inspiring and amazing in the tech world, and now it's all pretty pedestrian, we've become quite jaded.

      And, our attention spans have gotten so short, that spending a half hour reading an article about a distributed network cracking the latest encryption algorithm gets pushed under the three posts about new cell phones. And a simple yet brilliant idea is no longer brilliant, it's just expected from middle management in the outsourced development sweatshops.

      --
      THE MAGIC WORDS ARE SQUEAMISH OSSIFRAGE
    3. Re:Uhm... wrong site. by JustOK · · Score: 5, Insightful

      What slashdot needs to do is evaluate the story submission process and the mods currently in control to emphasize less bullshit and more tech.

      What slashdot needs is a beowulf cluster of hot grits poured over Natalie Portman

      --
      rewriting history since 2109
    4. Re:Uhm... wrong site. by ZipprHead · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Being a long time reader myself, I'll have to say /. does have some strong competition of late with Engadget scooping stories first and BoingBoings editorial staff. But what makes this site awesome, is the commenting, moderation and user community. To this day, I often get what I need to know from the article and summaries. Engadget and other sites can not hold a candle to this community.

      Kudos to us all!

  3. It's not so bad. by Ralph+Spoilsport · · Score: 5, Interesting

    I remember an age before the internet. It was harder to find information and other data, but it wasn't so bad. The things you did have access to you took a bit more seriously. I spent more time at the library then. And I had an extensive cassette tape collection... No Internet != no computers, so rather than DL music, I suspect I would spend more time at LAN parties, which are always fun.

    --
    Shoes for Industry. Shoes for the Dead.
    1. Re:It's not so bad. by Ralph+Spoilsport · · Score: 5, Interesting
      Yeah - the transition would suck.

      In counterpoint, a friend of mine survived the "special times" in Cuba (basically, a massive powerdown) and said that the first six months pretty much sucked ass. But then you started to smile again, because the water was still warm and inviting, and you still had your friends, and you began to have fun. Only no one drove cars, and you invented things to do that didn't require money, electricity, or petroleum. A year after - you're fine. Different and less comfortable, but fine.

      RS

      --
      Shoes for Industry. Shoes for the Dead.
    2. Re:It's not so bad. by warGod3 · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Which side of the fence?

      I was in Cuba (Gitmo) in the 80s. We went to the beach, we played D&D, we skated, we did all kinds of things. You read a lot. Hell, we didn't even have cable or a McDonalds until 1986 or so. You really have to make do with what you have.

      It's amazing what you learn to live with and what you find to entertain yourself with.

      --
      "Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet." General James Mattis
  4. BBS by lothos · · Score: 5, Interesting

    we'd be using our 1200bps modems connecting to the local BBS and swapping email over fido.

    --
    Hosting and Domain name coupons
  5. Re:Riots? You've got to be kidding. by Nebulious · · Score: 5, Informative

    This may clarify a few things: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humour

  6. Re:Oblig. South Park Quote by Hurricane78 · · Score: 5, Funny

    That was the best quote you could manage? You missed out on the epic chance to quote

    "We can't go back to Playboy now!"

    --
    Any sufficiently advanced intelligence is indistinguishable from stupidity.
  7. What would happen if Microsoft turned it off by Animats · · Score: 5, Insightful

    All it would take is one really bad Windows Update to turn off 70% of the Internet.

    Question for Homeland Security: who has access to the master signing key for Windows Update? Who does the background check on those people?

    1. Re:What would happen if Microsoft turned it off by John+Hasler · · Score: 5, Funny

      > All it would take is one really bad Windows Update to turn off 70% of the
      > Internet.

      Yes but we're discussing the part that would actually be missed.

      --
      Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.