What If They Turned Off the Internet?

theodp writes "It's the not-too-distant future. They've turned off the Internet. After the riots have settled down and the withdrawal symptoms have faded, how would you cope? Cracked.com asked readers to Photoshop what life would be like in an Internet-addicted society learning to cope without it. Better hope it never happens, or be prepared for dry-erase message boards, carrier pigeon-powered Twitter, block-long lines to get into adult video shops, door-to-door Rickrolling, Lolcats on Broadway, and $199.99 CDs."

Comments

(And now with more Pants!)

[Anonymous Coward]

If it gets Idle off /., it wouldn't be a complete loss.

Re:(And now with more Pants!)

[sopssa]

Sad thing is that this story *is not* in idle, but entertainment.

Re:(And now with more Pants!)

[JWSmythe]

So, Slashdot Entertainment, Slashdot Idle, will be gone.(1) lolcats will be exterminated. Twitter will flutter away quietly. 4chan will have imploded. FoxNews will have outfoxed themselves with a false prediction of the collapse of the intertubewebnet (off by 30 days at that!), and the newsroom will spend the following days blaming the liberals, but no one outside the newsroom will know due to the demise of the Internet. (3) :)

    New industries will boom. People will rediscover interpersonal interaction. Bars will thrive on singles night (as a million lonely Slashdotters hit the streets in their pathetic attempts to get laid, that will fail on or off the 'net.) (5)

    I wouldn't stress too much. The future has already reported in to say the Internet is alive, well, and serving it's designed purpose. (6)

Footnotes:
1) It went poof, and everyone moved on peacefully
2) This space was intentionally left blank.
3) This actually has been happening for 2 weeks, but no one has noticed. Check back in 16 days.
4) 404 - Footnote not found. The FRL you requested was not found. Please check the number and dial again.
5) Who am I to argue with a Slashdot story on the subject?
6) Confirmed report from the relatively distant future

Uhm... wrong site.

[nametaken]

What is this, digg? Cracked joke pages don't belong here.

Re:Uhm... wrong site.

[wizardforce]

Idle and Slashdot 2.0 don't belong on Slashdot either. Unfortunately, someone behind the scenes thought that the best way to lure new users was to emulate Digg instead of doing what Slashdot did best; allow nerds and geeks to discuss interesting articles and thus provide intellectual entertainment. I think that they'll find that the whole charm of Slashdot was the discussion after the article and it is what made Slashdot worth returning to on a daily basis.

Re:Uhm... wrong site.

[rah1420]

I think the old saw that "Nature abhors a vacuum" would take effect. It wouldn't take long to rebuild a network of networks again. The protocols that are used and the speed and whatnot may be still at issue, but having had an internet and knowing its potentiality, I think that if it were taken down, something would have to be invented to replace it.

Now, if it were 'taken down' because "they" wanted to silence it, I recommend to you the quote famously attributed to John Gilmore: "The internet interprets censorship as damage, and routes around it."

I don't know if you'd ever get it taken down for non-technical reasons (like The End Of Life As We Know It.)

Re:Uhm... wrong site.

[altek]

+1000

I have been on /. since it launched (yeah, back then we nerds were quite resistant to ever creating logins for sites, hence my non-low account ID). And it seems in the last 6 months or so it's been going this way - I have gone to reading it in Google Reader and also have Gizmodo and Engadget in there as well. It seems like at least a third of the posts lately are just regurgitated from Giz and Engadget, a day or so later.

My thought is that the internet has grown so huge, that /. can't compete with sites that have pageviews hundreds of times higher, and this is their way of sucking in some extra pageviews.

The content on here has definitely changed. I still find some engaging comment threads, but it just seems like the truly geeky content has gotten watered down with posts about new products, jokes, etc.

Part of it may just be that the tech world as a whole has transformed from what it was in the mid-nineties. Back then, everything was awe-inspiring and amazing in the tech world, and now it's all pretty pedestrian, we've become quite jaded.

And, our attention spans have gotten so short, that spending a half hour reading an article about a distributed network cracking the latest encryption algorithm gets pushed under the three posts about new cell phones. And a simple yet brilliant idea is no longer brilliant, it's just expected from middle management in the outsourced development sweatshops.

Re:Uhm... wrong site.

[Brian Gordon]

I have been on /. since it launched (yeah, back then we nerds were quite resistant to ever creating logins for sites, hence my non-low account ID).

Uhhh yeah me too

Re:Uhm... wrong site.

[Anonymous Coward]

While much of you may lament the current days of slashdot, when I started visiting it ~4-6 years ago it was filled with memes (I havn't seen a soviet russia joke in quite some time), first post jokes (GNAA) and dupes. Now it seems like most days most of the memes have rightfully left for reddit/digg. So while the comments have gotten better, the articles have probably gotten worse. What slashdot needs to do is evaluate the story submission process and the mods currently in control to emphasize less bullshit and more tech.

Re:Uhm... wrong site.

[JustOK]

What slashdot needs to do is evaluate the story submission process and the mods currently in control to emphasize less bullshit and more tech.

What slashdot needs is a beowulf cluster of hot grits poured over Natalie Portman

Re:Uhm... wrong site.

[MichaelSmith]

The content on here has definitely changed. I still find some engaging comment threads, but it just seems like the truly geeky content has gotten watered down with posts about new products, jokes, etc.

Exactly. And since both nature and my cat abhor vacuums, where the hell are the good geek new sites now?

I used to enjoy Technocrat. I wish Bruce had shown an interest in letting the community move off his server.

Re:Uhm... wrong site.

[ZipprHead]

Being a long time reader myself, I'll have to say /. does have some strong competition of late with Engadget scooping stories first and BoingBoings editorial staff. But what makes this site awesome, is the commenting, moderation and user community. To this day, I often get what I need to know from the article and summaries. Engadget and other sites can not hold a candle to this community.

Kudos to us all!

Re:Uhm... wrong site.

[mikael]

Back then, everything was awe-inspiring and amazing in the tech world

That era was when Nvida/3dfx were first founded - the first texture mapping graphics cards came out, then full transformation and lighting in hardware, Quake, then wide screen resolutions. 450 MHz Pentium III processors seemed super-zippy fast. Microsoft introduced 'sockets' to Windows and announced that Windows NT had made UNIX legacy. SGI wanted to prove that a software based OpenGL would be as fast as custom game rendering code. ADSL broadband was becoming available in some apartments. Previously low-key student houses who just happened to have broadband connections found themselves the most popular destinations for new students. The battle between Internet Explorer and Netscape Navigator had begun. Cell phones still had a long antennae coming out the top.

Just before in 1994, having a 56K modem was a major advancement, Windows 3.1 was still the main development target. Reading USENET, text based discussion boards and subscribing to mailing lists was the main method of getting news. Viewing images would require using ftp manually or using uuencode/decode to get a server to fetch a 640x480 image, encode it as ASCII, slice the file up and send it to you in chunks, which you could then reassemble manually.

Now, if your cable provider goes from 50 Mbits to 70 Mbits, that isn't noticable, though laptop screen have shrunk a bit, and everyone uses LCD monitors now. Just about every mobile phone seems to look like a touchpad PDA or has a little keyboard and allows the user to play movies and music. MP3 players are the size of credit cards. USB Keychains now store more information than a DVD let alone a 1996 hard disk drive. What could just about be done on supercomputer in 1996, can now be done on a graphics card.

Re:Uhm... wrong site.

[Jesus_666]

The International System of Units has standardized swimsuits? What's the SI unit of swimsuits and how does it fit in with the other units?

Details, man, details!

Re:Uhm... wrong site.

[DoninIN]

I used to hit this empty domain, three times a day, before there was ever a slashdot. I hoped someday there's be a website here, and it would be about technology news, and news in the new era. Before that I sent postcards to slash dot oregon, that just said First Post!

twentytwelve

[Shadow Wrought]

Isn't this what the Mayan's prophisied for 2012?

Re:twentytwelve

[MichaelSmith]

No thats the 2038 time_t apocalypse.

It's not so bad.

[Ralph Spoilsport]

I remember an age before the internet. It was harder to find information and other data, but it wasn't so bad. The things you did have access to you took a bit more seriously. I spent more time at the library then. And I had an extensive cassette tape collection... No Internet != no computers, so rather than DL music, I suspect I would spend more time at LAN parties, which are always fun.

Re:It's not so bad.

[eln]

True, life was just fine before the Internet. Now, though, the Internet has infiltrated almost every aspect of our daily lives. Given that, if the Internet were to be shut off permanently, we would have to do without a lot of conveniences we've become accustomed to, which would make it a lot more painful than life before the Internet was. To throw in the requisite car analogy, life without cars probably wasn't all that horrible (at least, not due to the lack of cars specifically). However, now that cars are a major part of the fabric of our everyday lives, it would be substantially more painful to give them up completely now.

Add to all this the fact that a large percentage of us would have to find something else to do for a living, and many of us would have to emerge from the basements we've been in since 1987, and you have a real problem.

Re:It's not so bad.

[Ralph Spoilsport]

Yeah - the transition would suck.

In counterpoint, a friend of mine survived the "special times" in Cuba (basically, a massive powerdown) and said that the first six months pretty much sucked ass. But then you started to smile again, because the water was still warm and inviting, and you still had your friends, and you began to have fun. Only no one drove cars, and you invented things to do that didn't require money, electricity, or petroleum. A year after - you're fine. Different and less comfortable, but fine.

RS

Re:It's not so bad.

[Molochi]

I started out on a BBS in the mid 80s and later BBS networks like fido and WWIV. Back then I paid for longdistance. The main allure of the internet, that came along later, was being able to access a computer outside of my area code without a per minute fee or paying the BBS's longdistance fee. Bandwidth of the internet then wasn't all that special. Pirate BBSs were common. Porn BBSs were common. "EMail" and messageboards and turn based games on BBSs were common. Of course you had CompuServe as well. All of that folded their tents when almost anyone could set up a server to the internet and talk to anyone else on the internet.

I guess if I woke up tomorrow and there was just no internet anymore, I'd set up a BBS network. I'd expect it to be really busy since long distance is so cheap and data is so bloated now. But it's really a ridiculous question unless it's specified what it is that no longer works. No DNS? That just requires ip addresses. Cumbersome, but doable. Go much further than that and nothing works, including phones and BBSs. In which case my basic engineering, practical fabrication, and hunting/looting skills should become useful.

Re:It's not so bad.

[warGod3]

Which side of the fence?

I was in Cuba (Gitmo) in the 80s. We went to the beach, we played D&D, we skated, we did all kinds of things. You read a lot. Hell, we didn't even have cable or a McDonalds until 1986 or so. You really have to make do with what you have.

It's amazing what you learn to live with and what you find to entertain yourself with.

Re:It's not so bad.

[Ralph Spoilsport]

She was in Havana. Was able to escape in the late 90s.

South Park had this covered

[Anonymous Coward]

http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/166179/

They covered basically every topic in there

Re:South Park had this covered

[skine]

I think that if you actually look into it, you'll find that The Simpsons covered all of the topics even before South Park did.

Oblig. South Park Quote

[ZiakII]

Randy: And so what have we learned through this ordeal? The internet went away. It came back. But for how long, we do not know. We cannot take the internet for granted any longer. We, as a country, must stop over logging-on. We must use the internet only when we need it. It's easy for us to think we can just use up all the internet we want. But if we don't treat the internet with the RESPECT (pounds the podium with his fist)...that it deserves, it could one day be gone forever. So let us learn to live with the internet not for it. No more browsing for no apparent reason. No more mindlessly surfing on our laptops while watching television. And finally, we must learn to only use the internet for porn twice a day. Max

Re:Oblig. South Park Quote

[Hurricane78]

That was the best quote you could manage? You missed out on the epic chance to quote

"We can't go back to Playboy now!"

BBS

[lothos]

we'd be using our 1200bps modems connecting to the local BBS and swapping email over fido.

Re:BBS

[causality]

"we'd be using our 1200bps modems connecting to the local BBS and swapping email over fido."

exactly what I did in the old days. As long as computers are around, people will find a way to connect them and connect themselves to each other using them. I suspect that while dial up might not be answer people run to these days I could see people setting up wireless networks within their own neighborhoods, and extending them into WANs that cover a good part of their city.

This has already been worked out. It has a tremendous advantage, too: it would be more difficult for a company or government to either shut it down or personally identify individual users.

Work?

[Ogive17]

I'd probably get some work done... though I'm not sure how since our data is stored in Colorado and I'm in Ohio.

Re:OMG

[sopssa]

But we'd have no more lost carrier jokes, so it might balance out.

You would think so. Whole world would be filled with nerds running all around yelling LOST CARRIER, LOST CARRIER!!

What I would do?

[MindlessAutomata]

Let's face it, by then the shit will have hit the fan. Mankind will have been put under its own boot, with either one of two situations occuring: Men ruled by man or man ruled by men. Neither world is acceptable to me, not like this one is a model existence either.

I'd put on my headband, boots, camo pants, and grab whatever black market guns I could find (by then guns will be outlawed so we can become more in-line with the more "progressive" nations) and maybe grenade or two. I'd light a cigarette to go with my 5 o'clock shadow, strap on a bullet belt, and teach any of the dogs responsible for this mess, including those that tried to stop me, what the inside of hell looks like, all while Foetus's Anything (Viva!) played in the background. Rule of law? I'll show you Newton's first law: my bullet will hit their heads which will cause their brains to spray out.

There's no coping in my world. Only the blood of those responsible for this mess. Everywhere.

Re:What I would do?

[MindlessAutomata]

You are mistaken, sir, I plan to do it exactly like they do it in the movies. I even have the little "jumping out of an exploding train" sequence planned out in my head.

Re:What I would do?

[tftp]

You must have a lot of squirrels in your area.

Millions, actually. Hunting doesn't even make a dent in their population, and they cause a lot of damage to farmers and ranchers. I'm talking about ground squirrels, not about tree squirrels - the latter are game species. I had more than a hundred ground squirrels last summer near my house alone, running everywhere like rats, eating my plums right off the tree, and such. Don't know how many will be there next March. I had to work on their numbers because their burrows are eroding the hillside, and because I like plums very much :-) In 2010 I expect to use those 17HMR, and a good deal of high velocity 22LR, in Modoc County starting in March, and later, during whole summer, in Central Valley (Carrizo Plain.)

chans

[Luke Wilson]

as for forums, obligatory comic: http://theurf.com/2008/07/offline-box-forums/

new poll

[tloh]

What would replace the internet?

a)sneaker net
b)ip over avian carriers
c)johnny mnemonic
d)radio killed the itunes store
e)cowboy neal
f)breasts (the live nude version on a real female)

Re:Riots? You've got to be kidding.

[Nebulious]

This may clarify a few things: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humour

I mis-remember it

[Jay L]

I'm always struck by my pre-Internet memories, because I have no recollection of how I learned timely, geek-related facts. I was a huge Trek fan in high school, and I knew all about conventions and movie plans and whatnot. I'm sure I got some of it from BBS's, and I must have subscribed to some 'zines, but how did I ever find those without - not just without the Internet, but without ubiquitous search?

Re:I mis-remember it

[Culture20]

I was a huge Trek fan in high school, and I knew all about conventions and movie plans and whatnot.[...] but how did I ever find those without - not just without the Internet, but without ubiquitous search?

Word of mouth amongst friends. Local game/comicbook shop poster boards.

Millions of voices

[shadowbearer]

  would cry out in terror... silently.

  Except for the calls to their ISPs...

SB

There is no point in this.

[Hurricane78]

Because it would never happen.

Why I'm so sure? Because there is no "they" in the Internet. Everybody can connect to his neighbors' wifi router, if needed. And the moment when no company on the planet is interested in using the now unused wires and cell phone towers, to sell services to customers, is the moment when humanity itself ceases to exist.

I don't see a point in imagining not having the Internet. And I know how it would look anyway, since I already lived when there was no such thing. I even know how life in a monastery without electricity is. Or in a hut in the middle of nowhere.

Now, that we know of the concept of a Internet, as long as there is a critical mass of humans exists, there will be such a network. :)

What would happen if Microsoft turned it off

[Animats]

All it would take is one really bad Windows Update to turn off 70% of the Internet.

Question for Homeland Security: who has access to the master signing key for Windows Update? Who does the background check on those people?

Re:What would happen if Microsoft turned it off

[John Hasler]

> All it would take is one really bad Windows Update to turn off 70% of the
> Internet.

Yes but we're discussing the part that would actually be missed.

Re:Arrr

[wizardforce]

More like trade DVDs, books etc. with your friends. Don't copy them, just engage in some barter for the physical DVDs/books etc. The legal way to tell the RIAA + MPAA and such to frak themselves.

DEAD.MP4

[SEWilco]

Death of the Internet predicted.
MPEG at 11.

Goods times bring back BBS'S

[genner]

I remember the good old days before the internet was everywhere. We had ascii and RIP graphics, door games, and FIDOnet.

If anyone needs me I'll be leveling my L.O.R.D. character.

Re:Slashdot

[PFI_Optix]

Right up until someone decides that "misbehaving" includes "submitting content of which we do not approve." The last thing we need is for the internet to give some powermonger the tools to easily silence dissent.