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Chinese News Reports the Taliban Are Training Monkey Soldiers
According to a Chinese news publication, soldiers in Afghanistan may soon come up against a deadly new weapon in the war: monkey soldiers. The report claims that the Taliban are training the monkeys to shoot and kill American soldiers. They also claim to have pictures of monkeys holding AK-47s and Bren light machine guns. From the article: "The New York Magazine has reported about this in jest and stated on Friday, 'No invader has ever conquered Afghanistan, and now we know why. The monkeys will not allow it. It was a good effort, but it's time to pack it in. This is no longer a fight we can win.'”
Sarge: "Alright. Get the fruit truck and the truck loaded with female monkeys in heat."
The monkeys will then drop their weapons, run for the fruit and then for the females in heat. Coalition soldiers then walk in without a fight.
RIP America
July 4, 1776 - September 11, 2001
If you start arming monkeys, you end up with a banana republic.
The real planet of the apes... DAMN YOU
Attention... all grammer nazi"s! Is they're anything; wrong with: my post,
...but this is ridiculous!
Wise men say, "Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza."
Maybe they are?
I wouldn't put it past the Taliban to train a monkey to do a man's job. It's probably cheaper to get a monkey to blow themselves up, especially if the monkey is expecting to receive bananas.
...eat bananas and kick some ass, and I'm all out of bananas!
will wipe the Taliban out. Capitalism at Work, i.e. Cost Efficient Bribery.
They are doomed I tell you.
The Marines have had guns for centuries.
Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.
NUTS!
I know I'd be suspicious if I saw a monkey running towards me holding out a banana with a lit fuse.
A Møøse once bit my sister...
Have gnu, will travel.
Wait just a minute.
If they use monkeys and the US uses robots, we can rig up some Predator drones with cameras, hook the whole thing up to pay-per-view, and then start trucking in the weed, twinkies, Playboy, fruit, female monkeys, oil, booze, and blackjack.
Hey, people can PAY to have the trucks come in. "$50 more and the US gets the truck of bananas."
The free hand of the market at work.
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ECHELON is a government program to find words like bomb, jihad, plutonium, assassinate, and anarchy.
Stage a coo? As in a pigeon call?
The time the cited the Onion on the story about the retractable dome over the capital building was funny, but this has to be the worst translation ever.
Monkey Soldiers...
Guerrilla Tactics...
-Rick
"Most people in the U.S. wouldn't know they live in a tyrannical state if it walked up and grabbed their junk." - MyFirs
Left turn, Clyde.
In related news, the US deploys its new Gabriel drones with the ability to shock the monkeys.
that's the exact sentiment all the critics said about Iraq. They called it a quagmire, the next Vietnam. Guess what. Iraq has been won. Why? Because the people of Iraq themselves decided Al-Qaida were the bad guys, and started helping the US. The same is true for Afghanistan. The majority of Afghans are quite happy with the liberation the US has provided them, and the Taliban have been unable to do anything throughout most of Afghanistan. However, the remnants of the Taliban have been able to establish a new base of operations in the borderlands of Pakistan, and are recruiting new members from the local population there. It is possible to win a ground war, in fact the ground war in Afstan is won, the local population supports the US effort. What is needed now is the assistance of the Pakistani government as well as the tribal leaders in the border regions to stop protecting and sheltering the remaining Taliban. In five years from now, the Afghan forces will be strong enough on their own they won't need the US to support and protect them any more. As for ignoring the entire region, there's no way you can do that. It was tried already, and 9/11 was the result.