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Darth Vader Robs Long Island Bank

Apparently the destruction of the second Death Star has stretched the Galactic Empire's coffers so thin that Lord Vader himself is robbing banks. From the article: "Impotent Rebel Alliance security forces tell Newsday (paywall) that Vader marched into a Chase bank in Setauket around 11:30 a.m. today. Brandishing a completely unnecessary handgun — as he had the power to choke the oxygen out every teller's throat — the fallen Jedi demanded cash."

36 of 190 comments (clear)

  1. handguns by Shakrai · · Score: 5, Funny

    Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid......

    --
    I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
    We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
    1. Re:handguns by GooberToo · · Score: 3, Funny
  2. These are not the money bags you're looking for. by snookerhog · · Score: 5, Funny

    move along

  3. Not a bad plan by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    But I think playing the Imperial March on a portable speaker while he walked in drew a bit too much attention.

  4. There were actually 3 robbers. by DWMorse · · Score: 5, Funny

    One that actually walked into the bank, one that did the voice demanding the money, and one that will go to jail for showing his face for a few seconds.

    --
    There's a spot in User Info for World of Warcraft account names? Really?
    1. Re:There were actually 3 robbers. by elrous0 · · Score: 5, Funny

      And most hated of all...the one whiny little girl-man robber who will later be edited into the security camera footage.

      --
      SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
  5. Darth Vader Robs Bank by mjwx · · Score: 4, Funny

    Death Star plans not found in main computer.

    --
    Calling someone a "hater" only means you can not rationally rebut their argument.
  6. He'll be pretty easy to spot by Mabbo · · Score: 5, Funny

    Just go to the next convention, and look for the guy who is no longer living in his mother's basement.

    1. Re:He'll be pretty easy to spot by 93,000 · · Score: 4, Funny

      No, it'll be the guy whose mom drops him off in an pimped out Escalade.

    2. Re:He'll be pretty easy to spot by Alsee · · Score: 4, Funny

      The police did pull over a suspicious pimped out Escalade, but according to the paperwork the driver wasn't the bank robber they were looking for.

      -

      --
      - - You can't take something off the Internet! That's like trying to take pee out of a swimming pool.
  7. Unusual by DoofusOfDeath · · Score: 4, Funny

    Couldn't Cheney have just gone on a lecture tour like everyone else?

    "I find the lack of cash in this paper bag... disturbing."

    1. Re:Unusual by jd2112 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Cheney is hard up for cash because of his recent heart surgery. It was a lot more expensive than anticipated because the surgeons have never worked on anything that small...

      --
      Any insufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.
  8. Cool by lyinhart · · Score: 3, Funny

    Darth Vader robbing a bank? Far more cool than the entirety of the prequels.

    --
    Freedom is drinking a beer in the park when you're supposed to be at work.
    1. Re:Cool by DoofusOfDeath · · Score: 4, Funny

      Darth Vader robbing a bank? Far more cool than the entirety of the prequels.

      Quiet, or you'll give Lucas an idea for another prequel: "Episode 3.5: How Vader Acquired Funding for the Death Star".

      (Oh crap - I think he heard me.)

  9. Re:Obviously by DoofusOfDeath · · Score: 5, Funny

    At the bank they did not know the power of the Dark Side...

    I'm sure their executives do.

  10. ATM by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Who's gonna give me a loan, jack-hole? You!? You got an ATM on that torso lite-brite!?" - Emperor Palpatine

  11. Free Lightsaber with every new account by magusxxx · · Score: 5, Funny

    "I find your lack of interest in your savings accounts disturbing." --- "The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant to a well diversified IRA."--- "Asteroids do not concern me, Teller. I want that ship, not excuses. Now get me a low percentage loan."--- "When I left you I was but an accountant. Now I am the bank manager."

    --
    Care killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.
  12. Re:WTF? by DoofusOfDeath · · Score: 5, Insightful

    How is robbing a bank amusing or entertainment? Just because the guy was in a costume that nerds might think is cool? Uhmm... I don't think so.

    The main reason is that while this world contains some wonderful things in it, it also contains lots and lots of bad stuff. Being able to find humor in bad situations can make life more bearable despite some of its horrors. Laughing at a situation or event doesn't necessarily mean that we'd chose for it to come about, it's a way of trying to enjoy life despite living in an often painful world.

  13. He's heading for that small Bank by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    That's no Bank;

    It's a credit union.

  14. How I imagine the call to the tips line... by debozero · · Score: 4, Funny

    Operator: Hello Tip line

    Caller: Yes I'm calling about the Darth Vader bank robbery

    Operator: OK go ahead..

    Caller: Yes the guy who did it lives in a galaxy far far away.

    Operator: OK how does this help

    Caller: Well it doesn't but I know he is on a large moon.. Wait that's no moon it's.. it's... massive......

    Operator: Who is this?

    Caller: It's Han {static}

    Operator: I think we have a bad connection say again

    Caller: It's Han {static} and I am near the deathstar located {static}

    Operator: OK we have your location we are sending the authorities

    Caller: OK can you hear me now?

    Operator: Yes.

    Caller: OK you will need to fly down the thermal exhaust port and fire a Photon Torpedo

    Operator: um why?

    Caller: Do you want to catch the guy or not {noise in the background} hold on. SHUT UP CHEWY

    {Call cuts off}

    1. Re:How I imagine the call to the tips line... by MBGMorden · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Caller: OK you will need to fly down the thermal exhaust port and fire a Photon Torpedo

      PROTON torpedo. Photon torpedos were Star Trek, not Star Wars.

      Somehow, I feel ashamed to know that fact, but I couldn't let it slide. ;)

      --
      "People who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do."-Mark Twain
  15. Bank tellers last words by dbet · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Was it:

    a. May the cash be with you.
    b. If you shoot me, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
    c. The power to rob a bank is insignificant next to the power of the force.

  16. Re:WTF? by Chrisq · · Score: 4, Funny

    How is robbing a bank amusing or entertainment? Just because the guy was in a costume that nerds might think is cool? Uhmm... I don't think so.

    Is that you Ned Flanders?

  17. Re:WTF? by DoofusOfDeath · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Uh... the guy was waving a gun in some teller's face. How is that remotely something that a person should be finding humorous?

    Something can be both evil and funny at the same time.

    You're right that it's vile for someone to threaten another person with a gun. It's not that aspect of this which we're all laughing at. We're lauging at someone doing something grave while dressed up as a movie character, and at the irony / apropriateness / etc. of having Darth Vader perform an actual evil act.

  18. Re:WTF? by DoofusOfDeath · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Uh... the guy was waving a gun in some teller's face. How is that remotely something that a person should be finding humorous?

    I'd like to make another point. I think you're facing a dichotomy between what you think people should find funny vs. what (most) people do find funny.

    In my other replies to you, I was trying to explain why I think people do find the story funny.

    As to whether or not we should, that's an entirely separate ball of wax. But I for one don't have too much control over what I do find funny. I reckon that's largely part of the human condition.

  19. Re:WTF? by joeytmann · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Obviously the act of robbing a bank is not funny at all. The robber choosing to use a Darth Vader costume to conceal his identity is fucking hilarious.

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    Insert funny smart-ass comment here.
  20. Re:WTF? by bertoelcon · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Anything can be found funny, from a certain point of view.

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    Anything can be found funny, from a certain point of view.
  21. Re:WTF? by DoofusOfDeath · · Score: 3, Insightful

    I find the fact that so many people apparently do (including marking me as a troll, above), to be in astonishingly poor taste with respect to the feelings of the people who could have potentially been killed.

    I don't think we have much control over what we find amusing. Is your concern that we're publicly making merry of this situation, and in doing so we seem to be either (a) condoning what happened, or (b) doing something that might effectivly rub salt in the psychological wounds of the bank teller?

    Or are you saying that it's in poor taste that we even find this situation funny in the first place? Because I can understand applying "poor taste" to how we act, but not to what our original emotional response (amusement) is to this story. Perhaps instead of saying our feelings are in poor taste, you should say you're "disappointed" or "dismayed" that so many people had a feeling of amusement about the story?

  22. Re:WTF? by molnarcs · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Having a gun pointed your head is something that I'm sure that teller is liable to remember far less than pleasantly for a long, long, time to come. I'm glad that nobody got hurt, of course, but I simply cannot see this as amusing, and I find the fact that so many people apparently do (including marking me as a troll, above), to be in astonishingly poor taste with respect to the feelings of the people who could have potentially been killed.

    I find your lack of perspective disturbing.

  23. They can steal it back... by hoytak · · Score: 3, Funny

    ... his pin number is 1 2 3 4 5.

    --
    Does having a witty signature really indicate normality?
    1. Re:They can steal it back... by cstacy · · Score: 4, Funny

      ... his pin number is 1 2 3 4 5.

      OMG that's the same combination as my luggage!

  24. Re:WTF? by molnarcs · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Uh... the guy was waving a gun in some teller's face. How is that remotely something that a person should be finding humorous?

    I'd like to make another point. I think you're facing a dichotomy between what you think people should find funny vs. what (most) people do find funny.

    In my other replies to you, I was trying to explain why I think people do find the story funny.

    As to whether or not we should, that's an entirely separate ball of wax. But I for one don't have too much control over what I do find funny. I reckon that's largely part of the human condition.

    I think prescribing what people should find funny would lead to a very bleak world. Humour has nothing to do with morality, except perhaps when it's used as a tool to humiliate others. This is not the case here - and the guy you replied to has no way of knowing how the teller reacted or how he coped with the situation after it happened. In fact, a lot of people find humour a good way to work through traumatic experiences. Whenever I am under considerable stress, or something bad happens, sooner or later I'll find a way to look back and smile. I also think you are talking to a wall here. GP simply lacks the capacity to look at a situation from different perspectives while believing that his own perspective is morally superiour to everyone else's. A trait shared by religious zealots and fanatics, self-indignant extreme-right politicians, etc... ironically, the kind of people you and I would never describe as moral or ethical ;)

  25. Re:Han Solo by $RANDOMLUSER · · Score: 3, Insightful

    "I have altered the script, pray I do not alter it any further" -- Darth Lucas

    --
    No folly is more costly than the folly of intolerant idealism. - Winston Churchill
  26. Re:These are not the money bags you're looking for by Froboz23 · · Score: 3, Funny

    No. No!! That's not true. That's impossible!

    --
    Take off every Sig. For great justice.
  27. When he was... by clo1_2000 · · Score: 4, Funny

    walking up to the teller, I wonder if the teller thought, "I have a bad feeling about this"

    --
    "In true dialogue, both sides are willing to change" --Thich Nhat Hanh
  28. Re:WTF? by Chris+Burke · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Having a gun pointed your head is something that I'm sure that teller is liable to remember far less than pleasantly for a long, long, time to come.

    Yeah for sure, but he lived, and I'm not him and don't know him.

    "Comedy is tragedy plus distance" -- my high school English teacher.

    or for a more twisted take:

    "Tragedy is if I get a paper cut. . . . Comedy is if you fall into an open sewer and die." --Mel Brooks

    --

    The enemies of Democracy are