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Darth Vader Robs Long Island Bank
Apparently the destruction of the second Death Star has stretched the Galactic Empire's coffers so thin that Lord Vader himself is robbing banks. From the article: "Impotent Rebel Alliance security forces tell Newsday (paywall) that Vader marched into a Chase bank in Setauket around 11:30 a.m. today. Brandishing a completely unnecessary handgun — as he had the power to choke the oxygen out every teller's throat — the fallen Jedi demanded cash."
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid......
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
Where was Han to shoot first?
move along
But I think playing the Imperial March on a portable speaker while he walked in drew a bit too much attention.
He loses some coolness points for wearing camo pants. No self-respecting Jedi or Sith would be caught dead in them ;)
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
One that actually walked into the bank, one that did the voice demanding the money, and one that will go to jail for showing his face for a few seconds.
There's a spot in User Info for World of Warcraft account names? Really?
He'd have stopped the bullets with his gloved hand and then used the Force to disarm the shooter.
At the bank they did not know the power of the Dark Side...
---
"No! Alderaan is peaceful! We have no weapons, you can't possibly... "
Death Star plans not found in main computer.
Calling someone a "hater" only means you can not rationally rebut their argument.
Just go to the next convention, and look for the guy who is no longer living in his mother's basement.
Couldn't Cheney have just gone on a lecture tour like everyone else?
"I find the lack of cash in this paper bag... disturbing."
"If this is a Citibank branch, where is your supervisor?"
Darth Vader robbing a bank? Far more cool than the entirety of the prequels.
Freedom is drinking a beer in the park when you're supposed to be at work.
This is actually really smart. Who knows the robber's age/weight/sex? Same logic behind dressing in Santa outfit, though Vader's a bit more suspicious.
All you have to do is literally change out of the outfit into your street clothes (maybe wear a suit and put the costume into a snazzy briefcase) and no one will know the difference.
-- Political fascism requires a Fuhrer.
"Who's gonna give me a loan, jack-hole? You!? You got an ATM on that torso lite-brite!?" - Emperor Palpatine
"I find your lack of interest in your savings accounts disturbing." --- "The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant to a well diversified IRA."--- "Asteroids do not concern me, Teller. I want that ship, not excuses. Now get me a low percentage loan."--- "When I left you I was but an accountant. Now I am the bank manager."
Care killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.
The main reason is that while this world contains some wonderful things in it, it also contains lots and lots of bad stuff. Being able to find humor in bad situations can make life more bearable despite some of its horrors. Laughing at a situation or event doesn't necessarily mean that we'd chose for it to come about, it's a way of trying to enjoy life despite living in an often painful world.
May the force be with you.
That's no Bank;
It's a credit union.
How much cooler would this story be if he actually used a fake lightsaber to threaten people with?
Operator: Hello Tip line
Caller: Yes I'm calling about the Darth Vader bank robbery
Operator: OK go ahead..
Caller: Yes the guy who did it lives in a galaxy far far away.
Operator: OK how does this help
Caller: Well it doesn't but I know he is on a large moon.. Wait that's no moon it's.. it's... massive......
Operator: Who is this?
Caller: It's Han {static}
Operator: I think we have a bad connection say again
Caller: It's Han {static} and I am near the deathstar located {static}
Operator: OK we have your location we are sending the authorities
Caller: OK can you hear me now?
Operator: Yes.
Caller: OK you will need to fly down the thermal exhaust port and fire a Photon Torpedo
Operator: um why?
Caller: Do you want to catch the guy or not {noise in the background} hold on. SHUT UP CHEWY
{Call cuts off}
It's amusing because when robbing a bank (or most any nefarious activity) the object is to be as nondescript as possible so as to blend in. All of this guys friends & acquaintances knew it was him the minute they saw this. I would be shocked if the Police don't already know who it is.
"A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it." - K
When he's arrested, he'll say "The police Force was strong with this one."
Was it:
a. May the cash be with you.
b. If you shoot me, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
c. The power to rob a bank is insignificant next to the power of the force.
i'm pretty sure luke wears camo pants on endor, and that's after he's become a jedi. I apologise for the mandatory fanboy pedantry.
(1.21 gigawatts) / (88 miles per hour) = 30 757 874 newtons
Dumb dumb dumb, dumb d'dumb...
Science is all about firing a drunk pig out of a cannon just to see what happens.
How is robbing a bank amusing or entertainment? Just because the guy was in a costume that nerds might think is cool? Uhmm... I don't think so.
Is that you Ned Flanders?
You obviously didn't find the car scene in PULP FICTION funny. Or, for that matter, the scene leading up to that in the apartment.
I, and a lot of the people I know, did.
I talk about stuff.
Something can be both evil and funny at the same time.
You're right that it's vile for someone to threaten another person with a gun. It's not that aspect of this which we're all laughing at. We're lauging at someone doing something grave while dressed up as a movie character, and at the irony / apropriateness / etc. of having Darth Vader perform an actual evil act.
I'd like to make another point. I think you're facing a dichotomy between what you think people should find funny vs. what (most) people do find funny.
In my other replies to you, I was trying to explain why I think people do find the story funny.
As to whether or not we should, that's an entirely separate ball of wax. But I for one don't have too much control over what I do find funny. I reckon that's largely part of the human condition.
Obviously the act of robbing a bank is not funny at all. The robber choosing to use a Darth Vader costume to conceal his identity is fucking hilarious.
Insert funny smart-ass comment here.
...times are tough. What else are you going to do when the Death Star's runnin' on empty? Do ya think that bank is part of the Rebel Alliance?
Python: 'And then suddenly you have a language which says "we're all stuck with whatever the whiniest coder wants".'
Anything can be found funny, from a certain point of view.
Anything can be found funny, from a certain point of view.
I don't think we have much control over what we find amusing. Is your concern that we're publicly making merry of this situation, and in doing so we seem to be either (a) condoning what happened, or (b) doing something that might effectivly rub salt in the psychological wounds of the bank teller?
Or are you saying that it's in poor taste that we even find this situation funny in the first place? Because I can understand applying "poor taste" to how we act, but not to what our original emotional response (amusement) is to this story. Perhaps instead of saying our feelings are in poor taste, you should say you're "disappointed" or "dismayed" that so many people had a feeling of amusement about the story?
Like laughing at some of the shit Morn Hyland does because she's bat-fucking-shit deranged.
Support my political activism on Patreon.
I'm so tired I initially misread the title as saying "Darth Vader robes long and black", to which my reaction was "yeah, I knew that- how's that news?". Which in retrospect was actually funny. As you pointed out, humor is a great thing, but I believe for more reasons than that given by Heinlein to "Mike", who put it thus:
"I had thought -- I had been told -- that a 'funny' thing is a thing of a goodness. It isn't. Not ever is it funny to the person it happens to. Like that sheriff without his pants. The goodness is in the laughing itself. I grok it is a bravery . . . and a sharing... against pain and sorrow and defeat."
Beautiful. Wish I could mod you up.
Well, I'm more concerned about conveying the appearance of (a) than actually causing (b), as how other people react isn't something we can have any control over, although I think everybody in society has some obligation to be respectful of the lives of other people, even those they do not personally know.
Now to address your second paragraph, yes, it would be highly accurate to say I am dismayed or disappointed at what seems to be the reaction to this story. I realize that the person's outfit, in most other public places and in other circumstances, would probably be highly amusing, but I think that the fact that somebody could have potentially died sort of overshadows that...
About the only good thing in this story is that nobody got hurt.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
"What do you have an ATM in that chest LiteBrite of yours?"
If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can't be taken on its own merits
Having a gun pointed your head is something that I'm sure that teller is liable to remember far less than pleasantly for a long, long, time to come. I'm glad that nobody got hurt, of course, but I simply cannot see this as amusing, and I find the fact that so many people apparently do (including marking me as a troll, above), to be in astonishingly poor taste with respect to the feelings of the people who could have potentially been killed.
I find your lack of perspective disturbing.
Speaking as a former teller in a badly located bank, it happens a few times a month.
You start to get used to it, and having a funny story to tell certainly helps
... his pin number is 1 2 3 4 5.
Does having a witty signature really indicate normality?
I'd like to make another point. I think you're facing a dichotomy between what you think people should find funny vs. what (most) people do find funny.
In my other replies to you, I was trying to explain why I think people do find the story funny.
As to whether or not we should, that's an entirely separate ball of wax. But I for one don't have too much control over what I do find funny. I reckon that's largely part of the human condition.
I think prescribing what people should find funny would lead to a very bleak world. Humour has nothing to do with morality, except perhaps when it's used as a tool to humiliate others. This is not the case here - and the guy you replied to has no way of knowing how the teller reacted or how he coped with the situation after it happened. In fact, a lot of people find humour a good way to work through traumatic experiences. Whenever I am under considerable stress, or something bad happens, sooner or later I'll find a way to look back and smile. I also think you are talking to a wall here. GP simply lacks the capacity to look at a situation from different perspectives while believing that his own perspective is morally superiour to everyone else's. A trait shared by religious zealots and fanatics, self-indignant extreme-right politicians, etc... ironically, the kind of people you and I would never describe as moral or ethical ;)
No. No!! That's not true. That's impossible!
Take off every Sig. For great justice.
How about the fact that we managed to have a real discussion on /. ? That's no small miracle.
Well said, DoofusOfDeath.
walking up to the teller, I wonder if the teller thought, "I have a bad feeling about this"
"In true dialogue, both sides are willing to change" --Thich Nhat Hanh
wut?
Would you hug a bear?
His mother was killed by Tusken raiders.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
"to be in astonishingly poor taste with respect to the feelings of the people " Hi, this is /. You must be new here...
'Don't worry' said the trees when they saw the axe coming, 'The handle is one of us.'
I would not have thought a person could *EVER* get used to being threatened with death if they did not give them money. It may very well be the intention of a robber to not wish to actually harm anybody if he gets what he wants, but how can one ever know in advance of complying that they will not be shot anyways? Complying may represent the teller's best chance of not being injured, but I see it as being quite far from any sort of guarantee or even making that outcome likely. And I'd imagine that the thought one could die just doing their job when it isn't supposed to have any sort of life-threatening situations as part of the regular course of the position (nor is it accompanied by danger pay, for that matter) would stay with a person for a very long time to come.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
Ease up kid! We are laughing at a dufus in a Darth Vader Costume. Why not cry to the Media for inserting the Darth Vader line in what you would obviously prefer to read nutjob in costume robs bank. Umm... I for one would read no further. However, Darth Vader robs bank deserves further scrutiny and yes a good laugh! Should I remind you that the authors intent is to drive traffic to his sight and thus increase add revenues. So don't whine to us because you find this tasteless and offensive. Turn the channel Chief!
It sounds like you consider your own perspective so morally superior to those of "religious zealots" and extreme-right politicians that you can't look at a situation from their persepctive. Interesting.
You are correct, I do not know what the teller thought of the situation... but the guy had a gun, presumably loaded, and could have killed anybody in that bank.. and not just the teller. Statistically, the number of bank robberies that turn violent when the teller complies with the robber's demands may be quite low, but I would not find that statistic particularly comforting had I been there thinking my own life could be in danger.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
Luke.... I am your robber.
You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.
no disintegrations
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
Having your people ruthlessly exterminated by an evil dictatorship arguably isn't funny. But that didn't stop Mel Brooks (who by the way, served in the Army whilst invading Germany) from making fun of Nazis and Hitler. Sometimes, the best way you can get revenge on someone is to laugh at them--paraphrasing Brooks.
Maybe having a gun put in your face can't ever be funny for a teller. Myself, I probably would have laughed right there on the spot, having been in more bleak situations. But trying to quantify what makes people laugh? That's even more ridiculous than Darth Vader robbing a bank.
Constitutional rights may be respected, repealed, or modified; but they must never be ignored.
Long Island... you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy...
Poor David Prouse, rock bottom indeed. Kinda cool he still fits in the suit.
My other sig is extremely clever...
I suspect you probably work for the government. Maybe the military. Probably the DMV even. Those guys have NO sense of humor whatsoever!
"They said I probly shouldn't fly with just one eye," "I am Bender. Please insert girder."
R2D2 just walks up to any ATM, opens a panel, sticks an interface in, twists a few times, and takes all the cash he wants
he's also good at shutting down trash compactors
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
Having a gun pointed your head is something that I'm sure that teller is liable to remember far less than pleasantly for a long, long, time to come.
Yeah for sure, but he lived, and I'm not him and don't know him.
"Comedy is tragedy plus distance" -- my high school English teacher.
or for a more twisted take:
"Tragedy is if I get a paper cut. . . . Comedy is if you fall into an open sewer and die." --Mel Brooks
The enemies of Democracy are
Have already filled patent infringement lawsuits at the imperial court.
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid......
Hokey religions?? Check this out. (This apparently comes courtesy of the Icelandic Atheist Society).
Ah - finding out the truth must have driven Luke mad. So mad he's willing to hang out with primitive dorky teddy bears. Too bad those bears were supposed to be Wookies...
I don't remember Vader wearing camouflaged cargo pants...
today is spelling optional day.
Vader is described as 6 feet, 2 inches tall, also wearing camouflage pants
What the fuck is wrong with Lucas? I mean the who shot first thing was bad enough, but to put Vader in camo pants?!?
Even Jewish people make jokes about the Holocaust/Shoah because if you can't laugh about something, how can you be serious about it? I heard this joke from a rabbi on Seder, " How many Jews can you fit in a car, 10,000, in the ash tray. "
An Education is the Font of All Liberty
"This will be a robbery long remembered..."
~REZ~ #43301. Who'd fake being me anyway?
Because that would have been classy.
It was always funny to me that during the Savings and Loan crisis, the people who were responsible got less time for their crimes than a mugger.
An Education is the Font of All Liberty
You are correct, I do not know what the teller thought of the situation... but the guy had a gun, presumably loaded, and could have killed anybody in that bank.. and not just the teller. Statistically, the number of bank robberies that turn violent when the teller complies with the robber's demands may be quite low, but I would not find that statistic particularly comforting had I been there thinking my own life could be in danger
O grow up, the world is a sick twisted place that none of us will escape alive. Stop being suck a whinny little bitch already...
It sounds like you consider your own perspective so morally superior to those of "religious zealots" and extreme-right politicians that you can't look at a situation from their persepctive. Interesting.
Considering my perspective superiour and the ability to look at a situation from theirs have nothing to do with each other. They are not mutually exclusive. Take, for instance, humour. Some people get the humorous aspect of this story, others don't. While the former group is capable of looking at the story from a serious point of view (feeling sympathy for the teller in his plight for example), the latter group would always insist that THIS IS NOT FUNNY. Now I wouldn't say that my perspective is superiour (that's your assumption), but I do think that having a sense of humour is a great asset, because the story itself, and some of the comments I read in this thread (including yours ;)) are fucking HILARIOUS. Laughter is good for your health :)
Part of it is funny, and part of it is bad.
People have different abilities to mental gymnastics, and apparently your ability to view a situation from multiple angles at once is not very developed. Becoming aware of this is a big advantage.
-josh
Unable to convert his vast collection of Imperial credits to any modern currency, Darth Vader had to get the money for all those cookies somehow ;)
Having a gun pointed your head is something that I'm sure that teller is liable to remember far less than pleasantly for a long, long, time to come.
This wouldn't have been a problem if society hadn't become so wussy.
In the US, pretty much every bank employee before about 1900 was carrying a weapon (especially west of the Mississippi), and this is one of the reasons the very few "successful" bank robbers are now mythical figures.
You must be really liked at parties!
as he had the power to choke the oxygen out every teller's throat
I don't think the feller who wrote that up is a real Star Wars fan, or very good with figuring out the proper tense to use.
Luke, you'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.
When captured by the police, he let out a terrible cry: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Bow-ties are cool.
... LucasFilms has issued a Cease and Desist order against all criminals, past, present and future, to prevent the unlawful acquisition of monetary gains while portraying characters that are the intellectual property of George Lucas.
George has also contacted the NY criminal demanding royalties for this recent public performance...
chown -R us
As someone who has been robbed at gunpoint, I would have found this hilarious... a few hours later. From my own experience, finding something to laugh at after was vital. There's may have been something of a hysterical edge to it, but mocking what the robber didn't take (jewelry store robbery), made things much easier to deal with. And a shot was fired into a case, so this wasn't an easy thing to deal with. If someone had died, then maybe you can complain that it would be a bad thing to laugh at. But if the tellers are reacting anything like my coworkers and I did, they're laughing too. They need it.
... the shoe polish he uses to keep his helmet shiny costs him an arm and a leg!
Or was that an arm and two legs?
"The future can only affect the present if there is room to write its influence off as a mistake." - Yakir Aharonov
It would've been more impressive if this was pulled off with a lightsaber. Another robber hit convenience stores with a bat'leth, after all:
http://entertainment.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=09/02/04/1456240
With the Empire crumbling the recession is hitting everyone hard. The lost construction contracts for Endor and every nearby system that supplied parts to the Death Star has suffered massive layoffs. The Emperor was unavailable for comment at the time of this report. Fox News will have in depth interviews with the other five hundred admirals and joint task force seeking to crush the rebel faction before further acts of terrorism can occur in civilized space. It is not known how Lord Vader survived the first Death Star's destruction only to engage in petty crimes on a primitive world with only one functioning space station. The Sith lords are assuring us that Darth Vader has been stripped of his position, sanctioned and banished to a galaxy far, far away. Should he ever return to the Empire he will be executed immediately for his gross negligence in allowing a rebel shuttle to land on the moon of Endor.
Luke's Camo on Endor does not count towards this comment: Luke was wearing Camo pants in a forest - where they were appropriate.
You will note later when back in town for the after victory celebration, Luke has changed into less retarded clothing to wear in a civilian situation
I think the comment is for not wearing Camo in general, but around town in inappropriate places (like a bank)
Comedy = Tragedy + Timing
D6 63 0D 70 89 81 BB 8E 7B 7C 5F 5D 54 EA AB 73
"Comedy is just Tragedy plus time" - Owen
"No time has passed! I'm holding my dead mother in my arms!" - Ani
--- As to make my comment seem, by comparison, more intelegent... doodie doodie doodie poop poop poop!
Reality show in 3,2,1...
"When information is power, privacy is freedom" - Jah-Wren Ryel
You would be amazed at what death and destruction a person can get used to given enough time, just look at Afghanistan, the West Bank or other warn torn areas, the people don't even flinch when bombs are far enough away.
Why can you count on the robber not to shoot you, because its the money he wants. Someone looking to just kill someone for kicks will not do it in such a lit, recorded environment. Someone looking to steal money wants to get away with it, not get caught.
If no one gets shot the police will stop looking for these guys TOMORROW, and only pursue if something falls in their lap - not to slight the police work ethic, they are just too overworked to do any REAL police work on cases where someone isn't dead. They shot at someone, even if they miss, and they gain a whole lot of heat they do not want.
oh, and I forgot to bring up Line pole workers, and Coal miners, the jobs with most fatalities per person. They do put their lives on the line, and though well compensated, don't really receive risk pay above their salaries. All the convenience store and 7-11 clerks are in a similar boat - yeah there is small risk, but you comply and are fine, and its considered part of the job of working late night around money.
Years ago, I worked in the hotel industry as a night auditor (it's a glorified desk clerk who does some audit of the daily accounts). 3am one Saturday morning I let in a lone man who pretended he wanted a room but as soon as he was sure I was alone proceeded to rob me. I was paralysed with fear as he took the money, then told me to go with him. I thought I was going to die. It turns out all he wanted me to do was open the (locked) front doors so he could flee. I spent months hardly sleeping any night and with massive migraines from the unending muscle tension in my neck and shoulders. I WISH someone had found something funny to say to me about it in the first few days afterwards.
Prowse, thanks.
My other sig is extremely clever...
I will readily admit that this outfit in another public place and circumstance could have otherwise been amusing, but, well... IMO, lives being in peril sort of overshadows that.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
None of the above. I just think somebody threatening somebody else with death in a context where that is a perfectly plausible, even if not statistically probable outcome, simply far outweighs the humor that I probably would have found at somebody in such a costume in some other unusual circumstance where nobody was threatened with being hurt.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
Don't they have those pneumatic push up screens? Every bank where I live has one so nobody robs banks anymore.
http://michaelsmith.id.au
Thankfully we passed the assault sword ban and never again had to worry about people using them for crime.
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
ComicCon weirdness has been taken to a new level apparently, and this didn't even happen in San Diego. Makes you wonder.