Slashdot Mirror
Scientists Create Equation For a Perfect Handshake
Hugh Pickens writes "Discover Magazine reports that despite the average person shaking hands nearly 15,000 times in a lifetime, one in five (19 per cent) admit they hate the act of the handshake and are unsure how to do it properly, regularly making a handshake faux pas such as having sweaty palms, squeezing too hard or holding on too long while over half the population (56 per cent) say they have been on the receiving end of an unpleasant handshake experience in the past month alone. But help is at hand as scientists have developed a mathematical equation for the perfect handshake taking into account the twelve primary measures needed to convey respect and trust to the recipient. The research was performed at the behest of Chevrolet as part of a handshake training guide for its staff and is meant to offer peace of mind and reassurance to its customers. A full guide to the perfect handshake is available on Flickr."
Reminds me of a little known story by Alan Moore with art by Mark Beyer called The Bowing Machine except it's not a comic ...
My work here is dung.
The Seinfeld episode that delved into the handshake protocol gave me the best advice I could need when it comes to a good handshake. Reach in, grab firmly, give one pump and two shakes, let go.
Wipe your sweaty hands off both before the handshake AND without the person seeing you. It's still unpleasant IMHO if you see a guy wipe his sweaty hands off right before shaking hands with you. (unless he/she was just eating lunch or something and thus is expected not to have the most clean hands in the world)
Nothing in here about actual grip strength. I'd think that a 'guide' would tell you how hard is too hard, etc.
Also, as a person with huge hands, I can tell you that size matters a lot in terms of too much/too little grip.
A noogie research grant!
Seeing as how this came out of Chevrolet, a GM division, it's good to see that they put all that federal bailout money to good use!
meanwhile (why more touching will get you nowhere presently); the corepirate nazi illuminati is always hunting that patch of red on almost everyones' neck. if they cannot find yours (greed, fear ego etc...) then you can go starve. that's their (slippery/slimy) 'platform' now. see also: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial_personality_disorder
never a better time to consult with/trust in our creators. the lights are coming up rapidly all over now. see you there?
greed, fear & ego (in any order) are unprecedented evile's primary weapons. those, along with deception & coercion, helps most of us remain (unwittingly?) dependent on its' life0cidal hired goons' agenda. most of our dwindling resources are being squandered on the 'wars', & continuation of the billionerrors stock markup FraUD/pyramid schemes. nobody ever mentions the real long term costs of those debacles in both life & any notion of prosperity for us, or our children. not to mention the abuse of the consciences of those of us who still have one, & the terminal damage to our atmosphere (see also: manufactured 'weather', hot etc...). see you on the other side of it? the lights are coming up all over now. the fairytail is winding down now. let your conscience be your guide. you can be more helpful than you might have imagined. we now have some choices. meanwhile; don't forget to get a little more oxygen on your brain, & look up in the sky from time to time, starting early in the day. there's lots going on up there.
"The current rate of extinction is around 10 to 100 times the usual background level, and has been elevated above the background level since the Pleistocene. The current extinction rate is more rapid than in any other extinction event in earth history, and 50% of species could be extinct by the end of this century. While the role of humans is unclear in the longer-term extinction pattern, it is clear that factors such as deforestation, habitat destruction, hunting, the introduction of non-native species, pollution and climate change have reduced biodiversity profoundly.' (wiki)
"I think the bottom line is, what kind of a world do you want to leave for your children," Andrew Smith, a professor in the Arizona State University School of Life Sciences, said in a telephone interview. "How impoverished we would be if we lost 25 percent of the world's mammals," said Smith, one of more than 100 co-authors of the report. "Within our lifetime hundreds of species could be lost as a result of our own actions, a frightening sign of what is happening to the ecosystems where they live," added Julia Marton-Lefevre, IUCN director general. "We must now set clear targets for the future to reverse this trend to ensure that our enduring legacy is not to wipe out many of our closest relatives."--
"The wealth of the universe is for me. Every thing is explicable and practical for me .... I am defeated all the time; yet to victory I am born." --emerson
no need to confuse 'religion' with being a spiritual being. our soul purpose here is to care for one another. failing that, we're simply passing through (excess baggage) being distracted/consumed by the guaranteed to fail illusionary trappings of man'kind'. & recently (about 10,000 years ago) it was determined that hoarding & excess by a few, resulted in negative consequences for all.
consult with/trust in your creators. providing more than enough of everything for everyone (without any distracting/spiritdead personal gain motives), whilst badtolling unprecedented evile, using an unlimited supply of newclear power, since/until forever. see you there?
"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." )one does not need to agree whois in charge to grasp the notion that there may be some assistance available to us(
boeing, boeing, gone.
American tax dollars at work. Because it's very important to have a perfect handshake when you work for a company that needs a government bailout to stay afloat after bankruptcy.
Seven puppies were harmed during the making of this post.
Scientists are calling it, "the fist bump" and are quoted as saying "it's just much harded to fuck up". Fox News reports increased popularity of "Terrorist Fist Jabbing"
Rule #1
Shake it three times and you're playing with it.
What??
</sarcasm symbol>
Cwm, fjord-bank glyphs vext quiz
1) Grip firmly with right hand.
2) Take one step in so that faces are around 12 inches apart.
3) Make eye contact (hold position until this happens).
4) Once eye contact is made, firmly grab person's forearm with your left hand.
5) Slide left hand up and down person's forearm, from wrist to elbow, twice, while maintaining eye contact.
6) Wink with left eye.
7) Break eye contact, let go.
In a world where personal interaction between people is becoming less and less common, we may be seeing more of these 'crucial guides and studies' to social interaction... Assuming civilization continues as it is; which is not a very smart assumption, IMHO.
Despite all that science, the advice in that flickr summary are basically the same as the advice and diagrams in the section of Business Etiquette for Dummies on handshakes.
(Don't ask me how I know that there's a Business Etiquette for Dummies, and that it has a section on handshakes.)
10 PRINT CHR$(205.5+RND(1)); : GOTO 10
Sure getting your hand crushed is no fun, but personally I'd rather a good firm handshake than those things where people offer you their fingers and you get some weird loose wrist/finger handshake thing. I try and give a good handshake and instead feel like somehow I violated them. And I mean, the parole officer said I'm not supposed to do that type of thing anymore. You know with the violating. I mean TMI.
I will shred my adversaries. Pull their eyes out just enough to turn them towards their mewing, mutilated faces. Illyria
Yes.... I completely concur with this post being tagged 'Science.' (alt+U0161)
He posited execs who had embedded goniometers to ensure that each bow to a Japanese business partner reached the appropriate level. This looks ripe for similar treatment.
That's quite impressive, if 19 per cent go so far as to hate it, at least double that must find it irksome, another large percentage is indifferent to it, I wonder who are the freaks who actually think it useful, or go so far as to enjoy it.
Even in the U.S.A., handshake length differs. When you go to another country, some grab your hand and pump for the entire conversation in a ritual beat, using it as emphasis while they talk, others never shake hands at all.
Step 1: Wipe my hand on pants discreetly so as to verify dryness. A sweaty hand is a gross hand.
Step 2: Make a quick glance to verify that the person you'll be shaking with has a standard 5 fingered hand. I'll shake a stump, hook, plastic hand, or sub-5 finger hand, flipper what-have-you but you want to know about this going into the shake and not in the middle of the first pump.
Step 3: Grasp their hand or hand-like appendage firmly, shake about twice, and release whatever they've stuck out at you.
If you didn't come to party don't bother knocking on my door. Prince '1999'
sounds like something that would flash across :P
your sim screen
It's a rather silly archaic convention.
'ooo. a human i have not met before. come. let us touch each other'.
It kinda gives me the creeps all around. No matter how it's done. Cuz who the hell knows where his hand was 5 minutes ago.. Down his pants, finger up the nose, in his girlfriends pants? His boyfriends?
I just don't want to have that kind of contact with what comes down to complete strangers. Which is pretty much who you're shaking hands with anyway. People who know each other don't do it that often.
> syn seq=X
< syn ack=X+1 seq=Y
> ack=Y+1 seq=X+1
> DATA
My other signature is a car
The confusing part is whether or not the other person is going to actually shake your hand or do that stupid palm slide and then bump knuckles thing. It's ok if it's a friend or something and you know it's coming, but strangers/new acquaintances do this to me all the time.
I have actually started making people start over and actually shake hands properly.
"No, put out your hand. Good. Now, the webs of our thumbs meet like this and then we shake. This is what we call 'shaking hands'."
"Scientists" (some professor) have "developed" (thrown together a bunch of bullshit about) a "mathematical" (numbers make math!) "equation" (brackets and operations make an equation!) for the "perfect handshake" (in their sole opinion) taking into account the "twelve primary measures" (which they came up with after a one hour brainstorming session) needed to convey "respect and trust" (or at least the illusion of it, in order to sell cars) to the recipient.
Seriously, dry your hands if you can, don't grip too hard or too soft, and look 'em in the eyes. Done. But why not add some bureaucracy to the process?
"Johnson, you're two points shy on your grip rating! No raise this month!"
It's better to vote for what you want and not get it than to vote for what you don't want and get it.
- E. Debs
It really depends on your goal
1. Lick you palm. Make sure it is really slimy.
2. Grab their hand with both of yours so they can't get away. Preferably from behind.
3. Shake good and strong, bringing your hand above your head and down to your knees.
4. Release while at maximum height.
5. Rub you hand on your pants leg for at least 10 seconds.
OK, you will now be excused from shaking anyone elses hand. Forever.
Who would win this election: Andrew Weiner vs Andrew Weiner's weiner.
Who the fuck thinks trying to assign an equation to something subjective is a good use of time?
That person is a moron.
I haven't read TFA, and won't. These "Boffins discover equation for ____" stories are almost always marketing. Here's an example: http://www.badscience.net/2007/09/clarion-communications-respond-on-the-rigged-jessica-alba-wiggle/
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.
Has anybody checked that this it's not patented? I'd hate to have to the pay licensing costs retroactively cause I've been throwing 'em around pretty liberally.
Is this really a problem? Outside of trying to wound a good handshake is a firm one. There is nothing worse than a weak handshake.
Occasionally, you get these asshats who squeeze as hard as they can - you know they're faking it because they're an office worker and they're not built like Arnold when he was young. It's like WTF are they trying to prove?
You usually find them in you places: sales and HR.
RIP America
July 4, 1776 - September 11, 2001
I smell Nobel price here... or maybe an impeachment
Ben Goldacre talks about these "equation for the perfect X" stories which turn up regularly: formula for fame, equation for a neckline, perfect "wiggle", a particularly bad propagator.
It's bullshit non-science to generate publicity.
You mean the default isn't grip as strong as you possibly can?
semantics are everything!
I would have though they might try to patent their new "perfect handshake" technology
Of course, this overlooks organizations or fraternities that purposefully use a non-median handshake as a method of identification.
Like, maybe I'm a professional wrestler or something.
We know where leadership by an anti-intellectual "strongman" who scapegoats minorities and likes boisterous rallies goes
The real trick to the perfect handshake is getting the hand properly pureed before you add the other ingredients.
Bow-ties are cool.
They are there only to allow more print/ads/whatever to be sold. That sort of article should go in IDLE. That is about as stupid as the perfect day, perfect ice, perfect whatever equation. They are all made up.
C. Sagan : A demon haunted world:
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visit randi.org
Chevrolet bribed some ethics-free academics to come up with a fake equation for publicity purposes. The academics took the money and invented a stupid equation per spec. Then Chevrolet issued a press release, and gullible media outlets obligingly reprinted it and discussed it. A victory for Chevrolet's marketing department, a defeat for academic integrity and sensible journalism. Don't be part of these scams.
to go even more archaic and switch to the various forms of bowing
(bonus points if you
1 are even partly oriental
2 regularly have your hands covered in "stuff"
3 are in a skill where you "can't risk" being on the receiving end of a crusher handshake)
Any person using FTFY or editing my postings agrees to a US$50.00 charge
You make me touch your hands for stupid reasons.
So Chevy has discovered that some things should not be "like a rock".
ad astra per alia porci
You're touching everything that everyone who has ever shaken that hand has touched.
sweatiness, firmness, number of shakes not an issue.
Only Chevy, after taking our bailout dollars and closing thousands of dealerships at the expense of tens of thousands of jobs would spend money to have SCIENTISTS try to quantify in a math formula, what constitutes a perfect handshake... Your tax dollars at work.. or rather NOT at work.. What a waste of money and time.
-Steve Tired of voting for the "lesser of two evils?" Come talk about it on www.bothsidesarewrong.com
I have hyperhidrosis. There is nothing I can do to prevent a sweaty handshake. I despise the whole protocol of handshaking.
ACK/NAK
XON/XOFF
CTS/DTS
DTR/DSR
You don't need a fancy formula for any of those.
Of course, not everyone is a serial handshaker.
Just do it real fast and then stop
This isn't the kind of thing you expect from Slashdot, or Slashdot submitters/readers.
It's a PR stunt, but it's filed under 'science'.
It's also linking to a third party blog, 11 days after it was news.
Press release containing contact info: http://media.gm.com/content/media/gb/en/news/news_detail.brand_chevrolet.html/content/Pages/news/gb/en/2010/CHEVROLET/07_15_perfect_hand_shake
Original (as far as I know) blog entry mentioning it: http://jalopnik.com/5588201/this-is-the-formula-for-the-perfect-handshake
Contact email on the press release is chevrolet@mischiefpr.com.
If a Slashdot contributor gets taken for a line with that one, and editorial staff allows it through as a Science (not Idle) story, while nobody bothers to do even the slightest amount of digging, it might be high time to revise standards and practices, since Slashdot is starting to descend to a less-timely, less-informed, more gullible version of reddit.
I remember when Slashdot was THE place for techie/geeky news, and the comments were considerably more often than not insightful. Nowadays, people seem happier to quibble over minor semantics in an article while missing the big picture. I'm not trying to put Slashdot, one of my favorite sites, down but I'd rather it retain or improve level of quality, not slip toward the same plateau as Slashdot Parody Sites[tm].
If you're going to accept PR advertisements, at least put them in the ad box in the corner and accept payment, so people can opt out.
"A Goddess rarely smiles for she is forced by others to be an island unto herself." - Zephiris
The "bailout" was a loan. What do you care how it's spent? You'll get, or have already gotten, it back. Plus interest.
We got the same advice at an awful career fair for scientific post-docs that I attended. Sitting in a room with 300 other young scientists who recently earned their Ph.D.'s, being told not to give a wimpy handshake when meeting an interviewer - what a tremendously embarrassing waste of time.
http://www.inetdaemon.com/tutorials/internet/tcp/3-way_handshake.shtml
If handshakes give you issues try living in Argentina where you are expected to kiss everyone. Every time anyone new is within introducing distance you're supposed to kiss them - I am talking about guys. I've nearly fallen over trying to negotiate a handshake while avoiding the kiss of some dude who happens to have happened by and knows someone that I was with. And it's anywhere - at home, in a club, in the street. My house mate's brother in law is actively unfriendly towards me because I don't kiss him hello - which if I did would be several times a week, just because I happen to be in the house when he arrives regularly. Man, when I get back to Australia I am going to enjoy whatever terrible handshakes come my way just knowing that my three day growth doesn't have to be rubbed by someone else's.
A handshake guide?? What the hell am I to do with this? Where's the guide to getting laid?
When someone offers me their hand to shake I simply:
1) Smile
2) Make Eye contact
3) Say, "I appreciate the offer, but that's really not unnecessary; I trust you..."
4) Explain that even if I had my doubts my building's metal detectors have already verified that they are not hiding weapons in their sleeves.
Seriously, handshakes are uncivilized.
If I want to touch a human, I'll rent one and touch them however I please ¡
This really just looks like Chevrolet going through the motions companies go through when they want a "sciency" press release... commission a meaningless study. I don't think it should have made it to slashdot. Is there any depth to this?
Handshaking is a mindless ritual that people engage in merely due to peer pressure. Let's drop it already, it's moronic. I realize most humans are still pretty animalistic and incapable and/or unwilling to challenge such socially-indocrinated idiocy, but it'd be nice if some of you so-called "nerds" who are supposedly amongst the more intelligent members of humanity could manage a little more insight and critical-mindedness in this area.
I prefer the japanese way of bowing.
Come on why spend 5 seconds thinking about this?
Dear scientists: Please stop fooling around with this silly stuff and give me my flying car!
"Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines."
Mike Arrington from techcrunch has an opposing take on the handshake
http://techcrunch.com/2009/05/09/hand-shaking-is-so-medieval-lets-end-it/
http://dilemma.gulecha.org - My philospohical short film.
That guy beat them to it: http://www.theonion.com/articles/ceos-success-credited-to-unbelievable-handshake,1809/
Thanks for sharing that comic, it's hilarious!
What a science! Will they find the best kiss? eksenim
and avoid physical contact entirely unless you're playing rugby or shagging someone (or both).
To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it
Don't offer your hand to a lady. Let her decide if she wants that familiarity. It's presumptuous of a man to offer his.
i impressed my then girlfriend's mother (who is now my mother in law) by observing this rule.
Err on the side of being classy. You can't go wrong.
Utilizing the synergization of benchmark e-solutions to pre-workaround action items!
Also reported by the Daily Mail, the Belfast Telegraph, Daily Star, and a whole bunch of other sh*trags that can't be bothered to report real stories. Even Fox News got in on the act.
This "research" was revealed in a press release published by Chevrolet UK (that's GM's rebadged Daewoo division), who are desperate to get people to buy their cars without paying for a full-page ad.
Amusingly though, Fox News and The Independent (which are poles apart in editorial views) reported this without even mentioning the company behind the press release; this thwarts GM's efforts, but also suggests that they think this is real news about real research, and not just a cheap marketing stunt.
Oh, how convenient: a theory about God that doesn't involve looking through a telescope.