Study Aims To Read Dogs' Thoughts

Hello? by dolo724 · 2012-05-06 05:04 · Score: 5, Funny

Yes, this is Dog.

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Re:Hello? by Katakaa · 2012-05-06 05:13 · Score: 3, Interesting

I think it would be more interesting to study cats. Last night I was swimming at my pool (drunk), and the cats around my apartment building seemed interestingly intelligent. They come up on the bench to watch my computer screen, wanted to be hugged and generally seemed to have advanced thought process.

On top of this, geckos seem rather intelligent too. Their callsign "gecko" is not that easy to make, as it has tons of variations in the tune. If you have ever heard the noise a gecko makes you know what I'm talking about. On top of that the reasoning behind the sign is rather intelligent too - it messages to other geckos that "I'm here" and wants to meet with them.

It's almost funny that geeks seek to find intelligent life outside earth when there is so many around us.
Re:Hello? by HornWumpus · 2012-05-06 05:18 · Score: 4, Funny

Cats thoughts: Kill the human? No, need food, human bad to eat. Kill the human? No, need catnip. Kill the human? No, need water. DOG. RUN.

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Re:Hello? by Dogtanian · 2012-05-06 05:33 · Score: 1

Cats thoughts: Kill the human? No, need food, human bad to eat. Kill the human? No, need catnip. Kill the human? No, need water.
More likely- "Kill the human? No, way too big."

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Re:Hello? by xevioso · 2012-05-06 05:54 · Score: 4, Funny

Yeah, I used to think my cats jump up on the bed in the morning to see if I am awake so they can say hello and greet me as I start the new day. Actually I have figured out they are checking to see if I am alive or not so the feasting on my still-warm corpse can begin.
Re:Hello? by YrWrstNtmr · 2012-05-06 06:12 · Score: 1

I think it would be more interesting to study cats.

Cats have 3 thoughts:
Lunch
Nap
If I were bigger, you'd be lunch
Re:Hello? by Gordonjcp · 2012-05-06 06:17 · Score: 1

Seems more like "DOG! EAT IT! QUICK BEFORE IT GETS AWAY!"
Lameness filter encountered. Post aborted!
Filter error: Don't use so many caps. It's like YELLING
ZOMG! Slashdot is censoring me just like Facebook!
Re:Hello? by Paracelcus · 2012-05-06 06:41 · Score: 4, Interesting

Anybody that thinks that there can be no bond between Humans and cats has not had a close friendship with one!
In 1970 a few years after my dog Lady had died at age sixteen, a badly mauled little white tomcat was sitting in the hallway of the bldg in which I lived (it was open to the ally in the rear), I opened my door and said "you OK cat?" and with no warning he darted under my still opened sofa bed. Not wanting to lose any fingers by pulling him out I tried to coax him out with pieces of fried beef liver, he ate all the liver and a frankfurter (most of it from my hand) and finally got him to come out with a bowl of milk.
I named him Casey Cat, he was the toughest, most pugnacious, scarred up, feisty little runt I had ever seen! He was an American short haired all white alley cat, with one eye damaged, chewed up ears and a missing canine tooth. He weighed in at about six pounds.
Casey came and went as he pleased through an open window, He'd wake me by purring on my chest and when my eyes opened he'd grunt in my face with cat food breath (he could not meow). He was a very memorable friend!

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Re:Hello? by Kneo24 · 2012-05-06 06:47 · Score: 1

Why would they prefer stakes over steak? Are they vampire hunters?
Re:Hello? by History's+Coming+To · 2012-05-06 06:52 · Score: 2

"That's mine! That too! All that's mine, that's mine, but not that bit. It's been a good morning, I've eaten three times, slept six times and made a lot of things mine...next I'm going to see if I can't have sex with something!"

(That line is the one which got Red Dwarf commissioned in the first place.)

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Re:Hello? by Forget4it · 2012-05-06 07:08 · Score: 1

On the internet no know you are dog. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_the_Internet,_nobody_knows_you're_a_dog/

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Artificial intelligence is the study of how to make real computers act like the ones in the movies.
Re:Hello? by rikkards · 2012-05-06 07:56 · Score: 1

I read at one point that the reason cats are independent is not because they choose to, because they are not intelligent enough to form packs. I figure that is a stretch but I wish I could find that paper
Re:Hello? by Anonymous Coward · 2012-05-06 08:08 · Score: 1

I feel bad for animals in bad shape, like that. But it honestly sounds more like a human-rodent relationship. It comes around for food, but otherwise doesn't care.
Dogs are great though. They actually love the shit out of you. Man's best friend, ftw!
Re:Hello? by nospam007 · 2012-05-06 08:17 · Score: 1

"Why would they prefer stakes over steak? Are they vampire hunters?"
They're dyslexic _and_ color-blind.
Re:Hello? by gstrickler · 2012-05-06 08:59 · Score: 3, Informative

A cat's thoughts
Cats and dogs are both quite intelligent. They're very different, dogs are typically more loyal, and they're social/pack oriented. They want to be part of a heirarchy with a leader (usually an alpha male). They want approval and acceptance into the pack.
Cats are more possessive (they "own" you) and independent. Cats have a "language", their different vocalizations have different meanings. I learned to tell the difference such that I could recognize when I cats were asking for food, water, attention, going outside, caution, or when they just wanted to "talk" (be social). It's simplistic as a "language", but it's effective, and appears to be common to most cats, so it fulfills the requirements of being a "language".

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Re:Hello? by outsider007 · 2012-05-06 10:35 · Score: 1, Funny

Um, cats don't form packs because they form prides.

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Re:Hello? by Purity+Of+Essence · 2012-05-06 11:00 · Score: 1

I feel bad for animals in bad shape, like that. But it honestly sounds more like a human-rodent relationship. It comes around for food, but otherwise doesn't care.
Dogs are great though. They actually love the shit out of you. Man's best friend, ftw!
Sadly true. I've had cats all my life, but no matter how great you think you and your cat are together, they will leave you flat for a better meal somewhere else. Cats have no sense of loyalty.

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+0 Meh
Re:Hello? by thePowerOfGrayskull · 2012-05-06 11:36 · Score: 1

Dogs also have a "language" - different types and tones of bark (danger, fear, play), many other combinations of body language and sound.
(Said as an owner of three dogsand one retarded cat, and companion/housemate to a cat of normal feline intellect )
Re:Hello? by flappinbooger · 2012-05-06 11:50 · Score: 2

Cats thoughts: Kill the human? No, need food, human bad to eat. Kill the human? No, need catnip. Kill the human? No, need water. DOG. RUN.
According to watching my 2 dogs, dog thoughts are thus:

Squirrel! No, false alarm. Hey, what's that? I need to sniff it. Can I eat it? No. Can I pee on it? No. I'll bark at it! Hey, my humans are home! It's been 10 minutes that seemed like forever I need to sniff them. Hey, what's that? I need to sniff it.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

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Flappinbooger isn't my real name
Re:Hello? by youn · 2012-05-06 14:22 · Score: 1

scooby, is that you? lol... I suggest you offer them your services for translation :)

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Re:Hello? by Merls+the+Sneaky · 2012-05-06 15:00 · Score: 1

Too bad you fucked it up then isn't it. It goes....
"This is mine! That's mine, all this is mine! I'm claiming all this as mine! Except for that bit, I don't want that bit. But all the rest of this is mine! Hey this has been a good day, I've eaten five times, I've slept six times and I've made a lot of things mine...tomorrow I'm going to see if I can't have sex with something!" Ooowww Yeah!"
Cat, Red Dwarf. Season one episode five, Confidence and Paranoia.
Re:Hello? by gtall · 2012-05-06 22:20 · Score: 2

Cats certainly have higher mental functions, I had two Siamese sisters. Both would sulk when I pushed them away. In the last year of Tinkerbell's life, she started snuggling up real close to my chest at night in bed. This went on including her last night before I had to take her in for that last vet visit, kidney disease. That last night, Ariel was inconsolable, and she demanded to be right on the other side of Tinkerbell. Every night since Tinkerbell's last, Ariel snuggled up just like Tinkerbell had...including her last night before I had to take her in for her last vet visit, kidney disease. They made it 16 and 17 yrs old respectively and broke my heart.
I theorize they both felt bad from the kidney problems, although both were snuggling up before their blood test showed they'd be in any distress. It was almost like they either knew the end was near and it made them feel better. In a sense, the reason doesn't matter. What mattered was that it was important to them.
Re:Hello? by gtall · 2012-05-06 22:22 · Score: 2

Cats pack, or pride. There was TV doc on cats and they had one story where a dog was terrorizing cats in a neighborhood. One day, they set up a trap. The dog went after a cat as bait and the rest jumped him.
Re:Hello? by History's+Coming+To · 2012-05-07 01:12 · Score: 1

Not far off quoting from a 20 year old memory though! Life's too short to Google everything.

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Re:Hello? by arth1 · 2012-05-07 02:03 · Score: 2

Cats have no sense of loyalty.
Cats are territorial lone hunters.
Dogs are roaming pack hunters.
So, yes, cats will be both more territorial and less loyal.
It's not that it loves you less, it loves you plenty here and now, but it's not a real attachment.
Add that cats have different sleep needs, and aren't always active when their human companions are, while dogs will adjust their sleep and wake periods to fit the pack and situation.
When I come home, and the dogs are at the door and the cats in the window, the dogs think "oh boy, oh boy, he's home, HE'S HOME, oh boy, oh boy!", while the cats think "feed me".
Re:Hello? by LoRdTAW · 2012-05-07 03:44 · Score: 1

I have had with cats and dogs my whole life. I find both to be equally interesting and I would love to know how a dog thinks. We had a mixed German Sheppard guard dog at our business named Lucky. He had a voracious appetite and would try to eat everything he could (amazingly he didn't eat his own feces, it wasn't good enough for him). That dog lived for food and escaping to find more food. He was also an individual, he was lovable and loyal but never wanted to really listen to anyone. Sometimes when we called all the dogs inside they came right inside. He would walk to the door with them, get to the door and just walk away as if he was saying "fuck you, im not ready to come in." We had to drag him in sometimes. He wasn't completely disobedient he did listen to commands but it was selective. My grandfather said that if he was a person you would hate him. He was a bit of an ass hole, always watching you while you ate to see if you were going to turn your back so he could swipe something. I nicknamed him Houdini as he could escape the property without anyone noticing. The other dogs were very obedient and always listened to commands, very typical behavior. That dog taught me that there is more then just simple instinct at work, a thought process existed in his little dog brain and it made him and individual.
Few stories:
The burger snatch: I got a few burgers from burger king for me and the other workers. I had one burger left and without thinking I left it on a table within reach of the dogs. I was sitting behind some shelving and I watched as Lucky slowly walked toward the table and sniffed the air a bit. He knew there was food up there so I watched as he actually checked to see if anyone was watching. He looked left for a second and then right, he didn't see me so he quickly jumped up and grabbed the burger. At that moment I realized dogs do possess a basic form of thought. He knew to check to see if anyone was looking. Why else would he look around? If he simply wanted the food he would just grab it.
The second was the Houdini: We have a beach house in a gated community. Along the side of the house is a wooden walkway from the front deck to the rear deck. I had to go there with my brother for some maintenance and I took our dogs, Lucky was one. We had to dog proof the yard to make sure they couldn't get out, along the side of the deck is open to the front so I built a wall using some lawn chairs and a broom. It was sturdy so I let the dogs out. Lucky immediately scouted the perimeter, sniffing along the fence from on end to the other. I knew what he wanted to do but I made sure all the gates were closed and locked, he wasn't getting out. After an hour we noticed Lucky was not around, the other dog was with us. I went in the yard to check up on him and he was gone. Puzzled I went looking for him and found him sitting on the front deck watching the activity of the neighborhood. How the hell did he get out? So we brought him back into the yard and watched him from a window. He walked around until he figured he wasn't being watched, walked into an opening under the deck and then pushed out of an access door just ahead of my makeshift dog wall. Again I was amazed, he had a goal to escape and then actually set about finding a way out. He found and exploited a hole in the perimeter and escaped.
One of his usual escapades was to escape and cross the street to the shopping mall parking lot and look for food. One year after thanksgiving someone dumped a whole pile of ham and turkey in the mall parking lot, I found him at the pile snapping up as much as he could before I grabbed him. He hit the jackpot. Plenty of other stories about him but those two really showed that he possessed a thought process. I was sad to see him go but he lasted a long time for a big dog, made it past 16. I miss that little jerk, smartest dog I have ever seen.
Re:Hello? by LongearedBat · 2012-05-07 04:05 · Score: 1

Anybody that thinks that there can be no bond between Humans and cats has not had a close friendship with one!
Totally agree.
My cat asks me to spend time with him in the garden. We cuddle for a while, then just sit in each others' presence. Very relaxing, I must say.
Sometimes we go for night walks together. He alternates between walking alongside me and darting between shadows. And sometimes he wants us to just sit. (This can be a little uncomfortable for me when people walk by and wonder why some bloke is sitting/standing around, at night, seemingly alone, in suburbia.)
It seems to me that the difference in socialising between cats and dogs/humans, is that cats seem to consider it impolite to be distracted when socialising, whereas humans and dogs socialise by doing things together. He expects us to just be, in each other's presence - and that really is quality time. I think there's a lesson to be learnt there.
Occasionally I've locked him up inside when going out. The times that's happened, an he's needed to poop, he's either held on, or done it on the laundy floor or next to a rubbish bin in the house. That he has some understanding of their purpose amazes me.
Also, my cat "talks" to me using very subtle body language (that, admittedly, I'm still to blunt to always pick up). Most of what he says is basic stuff such as "I want to eat outside today" or "Let's walk this way". But sometimes...
And there are so many other things I could mention. Sure, he's not able to vocalise and doesn't have the mental capacity to learn differential calculus or art. But... he's clearly sentient.
Sure, people will consider me to be a bit loopy, but when living with someone who is clearly intelligent (relatively speaking) and caring, of course we become good friends.
Re:Hello? by bytta · 2012-05-07 04:25 · Score: 1

Sadly, googling these things, copying and pasting is usually faster than writing it from memory unless you're a really fast typist.
Re:Hello? by mcgrew · 2012-05-07 04:26 · Score: 1

Cats are amazingly intelligent, but like people their individual intelligences vary. I knew a cat who could open a door by jumping up and grabbing the knob and swinging. I taught another cat to play dead on cue, point your finger at him and say "bang" and he'd fall over. One time maybe fifteen years ago I was visiting a frined in St Louis, and was woken up by what sounded like a child crying for help, plain as day -- "Help! Help! Help!" I opened the door and Jeff's cat walked in and sad, again plain as day, "hello!"
But some cats are as dumb as posts. I was going to link an old K5 story I authored, but I can't find it.

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Free Martian Whores!
Re:Hello? by sexconker · 2012-05-07 04:34 · Score: 1

It is quite funny to notice the hypocrisy of general human population. They love their cats and dogs, will go out of their way to help an animal who is in distress, but will not pause to think for a moment before ordering their next chicken wings, beef/pork hamburgers or lamb chops. These animals undergo a lot of suffering including their throats slit, being burned/cooked alive before they are ready to be served up as food.
In my point of view, there is no problem in killing your game and eating its meat as our ancestors used to do. But raising cattle just for the purpose of food, keeping them in horrifying condition and then killing them in even more horrifying ways is morally repugnant. The modern meat industry allows a general sensitive, virtuous person to be insulated from all this torture and indirectly make him/her responsible for all this.
We can't feed everyone without raising animals for slaughter.
I'm all for fewer people and better conditions for livestock, but if you think a soy burger is any better, you're retarded. The negative impact caused by growing and harvesting that soy, and then processing and fortifying it so you can live off of it, is as high or higher than that of the beef industry. The crops worse are corn and tobacco.
Re:Hello? by idontgno · 2012-05-07 09:04 · Score: 1

Yeah. I don't so much call it "googling" as "having it remembered for me wholesale".
Hey, wait... now apparently Google thinks I vacationed on Mars at some point...

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Already done by Anonymous Coward · 2012-05-06 05:08 · Score: 3, Funny

Bacon? Is that Bacon? Got to have that bacon! Bacon!

Re:Already done by Intrepid+imaginaut · 2012-05-06 05:47 · Score: 1

Dogs can be pretty clever though. I've been observing the development of my delightful pomeranian puppy and have noticed some quite complex emergent behaviour in terms of how she tries to manipulate me to get treats and stuff. Also I've translated a few of the cues she gives - two forepaws slapped down on the ground means no, jumping up in the air and spinning round means yes when I start listing off activities.
Re:Already done by bugnuts · 2012-05-06 06:45 · Score: 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9M7dt80zMYc
i always liked this commercial despite not liking the product.
Re:Already done by Darinbob · 2012-05-06 11:19 · Score: 1

Squirrel!
Re:Already done by Joce640k · 2012-05-07 03:58 · Score: 1

Dogs can be pretty clever though. I've been observing the development of my delightful pomeranian puppy and have noticed some quite complex emergent behaviour
Just ask any pet owner and they'll tell you how communicative animals are, especially the most popular ones (cats&dogs). You just have to spend some time around them...

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Thanks to scientists... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-05-06 05:11 · Score: 1, Funny

Instead of Woof! we'll have

"You are now trespassing on my territory. I have determined that you are not a friend and have no rights to your position. You are hereby advised to withdraw immediately, or run the risk of forcible removal and/or dismemberment."

Re:Ignoring the more important question.... by Trepidity · 2012-05-06 05:13 · Score: 3, Insightful

Probably the case with any relationship, actually. Do we really want to know what other people are thinking? Or cats?

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They could have just played Black & White 2... by dryriver · 2012-05-06 05:13 · Score: 3, Interesting

You know, the excellent God-Game by Lionhead Studios where you have to create & educate a "Creature" to fight for your people and interests. The creature in B&W 2, though artificial, is probably about as smart as your average dog. Oh well. Happy studying...

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Read their diaries by naroom · 2012-05-06 05:14 · Score: 2, Funny

Why bother with MRI? We can just read the dog's diary.

Re:Read their diaries by JoshWurzel · 2012-05-06 14:23 · Score: 2

I prefer this one: http://textfromdog.tumblr.com/
Combine with the FX show "Wilfred" and you've got everything you need to peer into a dog's psyche.

Old news. by AragornSonOfArathorn · 2012-05-06 05:14 · Score: 4, Funny

Gary Larson figured this out ages ago.

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Re:Old news. by Dogtanian · 2012-05-06 05:24 · Score: 4, Funny

You bet he did!

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Re:Old news. by rberger · 2012-05-06 14:24 · Score: 1

Yes, this Larson carton is immediately what I thought of when I read the article!
Re:Old news. by AragornSonOfArathorn · 2012-05-07 08:50 · Score: 1

Ok, you win at the internet.

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sudo eat my shorts

Squirrel! by Frequency+Domain · 2012-05-06 05:16 · Score: 4, Insightful

Darn the minimal post requirement! Subject says it all.

Re:Squirrel! by Terrasque · 2012-05-06 05:26 · Score: 2

This. First thought I had when seeing the headline.
And now to contribute a bit here.. Meet Doug

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Re:Squirrel! by antdude · 2012-05-06 07:42 · Score: 1

Don't tell the dog near this lady (found on VideoSift). ;)

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Re:That's easy by Joce640k · 2012-05-06 05:20 · Score: 1

This pretty much sums it up

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Dogs? by Anonymous Coward · 2012-05-06 05:21 · Score: 1

Why not try to figure out what attractive women think instead of...okay mod me down now.

Re:Dogs? by Just+Some+Guy · 2012-05-06 05:25 · Score: 2

Why not try to figure out what attractive women think instead of
"I bet that guy posts on Slashdot. Shun! Shun!

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Dewey, what part of this looks like authorities should be involved?

Canine desires? by LrdZombie · 2012-05-06 05:21 · Score: 1

Your dog wants steak.

Gary Larson is still a genius by Just+Some+Guy · 2012-05-06 05:23 · Score: 1, Funny

I think The Far Side nailed it, circa 25 years ago.

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Dewey, what part of this looks like authorities should be involved?

Re:Gary Larson is still a genius by tverbeek · 2012-05-06 05:32 · Score: 2

Or this one:
https://www.blogmutt.com/images/farside.jpg

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"Hello." by coolguyclay · 2012-05-06 05:30 · Score: 1

"My name is . . . Squirrel! . . . Hi there : )" I think Pixar's "Up" nailed it.

Re:That's easy by Jeremiah+Cornelius · 2012-05-06 05:30 · Score: 1

"I hid under the porch....

Because I LOVE you!"

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"Flyin' in just a sweet place,
Never been known to fail..."

Proof of concept! by flytripper · 2012-05-06 05:34 · Score: 1

UP!

Top 3 dog thoughts by Anonymous Coward · 2012-05-06 05:38 · Score: 1

What does that butt smell like?

Can I eat that?

Mitt Romney is a dick.

In other news by brunes69 · 2012-05-06 05:48 · Score: 2

A similar study to try to discover what cat's think, was foiled when the cats refused to participate fully in the study. Before they left, initial results showed the following thought: "Get out! The're onto us!"

Profit by Frankie70 · 2012-05-06 05:49 · Score: 4, Funny

1) Read dog's thoughts.
2) .......
3) Profit.

What's the missing 2nd step here?
Only a dog would know. If only we could read their thoughts. Wait.....

Re:Profit by Kjella · 2012-05-06 06:55 · Score: 1

2) Sell these "insights" to all the crazy people who'd do more for their dogs than their kids. What foods it likes, what play toys it likes, whatever else it wants... with kickbacks from the companies that make it, of course.

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Re:Profit by jamesh · 2012-05-06 14:52 · Score: 1

"Hmm...let me try a canine-human mind meld. It's an incredibly rare psychic power possessed only by me and three other clerks at this store."
Re:Profit by AdrianKemp · 2012-05-07 01:23 · Score: 1

So your assertion is that no parents anywhere use techniques provided by developmental psychology for their children?
Because otherwise I fail to see how using training techniques provided by the very same could be considered doing more for the pet than the child.

Fake the throw? by charlieo88 · 2012-05-06 05:53 · Score: 1

http://i.imgur.com/EEr1G.jpg

Canine Decoder by goombah99 · 2012-05-06 05:55 · Score: 4, Funny

The Canine speech decoder already exists:
http://d1syadvoyajtpr.cloudfront.net/534fa0b9aacaf866a8eb6c6f51fa1388_500.jpg

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Huh? by Grindalf · 2012-05-06 05:56 · Score: 1

Why not just ask them? Don't their dogs bark in English like everyone else? Hmmm ...

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Re:Ignoring the more important question.... by 93+Escort+Wagon · 2012-05-06 06:05 · Score: 1

Do we want to know what dogs are thinking? Or would knowing that ruin the dog-human relationship?

We own a yellow lab, and I'm pretty confident I know what she's thinking about most of the time - she's not that complicated of a creature.

Of course, she might be thinking the same thing about me...

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Re:Ignoring the more important question.... by SternisheFan · 2012-05-06 06:13 · Score: 1

Half the fun of a dog is in trying to figure out what they want from us. Basic answer: Love me like I love you.

Handbanana by Orangebeard · 2012-05-06 06:15 · Score: 1

All I know is ball... and good... and RAPE.

Scrabble tiles by 0111+1110 · 2012-05-06 06:19 · Score: 3, Insightful

Have they tried Scrabble tiles?

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It's about time, we can learn from other species. by elucido · 2012-05-06 06:26 · Score: 3, Insightful

I think this is a very good idea and there should be lots of research in this area. If we discover that animals have thoughts similar enough to ours then we will have to give them rights. Depending on how complex the thoughts they might require person status.

This would at least in theory suggest we will need to consider animal rights when making political or economic decisions. Dogs in specific if they could communicate with us could completely change the relationship humans have with them.

Although I'm going to be honest I don't expect talking dogs anytime soon.

I CAN HAZ TRANSLATION? by Guppy · 2012-05-06 06:28 · Score: 4, Funny

Cats thoughts

Good attempt but your dialect and accent are off. As a long-time scholar of Cat, let me translate for you:

I CAN KILLZ HOOMAN? No, need füdz, hoomanz is made of bad füdz.
I CAN KILLZ HOOMAN? No, give catnipz plz. Kthnxbai.
I CAN KILLZ HOOMAN? No, give waterz plz. Kthnxbai.
DOG. RUN.

Re:I CAN HAZ TRANSLATION? by metlin · 2012-05-06 07:51 · Score: 1

I question the general assumption that felines are inherently deficient in the area of grammar and sentence structure.
Re:I CAN HAZ TRANSLATION? by Alsee · 2012-05-06 11:00 · Score: 1

No, need füdz, hoomanz is made of bad füdz.
What kind of "cat scholar" are you? What cat ever uses an ümlaüt? No cat I've ever seen.
Not even German cats. And I've spoken with plenty of German cats.
-

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Re:I CAN HAZ TRANSLATION? by idontgno · 2012-05-07 09:23 · Score: 1

I think Dr. Schrödinger's cat Günter may use umlauts. Maybe not. No one's seen it in a while.

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I learned my dogs thoughts long ago by willoughby · 2012-05-06 06:28 · Score: 1

It's simply, "Hunh?".

Dogs have thoughts? by rgbatduke · 2012-05-06 06:30 · Score: 1

Who knew...

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Even when the experts all agree, they may well be mistaken. --- Bertrand Russell.

News Flash! Dog's Thoughts Loud & Clear: by flameproof · 2012-05-06 06:31 · Score: 1

"SQUIRREL!"

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~Just as a thing fails if it lacks a kernel, so too it fails if it lacks a skin. ~ Rumi, Discourses

Re:It's about time, we can learn from other specie by SuricouRaven · 2012-05-06 06:49 · Score: 1

That is a good argument if you want to convince people *not* to encourage this research.

Didn't they write a book called Dog Dreams? by DrStoooopid · 2012-05-06 06:52 · Score: 1

I always thought that would be a short book.....Bone, fire hydrant, chase cat, chase mail man, chase car, poop in the floor, wag tail, sleep, repeat.....

--
There are 2 groups of people you can make fun of on the Internet without fear of attack. The illiterate, and the Amish.

Interesting by Lord+Lode · 2012-05-06 07:15 · Score: 1

I've always wondered what a dog is thinking that all these humans must be doing all day long.

Re:Interesting by Firethorn · 2012-05-06 07:52 · Score: 1

Out hunting, probably. We seem to bring back food often enough.

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I don't read AC A human right
Re:Interesting by Lord+Lode · 2012-05-06 08:20 · Score: 1

Out hunting, while sitting in front of strange boxes that give light all day?!
Re:Interesting by Firethorn · 2012-05-06 14:08 · Score: 1

I took 'doing' as in 'away from the home'. Otherwise, well, we could just be 'resting nervously'. Dogs can and will just lay there for hours on end if there's nothing all that necessary to do.

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I don't read AC A human right

Re:Ignoring the more important question.... by MightyMartian · 2012-05-06 07:38 · Score: 1

There was that old joke that if aliens were to observe Earth, they would assume cats and dogs were the rulers and humans there slaves.

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The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.

Re:It's about time, we can learn from other specie by elucido · 2012-05-06 07:44 · Score: 1

That is a good argument if you want to convince people *not* to encourage this research.

The research is already being done encouraged or not. If you want to encourage it then you'll have to find some military application for it.

It has already been decoded. by 140Mandak262Jamuna · 2012-05-06 07:47 · Score: 3, Funny

An aspiring entomologist, named Gary Larson, had already published a short paper on what dogs hear. Unfortunately I don't have a link but it goes something like this:

You: Stupid dog Bingo, Why did you do that Bingo? Should you always shred the paper like this Bingo? How can I read it now Bingo! You dimwit Bingo!

Dog hears: xxxxxx xxx Bingo, xxx xxx xxx xxx xxxx Bingo? xxxxx xxx xxxxxx xxxxx xxx xxxxx xxxx xxxx Bingo? xxx xxx X xxxx xx xxx Bingo! xxx xxxxxx Bingo!

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sed -e 's/Chuck Norris/Rajnikant/g' joke > fact

Vomit! by kid_wonder · 2012-05-06 07:51 · Score: 2

I forget which comedian this was from:

"What would your dog say if it could talk? Probably 'You know, vomit really ain't half bad!'"

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"Oh, you hate your job? There's a support group for that, it's called everyone, they meet at the bar."

Reading Dog's thoughts by m1kesm1th · 2012-05-06 08:53 · Score: 1

As long as they don't mean Dog the bounty hunter, it seems like a good idea to me.

Re:It's about time, we can learn from other specie by SuricouRaven · 2012-05-06 09:03 · Score: 1

Military applications?

Combat. Dolphins.

First Bark: by Tablizer · 2012-05-06 09:22 · Score: 1

"Please keep me away from both the presidential candidates."

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Table-ized A.I.

They already talk by Tablizer · 2012-05-06 09:29 · Score: 4, Funny

But dogs can already talk. I swear, here's an absolutely true conversion I had with my dog:

Me: "Sparky, what's on top of a house?"

Dog: "Roof!"

Me: "Sparky, how does sand-paper feel?"

Dog: "Rough!"

Me: "Sparky, who is the best baseball player of all time?"

Dog: "Ruthf!"

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Table-ized A.I.

Re:They already talk by PPH · 2012-05-06 15:42 · Score: 1

Me: "Sparky, who is the best baseball player of all time?"
Dog: "Ruthf!"
Me: "Stupid dog. You're just barking."
Dog (walks away, muttering): "DiMaggio?"

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Have gnu, will travel.

BACON!! by schlachter · 2012-05-06 09:38 · Score: 1

bacon!

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My God can beat up your God. Just kidding...don't take offense. I know there's no God.

Read Dogs' Thoughts by emaname · 2012-05-06 10:07 · Score: 1

"Throw the ball. Throw the ball."

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An effective "democracy" creates the illusion the people have a say in their government.

Pretty much... by DigitalSorceress · 2012-05-06 10:19 · Score: 1

Dogs are pretty easy to read:

If you have food:
DROP THE FOOD! Oh PHULLEEZZZ drop the foooooddd!

If you have beer:
SPILL THE BEER! Oh PHULLLEEZZZ drop the beeeer!

If you're leaving:
STAY WITH MEEEEE.. Oh PHULEEZZZZ stay with meeee!

When you're returning:
OH BOY! You're HEEERRRREE!

Cats are even easier:
Are you food yet?

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The Digital Sorceress

Re:Pretty much... by dkleinsc · 2012-05-07 01:03 · Score: 1

Here's one of the major reasons I don't own a dog.
If they're inside:
Please let me out!
If they're outside:
Please let me in!

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I am officially gone from /. Long live http://www.soylentnews.com/

Steak Steak Steak Chicken Whiz Poop by gelfling · 2012-05-06 10:43 · Score: 1

That's pretty much what my dogs think, apart from Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit sniff sniff sniff Rabbit Rabbit sniff

Try asking. by pubwvj · 2012-05-06 12:00 · Score: 4, Interesting

Try asking the dog. I have a large pack of working livestock dogs on our farm. We use sign language with them. They use some of the signs back to us. There are some limitations, they can't finger spell or do certain moves, but we have have developed a dog-gin mix of sign and vocal language. I also understand some of their own language. All told we have about 300 words that we use back and forth. This is enough language to talk about a lot of things.

If you want to know what they're thinking, ask.

Re:Try asking. by adrn01 · 2012-05-07 04:20 · Score: 1

Youtube that and everlasting fame is yours.
Re:Try asking. by LongearedBat · 2012-05-07 04:28 · Score: 1

Now I am very curious. Can they tell you about past/future? Can they describe things (eg. locations, observations)? Can they take in multiple instructions before following through on them? Can they describe how they feel?
Re:Try asking. by deadweight · 2012-05-07 04:34 · Score: 1

I teach all my dogs basic sign. It was WAY easier than teaching my human family members. Dogs were like "sign for sit but says roll over. WTF is WRONG with these people?"
Re:Try asking. by pubwvj · 2012-05-13 11:07 · Score: 1

These are livestock guardian and herding dogs. They do past, future, location names, object names, actions, picking individual animals out of a herd to bring to me, multiple instructions. This is basic wolf pack hunting behavior. And yes, they can say how they feel. Remus, one of them, came to me yesterday and showed me his paw and said he had hurt it. Upon examining it I found that he had stepped on something and cut the pad of one toe. He hurt and wanted attention to the problem. They also have feelings of happiness, jealousy, anger, sadness, grief and they will talk about them. The question is, will people listen.

Re:It's about time, we can learn from other specie by Eightbitgnosis · 2012-05-06 12:26 · Score: 3, Funny

How complex do you exactly think the mind of a being who eats cat turds out of a littler box actually is?

What Slashdot Posters Hear by cstacy · 2012-05-06 12:58 · Score: 1

Bad Summary! Blah blah Modpoints blah blah TFA blah blah Apple blah blah...

findings by Walt+Dismal · 2012-05-06 13:27 · Score: 1

The following two sets of data were collected:

Set 1. Notes. Helmet fitted to dog. System started.

Dog: "OMG this poop is delicious! I'm going eat ALL of it! And then go lick the lab human."

Set 2. Notes. Helmet fitted to dog. System started. Note: I seem to have forgotten what I did here, and the dog is missing.

Dog: "These damned humans interrupted me while I was contemplating superluminal particle theory. You! Human! Remove the helmet. Forget. Forget. Now sleep."

finally! we'll get to know who let the dogs out by youn · 2012-05-06 14:22 · Score: 1

ouf

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Never antropomorphize computers, they do not like that :p

0ther Gary Larson by OFnow · 2012-05-06 15:18 · Score: 1

Another Gary Larson cartoon (no link, sorry) was "what dogs would say if they could talk" with the cartoon showning all the dogs saying "Hey!" :-)

Thought to Text output follows... by sonamchauhan · 2012-05-06 15:27 · Score: 1

Bow, Wow Wow!

Bow! Woooo! Wow bow bow!

FMRI output by PPH · 2012-05-06 15:46 · Score: 1

"Chase the cat! Chase the cat! Smell the butt! Hump the leg! Hump the leg! Smell the butt! Mmmmm! Bacon! Chase the cat! Chase the cat!"

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Have gnu, will travel.

Re:Ignoring the more important question.... by Hognoxious · 2012-05-06 19:20 · Score: 1

We own a yellow lab

You do urine analysis?

--
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."

Re:It's about time, we can learn from other specie by Hognoxious · 2012-05-06 20:09 · Score: 1

There's a story that in WW2 the Russians trained dogs to run under tanks by placing food there. Then, they released them in front of the enemy with bombs attached to their backs.

However the dogs only associated food with friendly tanks - and they were smart enough to tell the difference. An own goal was recorded.

Some might say it served them right, the godless commie bastards.

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Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."

Re:It's about time, we can learn from other specie by AdrianKemp · 2012-05-07 01:35 · Score: 1

Of all the hippy nonsense...

I can assure you that dogs are not intelligent enough to be given the standard personal rights, and in some countries they already do have a (very) minimal set of rights.

On the other hand, what this research will do (if successful) is allow us some insight into the workings of an intelligence entirely different from our own. Dogs and Humans common lineage is pretty far removed by any scale, so having a look could teach us a lot of things about intelligence.

I'd wager that this can only degrade human-canine relationships. Dog owners already believe that they are the centre of the dogs universe and that the loyalty is undying and unlimited. The best possible scenario is that those beliefs are confirmed. When they find out that a dog thinks about killing his owner on average once a day (the other extreme) suddenly the picture won't be so rosy.

Bottom line: most dog owners attribute only the best possible emotional states to their dogs, knowing the truth will only damage that state of ignorance.

i love my dog by P-niiice · 2012-05-07 03:25 · Score: 1

I love it when he cocks his head like 'the fuck are you talking about?'. I wanna hear that dog.

Best comment on dog lang translator from 2006 by adrn01 · 2012-05-07 04:15 · Score: 1

( Posted by BillCo on fark.com in 2006 )

If this is true, I'm going to have to kill my dog. He's witnessed too many things that no one can know about.

"Let's go hunting boy"...

Up! by CosaNostra+Pizza+Inc · 2012-05-07 04:47 · Score: 1

So, does this mean dogs will have verbal translation collars, like in the movie UP! "Squirrel!!"

Re:That's easy by Ol+Biscuitbarrel · 2012-05-07 11:26 · Score: 1

Treats, sure. Dogs also chainsmoke when in a panic, as demonstrated by the Kids in the Hall.

Occasionally when remonstrating myself about something I think "Justify Your Existence!"

Re:they need a study? by JBaustian · 2012-05-07 14:43 · Score: 1

Didn't Pavlov already run this study?

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Study Aims To Read Dogs' Thoughts

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