Slashdot Mirror
Why Facebook Is Stressing You Out
Hugh Pickens writes "Megan Garber reports that the more friends you have on Facebook — or, perhaps more accurately, the more 'friends' you have on Facebook — the more stressed you're likely to be about actually having them. The wider your Facebook network, the more likely it is that something you say or do on the site will end up offending one of that network's members. The stress comes from the kind of personal versioning that is common in analog life — the fact that you (probably) behave slightly differently when you're with your mom than you do when you're with your boss, or with your boyfriend, or with your dentist. A study of over 300 Facebook users found that on average people are Facebook friends with seven different social circles. The most common group was friends who were known from offline environments (97 percent added them as friends online), followed by extended family (81 percent), siblings (80 percent), friends of friends (69 percent), and colleagues (65 percent). Those are, in the sociological sense, very different groups — groups that carry different (and unspoken-because-obvious) behavioral expectations. Per the study's survey, 'adding employers or parents resulted in the greatest increase in anxiety.'"
This makes a ton of sense. There is a natural urge to share the things you care about deeply. Whether you are passionate about the environment, religion's role in society, or a particular conflict - you are bound to have friends who disagree with you. Sometimes passionately. At the same time there is a palpable pressure not to be political on Facebook. So when you (or a friend) posts something polarizing, the attention it gets (or doesn't get) can really stress you out.
Its a shame, especially since political discourse is so very essential to a healthy society - that social sites like Facebook make it even more stressful than it already can be.
Did this about a year ago, dropped all friends except for a "close" 30 or so; my immediate neighbors, some close friends throughout the years, and family. No coworkers, no friends of friends, no one from HS or college or grad school.
;)
The great thing about growing older is that it no longer stresses me out when my parents find out I'm smoking pot with the neighbors.
sysadmins and parents of newborns get the same amount of sleep.
Paid for by Google? Sounds like Circles!
You just stop giving a fuck about what people think of you?
I find it's a lot easier to be myself when I maintain an internal locus of identity. If people don't like or at least respect who I am and what I say, why do I count them as my friend? Differences within a social circle can be healthy and rewarding. Altering your behavior to conform to a social precedent is not.
I understand the premise of this entirely, and I agree. It doesn't have to be that way, though. I maintain several FB Groups, which help me segment those social circles, allowing me to freely post things among a smaller subset without worry of offending someone else or sharing too much with someone who doesn't need to see everything I want to share. Facebook Groups are fantastic. That is all.
When my parents added me as friends, my facebook usage dropped from 2-3 hrs/wk to 10 minutes/wk. Actually lessened my anxiety and freed up my time!
Aren't people on FB because they want to show off? They all want to be liked, so anything that hinders that is likely to stress them out and this includes having opinions.
You can't handle the truth.
... and I'm not stressed about it at all. Huh. My anecdote IS the singular of data!
If Facebook didn't exist, I wouldn't be stressed about it at all. Instead, we get all these stupid stories about this website and stuff. That stresses the shit out of me. The fact that people think I should be using this privacy sucking tool of evil also stresses me. But having friends on that website? Well, I don't use it, so that doesn't stress me.
Also, this is something that people on /. have been saying for ages. It's one of the reasons that Google Plus is meant to be wonderful. (I wouldn't know, I don't use it either.) Being able to separate work friends from pub friends from high school friends from family seems like a pretty obvious requirement.
The idea of forgetfulness is another thing. If I say something stupid down at the pub, my workmates aren't likely to find out about it. The other patrons of the pub are likely to forget about it before too long as well (unless it was particularly stupid). But on the Internet...
Gee, anyone else have any obvious differences between the Internet and RL?
HELP MY ACCOUNT HAS BEEN HACKED BY AN ILLIBERAL ART STUDENT SET TO DESTROY THE INTERWEBZ!
Stop being a pussy and get off the site.
If a blog or lifestyle/health article begins with the word "Why", the rest of the headline won't make sense until you substitute "Me" for "You" and "My" for "Your".
I tend to just say whatever I want and let people delete me if needed. I probably don't need to be friends with all my aunts and 8yo cousins. When some debate arises, I don't mind; I just win. All the work friends probably keep me from posting too many pot legalization videos and such, but that's what Tumblr is for.
Seriously, I don't give a rat's patoot that someone is trying to get ahold of my, tagged me or replied to something I said. If I feel like visiting fb I will, but I'm no slave to it and the more it pesters me the more I consider linking the stupid thing to a deal letter email box.
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
Remove one profile from Facebook, yourself.
My Wife has a FB account and she has a lot of "friends" who post political "opinions". All they do is parrot opinions of pundits - aggressively. Pin them down as to exactly why they have "their" opinion and they resort to the talking that they heard.
Yeah, both sides are guilty of this, but I have to say, the folks on the right are the worst and the angriest.
People don't have their own opinions.
Fucking A! Sometimes I think I'm in an Ayn Rand novel with the one dimensional characters and a plot fit for a children's book!
I have friends from different political views and religions and never comment on almost anything they write
Anti Obama nonsense
Nonsense about Muslims taking over or how America is a Christian country
Etc
Just ignore it
This is exactly why Google+ has a feature called circles. Given the audience here i'm sure I don't have to go into details.
Unfortunately tho, Google+ hasn't really caught on outside some specific groups such as photographers. As well, while the tech savvy have no issues migrating to yet another social network, the problem is your not going to get most of your 'friends' and family to do so. I'm lucky my mom is on facebook, let alone trying to get her to move to Google+.
Since I live away from most of my family I use facebook to upload pictures of the kids, keep in touch etc. So as long as even a few of them stay on facebook then i'm not going anywhere anytime soon.
So given that, I basically treat facebook as a public bulletin board. I don't say or post anything there that I would be ashamed of saying in front of my mom or boss.
"Thanks to the remote control I have the attention span of a gerbil."
GEORGE: Ah you have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If she is allowed to infiltrate this world, then George Costanza as you know him, ceases to exist! You see, right now, I have Relationship George, but there is also Independent George. That's the George you know, the George you grew up with -- Movie George, Coffee shop George, Liar George, Bawdy George.
JERRY: I, I love that George.
GEORGE: Me Too! And he's dying Jerry! If Relationship George walks through this door, he will kill Independent George! A George, divided against itself, cannot stand!
Give me Classic Slashdot or give me death!
You can easily relieve this stress by using Google+ instead of Facebook. On Google+ you can setup said 7 circles without any problem, and drag each friend to the appropriate share group. I am aware Facebook is capable of doing the same, but it is not nearly as easy. For Example, I have Friends, Family, Coworkers, Acquaintances, Following and Public. I then can share whatever, with the appropriate group and not have to worry about the level of censorship.
I hardly post anything to mine. In fact I don't think I've posted a status since I joined back in 2007.
However, I probably get more stressed reading other people's pages and comparing my boring life to them.
Once I start feeling bad I try to remind myself that I'm comparing my life lows to their highlight reel.
My online presence is kept separate from my normal life. I just make sure no one around me knows my nick name.
Given the history of usenet negative and troll postings as a rule of thumb... its the lack of a dislike and a "fuck you" button that causes peoples frustration to build up inside... (no vent release)...
Facebook is a great way to keep up to date with friends and family. Especially those you don't see or (want to) talk to often. However, Facebook has gotten worse and worse about privacy and the ads have gotten more and more intrusive. I used to be able to block most of that stuff with adblock but they get around it now.
I'd love to switch off to somewhere else but everyone I know is on it and google doesn't offer the same ease and good ui.
I will note that the more "friends" you have, the more likely it is that whatever you write has a correspondingly increasing likelihood of offending *someone*. So why not just embrace it? Less stress. There, solved it for you.
Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
Facebook stress? There is an easy peasy way to remove all facebook stress from your life....
Dont use facebook.
Nothing of value will be lost.
I am not stressed out at all by Facebook. In fact, I have never even seen a Facebook web page in my whole life.
The only reason I am aware of the existence of Fb is all the talk on /. about it.
As an anti-social, outspoken oldster, I have absolutely on interest in that level of being social.../. is about where my threshold is.
Down With Slashdot BETA!!! I've been around the corner and seen the oliphant; you can only abuse me from your perspecti
I mean geeze, it takes less than 60 seconds to find three references that the "carjacker leaves leaflet on your back window" thing is a hoax, or that quote from Thomas Jefferson was four words taken out of context in a passage that means the exact opposite. But people whine "it's too hard to check and if it helps just one person it's worth hitting 'Share'". No, it really isn't. Snopes. Learn it, use it, live it.
Every once in awhile I post a picture of an open front door with "Hit 'Share' if you know what this is and how to use it". Yeap, you're right, I'm not terribly popular with some types of people.
I think there are people who are stressed, and people who cause stress. I'm proud to be one of the latter category. :-)
Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
Facebook is a social outlet that acts as a microcosom for real life. The people I know that stress over facebook also stress over vauge text messages that might mean something negative, gossip, and what other people might be saying about them behind their backs. They also add more freinds because their level of insecurity goes down when the other person clicks "accept friend request."
I also know people with a thousand or more friends who never get stressed in cyberspace or otherwise. They always post some joke, or some witty comment and just have fun with the whole thing.
Facebook is just a reflection of who you are in real life. Facebook does not change you, you change it.
N'est-ce pas?
I dont use it . ( the usual comment ) Privacy concerns . That being used as a tool by the intelligence community . It's use by employers and investigative firms etc all makes fb something i dont need . Dont seress , delete the account and close it. Yes .. you can close it. Close it now
No such problem with twitter? Maybe twitter is for more easy going relationships, and facebook for more intense. S
http://stephan.sugarmotor.org
I solved those issues long ago by behaving in the same way for all social circles. I've set for myself what I think are acceptable and honorable behavior patterns and abide by them always. Take it, or just leave me alone, it's that simple. That includes my friends, co-workers, parents, and just about anyone I know. It means I have to restrict myself a bit, but it also means I'm essentially a better person.
PS: yes, some persons don't like it, but they are a tiny minority.
You cannot proceed from the informal to formal by formal means
Solution: Facebook lists.
Problem solved.
Or just be yourself with everyone. Problem solved again.
Can we stop complaining about Facebook now?
I don't have facebook.
Highlights from: http://www.storycoloredglasses.com/2010/01/water-water-everywhere-nor-any-drop-to.html ... ... The second reason for quitting Facebook was that I didn't want to know everything it told me. (You know that joke, "That was more than I needed to know!") People tell different people different things. They present different faces to different people. Facebook may have started with one face (college classmates), but now it mixes faces together, or at least it does if people are not scrupulous about setting up separate lists (and most aren't). Within minutes of starting to use Facebook I was seeing things relatives and friends said to their friends and relatives, things that I would never have known they said, things I didn't like, things that made me feel sad to find out that we have so little in common and disagree about so much. You could argue that I should revel in the transparency and argue with people and learn about them and wade deep into the mayhem, but hey - this is the real social world we are talking about, not a game. Some arguments can never be won, and the stakes are high, and I have better things to do with my time. ... ..."
"There were three essential reasons I left Facebook after only a short time. First, the privacy issue was big. To begin with, I set up separate accounts for my work and personal selves, which I've read is something many businesspeople are doing. I managed it, but it was an uneasy start, and later I found myself going back to my privacy settings often to check and recheck that I had things properly set. The kerfuffle that happened a few weeks ago where you couldn't log on without being pestered to reduce your privacy was reminiscent of the guilty-until-proven-innocent feeling of just having bought a Microsoft product.
Nobody has only one face
The third thing about Facebook is, it sets you up for an obligatory time drain. It is so easy to "friend" somebody you barely know that you end up with social obligations that don't match the relationships. Putting my father in the same list as a guy I barely remember from high school just doesn't make sense. The obligations I feel towards those two people differ by orders of magnitude, but in Facebook it all looks the same. (No offense to that guy - See? I just felt a social obligation to say that!) I found myself feeling socially obligated to review and comment on things people I've never met have been doing, and I perused picture after picture trying to figure out if I knew any of the people in them. I only got up to 25 "friends" so I can see how this sort of thing could take up huge amounts of time. The social obligation to say something, anything, is overpowering.
Google Groups solves some of this, but not all.
Disclaimer: She has ideas for something called Rakontu she feels would be better:
http://www.storycoloredglasses.com/2010/08/steal-these-ideas.html
A 21st century issue: the irony of technologies of abundance in the hands of those still thinking in terms of scarcity.
It's not getting laid by all the hot babes on mine Facebook that stresses me out, you insensitive clod!
Facebook is not stressing me out.
I dont use facebook.
Mark has famously said that wanting to have multiple identities constitutes a "lack of integrity."
Apparently, to the people running Facebook, you're not allowed to discuss different topics or to use different language with different people. After all, in real life you always talk the same way to the old ladies at church as to the guys at the bar, right? And the same way to your coworkers and boss as to your close friends, right? And the same to your parents as to your spouse in the bedroom, right?
Of course, the reality of this is that Facebook doesn't give a crap about users. They just want to make money off of you. And the more interactions they can track, the more they know about everyone. That's why every so often they seem to expand the default privacy settings to make your information ever more widely available. Every time you "like" a comment, follow a link on your friend's post, etc., that's another datapoint.
But if you restrict most of your posts to only a small group, that's fewer potential datapoints. Not good business for Facebook, who wants to sell your interactions to the highest bidder. If they made it ridiculously easy to have multiple identities or groups so you could interact like everyone does in real life, you're only going to share posts with people you think will already like it. And that's something Facebook probably knows already. They're more interested in making interconnections that could tell more about people than the obvious ones... so they force you to cast the net wider.
I was on facebook... and had several "incidents" Finally, this hippy friend of my wife started doing this psychedelic artwork that she was making prints of and selling on some art website. Don't get me wrong, she was really talented, and the art was pretty good. But she's a hippie and a pothead, so when she posted a particularly ridiculous 60's looking psychedelic painting and linked it on facebook, I went to the site, took the imagine, Photoshopped a pot leaf into the middle of it and re-posted it with "There, I fixed it for you." She replied "You're a jerk" Which could have been mad... could have been funny... hard to tell on facebook but oh-well.
Well, it didn't end there. You see, in order to up the photo, for some reason I had to host it online. I can't remember why... anyways, so I just used the same art print auction site that she did. Well, my version of her print skyrocketed on the sites charts in a matter of a day or 2. I hadn't expected that at all, and wasn't really sure what to do. So I sent her the credentials to the bogus account I had made and told her to take it over so she could get all the proceeds. I didn't want to me making money off a joke version of her art. SHE DID NOT TAKE IT WELL. To say the least. I thought the money would have made her happy, but you'd think I'd killed her puppy.
I no longer use facebook. After about 6 months she finally was willing to come to our house again, walked in the door and said "We shall never speak of it again" and we didn't. I wonder how much money it made her...
Facebook-free since February 2004... and loving every moment of it.
"Sorry, I'm not on Facebook." and "Nope, I don't want a Facebook account." are excellent replies that will enhance the quality of your life.
There is a social life outside of 'social media', and only the daft ones think otherwise.
Not only Facebook is a waste of time, it is perilous to surrender all your private info to Mark Zuckerberg (shady, shady character).
You may not value your privacy. I do.
Mostly because I dont have a facebook account and think its one the dumbest things for people to get wrapped up in.
Well I have have a facebook account, but its a fake name, fake pic, fake information that is tied to a dummy email address and the only reason I have it is to "friend" some company to get a free coupon or some free offer. Other than its a complete waste of time.
Myspace, twitter, myspace are things people get way too wrapped in for absolutely nothing. Who cares if some guy from pakistan updates he had a good day, or your grandmas farmville farm needs watering but yet people act like facebook is the most important thing in their lives and that they have to constantly be on updating and checking status's. If there is anyone you truly care about you should be calling them on the phone, visiting them, eating dinner with them and so on but if you claim to think someone is a friend and is important to you but you only communicate through facebook then youre a fucking moron that has no idea what a friend is.
I am not an idiot.
Therefore Facebook doesn't cause me the least amount of stress.
I would like to read about Zuckerberg getting terminal cancer some day soon
though. That would please me immensely.
you have shown us - yet again - that market-based solutions are seldom useful. you had a market-based solution right in front of you, but you instead soldiered - and bitched - on incessantly until you got the change you wanted without a market-based solution.
it's a good thing you aren't here to advocate for free markets, because you would be doing a terrible job of that if you were.
Also, if you don't want to get fat, don't eat;
and if you don't want to get social diseases, don't have sex.
See? Real easy!
If you disagree with me on social issues, then it's pretty clear that you are a narrow-minded bigot.
I only counted five in the summary. Heres the full list of the 7 Circles of Facebook Hell:
1. Friends who were known from offline environments
2. Extended family
3. Siblings
4. Friends of friends
5. Colleagues
6. Corporations like Zynga you've given access to your data (unwittingly or otherwise)
7. Corporations Facebook has given access to your data
Has anyone ever studied how many studies study truisms so true that stating the stated result of the results results in mere tautological tautologies?
I swing way left, but bujebus, why in the name of jimminy do we pay credence to such tripe? What an utter complete waste of someone's money to pay for this stupidity.
Never heard about stressful effect of Facebook until I read this post! A must read especially to Facebook users! Thank you for sharing this one.
This article is bullshit. Get this crap off Slashdot. It does not belong here.
Only if my boyfriend doesn't want a threesome.
I have over 100 friends on facebook. With just a couple exceptions, all of them are real acquaintances or friends, people who I would deliberately talk to if I ran into them on the street, and vice versa. In spite of this, facebook only stresses me out in the same way that face to face interaction does, when I get in an argument with someone. But I would get into the same argument with them if we spoke in person, so is that really facebook?
I get way more stressed out by G+, because of all the dipsticks that come out of the woodwork to talk stupid shit. Like, when I reshared something someone said about ad blocking not being evil, some dipstick came with a bunch of bullshit anecdotes and logical fallacies and I took the hook. People who can't develop meaningful web content always have something stupid to say about ads.
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
"right leaning fiscally and left leaning socially"
Translated: You want the homeless taken care off but you don't want to pay for it.
And people wonder why politicians don't listen to the voters. Same reason parents don't listen to toddlers who want to stay up as they are falling asleep standing up.
I presume balanced in your mind means having your cake and eating it to. Yes, such forums do exist. Go an environmentalist site that uses power but doesn't want ANY kind of power plant build anywhere. Or bleeding heart conservatives who don't want to pay taxes but also want all their benefits increased.
MMO Quests are like orgasms:
You may solo them, I prefer them in a group.
So someone asked his/her 305 facebook friends and called it a study. How representative!
echo mailto: !#^."<*>"|tr "<*> mailto:" net@madduck
I'd say analog became the opposite of digital about the time the definitions were created...
-- This space for lease, low setup fee, inquire within!
Must be the reason why I don't have a Facebook account. Social = control. If I want control, I spend time in real life.
Mainly when it over stuff I say. Generally people take it wrong, and get worked up over it, and I find it amusing.
Someone is always going to get mad, or disagree with what you are saying. And thanks to modern technology, it's even easier to get everyone's opinions and beliefs on matters. While it's harder to ignore, you just need to exercise some self control and let it go.
If you don't like what I say, good. If it makes you mad, even better. If you want to kill me because of it, sweet! I'm in Seattle internet tough guys.
Be seeing you...
I am also a linkedIn only kind of guy, and I always have a hard time expressing why. This post captures my feelings pretty accurately and eloquently, and I have bookmarked it and intend to refer to it again. Thank you for this contribution.
It isn't all that stressful.
You don't friend people you don't know somehow.
You have one Facebook page for family or work........and another where you be more relaxed about what you say.
Just like you have a personal email account separate from your work email account.
I got tired of being disappointed with my friends, whom I knew in one particular context, but turned out to be batshit crazy in other contexts. (ie. someone from a class at school who was maybe brilliant in math, but had really bizarre and offensive religious and political beliefs). I've been starting to have the same problem on Twitter, though on twitter it's far easier to unfollow someone.
This is one reason that I like G+ better, actually -- since you can define your "circles" by social context, you can be sure that the people that are seeing your posts are the intended audiences -- that "versioning" is preserved. Many people just post everything publicly (I do a lot, too, when IDGAF), of course. But it's nice to have that option.
I have a fake account with two friends. Only reason is to play Words With Friends.
Biggest issue I have is that I don't get invites to parties and stuff. I guess that's fine, but it annoys me. Just send me a text or hell, SWING BY MY HOUSE to chat for a bit.
That's brilliant, where is that from? :)
[SHOW SOME LENIENCY TOWARDS