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Blowing Up a Pointless Job Interview
Nemo the Magnificent writes "Ever been asked a question in a job interview that's just so abysmally stupid, you're tempted to give in to the snark and blow the whole thing up? Here are suggested interview-ending answers to 16 of the stupidest questions candidates actually got asked in interviews at tech companies in 2013, according to employment site Glassdoor. Oil to pour on the burning bridges."
"Do you have any weaknesses?"
"Yes, I hate stupid interview questions"
Somewhat interesting concept, but those were really lame.
Then again, the closest I have done was when asked if I had any experience with clearcase or rhapsody. My response was something along the lines of "yes, but I've been trying to put that behind me".
How to successfully end an interview.
Spud's interview [NSFW]
None of the ones in the article even come close.
The ones I hate are the ones designed to make people angry for "psychological" reasons (they really just want to bait people), although nobody who has even read a book on the topic is involved. If it's not NASA, and even if it is and you haven't been warned that they would be such stuff, then it's not on. When the military do that sort of stuff it's not completely out of the blue.
When you are young, desperate, and eager to please, they ask you all the stupid questions. Their apparent motive is just to fuck with you and assert dominance.
When you are older and have a resume, they don't bother with the stupid questions. They just ask you about code and projects.
Democracy Now! - your daily, uncensored, corporate-free
If you're that certain you do not wish the job, don't make peoples day any more difficult by being a dickhat. Just politely end the interview saying you are no longer interested in the position.
That kind of response sends the message loud and clear that it was their interview that drove you away and may push them to explain why they were asking such shitty questions. If nothing else it avoids creating an instant adversarial position where your indignation is written off as "you being a dickhat" not that there might be something wrong with their interview process.
We're adults, grow the hell up and stop assuming anyone gives a crap if you act like a smartypants.
My response was never, stress gets no work done, I budget for it after the issue resolution.
My response did not change inspite of the question being asked 3 more times, the interviewer got stressed and ended the interview. Interviews are crappy, if the manager does not know what the deliverable is
just answer the questions like you're talking to another human, because you are.
You're too elitist if you think someone's question is stupid. Not all people are geniuses, and most employees aren't trained in interviewing.
Plus the question might be weird on purpose to see how you react. Don't be an ass.
The clouds talk to each other though the use of touch.
We receive the data via a stream of electricity in thunderstorms.
Its all in the cloud, so simple, everyones happy.
most of our employees have to do trouble shoooting at clients, so we give them a test early in the interview
The candidate is seated in aroom with a secretary type person, who after a few minutes, says, hey are you a tech guy - my printer isn't working
The candidates who say you need to download linux to install drivers don't get hired
The ones who say, hey, no problem, the printer was unplugged, get to the next stage
I actually thought a lot of the 16 questions were pretty good...fuzzy tennis balls at xerox and how does the internet work at akamai are ok questions, depneding on the job
For director-level types, not engineers ("How does the Internet work?"), especially with follow-ups to nail someone who has googled and memorized the canned "answer".
This could filter out those who have the requisite charisma and social skills but who don't have a clue about the technology.
A friend of mine once suggested that the best possible question you could ask of a potential sysadmin was, 'Explain how traceroute works.' There are so many levels of 'right' answer that you can determine whether the interviewee is a rank amateur or whether she's currently communing with the spirit of Ada Lovelace and spontaneously generating CS zen koans using the AI in her programmable calculator.
Crumb's Corollary: Never bring a knife to a bun fight.
You want to be snarky? Go ahead - enjoy it and feel good about yourself. But remember that the professional world in which you play is a VERY small one, and word gets around.
I hate being bipolar; it's awesome!
I would be reluctant to blow up an interview just because there aren't that many people in my field, and no matter how ridiculous this particular interview, I might run into these people in some other environment where I *wanted* the job.
But this calls to mind a time I was trying to get an associate a job, who had been out of work more than two years. I had aced the interview, but we could not agree on price (they were offering a little less than what I was currently making) so we parted on good terms. I got in touch with them later, told them I personally vouched for another IT professional who would be a good fit for the position. They called him in for the interview. A few questions in, this happened:
"Describe a good work day."
"Well, I suppose that'd be a day when I haven't killed anyone."
Interview over.
Sigh. You just can't help some people.
Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
The best way to light the path to your future is by burning the bridges of your past.
"How would you move a mountain using only a spoon?
If you were in a box, how would you think outside it?
Last question: What is the difference between a duck?"
Troll is not a replacement for I disagree.
Remember that a job interview is a 2-way transaction - you should be checking out the company and staff as carefully as they are checking you out. Put them on the ropes, ask them questions that make *them* uncomfortable, see how they handle it. "How has the company stock been doing?" Whatever the answer (Good/Poor), ask "Why?". Maintain eye contact and look for shifty glances. Keep your bullshit detector on high sensitivity. "What things does your competitor do better than your organization, and what is your plan to change them?"
It's one thing to be new to the profession and just want to steer your way to a first job. But later, after you've worked through a couple crappy companies, you'll see that it is important to be on the offensive during the interviews. Walk in like a boss and probe their weaknesses. Any organization worth their salt should be impressed at your command of the situation. And if they really were looking for a meek wallflower that would spout the most PC response - do you really want to work there? And if the responses from the interviewer are stilted and confused, do you really want them as a co-worker?
Left MS Windows for Linux Mint and never looked back!
Vote for Bernie in 2016!
I once was asked the old job interview chestnut, "What is your greatest weakness?" I knew that you were supposed to lie and answer that one with a strength such as "I'm just too honest and hard-working." However, that technique always seemed too transparent to me, and I'm not a good liar. So, on the spur of the moment, I decided to answer it honestly. After that, the interviewer took a breath and said, "I appreciate your honest answer."
I took that as a bad sign at the time, but everything else went well so I was hopeful overall. Ultimately, though, I got turned down for the job. I've always suspected that my honest answer was the reason. Maybe they were looking for a gifted liar. But the job opening was for a software engineer, not a used car salesman, so that seems an odd qualification.
Once when it looked pretty much gone, and the interviewer repeatedly kept implying OOP was about GUI's, I corrected him, which brought the interview to a quick(er) end. Probably was bad form, but it felt cathartic. Sometimes you don't want to work for complete idiots, even though it was a tough market at the time.
Table-ized A.I.
Best. Interview question. EVER.
"Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?"
I once was given a "security" questionnaire that asked, "Have you ever had sex with animals or office equipment?"
I was very tempted to write in, "Do hair-dryers count?".
Table-ized A.I.
Interviewers all too often forget that this is a two-way process. I am evaluating them as much as they are evaluating me. In a recent interview a manager (not the hiring manager) really started to put the screws to me about my job history, really harping on how long I'd been at certain places that are just plain normal these days. Engineering has become somewhat nomadic, moving on as contracts dry up, or after the place gets bought up to be run like a puppy mill.
My takeaway was they were out of touch the industry they were looking to break into, and further probing by me bore this out. At that point I was still smart enough not to "blow up" the interview, as as others have noted, niche industries are alarmingly small and interbred. You never know who you will run across again down the road.
I commend your professionalism. I do believe if asked why I would take a given job given I "eat gold and shit diamonds", I couldn't stop myself from answering "constipation".
Socialism: a lie told by totalitarians and believed by fools.
If you find yourself in this question just say something along the lines: "This interview is over. I am only interested in companies that have a passion for quality and making a difference as opposed to playing pointless games."
putting the 'B' in LGBTQ+
I once got asked a question which I found hurtful and offensive, and felt tempted to 'blow up' the interview at that point. Fortunately, I resisted the temptation. As it turns out, the question was his way of introducing the next thing, which was telling me that he was offering me the job.
I hear what you're saying. Regardless of your appearance they're not suppose to ask if you're a pre-op transsexual; but I'm glad you resisted blowing-up over it.
I haven't had to interview too many people at my current job (boo, federal budget cuts), but when I did, on 80% or so of people, I asked the question:
"Star Wars or Star Trek?"
The thing is, I didn't really care which one you picked, so long as you could explain why. And if you picked something else (Firefly, Battlestar Glactica, Dr. Who, Red Dwarf, etc.) and could give a passionate answer, that's even better. The only wrong answer is the 'I'm not going to pick one or the other because I don't want to offend anyone' unless you could really impress me some creativity in the process.
And for anyone who complains that there might be people who haven't seen any of 'em (I still know some people who are almost 30 and qualify) ... I work at a NASA center ... if you haven't seen any of the TV shows I've listed, there's a *really* high probability that you wouldn't fit in.
Build it, and they will come^Hplain.
Several years ago I was looking for a tech writing job. Found a local company advertising for a lead writer to (among other things) redo their user manuals for networking gear. I sent them my resume, the HR guy called, we spent an hour on the phone and it sounded like we had a perfect match. He asked me to download one of their user manuals (about 100 pages) from their web site and critique it and bring it to an interview. I grabbed the doc, spent about three hours reading and annotating it and writing up a recommendation (and it needed a hell of a lot of work).
I get to the interview a few days later and the head of engineering is in charge, and the HR guy is there. Engineering guy obviously thinks there's no need for anyone, ever to employ a technical writer, engineers can do everything (which no doubt explains the train wreck I saw in the manual I reviewed), and was very rude. I stayed upbeat and polite, even though it was clear I had zero chance to get a job that he didn't think should exist, until he pointed to the marked up document I'd brought along and said, "I don't know why we would care about what you thought of our current work." I pointed to the HR guy and said, "I did this at his request. Who's doing the hiring here?" They looked at each other, and it was clear I had just poured salt into a fresh wound.
The interview ended shortly thereafter, and when the HR guy walked me to the door he apologized for what had happened. I told him to keep my resume on file in case they figured out how badly they needed professional help. Never heard from them, and their manuals are still a train wreck.
The point of the tennis ball question (or overly-cliched manhole cover question) is not to see if the candidate already knows the answer, but to assess how he deal with a problem he hasn't thought about before. Can you reason from what little you know, and make some sense of a strange problem. Microsoft's famous (and now long retired) "how many gas stations are there in Seattle" question is the same way. Of course you don'know, of course you normally google stuff like this, and of course you won't get a precise answer. None of that is the point - the point is: can you reason about a problem from minimal data?
But IMO those are stupid questions for a programmer, as you can get the same sort of assessment while getting the candidate to write code on the board.
Socialism: a lie told by totalitarians and believed by fools.
A local electric utility wanted me to put an engineering document configuration control system in place. They thought too many engineers were circumventing their manual processes out of laziness/obstinacy. It turns out that their construction crews hated management and engineering with a vengeance and would just build stuff the way they wanted. Engineering was struggling to produce as-built drawings of the work, which barely resembled the design documentation.
I told them that what they had was a culture problem within the organization that needed to be fixed first. And unless they were planning on offering me the utility superintendent's position, there wasn't much I could really do. Not 'blown off'. I told them what I thought they needed to do.
One of the staff I spoke to during the process filled me in on the organizational problems. He told me that all of the utilities problems could be fixed with one clip in a .45. I decided not to repeat that little nugget of wisdom to the hiring committee.
Have gnu, will travel.
My personal fave:
After the spending the first gulf war in the military and then working a decade in extremely active security companies (we're talking 200+ combats a year and solo commercial and industrial armed alarm responses) I was ready to break into IT. On my first interview (for @Home phone network support) the hiring panel asked me "how I would handle the extraordinary stress of having to deal with people who were so very angry with me".
I started laughing like a lunatic, and couldn't stop until the tears were rolling down my cheeks. I realized they were horrified at my behavior and had been serious. I asked if they'd even read my resume and cover letter, and when they hemmed and hawed I explained further.
It went something like - "Look, 6 months out of boot camp I spent a night in ops watch at a flag command as the 4th link in the chain of nuclear response...that means that had anything happened I would have been one of the first people to get the ball rolling towards global nuclear armageddon. In security I was called upon to rush alone into a warehouse in the middle of the night with hundreds of thousands of dollars of merchandise all around me and find out if it was on fire, or if a half dozen armed criminals were robbing the place. I had to put myself (unarmed and unarmored) into melees with a pack of armed gangbangers out for revenge over a recent shooting. I had to restrain psychotic killers who were on PCP before they could murder the 19yr old nurse on duty. Look I realize you take your job seriously, but quite honestly none of you have the slightest idea of what stress or anger are. Next question please."
I figured that was gonna wash me out in a heartbeat, but surprisingly I got the job.
I walked out of an interview at ebay. In the middle of the interview, they told me the position had been filled but they wanted me to talk to one more person to complete the process. I didn't know until after that it was a "stress interview". The interviewer was clearly enjoying watching me struggle. The first question the interviewer asked was which java packages I felt comfortable using. After I told him, he said "those are the ones I won't ask you about". The best question from that interview: "If you were given a technical design document how would you tell if it is good without reading it?" Later, I ended the interview when he told me I couldn't use the whiteboard to make it easier for me to show him the answer.
So, the conversation went like this:
Jimmy: so, Mr Max, um, what was the worst job you ever had? M: Pulling the gold teeth out of the mouths of people who had just been shot. JImmy (appalled, but compelled to follow form): And, uuuuh, why did you leave that job? M: No career advancement - what was I supposed to do, graduate to actually shooting people? I don't think so. That requires skill. Jimmy: OK... well let's change subject to more psychological questions. What is your favourite colour? M: Clear. Jimmy: Clear's not a colour. M: I have a crayon that says it's clear. Crayons have colours. If I had said teal, or Forest Green what that have been OK? They have crayons for those too, ya know. Jimmy: Right. Well one more question... What do you like best about yourself? M: (leaning in closely to Jimmy and in a low voice): I'm a good friend.... Jimmy: Well, thank you very much and we'll call you if we feel there is a position for you here. M: Right. Have a nice day! Jimmy: good bye... (throws resume in trash...)
Shoes for Industry. Shoes for the Dead.
Interviewer: Describe your dream job.
Me: I will have to sleep it, I will be right back.
(Put the phone down and let them eat crickets until the line disconnected.)
Best nap I ever had too.
-Hack
PS: Oh, as for the Dream. I forgot to write it down when I woke up. Go figure.
Got Geometrodynamics? Awe, too hard to figure out? Too bad.
Back when location services were just ramping up, I was interviewed for a position on a team building such services. By the WHOLE 15 person team (warning #1). After a few rapid fire questions they hit me out of the blue with "What kind of tree would you be, if you could be a tree?". My response was "Who'd the fuck want to be a TREE!!??!!" Needless to say I didn't get the job. Been thankful ever since - that company was not there less than a year later.
... of the interview; e.g. to test the candidates reaction to stupid questions. Depending on the job, he might have to face those on a regular basis and certain response patterns may not be considered adequate.
I was interviewed for a position at the BBC, back in the early days of digital TV, working on their digital "teletext" service (i.e. that pseudo-HTML stuff they shove down the DVB channels).
Application went fine, was asked to interview (from thousands of candidates). Went in, did some tests (technical, editorial, etc.). Seemed to all be going well. Went to interview where the panel were half-technical, half-management.
Was all going alright right up until the last question. It was so wrapped up in management-ese that honestly, even as a vaguely intelligent person, I could not understand what it meant (let alone provide an answer). It was literally that impenetrable, and not even something that made any sense whatsoever. I couldn't even begin to waffle some management-ese in reply, it was that bad.
So I told them. "I don't understand, sorry". They repeated it, word-for-word. "No, no, I heard. I don't understand what you're asking." This went on for several minutes. The management in the room looked quite annoyed. Meanwhile, the techies in the room were making a show of writing a large "tick" (check) symbol on my application in front of them and grinning inanely.
Sadly, I think the management overruled or outnumbered them, and I wasn't offered (though I was told that I still came quite close).
To this day, I still can't even remember what the question was (it was just random words strung together than didn't even seem to ask a question), let alone work out what kind of answer they wanted. And, surely, if someone doesn't understand something, what you want them to do is stop you and say "Sorry, no, I don't understand", not plough on regardless making up some rubbish?
Needless to say, I actually felt quite sympathetic for the people who DO have to work under that person all the time.
Q: "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
A: "Firing you."
I don't, but no one will pay me for my real passion, which is being completely lazy and worthless, and I need money to survive.
"Can you instruct someone how to make an origami 'cootie catcher' with just words?" -- LivingSocial, Consumer Advocate interview.
I could honestly give a snarky answer to this. I had to do this 2 months ago at work for a project. My approach was:
To the office: "Does anyone here know how to make an Origami Fortune Teller?"
Intern: "I do."
Me: "Great. Please make me one approximately 10" wide."
It was closer to 8" but I fell like my instructions were pretty well followed.
The best questions are the ones where you have to write code on a whiteboard but where the person asking the question doesn't know the answer.