Slashdot Mirror
Tatooine Youth Suspected In Terrorist Attack
BeruHadItComing writes:
Imperial investigators are still trying to piece together what happened in last week's horrifying terrorist attack on our largest orbital defense station. Over a million loyal citizens, scientists, and medical staff lost their lives in the grisly attack while the station was being put through training exercises near the Yavin system. Billions more are in mourning, while a number of powerful senators have renewed calls to increase defense spending. Initial reports have confirmed Rebel involvement, and officials are making inquiries about a young insurgent from Tatooine with known ties to religious fundamentalists.
I think that's all that needs to be said.
You're not even trying.
Seven puppies were harmed during the making of this post.
Ahh.. that reminds me.. Time to wrap an elastic band around the rinse nozzle on the kitchen sink, maple syrup in the hair shampoo, Saran wrap across the toilet basin.
Wasn't the senate disbanded shortly before the attack?
This happened a long time ago. Typical slashdot news timing.
Just put Slashdot in your hosts file until tomorrow. Today's going to be a groan-worthy day of Dice.com trying too hard to be funny.
I blame the parents. Where are they in all this?
In Soviet Russia, dot slashes YOU!
That's my cue.
Now to stop reading for over 24 hours while all the poor April Fool's junk slams the front page over and over.
It's now an annual ritual. See you at the weekend, guys.
OPEN YOUR EYES DROIDS!!
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Read it again and replace the Star Wars references with real ones.
Now consider that the good guys - the Jedi - are portrayed as the bad guys even though they are defending a planet from invaders.
Now, think about our own news media and how our politicians portray countries and people. Now think of the movies "Red Dawn" and how American kids are doing exactly what peoples are doing overseas to coalition troops. Explain how are they different?
I think this "story" is one of the most subversive things I have ever read on Slashdot.
at least we know nobody will be making a movie of this tragedy.
if this is supposed to be a new economy, how come they still want my old fashioned money?
The Case for the Empire
Are the "Rebels" in the Star Wars universe terrorists?
10 Reasons The Galactic Empire Wasn’t As Bad As Everyone Thinks
Who were the bad guys in Star Wars' original trilogy?
Your Terrorists Are Our Freedom Fighters (Warning: TVTropes link)
#naabhaprzrag, #sverubfr-000, #agi-fcbafberq, negvpyr[pynff*=' negvpyr-ary-'] { qvfcynl: abar !vzcbegnag; }
Why, because it lacks ponies?
Well, look, Equestria's not known for STEM. More for liberal arts than anything.
STEM's big problem? No flying ponies.
Some people don't believe in fairies. I don't believe in The Patriarchy.
If you do it right, you don't even need to change the references:
Desert Youth Radicalized by Bearded Religious Zealot
He seemed to others like a typical teen; having fun with his friends, going into town to pick up some power converters. But the boy's foster parents were worried he would follow a local anti-social, desert-dwelling hermit on some "damn fool ideological crusade". There are reports the old man may have lied to the youth about his birth father's involvement in the religious movement in order to gain his trust. From there, the two joined up with a couple of mercenary smugglers involved in human trafficking in an attempt to sneak past coalition blockades and gain access to military facilities. The old cleric apparently martyred himself in the initial attack on the base, which only strengthened the youth's resolve to follow in his mentor's footsteps. Even the mercenaries appear to have been radicalized, abandoning their business interests to join up with the movement.
Support Right To Repair Legislation.
Tatooine is a real place in Tunisia (In the French dub, the planet is actually called "Tataouine", like the town)
It is currently a hotbed of ISIS activity.
Tunisia suffered a terrorist attack last month, with 22 dead.
The satire in this post is bound to hit some nerves.