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Tatooine Youth Suspected In Terrorist Attack
BeruHadItComing writes:
Imperial investigators are still trying to piece together what happened in last week's horrifying terrorist attack on our largest orbital defense station. Over a million loyal citizens, scientists, and medical staff lost their lives in the grisly attack while the station was being put through training exercises near the Yavin system. Billions more are in mourning, while a number of powerful senators have renewed calls to increase defense spending. Initial reports have confirmed Rebel involvement, and officials are making inquiries about a young insurgent from Tatooine with known ties to religious fundamentalists.
I think that's all that needs to be said.
You're not even trying.
Seven puppies were harmed during the making of this post.
Ahh.. that reminds me.. Time to wrap an elastic band around the rinse nozzle on the kitchen sink, maple syrup in the hair shampoo, Saran wrap across the toilet basin.
If you're going to do April fools, at least be funny. Every year slashdot fails so hard on being funny on April 1st.
Wasn't the senate disbanded shortly before the attack?
This happened a long time ago. Typical slashdot news timing.
How about a story about how Islam is a religion of peace? That would be a funny April fools joke, although I guess it's been done to death already.
I blame the parents. Where are they in all this?
In Soviet Russia, dot slashes YOU!
No it's April...
That's my cue.
Now to stop reading for over 24 hours while all the poor April Fool's junk slams the front page over and over.
It's now an annual ritual. See you at the weekend, guys.
.. same day
http://home.web.cern.ch/about/updates/2015/04/cern-researchers-confirm-existence-force
Bothan lives matter!
I'm tired of all this forcephobia in the news and comments. It's the religion of feeling.
OPEN YOUR EYES DROIDS!!
[Sorry, this signature is unavailable in your country/region]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?...
"The Imperial Senate will no longer be of any concern to us. I've just received word that the Emperor has dissolved the council permanently. The last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away." Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin[src] 35.3.5 http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki...
I doubt the rebel scum can pull off something like that. Proof?
1. Who the hell designs something that big with a gaping 2-meter wide flaw in it?
2. Lord Vader "conveniently" escapes any harm, "claims" he was attacked by some kind of garbage scow of a vessel.
3. The rumour mill has it that the same contractor who built the thing (in the Hutt family, IIRC) siphoned off most of the money, and then planned with the Empire to blow it up to hide that fact.
Forgetting, for the moment, of the whole "Vader was born on Tattoine, not Naboo" controversy (see "Birther Movement"), all this put together smells awfully bad. As someone who's smelled some pretty bad things (like the INSIDE of a Tauntaun), I can honestly say that the powers that be are lying to us all.
Anon.
P.S. Lord Vader is... a... s... arrrgh
Read it again and replace the Star Wars references with real ones.
Now consider that the good guys - the Jedi - are portrayed as the bad guys even though they are defending a planet from invaders.
Now, think about our own news media and how our politicians portray countries and people. Now think of the movies "Red Dawn" and how American kids are doing exactly what peoples are doing overseas to coalition troops. Explain how are they different?
I think this "story" is one of the most subversive things I have ever read on Slashdot.
Because inevitably something is going to fool me and I'm going to feel stupid... I just want to go to bed and wake up tomorrow.
I've decided to stop wasting my time responding to AC trolls/sockpuppets... so if you want a response from me... login.
Japan announced it was cancelling Christmas today. I was so happy until I remembered what the date is. Damn you, April Fools, for getting my hopes up.
const int one = 65536; (Silvermoon, Texture.cs)
SJW, n: "Someone I don't like, and by the way I'm a fuckwit" - AC
Aside from being desperately not funny, an attack on a military installation to stop it from destroying you is not a terrorist attack.
Come on, Slashdot! You used to be better than this! Please show us you still are!
Because: Star Wars, clever parody of a current blight on rational thinking, it's not Ponies, and Star Wars.
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.
Ernest Hemingway
at least we know nobody will be making a movie of this tragedy.
if this is supposed to be a new economy, how come they still want my old fashioned money?
The Case for the Empire
Are the "Rebels" in the Star Wars universe terrorists?
10 Reasons The Galactic Empire Wasn’t As Bad As Everyone Thinks
Who were the bad guys in Star Wars' original trilogy?
Your Terrorists Are Our Freedom Fighters (Warning: TVTropes link)
#naabhaprzrag, #sverubfr-000, #agi-fcbafberq, negvpyr[pynff*=' negvpyr-ary-'] { qvfcynl: abar !vzcbegnag; }
"News Radio" did it better.
If you do it right, you don't even need to change the references:
Desert Youth Radicalized by Bearded Religious Zealot
He seemed to others like a typical teen; having fun with his friends, going into town to pick up some power converters. But the boy's foster parents were worried he would follow a local anti-social, desert-dwelling hermit on some "damn fool ideological crusade". There are reports the old man may have lied to the youth about his birth father's involvement in the religious movement in order to gain his trust. From there, the two joined up with a couple of mercenary smugglers involved in human trafficking in an attempt to sneak past coalition blockades and gain access to military facilities. The old cleric apparently martyred himself in the initial attack on the base, which only strengthened the youth's resolve to follow in his mentor's footsteps. Even the mercenaries appear to have been radicalized, abandoning their business interests to join up with the movement.
Support Right To Repair Legislation.
You will be shocked to learn that it's not always accurate, or impartial. You might also notice that the same is often true of the media who delivers our news. We now return you to your April Foolery, hope that wasn't a buzz kill.
Never let a lack of data get in the way of a good rant.
Tatooine is a real place in Tunisia (In the French dub, the planet is actually called "Tataouine", like the town)
It is currently a hotbed of ISIS activity.
Tunisia suffered a terrorist attack last month, with 22 dead.
The satire in this post is bound to hit some nerves.
You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
The emperor dis[s]olved the Senate before the battle of Yavin, my understanding is that the regional governors now have direct control.
Fine.
"Billions more are in mourning, while a number of powerful ex-senators have renewed calls to increase defense spending."
Then again, we don't know what solvent was used....
April Fools Day is a government conspiracy to force the public to change to a new government mandated calender! Don't drink the coolaid! Joking other people is helping the consiracy!
No, not the US government. I think it was the Italian government, a long time ago... 8-)
No Joke. 8-}
... Meanwhile the NSA is excited to announce that a talented & mysterious outsider, Annakin Vader (Darth to his friends!) has been recruited to head up the agency. "It's an exciting time, a new leader for a new day" said the NSA communications representative.
Um... You think you are just joking, don't you. 8-P
This is by far the most awesome article I've ever ready on /.
Please keep up the great work!
i was there! i witnessed it...