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Indicted Ex-FIFA Executive Cites Onion Article In Rant Slamming US
schwit1 writes with news that former FIFA Vice President Jack Warner has evidently not heard of The Onion. In a video on his Facebook page, Warner holds up a printout of an Onion story titled “FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States” and says: “Then I look to see that Fifa has frantically announced, 2015, this year [...] the World Cup, beginning May 27. If FIFA is so bad, why is it that the USA wants to keep the Fifa World Cup?” The next World Cup is not due to be held until 2018 and there have been no games in the U.S.. Warner is facing extradition to the U.S. on corruption charges. Time further reports: Even Sunday wasn't easy, when Warner needed two attempts to get his message across by telling followers that the latest accusations against him stem largely from the U.S. being upset that it did not win the rights to host the 2022 World Cup — which went to Qatar. In an eight-minute Facebook video, which was quickly deleted after numerous news reports picked up on the gaffe, Warner held up a printout of a fictitious story from The Onion bearing the headline: "FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States." The fake story was published on Wednesday, hours after Warner was indicted in the U.S. and arrested and briefly jailed in Trinidad. Warner asked why the story was "two days before the FIFA election" when Sepp Blatter was re-elected as president.
We all saw this "news" on Sunday in Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. And you got to all this length of stealing the bit and posting it on slashdot just to miss the punchline? Well, for those who have not seen it here it goes:
"Only a FIFA official could be corrupt enough to think the Onion article is not a joke, but something that could actually happen."
If programs would be read like poetry, most programmers would be Vogons.
If you weren't such a liberal racist fucker, you'd know that Warner isn't just some "foreign black man" from the sticks. He's from Trinidad and Tobago which, according to Wikipedia, is "the third richest country by GDP (PPP) per capita in the Americas after United States and Canada. Furthermore it is recognized as a high income economy by the World Bank. Unlike most of the English-speaking Caribbean, the country's economy is primarily industrial,[10] with an emphasis on petroleum and petrochemicals. The country's wealth is mainly attributable to its large reserves and exploitation of oil and natural gas". Also according to Wikipedia, Warner served as TT's Minister of National Security and in Parliament. He's no rube. In fact, its thought that his some of his behavior post arrest, including use of the Onion article in a Facebook video, is a mental incompetence dodge against the corruption charges leveled against him.
When I hear of executives or board members of organizations get the facts about their organizations incorrect, like this gentleman citing a parody article claiming that a wrong-year World Cup has been awarded, it makes me wonder how much of a contribution they really make to the organization internally, versus how much they're just schmoozing third parties externally, if even that. To me such a person looks like an incompetent boob that has managed to land a cushy position that provides well for them, without any real game besides helping themselves.
It's not necessarily fair to expect a highly senior member of an organization to literally know the nuts and bolts of everything that their subordinates know and do, but it's reasonable to expect that they have a handle on the big picture. If they don't have such a handle on the big picture then it looks like they're even more corrupt, simply living the high-life without providing.
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
They claim evidence that the corruption was carried out on US soil using US banks. That's better reasoning to me than "Fifa is multinational and under no one's jurisdiction" as they will claim.
But frankly the fact the US isn't completely obsessed with the sport like some other nations will go a long way to keep things impartial.
If fifa threatens to ban the US from world cup consideration you can expect a very heartfelt "oh darn" as a response and the investigation will continue.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Is that a US style "world" cup? so that would include a few US states right?
I wonder if The Onion had ever published a story about real life people or new organizations referring to Onion stories as if they were true?
abcnews has such an article. The article includes lots of good links, including a link to the Onion FIFA article.
The Onion may be satirical, but it's fact-checking is about as good as mainstream 'journalists'.
It really is impossible for you to write anything without saying that you are Greek, is it?
Of course it is possible for me to write something without saying that i am Greek.
Antisthenes: "Wisdom begins by examining the words/names." - excuse my English, i am (slightly...) better with my Greek!
The US is far from impartial. They lost of a bid for the world cup which would have been a massive
US Soccer lost a bid. The US at large doesn't give a shit, and would on the balance prefer to not have their regular traffic/TV coverage messed with over a niche sport only played in the suburbs by children. I'm perhaps exaggerating, but not by much. US Soccer has less political pull in the USA than the Muslim Anti-Defamation league.
To top it off, US Soccer doesn't really care any more either. Yes, they were really sore about losing a bid. But they've lost every bid they made since 1994 (as have nearly all other bidders). There's nothing special about that. The last one was special just because the "winner" made all sorts of "investments" in countries that voted for them, and they happen to be a country that is physically incapable of hosting a World Cup. This is so cartoonishly corrupt, that its clear there's no point bothering to bid if you aren't going to cheat. So US Soccer has essentially washed its hands of FIFA Cup bids. They released a statement over 4 years ago saying US Soccer will no longer be making and Cup hosting bids until the process has been cleaned up.
Now lots of folks internationally are skeptical of this. Surely if you wave enough money under their nose, they will bite, right? That's certainly the theory the rest of FIFA seems to operate under. So far US Soccer has held though. I hope they continue to do so.
This 'onion' issue is but a side-show of the indictment of FIFA officers by the Obama Administration
While everyone knows that FIFA is corrupt, we must also acknowledge the fact that the indictments from US is a kind of a long-stretch, for all I know FIFA does not belong to USA alone
The Foreign Corrupt Practices Act of 1977 (FCPA) allows the US to prosecute anyone, anywhere, irregardless of citizenship for specific forms of fraud so long as said person has caused US companies or US-based offices of foreign companies to commit said type of frauds or has used the US banking system to commit said type of frauds. Traffic Sports USA is a company being investigated for that that type of fraud, and so many other businesses tied to either FIFA or CONCACAF.
Now, when I say specific forms of fraud, the law strictly refers to fraud intended to manipulate of foreign politicians or foreign state agencies or to partake in exchange of benefits or gifts with a foreign politician or foreign state agency or representative. The nomination of Qatar for the next World Cup (as a result of a payment under the table to secure those right) falls into that category.
If there were no nationals (or national or US-based business entities) involved at all, then FCPA wouldn't apply at all, and there wouldn't be any news to blather and bloviate about.
They claim evidence that the corruption was carried out on US soil using US banks. That's better reasoning to me than "Fifa is multinational and under no one's jurisdiction" as they will claim.
But frankly the fact the US isn't completely obsessed with the sport like some other nations will go a long way to keep things impartial. If fifa threatens to ban the US from world cup consideration you can expect a very heartfelt "oh darn" as a response and the investigation will continue.
By the FCPA, they wouldn't even need to claim that the corruption took place on US soils and/or using US banks. All it takes is either a US national or legal resident, or US company or US-based subsidiary of a foreign company (Traffic Sports USA) to engage in bribery of foreign officials, or be bribed by foreign officials. Bribery and being bribed by foreign officials is the hallmark of FIFA, and that organization pretty much screwed itself up the moment it established links with US companies.
The US is not alone in this. Many developed countries have similar provisions with a global scope (fraud/bribery of this type committed anywhere). A lot more have similar provisions only on a local scope (only those committed locally.)
This FIFA thing is a good thing, but unfortunately the penny arcade crowd is going to tear it down in their endless, nihilistic pursuit for yet another reason to be upset or whatever.
Easy fix. Coke, McDonalds, VISA, Budweiser and every other US corporation can pull sponsorship, then see how it works out for them. I've also heard UEFA (European Football) is discussing separation from FIFA, so it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to get the Japs and Koreans on-board, ask if Uncle Rupert wants to buy in, and start a whole new organisation. Screw the Russian and Arabs, we don't need their filthy money.
This is actually not too far off from what I've heard talked about. Nearly all the sponsors are US-based, and probably don't want their brands associated with corruption. "Have a Coke, and a dead Qatari migrant worker" doesn't quite have the right ring to it.
Also, Nate Silver did an analysis on UEFA's threat to leave FIFA. While the "western" rule-of-law countries have almost no voting power in FIFA, they have nearly all of the paying viewers. If they left together, UEFA (- Russia) and a few other countries (USA, Japan, S. Korea, Australia, Mexico, and Brazil and Argentina for bonus points), could easily break FIFA. That group there would take about 70% of FIFA's income with them, and 70% of its last round of 16 teams as well.