UK's National Crime Agency Publishes Crazy Cyber-Crime Warning Signs (oomlout.co.uk)

Blacklaw writes: The UK's National Crime Agency, formerly known as the Serious and Organized Crime Agency, has published a list of warning signs that supposedly indicate a child may be heading toward a life of cyber-crime. The list includes late nights and showing any kind of interest at all in programming, even as the UK government pushes coding into the national education curriculum.

Comments

Time, once again, to post...

[wiredog]

Is Your Son a Computer Hacker?

stupid adults

[Thud457]

• Is your child spending all of their time online?
  PORN.
• Are they interested in coding? Do they have independent learning material on computing?
  NERD.
• Do they have irregular sleeping patterns?
  soooo much PORN.
• Do they get an income from their online activities, do you know why and how?
  PORN.
• Are they resistant when asked what they do online?
  PORN.
• Do they use the full data allowance on the home broadband?
  PORN.
• Have they become more socially isolated?
  PORN.

NEXT!

Re:stupid adults

[gstoddart]

Do they get an income from their online activities, do you know why and how?
PORN.

If your kid is making income online from porn, then you have other issues you should be worried about.

Other than that, these warning signs probably describe the teenage years of a large chunk of people on Slashdot.

They basically say "if your teenager uses a computer, is moody, and keeps odd hours you should totally report him as a criminal just in case". The entire thing sounds like it was written by some clueless idiot who doesn't know anything about the life of a teenage nerd.

It's really long on hysteria, and really short on substance.

Re:stupid adults

[gstoddart]

You know, normal decent parenting behavior.

Do people still do that?

It always seems to me they just leave them alone to become feral little beasts that everyone else has to put up with.

I can't tell you how many people I have seen who can barely control their own kid in public because it's a screeching howling little ball of evil which won't take no for an answer, and that's while they're still young enough to be in a stroller. I can only imagine the vicious little psychopaths by the time they're a few years older.

Then again, I don't have or want kids, so maybe I'm just a little biased.

But I figure by the time you're begging, pleading, and resorting to bribery, you have already lost the battle and your kids are going to walk all over you for the rest of their lives.

And then of course there's the fact that a lot of the people I see with kids were left to be feral little balls of evil by their own parents and haven't got the slightest idea of what to do.

You need a license to own a dog, but any moron can have a kid.

I love that Independant learning is a problem

[EmperorOfCanada]

"Do they have independent learning material on computing?" I think that in a strange way this fits with the UK initiative to get programming into schools. By making online learning "suspicious" it means that kids will only learn the "proper" way of thinking.

In a way I think that the worst nightmare for traditionalists is if kids start to learn more an more from uncontrolled resources. To a card carrying members of The System they can't think of anything worse than a way for people who won't play by the "rules" to be able to succeed. There are many people who go through life building up a perfect checklist of a resume which includes going to the proper schools. Online learning threatens this to the core.

Re:I love that Independant learning is a problem

[Cro Magnon]

And assembly language could indicate a tendency toward machosism.

Sensationalist summary

[gregfortune]

If you actually pull up the article, it has a list of warning signs and then adds:

Many of these are just normal teenage behaviours and don't necessarily suggest a young person is at risk of getting involved in cyber crime. But if a young person is showing several of these signs, try and have a conversation with them about their online activities.

We don't really think there's harm in having a conversation with our kids, do we?

other very real warning signs

[nimbius]

1. Does your restless child dress in parachute pants and mumble about "the gibson" as he glides past on his skateboard
2. Has your child been exposed to, or attempted COBOL or worse, obfuscated C?
3. Have you noticed a startling uptick in mid-nineties electronic music? does your child own more than 3 trenchcoats and a virtually endless supply of wrap-around ray-ban sunglasses?
4. and finally, the worst sign, does your child publically question the need for an asinine laundry list of reasons to convict a minor of thoughtcrime?

OMG no!!!

[JustNiz]

>> Are they interested in coding? Do they have independent learning material on computing?

Oh no! my son might be A PROGRAMMER!!!!

Re:OMG no!!!

[Areyoukiddingme]

If only there was a way to mix football NASCAR and guns, then we'd be 100% sure.

Mad Max?

I might be a cyber criminal!

[Jason Levine]

So I looked over the list, replacing "your child" with myself, and:

Warning signs of cyber crime
Are you spending all of their time online?

Pretty much. I make websites at work, go home, and freelance as a web developer at home.

Are you interested in coding? Do you have independent learning material on computing?

Given that I'm a web developer, I'm very interested in coding. I have independent learning material on computing and know sites where I can find more material.

Do you have irregular sleeping patterns?

Sometimes I go to sleep as late as 1am and then wake up at 6:30am to start my day again.

Do you get an income from their online activities, do you know why and how?

Given that I work as a web developer (both day job and freelance), I make pretty much all my income from online activities.

Are you resistant when asked what they do online?

Ok, I tend not to be resistant when asked what I do online. So this would be a no.

Do you use the full data allowance on the home broadband?

We don't have a data allowance on our home broadband. I do use most of our mobile account's data allowance, though. So maybe score this as half right.

Have you become more socially isolated?

I have no in-person friends that I see regularly. I just see my immediate family (kids and wife) and a few co-workers.

So I'd score about 5.5 out of 7 on their scale. It sounds like I'm well on my way towards becoming a cyber criminal!