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UK's National Crime Agency Publishes Crazy Cyber-Crime Warning Signs (oomlout.co.uk)

Blacklaw writes: The UK's National Crime Agency, formerly known as the Serious and Organized Crime Agency, has published a list of warning signs that supposedly indicate a child may be heading toward a life of cyber-crime. The list includes late nights and showing any kind of interest at all in programming, even as the UK government pushes coding into the national education curriculum.

93 of 151 comments (clear)

  1. Time, once again, to post... by wiredog · · Score: 5, Funny
    1. Re: Time, once again, to post... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      It's Advanced Micro Devices...

    2. Re:Time, once again, to post... by friesofdoom · · Score: 1

      Is this parody? I'm blown away...

    3. Re:Time, once again, to post... by WallyL · · Score: 1

      No, it's totally real! Read down to question number 8 where it talks about the esteemed Linux operating system.

    4. Re:Time, once again, to post... by tomxor · · Score: 1

      No, it's totally real! Read down to question number 8 where it talks about the esteemed Lunix operating system.

      FTFY - after reading that article i can now consider myself well informed on hacking, this i believe is the correct spelling.

    5. Re:Time, once again, to post... by DahGhostfacedFiddlah · · Score: 1

      Man, adequacy.org. A blast from the past from a time when trolls were real trolls.

    6. Re:Time, once again, to post... by Wonda · · Score: 1

      it is if your hardware is really old..

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...

    7. Re:Time, once again, to post... by washort · · Score: 1

      Pity this can't be upvoted to 6. Came here to post this -- truly a classic in the genre.

    8. Re:Time, once again, to post... by UnderCoverPenguin · · Score: 1

      Sadly, no. Also, the writer sounds like he was a shill for Intel and Microsoft.

      BTW, my daughter said, sarcastically, she's glad she's not at risk.

      Also, FWIW, both my parents were avid Castle Wallenstein / Doom / Quake players. Not sure what they play, now.

      --
      Don't try to out wierd me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you, free with my breakfast cereal. --Zaphod Beeblebr
    9. Re: Time, once again, to post... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Child spending too much time on the computer?

      "explain the consequences of cyber crime".

      Not crazy at all.

    10. Re:Time, once again, to post... by ArylAkamov · · Score: 1

      This is one piece of internet history that never gets old.

    11. Re:Time, once again, to post... by 91degrees · · Score: 1

      And Natalie Portman was naked and petrified!

    12. Re:Time, once again, to post... by tomxor · · Score: 1

      Please don't undermine my intentional misinformation with validity :D

    13. Re:Time, once again, to post... by beastofburdon · · Score: 1
      Let's play the "spot the lunatic" game!

      I try to be as involved as possible in the lives of my six children.

      Found one!

  2. stupid adults by Thud457 · · Score: 5, Insightful
    • Is your child spending all of their time online?
      PORN.
    • Are they interested in coding? Do they have independent learning material on computing?
      NERD.
    • Do they have irregular sleeping patterns?
      soooo much PORN.
    • Do they get an income from their online activities, do you know why and how?
      PORN.
    • Are they resistant when asked what they do online?
      PORN.
    • Do they use the full data allowance on the home broadband?
      PORN.
    • Have they become more socially isolated?
      PORN.

    NEXT!

    --

    the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

    1. Re:stupid adults by gstoddart · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Do they get an income from their online activities, do you know why and how?
      PORN.

      If your kid is making income online from porn, then you have other issues you should be worried about.

      Other than that, these warning signs probably describe the teenage years of a large chunk of people on Slashdot.

      They basically say "if your teenager uses a computer, is moody, and keeps odd hours you should totally report him as a criminal just in case". The entire thing sounds like it was written by some clueless idiot who doesn't know anything about the life of a teenage nerd.

      It's really long on hysteria, and really short on substance.

      --
      Lost at C:>. Found at C.
    2. Re:stupid adults by bkr1_2k · · Score: 3, Informative

      Actually it says "Many of these are just normal teenage behavior...showing several of these signs, try and have a conversation with them about their online activities."

      It doesn't say report them. To paraphrase, it says 'pay attention to what your children are doing. Be involved in their lives.' You know, normal decent parenting behavior.

      --
      "Growing old is inevitable; growing up is optional."
    3. Re:stupid adults by cdrudge · · Score: 1

      If your kid is making income online from porn, then you have other issues you should be worried about.

      Who do you think is maintaining those sites?

    4. Re:stupid adults by gstoddart · · Score: 4, Interesting

      You know, normal decent parenting behavior.

      Do people still do that?

      It always seems to me they just leave them alone to become feral little beasts that everyone else has to put up with.

      I can't tell you how many people I have seen who can barely control their own kid in public because it's a screeching howling little ball of evil which won't take no for an answer, and that's while they're still young enough to be in a stroller. I can only imagine the vicious little psychopaths by the time they're a few years older.

      Then again, I don't have or want kids, so maybe I'm just a little biased.

      But I figure by the time you're begging, pleading, and resorting to bribery, you have already lost the battle and your kids are going to walk all over you for the rest of their lives.

      And then of course there's the fact that a lot of the people I see with kids were left to be feral little balls of evil by their own parents and haven't got the slightest idea of what to do.

      You need a license to own a dog, but any moron can have a kid.

      --
      Lost at C:>. Found at C.
    5. Re:stupid adults by U2xhc2hkb3QgU3Vja3M · · Score: 1

      Overall goal to do something that the system your working within does not normally allow.

      You mean like using XML as a freakin' database?

    6. Re:stupid adults by Ol+Olsoc · · Score: 1

      It doesn't say report them.

      Yet.

      Anything oyu Brits haven't turned into a crime or someone to spy on to make certain they, you know, do right things.

      --
      The shepherds did so well protecting the flock that the sheep no longer believed that wolves existed.
    7. Re:stupid adults by HideyoshiJP · · Score: 1

      Alternatively, your daughter may be a cam girl.

    8. Re:stupid adults by UnderCoverPenguin · · Score: 1

      Are they interested in coding? Do they have independent learning material on computing?

      So were I and my girlfriend. So did we. We are now senior product developers (and team leaders) in highly rated companies.

       

      Do they have irregular sleeping patterns?

      Both my daughter and I are diagnosed as being nocturnal. We are forced to function in a world of diurnal people. Of course we have irregular sleeping patterns.

      As a kid, I did a lot of camping with the only technology brought along being flashlights and walkie-talkie 2-way radios. We minimized using the flashlights and radios. We even put out our fire at sunset. Did not "reset" me in to being diurnal. Actually made me more nocturnal. We've taken our daughter camping many times, following the same "rules". Like me, our daughter didn't become diurnal. Even a week in a medically supervised sleep lab didn't change either of us. And we know many others who are also nocturnal and we have plenty of face-to-face social contact with them.

       

      Do they get an income from their online activities, do you know why and how?

      Both my girlfriend and I did. Again, we turned to be productive good citizens.

      Have they become more socially isolated?

      Social isolation is not limited to nerds. The fact that nerds are more likely to be socially isolated is far more a problem with how our society treats technically competent people. Things like this list of "signs of potential cyber criminality" just re-enforce the problem.

       

      Are they resistant when asked what they do online?

      Both my girlfriend and I were. Normal for kids, especially teenagers. Our daughter was/is less so - but she knows (some of) what we did online at her age.

      If either my girlfriend or I had turned criminal, why would it not have been cyber crime? As a kid, I had a friend who was a very good magician. She could have turned out to be a very good pick-pocket thief. Instead, she's a pediatrician who's very good at distracting her patients from pain.

      Criminal specialization is no different normal work specialization. Also, there are far more non-nerd criminals than nerdy ones.

       

      NEXT!

      --
      Don't try to out wierd me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you, free with my breakfast cereal. --Zaphod Beeblebr
    9. Re:stupid adults by ewibble · · Score: 1

      Are they interested in coding? NERD.

      Do they have independent learning material on computing? They have access to the internet so yes.

      Have they become more socially isolated If they have an interest in coding this would explain this. (see definition of nerd)

      All of these can can be attributed to normal teenage behavior. Although they say that you should only start paying attention if your child exhibits 3 or more, signs. Apart from you should monitor your children anyway to some degree anyway. The only ones remotely suggest hacking in a teenager are the coding ones. Then again they suggest it about as much having an interest in guns suggest you are going to be a mass murderer.

    10. Re:stupid adults by narcc · · Score: 2

      XML has been a huge success, maximizing billable hours for millions of consultants, solutions providers, and developers alike. A rising tide that raises all boats, it has positively impacted the hardware industry as well, allowing them to sell billions in storage, processors, and memory upgrades.

      You mean like using XML as a freakin' database?

      This ... is ... genius! Just a few of these solutions could increase the demand for developers to such a significant degree that salaries would rise even in popular outsourcing nations. The value you could extract from the right clients could easily rival the GDP of a small country.

      God Bless XML!

    11. Re:stupid adults by omnichad · · Score: 1

      If you're going to use a flat file for simple data storage, it might as well be structured.

    12. Re:stupid adults by AthanasiusKircher · · Score: 1

      I can't tell you how many people I have seen who can barely control their own kid in public because it's a screeching howling little ball of evil which won't take no for an answer, and that's while they're still young enough to be in a stroller.

      You're right that 90%+ of the time, this is a parenting problem. When I had a kid, I was determined not to be "that guy." Infants obviously don't understand discipline, but once your kid gets to be a toddler, he/she will generally understand rewards.

      I still remember the first few times I took my son out to a restaurant, which wasn't really regular until he was over a year old. We chose a family "diner" place so it wouldn't be too disruptive no matter what happened. But maybe 2 out of the first 5 times we had a dinner out, he started throwing a tantrum in the middle of dinner. So, my wife and I would take him out, and he wouldn't get the yummy food he had.

      It was annoying. It was frustrating as we'd take turns with him outside while the other struggled to finish dinner or got take-out. But we weren't going to be "those people."

      And guess what? He learned. By the time he was 3, we could take him to a formal dinner at a REALLY nice restaurant, and he'd sit there and be fine throughout the meal. Sure, he'd get bored and wiggle around in his seat or lie down or whatever sometimes, but he'd NEVER be allowed to go running around or even wandering around and pestering other people. I was appalled when I went out to meals with some friends and they let their kids start running around and shouting -- even at a relatively informal place.

      Then again, I don't have or want kids, so maybe I'm just a little biased.

      I find that most people with kids don't understand the kind of pressure you're under and the kind of discipline it takes to get your kid to learn appropriate manners. And it's even harder today, I think, because increasing numbers of parents don't enforce such rules -- which means your kid is stuck watching all those other jerks and thinking "Why can't I run around and scream like a maniac? It looks fun!" So you have to deal with some relapses when they learn bad habits from other kids.

      Anyhow, one thing I'd say is that you should generally try to cut parents a little slack when there's nothing they can do. If you're in a restaurant, and the kid is out of control, you take him/her out of the restaurant. Done. End of story. But if you're on a plane and the little kid has a tantrum, you can't just "step outside" for a "time out."

      Believe me -- most of the parents I know who fly with little kids only do so when it's absolutely necessary. They generally hate it, because they know these kind of disasters and tantrums can happen -- even for the "best-behaved" kids. And then you have a bunch of people sitting around and judging you.

      All of this said -- I will say that all kids are different. And like I said earlier, 90% of the time, it's the parents' fault. But some fraction of the time, parents just get stuck with a crazy kid. I've seen this -- I know families with 4 kids and one of the middle kids is just a disaster... misbehaves all the time, etc. Sometimes it really is just the kid's personality, and some kids are harder than others. It's thus hard to judge people and know what's really going on when a kid acts out.

    13. Re:stupid adults by Cederic · · Score: 1

      Programming : Computer based research, learning, applied problem solving, sense of accomplishment, requires accessing specialist communities that use arcane taxonomies.
      Hacking : Computer based research, learning, applied problem solving, sense of accomplishment, requires accessing specialist communities that use arcane taxonomies.

      Oh wow, you're right. No fucking overlap at all.

    14. Re:stupid adults by david_thornley · · Score: 1

      Young kids throw tantrums. It happens, and there's nothing you can do about it at the time (except remove the kid from the place). What a parent can do is reduce the chance that the kid will throw a tantrum later. Our technique was to never give in to a tantrum, and to reward good behavior. (Once, when our son announced, "I don't want to be here [the antique shop] any more," I took him to a place that served ice cream. A tantrum would have put him in the car, and not with an ice cream cone.)

      So, what happens when they're a few years older? They act better. Learning to act like a human being should takes a lot of time.

      --
      "When you have eliminated the unacceptable, whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truthiness" - Holmes
    15. Re:stupid adults by beastofburdon · · Score: 1

      This post contains more truth than any I have seen today.

  3. I love that Independant learning is a problem by EmperorOfCanada · · Score: 4, Insightful

    "Do they have independent learning material on computing?" I think that in a strange way this fits with the UK initiative to get programming into schools. By making online learning "suspicious" it means that kids will only learn the "proper" way of thinking.

    In a way I think that the worst nightmare for traditionalists is if kids start to learn more an more from uncontrolled resources. To a card carrying members of The System they can't think of anything worse than a way for people who won't play by the "rules" to be able to succeed. There are many people who go through life building up a perfect checklist of a resume which includes going to the proper schools. Online learning threatens this to the core.

    1. Re:I love that Independant learning is a problem by ezdiy · · Score: 2

      People may "think in words", monologues in cartesian theater. When one considers language as the means to convey or even ponder ideas, it perhaps makes sense to put a leash on language to limit certain ideas. Why should be programming languages any different? Java, PHP, Javascript support the western democracy. C++ is probably associated with toxic brogrammer culture, but is tolerated for legacy reasons. C is clearly an indication of being on path towards radical extremism.

    2. Re:I love that Independant learning is a problem by UnderCoverPenguin · · Score: 1

      Over the years, we gave our daughter 4 Lego Mindstorms sets (and lot of of other Lego), 3 old laptop PCs, several Arduino boards, 2 Make: Controllers and a lot of other electronic, mechanical and computer related stuff. She participated in FIRST Lego League and FIRST. (She's now an engineering student at a nearby university.)

      Even the private school was not enough of a challenge for her. "Independent Learning" has been her life. And has a good social life (many friends, band, drama club, etc). And a natural leader (she doesn't let anyone get away with claiming she's "bossy" - she replies "No, I'm being managerial").

      So, looks like the UK NCA thinks our daughter is on track to become an empress of the cyber crime underground?

      --
      Don't try to out wierd me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you, free with my breakfast cereal. --Zaphod Beeblebr
    3. Re:I love that Independant learning is a problem by Cro+Magnon · · Score: 4, Funny

      And assembly language could indicate a tendency toward machosism.

      --
      Slow down, cowboy! It has been 4 hours since you last posted. You must wait another few hours.
    4. Re:I love that Independant learning is a problem by U2xhc2hkb3QgU3Vja3M · · Score: 1

      I write directly in opcodes, what does that tell you?

    5. Re:I love that Independant learning is a problem by Progman3K · · Score: 1

      And assembly language could indicate a tendency toward machosism.

      I write directly in opcodes, what does that tell you?

      that you're very macho?

      --
      I don't know the meaning of the word 'don't' - J
    6. Re:I love that Independant learning is a problem by Lemmeoutada+Collecti · · Score: 1

      CD 10

      --

      You can have it fast, accurate, or pretty. Pick any 2.
    7. Re:I love that Independant learning is a problem by narcc · · Score: 1

      Yeah, that will do ... nothing noticeable most of the time.

      B4 4C CD 21

    8. Re:I love that Independant learning is a problem by UnderCoverPenguin · · Score: 1

      Too late. She's over 18, a student at a university and has a steady boyfriend she's has sex with.

      --
      Don't try to out wierd me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you, free with my breakfast cereal. --Zaphod Beeblebr
    9. Re:I love that Independant learning is a problem by Zero__Kelvin · · Score: 1

      That you don't know that writing assembly language is writing directly in opcodes.

      --
      Guns don't kill people; Physics kills people! - John Lithgow as Dick Solomon on Third Rock From The Sun
    10. Re:I love that Independant learning is a problem by sjames · · Score: 1

      No, it's not. It's close, but there are a few things most assemblers do for you that you have to do yourself if you key machine language in in hex.

    11. Re:I love that Independant learning is a problem by sjames · · Score: 1

      So, looks like the UK NCA thinks our daughter is on track to become an empress of the cyber crime underground?

      On the bright side, she'll have a job.

    12. Re:I love that Independant learning is a problem by david_thornley · · Score: 1

      Lisp and Forth are symptoms of people who do things a different way, and therefore should be watched.

      --
      "When you have eliminated the unacceptable, whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truthiness" - Holmes
    13. Re:I love that Independant learning is a problem by cwsumner · · Score: 1

      That you don't know that writing assembly language is writing directly in opcodes.

      The later Macro Assemblers, even as early as the 1960's, where quite advanced over writing in Hex Opcodes. Which I have done, the first Microcomputer chips didn't have any high level language compilers yet, or even any assemblers at first.

      Macro means being able to define code blocks by a symbol name and call them by symbol. Later versions even supported arguments for what was later called Procedures. They were much more usable than the kids now think. Many of the ideas used in modern high level languages actually started in Macro Assembler versions.

      Assemblers are still used for code that must be highly optimized or uses new unsupported opcodes. But computers are fast enough, now, that such is not usually necessary. Usablity and reliability come first.

  4. Ban soccer moms and helicopter parents by Opportunist · · Score: 3, Insightful

    That should take care of the problem. I'd have opted for "educating" them, but it seems that's hopeless.

    --
    We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
    1. Re:Ban soccer moms and helicopter parents by Zontar+The+Mindless · · Score: 1

      I was going to post something to the effect that the only real learning *is* independent learning, but I like the way you said it better.

      --
      Il n'y a pas de Planet B.
  5. Only one of their 'warning signs' is real by gurps_npc · · Score: 2
    That is, if a kid is getting income from online activity, they should be bragging about it.

    All the rest are signs of normal, intelligent, nerd behavior.

    Basically, the UK hates nerds and wants to make sure that no British kid ever grows up to start or get anywhere in an e-business.

    --
    excitingthingstodo.blogspot.com
    1. Re:Only one of their 'warning signs' is real by Ol+Olsoc · · Score: 1

      Basically, the UK hates nerds and wants to make sure that no British kid ever grows up to start or get anywhere in an e-business.

      Join Great Britain in the war on intelligence.

      MooCow guy - this is your shining moment. Sing your song dude.

      --
      The shepherds did so well protecting the flock that the sheep no longer believed that wolves existed.
    2. Re:Only one of their 'warning signs' is real by gurps_npc · · Score: 1
      Apologizing after being a dick does not mean you weren't a dick.

      Saying "This may be racist" does not excuse you from being a racist.

      Saying "many Mexicans aren't rapists" doesn't excuse Trump.

      No, they don't get credit for admitting they are nerd hating fascists attempting to discourage/criminalize normal, healthy behavior.

      --
      excitingthingstodo.blogspot.com
    3. Re:Only one of their 'warning signs' is real by Ol+Olsoc · · Score: 1

      I think he's apping apps today.

      Perhaps we need more women mooCow men apping apps?

      --
      The shepherds did so well protecting the flock that the sheep no longer believed that wolves existed.
  6. Sensationalist summary by gregfortune · · Score: 5, Informative

    If you actually pull up the article, it has a list of warning signs and then adds:

    Many of these are just normal teenage behaviours and don't necessarily suggest a young person is at risk of getting involved in cyber crime. But if a young person is showing several of these signs, try and have a conversation with them about their online activities.

    We don't really think there's harm in having a conversation with our kids, do we?

    1. Re:Sensationalist summary by matthewv789 · · Score: 1

      Stop talking sense and reading the actual article! Isn't it much more fun to wildly speculate and criticize anyone not in the "in" group?

    2. Re:Sensationalist summary by Jiro · · Score: 2

      The list will make parents suspicious of normal things. Suspicion doesn't mean "this is associated with crime every single time", it means "it's pretty likely this is associated with crime". Adding a disclaimer that it isn't associated with crime every single time will do nothing to stop suspicion, since suspicion doesn't mean it's associated with crime every single time.

      Furthermore, if the kid isn't already talking to the parents about these things, one possible reason for that is that the parents can't understand. (Seriously, go try explaining even something like open source to a random parent.) Of course, parents who understand so little that the kid can't talk to them are also the kind of parents most likely to believe what documents like this tell them.

      And yes, there is harm in having a conversation with the kids here, because failing the kids' side of the conversation can result in serious consequences. Imagine not being allowed to use computers before college because some government document told your parents to "have a conversation" and your parents are so clueless about computers that they ended up thinking they need to cut off your computer access to save you from a life of crime.

    3. Re:Sensationalist summary by gregfortune · · Score: 1

      So, your kid has "irregular sleeping patterns" and you don't have a conversation with them to find out why? It might not even involve a computer. It might be too much time playing games. You might find out that you have a fantastically talented author that just can't go to sleep with ideas bouncing around in their head.

      They start making money online and you don't ask how or why? Aren't you even a little bit curious? Do you have a kid who built the next Silk Road or do you have a budding entrepreneur? Yes, yes, I know those two might be considered the same thing...

      Your kid is becoming more socially isolated and you don't stop by their room to check in on them and find out how life is going? Are they being bullied at school? Probably :( Are they just going through that tough transition from childhood to the teenage years when they realize their idealistic view of the world as a child is shattered? Maybe they just aren't eating well and you're seeing lethargy from early blood sugar issues. Maybe they've found it's more comfortable to talk to people through a computer rather than in person.

      I didn't suggest you should ban your kids from computers. I suggested talking to them, taking an interest in their life and noticing what's happening around you. Taking an interest in your kids and helping to guide and educate them is part of your job as a parent. If you don't understand their interests, try.... harder... Maybe parents should try giving a damn.

      And if you find out they are taking an interest in computers, may I reference TFA again........

      Ways to use cyber skills positively

      Yep, there's a section in that article about where you might channel interests your kids have in technology. TFA and the /. summary are two entirely different movies.

    4. Re:Sensationalist summary by UnderCoverPenguin · · Score: 1

      The listed behaviors are very typical of any teenage nerd - some are typical of any teenager.. If anything, it does more damage by scaring non-nerds, who will then increase the level social isolation imposed on nerds.

      As long as there's no presumption of "my kid might be a criminal" there's no harm in conversation. If you presume they are (or might be) doing something wrong, they will pick up on that and react defensively (which is normal for anyone, not just teenagers).

      --
      Don't try to out wierd me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you, free with my breakfast cereal. --Zaphod Beeblebr
    5. Re:Sensationalist summary by HiThere · · Score: 1

      When it starts out "This is a series of possible warnings that your child is headed into a life of crime", then no possible postscript is adequate compensation. Note, I say "No Possible". Their addendum is a lot less than the most exculpatory possible.
       

      --

      I think we've pushed this "anyone can grow up to be president" thing too far.
    6. Re:Sensationalist summary by gregfortune · · Score: 1

      Where is that quote from? It looks like it was loosely copied from the /. summary?

    7. Re:Sensationalist summary by HiThere · · Score: 1

      You are correct. I don't live in the UK, so my direct interest is minor, and I didn't study the issue. (FWIW, I don't even remember which police agency it was that issued the signs...and probably wouldn't know what it was anyway.) So my response is, indeed, based on the slashdot summary. And it is still correct as stated.

      Please note: I was responding to the thread of argument, not to the original document. My response was framed to not require knowledge of the original document. (Yes, it did include " Their addendum is a lot less than the most exculpatory possible.", and that was really unjustified as I had only read second hand rephrasings, but I still give it a 99% chance of being accurate.)

      --

      I think we've pushed this "anyone can grow up to be president" thing too far.
  7. other very real warning signs by nimbius · · Score: 5, Funny

    1. Does your restless child dress in parachute pants and mumble about "the gibson" as he glides past on his skateboard
    2. Has your child been exposed to, or attempted COBOL or worse, obfuscated C?
    3. Have you noticed a startling uptick in mid-nineties electronic music? does your child own more than 3 trenchcoats and a virtually endless supply of wrap-around ray-ban sunglasses?
    4. and finally, the worst sign, does your child publically question the need for an asinine laundry list of reasons to convict a minor of thoughtcrime?

    --
    Good people go to bed earlier.
  8. OMG no!!! by JustNiz · · Score: 4, Funny

    >> Are they interested in coding? Do they have independent learning material on computing?

    Oh no! my son might be A PROGRAMMER!!!!

    1. Re:OMG no!!! by TarPitt · · Score: 1

      Quick, enroll him in a team sport for his own good!

      --
      If your children ever found out how lame you are, they'd murder you in your sleep
    2. Re:OMG no!!! by Jason+Levine · · Score: 1

      I've been trying to cultivate a love of programming in my kids. Turns out I'm making them into criminals. Guess I should turn myself in now before I do something else wrong like use a DSLR to take pictures of buildings.

      --
      My sci-fi novel, Ghost Thief, is now available from Amazon.com.
    3. Re:OMG no!!! by onkelonkel · · Score: 2

      Football will make a man out of him! If only there was a way to mix football NASCAR and guns, then we'd be 100% sure.

      --
      None of them can see the clouds; The polished wings don't care.
    4. Re:OMG no!!! by Areyoukiddingme · · Score: 5, Insightful

      If only there was a way to mix football NASCAR and guns, then we'd be 100% sure.

      Mad Max?

    5. Re:OMG no!!! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Mad Max, but you can only turn left.

  9. Seriously? by hrimhari · · Score: 2

    From the NCA link, about interest in programming and spending all night online:

    Many of these are just normal teenage behaviours and don't necessarily suggest a young person is at risk of getting involved in cyber crime. But if a young person is showing several of these signs, try and have a conversation with them about their online activities.

    What exactly am I supposed to be shocked about?

    --
    http://dilbert.com/2010-12-13
  10. I got one by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    Dang, I don't know what to do.
    My son ticks all those boxes and today. But he's a 1%er in his mid forties, and is the VP of a fortune 500 company.
    Should I contact the police or the legal department of his company? Or tell his wife? His mom knows, but she won't do anything.
    I have to protect my grandchildren, you know.

  11. final sign by rubycodez · · Score: 1

    "contributes to projects that incorporate or design unbreakable cryptographic algorithms and has repositories for the distribution of the same"

    yes? your child is a terrorist

    1. Re:final sign by Areyoukiddingme · · Score: 1

      "contributes to projects that incorporate or design unbreakable cryptographic algorithms and has repositories for the distribution of the same"

      yes? your child is a terrorist

      Also a mathematical genius.

  12. Almost as good as "signs your child is a Goth" by TarPitt · · Score: 1

    from the "Landover Baptist Church" (hint for the oblivious: this is not a real church): .....

    23-Misbehaves at school.
    24-Misbehaves at home.
    25-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of
    this.
    26-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires
    believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and
    should be stopped immediately.)
    27-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.
    (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
    28-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing
    nature.
    29-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
    computer.
    30-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
    31-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
    32-Expresses an interest in sex.
    33-Masturbates.
    34-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
    35-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
    Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
    36-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various
    phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
    37-Claims to be a goth.

    Oh wait a second. The UK list is supposed to be serious!!!

    --
    If your children ever found out how lame you are, they'd murder you in your sleep
    1. Re:Almost as good as "signs your child is a Goth" by UnknownSoldier · · Score: 1

      > 25-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

      Why did the parent buy this for their kid??

  13. I might be a cyber criminal! by Jason+Levine · · Score: 4, Insightful

    So I looked over the list, replacing "your child" with myself, and:

    Warning signs of cyber crime
    Are you spending all of their time online?

    Pretty much. I make websites at work, go home, and freelance as a web developer at home.

    Are you interested in coding? Do you have independent learning material on computing?

    Given that I'm a web developer, I'm very interested in coding. I have independent learning material on computing and know sites where I can find more material.

    Do you have irregular sleeping patterns?

    Sometimes I go to sleep as late as 1am and then wake up at 6:30am to start my day again.

    Do you get an income from their online activities, do you know why and how?

    Given that I work as a web developer (both day job and freelance), I make pretty much all my income from online activities.

    Are you resistant when asked what they do online?

    Ok, I tend not to be resistant when asked what I do online. So this would be a no.

    Do you use the full data allowance on the home broadband?

    We don't have a data allowance on our home broadband. I do use most of our mobile account's data allowance, though. So maybe score this as half right.

    Have you become more socially isolated?

    I have no in-person friends that I see regularly. I just see my immediate family (kids and wife) and a few co-workers.

    So I'd score about 5.5 out of 7 on their scale. It sounds like I'm well on my way towards becoming a cyber criminal!

    --
    My sci-fi novel, Ghost Thief, is now available from Amazon.com.
    1. Re:I might be a cyber criminal! by flopsquad · · Score: 1

      I have independent learning material on computing and know sites where I can find more material.

      Is that a threat, Mr. Cyber-program-guy!? I can assure you we've prosecuted people for less--sent them away FOR LIFE.

      We have a future cyber-terrorist in a holding cell in the back... 15 year old kid with irregular sleeping patterns who didn't like talking to his parents about his facebooks!

      Probably picked up his cyber-hacking skills from a combination of television and the World Wide Web.

      --
      Nothing posted to /. has ever been legal advice, including this.
  14. Let's just put everyone in prison by default by kheldan · · Score: 1

    If they 'behave' then they can go on parole, under strict supervision, of course. It's the only way to be sure everyone is safe!

    --
    Are YOU using the TOOL, or is the TOOL using YOU? Think about it!
    1. Re:Let's just put everyone in prison by default by wyHunter · · Score: 1

      They have. It's called living in the UK, where there are more CCTV cameras than people. The US is not far behind.

    2. Re:Let's just put everyone in prison by default by kheldan · · Score: 1

      Oh no I mean literally prison. Let's have everyone under armed guard, 24/7/365, from cradle to grave. Everything supervised, everything monitored. All your mail opened and scanned. Anything censors deem offensive or inappropriate gets destroyed. You eat and drink what you're told to eat and drink, and if that's not OK with you, that's too bad. Maybe you complain too much and get sent to the SHU for a while until you learn to stay in line. You get out of bed when told to, you go to sleep when told to, you work where you're told to, for as long as you're told to, and if you complain, you get sent to the SHU. You watch and read what you're told to. Maybe if you behave and don't complain, you get a little something extra to eat, or something extra to read. Then everybody will be 'safe'. Isn't that what everybody wants? To be 'safe'? No matter the cost? 'Freedom' is just a word on a page, after all, isn't it? It's not a real Thing, it's just some word. Isn't being safe all the time better? Then nobody has to worry, right?

      Isn't this the way too many people think? Politicians and police would love it if everyone thought this way. Then everyone would be under control all the time.

      --
      Are YOU using the TOOL, or is the TOOL using YOU? Think about it!
    3. Re:Let's just put everyone in prison by default by cwsumner · · Score: 1

      If they 'behave' then they can go on parole, under strict supervision, of course. It's the only way to be sure everyone is safe!

      And, it would solve the unemployment problem! All of the homeless could be hired as guards!
      But they'd probably screw up and hire terrorists, instead, because they were cheaper... 8-P

  15. They missed a big one by krkhan · · Score: 1

    Is your kid a supporter or contributor of a hacking tool known as systemd? I could totally get behind that one.

    1. Re:They missed a big one by flopsquad · · Score: 1

      Is your kid a supporter or contributor of a hacking tool known as systemd? I could totally get behind that one.

      In Soviet Linux, systemd gets behind you!

      --
      Nothing posted to /. has ever been legal advice, including this.
  16. Re:RE :: Hacking – this involves... by Zontar+The+Mindless · · Score: 2

    Even I have pretty much given up on that one.

    --
    Il n'y a pas de Planet B.
  17. Hopping Mad by CaptainOfSpray · · Score: 2

    I have written to my MP about this. She isn't the best MP in Parliament (known locally as the Chocolate Teapot, as in "as useful as a..."). But she is a scientist, and what the NCA have done is blatant disregard for government policy. I believe she has the ear of some influential people. With any luck she can cause the NCA some pain.

    I would encourage any and all Brits to use They Work For You http://www.theyworkforyou.com/ - an easy and quick way to write to your MP, and say what you think (even if you disagree).

    --
    "Cock Up Your Beaver" does not mean what you think. This sig is intended to clog filters and annoy do-gooders
  18. Oh Noes! by Ol+Olsoc · · Score: 1
    Great Britain wants to arrest this guy!

    Dilbert - the Knack.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?...

    --
    The shepherds did so well protecting the flock that the sheep no longer believed that wolves existed.
  19. How odd. Can only imagine? Why only imagine? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    If you can't tell me how many people you've seen unable to control their kids in public, but can only imagine how those children are when they're a few years older, doesn't that suggest that the children are in fact better when they're older? That something, unseen by you, is in fact working?

  20. ...in other news... by DriveDog · · Score: 1

    ...SOCA says people who think cause trouble.

  21. Re:How odd. Can only imagine? Why only imagine? by laurencetux · · Score: 1

    "That something, unseen by you, is in fact working?"

    yeah its called the Juvenile Justice System (or lack of access to kids in that "few years older" bracket)

  22. Re:no no no, its not programmer, its DEVELOPER by dasgoober · · Score: 1

    "Mommas, don't let your babies grow up to program..."

  23. SysAdmin by phorm · · Score: 1

    Actually, where I used to SysAdmin, several of the other senior admins were from former "adult" sites (and one dude that worked on a "body modding" site). It seems that these are fairly good places to "cut your teeth" as they often deal with a decent amount of traffic, interesting technology, and they tend to have decent turnover (not necessarily because they're a bad gig, but because many prefer to move to more "socially accepted" jobs).

    That's not to say a 14-yr-old should be sysadmin for a hardcore adult site, but for a young person finished school and looking to embark in the world of technology it could be a good job to get some cash and experience if you're not queasy on the content.

    1. Re:SysAdmin by david_thornley · · Score: 1

      Over the centuries, porn has driven a lot of innovations. Not something my priest friend really likes, but it happened and happens anyway.

      --
      "When you have eliminated the unacceptable, whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truthiness" - Holmes
  24. Whooooooosh by gregfortune · · Score: 1

    Or they might be interested in hacking, security, etc. From the article, two things

    help them make the right choices

    You were already doing that as their parent, right?

    and

    There are also a number of organisations to help young people develop cyber skills:

    Here, we'll list them below for you. Go on, click on the links. I mean, be trite and sarcastic if you like, but click on the links. TFA is linking to cyber security programs that your kids might be interested in. You know, for programmers and such. So much /facepalm.

  25. Where will the UK get its crypto talent from? by AHuxley · · Score: 1

    Talking, writing, commenting on or been an academic with an interesting in crypto is now heretical in the eyes of the UK security services?
    But UK academics having to consider complex backdoors in all future UK product design. Just showing an interest in math, numbers, computers, crypto is now not good....
    With UK computer skills are been so legally discouraged will smart staff fly in from the US, Australia, NZ, Canada for tricky next gen projects?
    Did the GCHQ not tell the UK gov the value of having a vast pool of generational maths experts with languages, arts, history skills is a really good thing every generation?
    Thanks to past quality UK education policy the GCHQ had the expert staff ready to help in Korea, Vietnam, with the Soviet Union, West/East German, French decryption over many decades. The UK got to read everything encrypted in the EU thanks to its own experts. Even all of South America when needed.
    Did the US puling out of the Tube Alloys projects https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/... not show every generation of UK experts that the UK will have to have the domestic skill sets for all possible projects every generation and that any deep commitments to "share" from the US can be revoked.
    For the UK to keep up with advancements real thought has to go into encouraging maths, real science, crypto, arts, languages policy for every generation.
    Stopping an interest in maths in the UK is about the best gift the UK can give its global competitors.
    The UK should be rushing out to teach as much math and real science as possible, not trying to ban it.

    --
    Domestic spying is now "Benign Information Gathering"
  26. These are warning signs! by 91degrees · · Score: 1

    Not hard and fast rules.

    Coughs, sores and indigestion are warning signs of cancer. Doesn't mean you need a course of chemotherapy if you see these symptoms.

  27. good parenteering by Thud457 · · Score: 1

    Sit your kids down and have a frank discussion about their porn usage.

    You may discover you have common interests. ;p

    --

    the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

  28. Copied? by cwsumner · · Score: 1

    Good god, I think the UK actually copied that 2001 article! Is that what they consider "accurate and up to date"? 8-}