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Ask Slashdot: What Are Some Developer Secrets That Could Sink Your Business?
snydeq writes: In today's tech world, the developer is king -- and we know it. But if you're letting us reign over your app dev strategy, you might be in for some surprises, thanks to what we aren't saying, writes an anonymous developer in a roundup of developer secrets that could sink the business. "The truth is, we developers aren't always straight with you. We have a few secrets we like to keep for ourselves. The fact that we don't tell you everything is understandable. You're the boss, after all. Do you tell your boss everything? If you're the CEO, do you loop in the board on every decision? So don't be so surprised when we do it." What possible damaging programming dirt are you keeping the lid on? Some of the points the developer mentions in his/her report include: "Your technical debt is a lot bigger than you think," "We're infatuated with our own code," and "We'd rather build than maintain." If you can think of any others not mentioned in the report, we're all ears! This may be a good time to check the "Post Anonymously" box before you submit your comment.
We don't choose libraries and architectures necessarily because they are the best for your business. Sometimes, it is because they are hot in the market and we want professional experience to put on our resumes.
Oh, yeah. And we are keeping our resumes updated.
Aah, change is good. -- Rafiki
Yeah, but it ain't easy. -- Simba
But we're trying to move from C to Rust...
Browsing at +1 - no ACs, I ignore their posts. So refreshing!
Can sink your "exit" plans depending on possible license issues, or just lower the value of the company.
Sometimes developers meet with Russians. This could sink your business if CNN finds out.
At my shop we secretly use javascript. It could ruin us!!
Once upon a time everything was in a colo facility. Then they decided to rewrite the application we use to do everything. They put it in AWS. All of it. They they spent several man-years writing a bunch of automation between the various modular bits using Amazon's APIs.
Imagine the surprise from the beancounters when the thing they deployed took way longer than they said it would, cost a lot more than estimated, and has more than 3 times the opex costs compared to what we used to pay for hosting it ourselves, and now it's in AWS with no way to get it out without breaking all the automation that so much time was invested in writing.
Tallest nail gets hammered, keep my mouth shut hoping someone else takes the fall for being late. True story. Some 20 years ago I worked on Globalstar. The software was a good year late, we all knew it, but management a couple layers up didn't. They were launching a bunch of Globalstar satellites on a Russian rocket. There were 4 teams of us, all knew we were a year behind, sitting in a large conference room with a live link to the launch. Some 90 seconds in the rocket plowed into Russian real estate. We all looked at each other, breathed a sigh of relief, looked sad to our manager's managers, and went home knowing we were good with our 50 hour work weeks for another year.
I note the "insightful" article is written by an anonymous author, as I wouldn't want my name tarnished with this steaming pile either. There is nothing of value here. Nothing. I note that "syndeq" simply spams articles from this CIO website, driving traffic there I suppose. Slashdot is a waste of time these days. I still come here out of habit, but it's a habit I need to kick.
"...most of us don’t understand much about why average people do what they do. And that means we’re not the best people to create a strategy for keeping customers happy and spending. We can keep the databases happy but we don’t have a clue what keeps customers coming back." THAT could sink any business.
On Jan 19 2038 our system will totally cease functioning. Literally nothing work.
About half of them aren't anything that a competent CEO isn't already going to know about their developers before they even hire them, and the remaining ones aren't even accurate for developers that happen to have a good work ethic.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
The real secret is that developers know more than managers. Heaven forbid!
Back in the 90's I used to work on many "crisis" teams that fixed other people's fuck-ups. I rarely if ever said one word during our conference meetings that determined the action plan. After those meetings everyone just went to sleep and let me do my thing and I got shit done. The rest of the team was worthless. However, we got paid and went home at night because I'm just that good. I'm now unemployed as I have been for the last 10 years. Yay, freedom! (seriously, don't worry that much, during that time I made enough money in one year to live for 20; as I have been). Good times!
I don't recall anyone patting me on the back for carrying a coworker's old code through several years of releases. And the politics would have been more favorable to me if I would have turned this into a big "refactor" project where I rewrite it every 18 months. After a few failed releases I could save the day by "discovering" Test Driven Development methodologies.
“Common sense is not so common.” — Voltaire
By cheaper developers in the 3rd world, despite what the self-interested "'merican" software devs say. I've worked with shitty american devs, and shitty Indian devs, and the difference is with the shitty Indian dev, we save around 3-5x what the american costs us. I've also worked with amazing devs on both sides of the world. The only thing that saves most of us is we have shitty managers who think being on-site = productive and justifies their management.
I know you don't know this, because I haven't told you. But that application that I developed years ago, and still charge you an arm and a leg annually for support and (hardly ever necessary) maintenance, runs under a no-longer-maintained-or-supported software platform. One of these days a Windows upgrade will break it. Hell, I'm surprised it hasn't already. There's no way you'd pay me enough to redevelop it with something else.
When that finally does happen, it's so long, and thanks for all the cash.
That full redesign of the website that has been outsourced to an Indian dev team is never going to see the light of day. Hopefully those lower labor costs aren't eating into the bottom line, but in the long run I am sure they are, and then there is cost of lower morale as well.
Our server has a backdoor letting you submit arbitrary code that gets compiled and executed. We use it to fix things directly in production since everything is a mess and things break all the time. You don't even need to log in, just hit the right URL and you are in. I can't understand how this hasn't been used by a disgruntled employee to delete the entire DB or something like that. By the way, this is not a worthless startup, it's a hundred million dollar revenue per year operation.
Remember that awesome support you were getting along with your stable product? We laid off half our staff and didn't tell any customers leading to poorly maintained code and outsourced support techs who could barely speak English and had little to no training. Enjoy!
Why can't we go back to using jumpers to configure slot adapter cards? Why? I say!
You know what I don't tell my boss? That we use systemd.
If you post as Anonymous Coward, don't expect a reply.
But if we ignore progress too often, we’ll wake up one day and realize we’re miles behind.
Learn everything new and make sure to incorporate it on your current job - whether it's needed or not. Rust becoming big? Figure a way to use it on the job - even if you're a mainframe COBOL programmer.
Because if say, Rust, becomes THE language and you do not have on the job experience with it, you might as well not know it. No, classes mean shit. So doesn't code you did on the weekend. Part of a FOSS project? YMMV. If it's something the big businesses use, the FOSS project may get you a job.
A FOSS project that hardly anyone uses? I've never seen it mean anything.
And even then, you better be a current member of the development team.
As a young engineer in my first job I was the point man for a new technology in our company called ISDN.
Back in the early 90's each country had it's own flavour of ISDN for market protectionism or just to be different.
Our product started offering an ISDN interface as well as the other older comms interfaces (X25 etc).
I was at the "bored" stage with the dev work when a nice little bug started breaking things among our European customers.
I could have simply stuck a 3.5" floppy in the post (this is pre-internet) but since I'd never been to Switzerland, Munch (in Sept), Paris, etc, etc I was eager to travel.
What made this ruse even sweeter was that when I got on site I'd pretend to debug for a 1/2 hour, then switch floppy discs, and -hey presto- it all worked perfectly.
Each time I the toast of the office I was visiting, as well as our company sales team golden boy, rewarded by being taken out for a nice meal and drinks as a thank you.
If I'd just stuck the floppy in the post it just wouldn't have had the same effect nor would I have seen some nice parts of Europe or tasted their fine cuisine.
I've successfully moved some of the codebase from Python to Perl, and didn't tell you.
"No man is an island," says the Captain, before he sails off towards the horizon.
But they're better than millennials.
"The truth is, we developers aren't always straight with you. We have a few secrets we like to keep for ourselves...
This is exactly why open source is required for stability and security. Not that it is perfect, but programmers just can't bury sloppy code, back doors, and easter eggs.
Dammit, not Perl - LUA! LUA was the target! Oh well, start the port again...
Browsing at +1 - no ACs, I ignore their posts. So refreshing!
written by a Millennial.
We don't really know how long it's going to take to delivery X? We don't know the unforeseen problems we will hit, but we know that you don't know what you want and you'll keep adding features until scope creep turns into the never ending development cycle. Agile and CI/CD helps with that but that requires more discipline and less "magic happens here" mentality.
I don't know about you guys, but I have always had way less secrets than they.
And I smell a dying project from 10 miles away and turn around and tell it to my peers and boss, straight to their faces.
"This is going to fail at stage so-and-so/in x weeks/months time because of a,b, and c.
If we want to prevent this, we have to do x,y and z."
Straight forward.
90% of problems I've had along these lines way because of bosses, PMs and whatnot not being honest with me. Or to stupdi/dumb/out of their depth to get a hold on the problem and deliver on their end.
Likewise, every time my PMs and bosses were honest with me, I had their back.
Need politics rather than tech solutions? I'll give you a technical buzzword ridden writeup/analysis that will get you anything.
Need nice and shiny things that move and people can click on? Consider it done.
Need to blow up that boring data with some nifty grafics and impressive spreadsheets? Done.
Need a devils advocate to point out where the problem is? I'll speak up with a techie voice in the grand meeting and all will shush and hear the clarions call.
Need me to pick the hot coals out of the fire with the customers IT dept? No problem, give me a first phone number and I won't stop calling until I got the exact right guy on the other end. And 10 minutes in we'll be the very best buddies.
I'm honest and straight forward, just about always. Be honest with me. If you're not, f*ck you and the horse you rode in on. I'm out and I hope your whole product/project/whatever goes down in a ball of flame. You can use me for politics, but you have to fill me in and I must see where the game is headed. But play me because you think I'm some replacable suit and not the guy actually buidling your actual product and I'm out and I won't have you on any project in any meaningful position ever again - you have proven your incompetence as PM/Boss/CEO.
That's basically the principle I live by doing this IT/development stuff, ever since. I'm the straight forward type, and sometimes people/bosses have taken advantage of that or just didn't catch the drift. But I'm getting better at noticing it.
Lot's of bullshit and stupidity in the web/agency camp, tough space to navigate in the honesty dept. The biggest problem always is when they don't know what they want, but for some bizar reason know when it needs to be finished and how much it may cost. Including a never ending stream of last-minute changes.
So, no, not any real secrets that can sink your business. Actually, more than once my product was mission critical and made the business possible in the first place.
We suffer more in our imagination than in reality. - Seneca
You're all idiots.
Management are idiots.
Users are idiots.
Hell, most of us tech people are idiots.
We're all idiots in our own special way. Never forget that.
You hired someone who wasn't smarter. They just seemed smarter because they were a lot better practiced liars. Additionally, the person inside your company who hired them is also themselves a liar. You should watch your back around both these people. They bear you and your company ill will.
We tell developers to get the basics right, but nobody gets scored on the basics on their reviews. Adding a feature is awesome. Fixing a bug is ... not.
Dev: "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I've been keeping terrible developer secrets. All our 'in-game footage' that supposedly shows off the new engine? Entirely pre-rendered."
Rev: "Go on."
Dev: "And I've been secretly coding everything in Rust, even though I promised the CTO I'd use a 'real man's language, like C.'"
Rev: "I see."
Dev: "And most of the day I'm not even coding. I'm posting on Slashdot and playing that mobile game from the Schwarzenegger commercials."
Rev: "Hmm."
Dev: "I lied on my resume; I said I worked for Google as a senior developer, but it was really a call center job with a company called 'Googe' that produces fake semen for German fetish parties."
Rev: "What sort of fucked up calls you must've... **AHEM** My child, these are grave sins to be sure, but anything can be forgiven by the generous mercy of --"
Dev: "I work on systemd in my spare time."
Rev: "I COMMAND THEE LEAVE, SATAN!"
Nothing posted to
This is gay as fuck.
I remember Slashdot...
Were are a relatively small shop, and those devs with influence convinced management to switch to what seems the entire Microsoft stack, with service layers on top of service layers, and other middle-man gizmos. It's as if they get points for every service and service layer on the MS brochure they use. Pokesoft: gotta install em all! If you add a new column to a table, you have to update something like 17 spots. Dagwood wouldn't even eat this thing.
They are kicking KISS/YAGNI right in the balls. Either I don't get something, or they are trying to pad their resumes with enough gizmo experience to move on to Big Pay, leaving us suckers to babysit their bloated orphans.
Table-ized A.I.
Remember the original Tron movie, where the software programs all looked just like the person who created them, except with neon duct tape on their clothes?
There's a lot of truth to that. The design of a piece of software will inevitably reflect the way its author thinks, his views about what the problem-space is and which techniques and engineering tradeoffs are appropriate, and the designer's own unique approach to problem-solving.
Moreover, the designer of the software is the person who has the most invested in that software's success, and thus the most motivation to keep its quality as high he is capable of -- other people may work on the codebase as well, but they are only step-parents, who may do a good enough job to keep things working (as far as customers can tell), but won't necessarily go the extra mile to make the software really shine, because hey, it's not their baby. To them, everything about the software looks like a bit of a mess, mainly because it wasn't implemented the way they would have done it. So why would they spend any more time on it than they have to?
So, when management decided to lay off Joe because they thought that with the app feature-complete they didn't need him anymore, they were unknowingly signing the death warrant for Joe's app at the same time. It won't die right away, since other programmers can come in, fix bugs, and add the occasional minor feature, but every time someone does that, the integrity and reliability of the codebase suffers a bit more, as the new developer's approach is different from Joe's approach, and thus the new code doesn't fit quite right with the old code. Eventually, development of the codebase slows to a near-halt, as the time, effort, and risk of making any further significant changes starts to outweigh the benefits that could be secured by making the changes. In another year or three, the app will be effectively dead, and the company will have to hire another Joe to write new software from scratch.
TL;DR: Programmers are not interchangeable parts.
I don't care if it's 90,000 hectares. That lake was not my doing.
"In today's tech world, the developer is king -- and we know it"
Are you on drugs????
In today's tech world, the developer is king
Do you even know today's date? Hey dickweed, the age of geek domination isn't coming. Devs are not kings. Tech billionaires aren't devs, and you aren't a billionaire. Stupid fucking kid, grow the fuck up. Tech work is brown collar, brown like your britches, and you're too big for your fucking britches. By the way, you're fired! Get the fuck out, and on your way out, train your H1B replacement. Then fuck off!!
Our largest client's most important project took ten times longer to build than it should have and will be a millstone around their neck for the next ten years. This is because they asked us to evaluate several technologies and then picked the one that we ranked dead last, even though they already have experience with it on a different project and it was an unmitigated disaster.
That's not really a "sink the business" problem though. The problem is that even though we ranked it dead last, that was after our managing director asked us to not be quite so negative about it because he thought maybe they'd pick it and go with somebody else to build it because we quite clearly opposed it. If our client found out that we adjusted our evaluation to make it look a little better, they'd blame us for the massive fuckup, even though we pointed out all the problems that they would face with it and even though we recommended a different solution.
Hygene.
Simple. They forget to take a shower for three weeks prior to the code review meeting with management and program management.
The managers will keep that meeting very short and won't bother to ask the important questions.
Most Respectfully Yours Mark Allyn Bellingham, Washington
"I'm working on it now... Should be ready next week!"
*Alt+Tab back to Firefox with Slashdot open*
Who wants to spend time learning new technologies that will just be out of date in a few months?
Dev: "I lied on my resume; I said I worked for Google as a senior developer, but it was really a call center job with a company called 'Googe' that produces fake semen for German fetish parties."
So....is this product, is is available for import?
HA! I just wasted some of your bandwidth with a frivolous sig!
What sort of running dog management ass licker wrote this steaming bucket of vomit article?
I try to tell my boss about all the caveats, special-cases, compromises, and potential areas of vulnerability in our software. He is willfully ignorant, and by that I mean he either chooses to ignore all the information, or is unable to process it and willfully choosing to not think about it enough to process it. Whenever something comes up later, there is always (feigned?) shock and dismay, and seemingly earnest apologies to customers with assurances that we will fix the issues they noticed asap.
How about that our policy is less about serving the needs of the state and taxpayers than being a jobs program for visa holders?
I am self-employed and do everything by my own, so no internal secrets for me. I am also quite straightforward and always ready to explain/share as much information as possible, what has been proven as a trigger for some people! Certain individuals are used to systematically compensate their lacks with generic assumptions, by mostly focusing on worst-case scenarios. They expect to see certain kind of fishy stuff going on and, when not seeing anything, they tend to freak out. I have seen quite weird stuff on this front (+ what I only guess via unmotivated reactions; bear in mind that these people are rarely too direct/honest)!
I even think that the attitude I am having lately of being extremely clear and communicative is provoking the aforementioned people to mistrust me even more?! It doesn't matter if I provide as much information as possible, am always ready to answer anything and even enable further channels to confirm any issue; some people seem to prefer living in a (made-up) world where random assumptions have to make sense. In some cases, they seem to be able to remain in a stage of permanent doubt for very long times without needing to confirm/dismiss their fears; or even worse: accepting new assumptions/fears as confirmation/dismissal of previous ones.
I don't care if my attitude has been the responsible (trusting in others' proper understanding! What I was thinking?), but I currently have zero tolerance on this front. Now, I cannot imagine how I was able to systematically tolerate and feel compelled to address so many unmotivated fears. My attitude on this front might be a bit too radical now, but I accept this fact too. All what matters is that I have no secrets (of the bad kind) and that I will not tolerate any kind of (imaginary) nonsense negatively affecting me in any way.
Custom Solvers 2.0 = Alvaro Carballo Garcia = varocarbas.
Once the initial shock is over, having a place of work to go to and someone other than family to spend time with may well be the support the guy needed. That the others in his group took the load sounds absolutely right - though management might have been more willing to reduce the load.
As a logic bomb for revenge if they outsource this does have massive appeal however...
since you ask for corrections... ;)
Forget what is "kept to ourselves", half the battle is getting the business to listen to what we DO say. Two decades in the industry and one of the few constants is having businesses ignore or downplay concerns raised by the development or IT groups. We raise project and security risks, and are told that the business is "willing to accept the risk".. up until the point it becomes an issue, then it's IT/Apps Dev's fault. Omitting information ("developer secrets") is one of the easiest things to do, because half the time no one is listening anyway.
I personally build a kill switch into every piece of software I write. Not of the stupid "bring everything down" variety either. Usually some sort of environment variable that I can toggle over HTTP that looks like it should exists... to activate one of many behaviors that look like they should exist under given circumstances... but that when set will slowly corrupt data over time.
I dare you to fire me.
..everything in the EULA is what we fear as a business, so just do all the things we tell you not to and it will sink us.
This is exactly the sort of negativity which shows how the open source community is abusive and unable to cope when a great new idea comes along that throws away all those bad concepts in Unix, just because we're right and you're wrong.
Nonsense. Compare the reaction to systemd with the reaction to launchd (XNU) or SMF (Solaris). Most people who have had contact with either of the latter regard them as imperfect but significant improvements on what was there previously and, if they're using systems that don't ship with them wish that they did (or, ideally, something taking the good ideas from them each and combining them, leaving the bad ideas behind). No one is complaining about replacing traditional UNIX tools with something better, they're complaining about replacing stuff that mostly works with something that throws all of the last few decades of software engineering away.
I am TheRaven on Soylent News
And you must be one of the few systemd lovers out there.
The dev team and VP over it come up with a schedule of things to be included in the next release. They start working on it for the next few months with a 6 month release date. The schedule had 2 months of testing and bug fixing in it. ... the conference gets 10 "interested" calls. Zero sales.
All was good, until some marketing dweeb hears about some conference 2 weeks from now that we have to be at with a new, great, feature added. This is in month 4 of the dev schedule.
Upper management buys this crap.
There is a company-wide meeting to ask the devs to work 2-3x more hours and get everything done, including the 10, huge, new, features. QA is told to only make demo-impacting bugs high priority.
20 people change their lives for 2 weeks, effectively living at work, missing little-league games, having pissed off spouses, don't quite make everything work for the conference announcement. The marketing team gets to wave their hands 2/3rds of the time during their demo. Of course, the marketing team claims they were working 90 hrs a week on their presentation too. That's "work" after all when they go to a bar to "brainstorm."
So
And there is 6 weeks remaining to catch up with the prior schedule. A company-wide meeting is held, because 3 of our most important clients have 30% penalty clauses if we don't deliver the next release on-time. Everyone is asked to work even more hours - except marketing. Those fuckers aren't involved with actual, planned, releases. 3 weeks of dev is assigned to finish the prior scheduled features and 3 weeks, not 8 weeks of QA time is left. ... and the Apache Foundation has just mandated that 3 of the F/LOSS projects we use must remove a core library indirectly used due to a license issue.
We ship on time, but there are 5x more bugs than normal and clients aren't happy.
Ah
We have a company-wide meeting where the CEO and President say we missed quarterly profits and 3 people have to be fired. All the released people must come from the development team. And we need to begin testing against the Fall Update from Microsoft, while still meeting the new release schedule - Nov 1.
Someone notices that "Fall Update" - would be "FU" and makes a joke.
> Dev: "I work on systemd in my spare time."
This is exactly the sort of negativity which shows how the open source community is abusive and unable to cope when a great new idea comes along that throws away all those bad concepts in Unix, just because we're right and you're wrong.
You must be one of those deranged people the internet is full of!
FWIW, I'm personally agnostic about most of the religious wars in the software (and wider nerd) communities.
For instance: the emacs/vim/nano wars. My take is, whatever makes you feel good, brother! You're going straight to hell anyway for using anything fancier than a series of redirected echo statements! #goodenoughforyhwh
Nothing posted to
I am currently looking to break out of an RPL licence with a project I took in years ago and start fresh but under something a little less viral. There's plenty of viral examples I could learn from and incorporate but RPL destroys any possibility. It's viral and incompatible with just about everything else.
"In today's tech world, the developer is king." - Anyone thinking that they are more important than the actual business of making money could sink any company. TFA continues this self-centeredness with "Developers are smart folks. And some of us are pure geniuses." While I know that there are geniuses in many fields, this kind of thinking is ultimately self-defeating.
Other than this text, there is no discernible information contained in this sig.
I thought there was more to tech than Flappy Bird. I guess I was wrong.
from complete and utter meltdown of delivery schedules.
Understaffed and not cross-trained and cross-project enough to deal with a blip in the availability of critical personnel and all personnel are essentially critical to at least two projects.
To its credit, management is beginning to realize this and increasing staff but it's slow going.
I may not work for you anymore, but I still have everything:
I could go on...
I'm sure that most developers already know this, but the demos of most new software that you usually see at trade shows are completely fake.
In most cases, you're really just looking at mockups with canned data in the database. Odds are that the infrastructure for communicating to "the cloud" isn't really ready yet. Even if it was, you don't want to depend on a flaky network connection at a trade show. So, "the cloud" is actually an embedded database on the device or on a server behind the trade show booth.
If you're smart, you can usually get these applications to crash by drilling down through the menus and looking for an unfinished mockup screen that their QA team might have missed.
Look how arrogant recruiters have become. They think the tech industry is all about THEM!
So not bathing for 3 weeks means no meeings?
Recommend that to everyone!
As IT manager one of my top concerns is continuity. What happens when the developer who brought in the new fly-by-night technology leaves, and we are two versions behind in all the other crap he brought in and then didn't have time to maintain? I have to balance "let them do things that interest them or they'll leave" with "don't let them saddle the business with unnecessary and easily obsoleted complexity".
They literally took the serial number for VMWare from a multi-billion dollar Fortune 100 and uses it internally for all their systems, including public systems that they invite customers in to use. 700 instances. I pointed this out a few times. Most recently they went to rebuild their customer labs and I brought it up again. So they fired me because "my skillset wasn't needed anymore", guess who took their skillset to the BSA.
Also, who doesn't leave elaborate backdoors in every company with shitty identity/credential management?
Seriously. I can't think of a single thing in our code base, our practices, etc that I wouldn't happily tell my CEO if he came over and asked me. He's an engineer after all. I can easily defend every line of code I write, every library/framework I pick, etc to anyone who asks. What kind of shady practices are all the rest of you up to anyway? Some of you are really full of yourselves. Developers aren't kings/queens. They don't run the company nor are they in charge of anything. We are the construction workers of the white collar world and can be easily replaced. We simply take requirements handed down to us and implement them... exactly what a construction worker does when building a house. Get over yourselves.
I can usually deliver in 1/4 of the time but I will use the remainder of the time for personal development or leassure stuff.
Can't say I've even heard of the RPL before!
I remember sigs. Oh, a simpler time!
I can't think of a single secret. I have always reported anything and everything that I think is important for management to know. Particularly the bad stuff.
There's no AI, there's no algorithm. We do not use Bayesian analysis, or Monte Carlo simulations. We do not use Stochastic Models, even though Marketing says we do.
There's a Little Person in our system, we call him Monte for fun. He's smart and resourceful, he makes all the decisions. Monte makes our system look smart.
The idea was inspired by the Mechanical Turk.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Turk
Oh we tried to program the whole AI thing, but it was a disaster. No one knew what they were doing! Monte fixed all that for us.
Monte is our Secret Sauce. Don't tell the customers!