1. The Sun sold the Comet's Tail a Plasma TV, but when it got home, it discovered there was only a cement block in the box. 2. The Sun cheats at poker. 3. The Sun also hustles pool.
I'm pretty sure the IT department in my office has done this many many times. I keep hearing whispers of pulling out all the "Cat 3" that's been "running behind our walls". What happened to the first two cats? And how did Cat 3 escape? We've hired a group of what looks like construction guys, who must really be specialist exterminators because their job is "get rid of any trace of Cat 3". Hmm, I wonder what my company is trying to hide? I overheard my boss tell them that he wants to replace it with "Cat 5". It must be a very stealthy cat, because it's going to "go into every cubicle and every office"! Those strange exterminators suggested "Cat 6", but my boss rejected the idea, saying the Cat 6's plastic core made it very difficult to work with. Now, while I'm already concerned with the idea of zombie ninja cats prowling the office, I certainly will not stand for *bionic* zombie ninja cats!
> EA will continue to use take last years sport game
But I envision the first forays into real-time raytracing will give me some more flexibility into my sports games. I'm going to design a sports team, The Primitives, with the following line-up:
Peter "The Plane" Pizzorni Colin "The Cone" LaMonde Samuel "The Sphere" Tomali Kyle "The Cube" Cayso Terrell "The Teapot" Tyson
One of the first matches will be against the Nurbs, but the whole point of the game is to really hawk my new line of athletic wear, CSG: "Composite Shape for a New Geometry".
I may have to drop Terrell: when he shows up on screen, he slows down the rendering.
From the google Lunar campus link: > The Google Copernicus Hosting Environment and Experiment in > Search Engineering (G.C.H.E.E.S.E.) is a fully integrated > research, development and technology facility at which Google > will be conducting experiments in entropized information filtering, > high-density high-delivery hosting (HiDeHiDeHo)
Those acronyms have nothing on the Google Open Access Taut Sphincter Explorer, opening on a.cx TLD near you!
Actually, video games lately have proved to provide much better horror than movies.
I bought a game recently, with which, my first scare was that it required me to install Steam on my box. I broke out in a cold sweat as it quietly inserted its own root kit and changed several registry entries that an unprivileged user could not otherwise touch. I was kept at the edge of my seat every time it phoned home, and I could only guess who it may have been calling. By the time the lawyers were knocking down my door to subpoena my entire neighborhood for illegally downloading music of bands we've never heard of, of a genre we don't even listen to, I was a gibbering mess. Now that I'm being assumed guilty until I prove my innocence, I'm pretty well horrified well beyond what any movie could do*.
Solomon
*This account is satire only, but it could be true for anyone else living in any small US community.
Bill: [with a Fed-Ex delivery of the new version of Windows] Linus, I never got to tell you how much I admire you and your operating system. Linus: What's in the box, Bill? Bill: When I saw your operating system, I wanted all the features in it. Everything from the widgets on the desktop to the exhilarating smell of its security policies. Linus: I said, what's in the box? Bill: And when I implemented them into my commercial operating system, I realized I had committed the sin of Envy, for which I must pay. Linus: [Shaking] Aurgh! What's in the the booooxxx?! Stallman: [voice suddenly crackling over the radio] Torvalds! Do not open the box! I repeat! Do not open the box!
Here in Manhattan Beach, I found a gas station that gives me premium for $0.41/gallon. Apparently, whoever set the pump price screwed up, as the posted price was $4.09/gallon, but they don't notice because no one else at the gas station used premium. I must have gotten hundreds of dollars of free gas off that one pump so far. Does that mean I can be jailed? Just because I'm taking advantage of someone else's screwup?
No, what they're saying is that Prince is somehow incarcerated! All proceeds from these "Free Prince" CDs go towards paying off his lawyer fees. Please ignore the fact that "Kevin" has been scratched out and "Prince" is penciled in.
Civilization could be "Action-Heavy" in the administrative sense. It would probably sound like this:
"Oh my god! I need a another granary! *Beeyoo* *Beeyoo* *Whoosh* *Kachunk* Raising taxes! *Whunk* I can't hold back all the unhappy citizens! More Entertainers! *Ksshh* Aurugh! Too many Entertainers! My city's collapsing! *Krack* No, must... beat... Anarchy!"
> Almost every technology we have today would get you burned > for witchcraft in 1857.
And every technology 150 years from now will get you sued today.
But seriously (?) I figure we'll never colonize another planet:
1. Even the concept violates a Patent #xx: a method for improving the survivability of the human race by settling "somewhere else". Colonists must pay appropriate royalties to the patent-holder. 2. Any habitable planet that we discover will be orbiting a star that broadcasts radio waves on a licensed FCC band, for which the star is not paying, despite repeated subpoenas. Colonists must pay appropriate royalties to the FCC. 3. Any habitable planet that we discover will be orbiting a star that broadcasts an analog radio signal, not digital, as mandated by our government back in 2010, so any Colonists will also be deemed felons. 4. Any habitable planet that we discover will be orbiting a star that broadcasts a frequency sequence that occurs within a piece of music composed by a RIAA artist. Colonists must pay appropriate royalties to the RIAA. 5. Any habitable planet that we discover will be orbiting a star that once broadcasted (when digitized) the sequence "O9 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0". Colonists must pay appropriate royalties to the AACS Licensing Consortium. 6. Any space vehicle we launch that does not run Microsoft software will be accused of containing sections of Microsoft code. Researchers will not be informed as to which code segments violate copyright, but nonetheless, Colonists must pay appropriate royalties to Microsoft. 7. Any space vehicle we launch that does run Microsoft software will BSOD once they have left reasonable communications range of Earth. Microsoft will claim that the reason why the Colonists disappeared were because they were really Commie Mutant Traitors who decided to ditch us once they were reasonably sure they could get away with it. 8. Department of Homeland security will eventually claim any off-world colonists to be Enemy Combatants, and attempt to extradite them to a secret military space station in Guantanamo Beta Prime, for questioning.
1.) Console too expensive to justify buying given lack of games. 2.) Less consumers adopt PS3. 3.) Developers see gamers going to other platform, eliminate exclusives. 4.) Repeat (1), removing PS3 exclusives gone multi-platform from equation.
try: 5.) ??? 6.) Profit!
catch: 7.) Put as much spin on your stats you could dry your clothes on it. e.g., claiming that PS/3s are readily in stock due to superior supply-side infrastructure, as opposed to lagging sales.
Unfortunately, this is one very real case I highly doubt Sony will even reach step 5.
Arlington, VA -- Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced today that the Department of Homeland Security will allocate 4.5 billion dollars over the course of the next eight months to construct brand new ninja training facilities in four separate major metropolitan areas. "These are not just any ninjas," commented the Attorney General concerning the controversial decision. "These are *music* ninjas... and *software* ninjas. We'll be training all kinds of Copyright Ninjas" When asked to clarify the term "Music Ninja", Rumsfeld confirmed Wednesday that an authoritive discussion of a poll on respected media source Slashdot concluded that the diametric opposite of a Pirate is a Ninja. "The only way to stop the increase of Copyright Pirates is to contract more Copyright Ninjas. If we cannot train enough Copyright Ninjas currently within the United States, we will simply issue more H1 Visas to bring them over from their native homeland." reassured an unidentified White House source. The source was hesitant to reveal which country was the "native homeland" of Copyright Ninjas. "Intellectual Piracy is preventing the widespread of adoption of things like High-Definition DVDs and digital subscriber broadcasts. Copyright Ninjas will work to encourage the adoption of these new technologies, starting by politely silencing anyone who repeats the hex number, '09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0'. Anyone who so much as even prints '09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0' in a newspaper or blog will be gently murdered as a friendly reminder that it is a violation of the DMCA to do so." The aide has not been available for further comment. Music Piracy has quickly risen to the No. 1 violent crime in only the past two years, surpassing even Rape, Homicide, and Gay Sex Between Two Consenting Adults combined.
Lots of things flourished without the support of our mothers... like online porn. And if you're one of the rare few whose mother encouraged your interest in porn, I really don't want to know.
Solomon
Re:This is actually my HOPE for the future
on
Censoring a Number
·
· Score: 1
It sounds good until you realize that not all escorts are svelte runway models. Consider, for example, armed escorts making sure you leave the building while you are being fired from your sensitive government job, who will kill you if you so much as look at anyone funny...
> you're paying less when distributing marijuana or posessing cocaine, than you are to host MP3's
I once got modded down for saying this, but I predicted that the RIAA and Rockstar Games would create a new GTA to reflect the truly heinous crimes in the USA:
1 star: Making backups of your music 2 stars: downloading music off the internet 3 stars: living next door to someone downloading music off the internet 4 stars: living next door to someone *accused* of downloading music off the internet 5 stars: playing poker online for real money 6 stars: not having any real money
Shooting cops and beating up hookers have nothing on these crimes.
Slashdot Mirror
No no no. It *ripped off* the tail, which means:
1. The Sun sold the Comet's Tail a Plasma TV, but when it got home, it discovered there was only a cement block in the box.
2. The Sun cheats at poker.
3. The Sun also hustles pool.
Pick one.
Solomon
I'm pretty sure the IT department in my office has done this many many times. I keep hearing whispers of pulling out all the "Cat 3" that's been "running behind our walls". What happened to the first two cats? And how did Cat 3 escape? We've hired a group of what looks like construction guys, who must really be specialist exterminators because their job is "get rid of any trace of Cat 3". Hmm, I wonder what my company is trying to hide? I overheard my boss tell them that he wants to replace it with "Cat 5". It must be a very stealthy cat, because it's going to "go into every cubicle and every office"! Those strange exterminators suggested "Cat 6", but my boss rejected the idea, saying the Cat 6's plastic core made it very difficult to work with. Now, while I'm already concerned with the idea of zombie ninja cats prowling the office, I certainly will not stand for *bionic* zombie ninja cats!
Solomon
> EA will continue to use take last years sport game
But I envision the first forays into real-time raytracing will give me some more flexibility into my sports games. I'm going to design a sports team, The Primitives, with the following line-up:
Peter "The Plane" Pizzorni
Colin "The Cone" LaMonde
Samuel "The Sphere" Tomali
Kyle "The Cube" Cayso
Terrell "The Teapot" Tyson
One of the first matches will be against the Nurbs, but the whole point of the game is to really hawk my new line of athletic wear, CSG: "Composite Shape for a New Geometry".
I may have to drop Terrell: when he shows up on screen, he slows down the rendering.
Solomon
From the google Lunar campus link:
.cx TLD near you!
> The Google Copernicus Hosting Environment and Experiment in
> Search Engineering (G.C.H.E.E.S.E.) is a fully integrated
> research, development and technology facility at which Google
> will be conducting experiments in entropized information filtering,
> high-density high-delivery hosting (HiDeHiDeHo)
Those acronyms have nothing on the Google Open Access Taut Sphincter Explorer, opening on a
Solomon
> The US postal service, along with UPS, FedEx, and DHS...
How does the Department of Homeland Security compete with the postal service, UPS, and Fed Ex?
Solomon
Actually, video games lately have proved to provide much better horror than movies.
I bought a game recently, with which, my first scare was that it required me to install Steam on my box. I broke out in a cold sweat as it quietly inserted its own root kit and changed several registry entries that an unprivileged user could not otherwise touch. I was kept at the edge of my seat every time it phoned home, and I could only guess who it may have been calling. By the time the lawyers were knocking down my door to subpoena my entire neighborhood for illegally downloading music of bands we've never heard of, of a genre we don't even listen to, I was a gibbering mess. Now that I'm being assumed guilty until I prove my innocence, I'm pretty well horrified well beyond what any movie could do*.
Solomon
*This account is satire only, but it could be true for anyone else living in any small US community.
Can someone please tell me how a machine is considered a "Food" or "Drug"?
Solomon
Yeah, apparently, this drummer knows his [interstellar] Dust...
Solomon
> We don't need no stinkin' buttons!
Damn straight! Oh, wait... how does Steve Jobs keep his pants from falling down?
Solomon
Bill: [with a Fed-Ex delivery of the new version of Windows] Linus, I never got to tell you how much I admire you and your operating system.
Linus: What's in the box, Bill?
Bill: When I saw your operating system, I wanted all the features in it. Everything from the widgets on the desktop to the exhilarating smell of its security policies.
Linus: I said, what's in the box?
Bill: And when I implemented them into my commercial operating system, I realized I had committed the sin of Envy, for which I must pay.
Linus: [Shaking] Aurgh! What's in the the booooxxx?!
Stallman: [voice suddenly crackling over the radio] Torvalds! Do not open the box! I repeat! Do not open the box!
Solomon Chang
Here in Manhattan Beach, I found a gas station that gives me premium for $0.41/gallon. Apparently, whoever set the pump price screwed up, as the posted price was $4.09/gallon, but they don't notice because no one else at the gas station used premium. I must have gotten hundreds of dollars of free gas off that one pump so far. Does that mean I can be jailed? Just because I'm taking advantage of someone else's screwup?
Solomon
...will probably be named:
Turbo Debuggerer
Solomon
No, what they're saying is that Prince is somehow incarcerated! All proceeds from these "Free Prince" CDs go towards paying off his lawyer fees. Please ignore the fact that "Kevin" has been scratched out and "Prince" is penciled in.
S.
Civilization could be "Action-Heavy" in the administrative sense. It would probably sound like this:
"Oh my god! I need a another granary! *Beeyoo* *Beeyoo* *Whoosh* *Kachunk* Raising taxes! *Whunk* I can't hold back all the unhappy citizens! More Entertainers! *Ksshh* Aurugh! Too many Entertainers! My city's collapsing! *Krack* No, must... beat... Anarchy!"
Solomon
> Almost every technology we have today would get you burned
> for witchcraft in 1857.
And every technology 150 years from now will get you sued today.
But seriously (?) I figure we'll never colonize another planet:
1. Even the concept violates a Patent #xx: a method for improving the survivability of the human race by settling "somewhere else". Colonists must pay appropriate royalties to the patent-holder.
2. Any habitable planet that we discover will be orbiting a star that broadcasts radio waves on a licensed FCC band, for which the star is not paying, despite repeated subpoenas. Colonists must pay appropriate royalties to the FCC.
3. Any habitable planet that we discover will be orbiting a star that broadcasts an analog radio signal, not digital, as mandated by our government back in 2010, so any Colonists will also be deemed felons.
4. Any habitable planet that we discover will be orbiting a star that broadcasts a frequency sequence that occurs within a piece of music composed by a RIAA artist. Colonists must pay appropriate royalties to the RIAA.
5. Any habitable planet that we discover will be orbiting a star that once broadcasted (when digitized) the sequence "O9 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0". Colonists must pay appropriate royalties to the AACS Licensing Consortium.
6. Any space vehicle we launch that does not run Microsoft software will be accused of containing sections of Microsoft code. Researchers will not be informed as to which code segments violate copyright, but nonetheless, Colonists must pay appropriate royalties to Microsoft.
7. Any space vehicle we launch that does run Microsoft software will BSOD once they have left reasonable communications range of Earth. Microsoft will claim that the reason why the Colonists disappeared were because they were really Commie Mutant Traitors who decided to ditch us once they were reasonably sure they could get away with it.
8. Department of Homeland security will eventually claim any off-world colonists to be Enemy Combatants, and attempt to extradite them to a secret military space station in Guantanamo Beta Prime, for questioning.
Solomon
I just comment out the following function calls before rolling out to production:
e _id);
stab_programmer($employee_id);
shoot_programmer($employee_id);
drown_programmer($employee_id);
strangle_programmer_while_sleeping($employee_id);
frame_programmer_4_embezzlement($employee_id, $expense_fund_handler);
mangle_programmer_with_factory_machinery($employe
insert_cyanide($employee_coffee_cup_id);
break_nerve_gas_capsule($employee_cubicle_id);
illegally_download_music($employee_computer_id);
hide_bodies();
I've already been fired twice from a Furby and an Aibo factory, but the Recall Process was efficiently quick.
Solomon
> I'm running a pirated copy of Linux.
SCO is still around?
The goatse guy is named Mel? You learn something new every day.
Solomon
1.) Console too expensive to justify buying given lack of games.
2.) Less consumers adopt PS3.
3.) Developers see gamers going to other platform, eliminate exclusives.
4.) Repeat (1), removing PS3 exclusives gone multi-platform from equation.
try:
5.) ???
6.) Profit!
catch:
7.) Put as much spin on your stats you could dry your clothes on it. e.g., claiming that PS/3s are readily in stock due to superior supply-side infrastructure, as opposed to lagging sales.
Unfortunately, this is one very real case I highly doubt Sony will even reach step 5.
Solomon
Arlington, VA -- Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced today that the Department of Homeland Security will allocate 4.5 billion dollars over the course of the next eight months to construct brand new ninja training facilities in four separate major metropolitan areas.
"These are not just any ninjas," commented the Attorney General concerning the controversial decision. "These are *music* ninjas... and *software* ninjas. We'll be training all kinds of Copyright Ninjas"
When asked to clarify the term "Music Ninja", Rumsfeld confirmed Wednesday that an authoritive discussion of a poll on respected media source Slashdot concluded that the diametric opposite of a Pirate is a Ninja.
"The only way to stop the increase of Copyright Pirates is to contract more Copyright Ninjas. If we cannot train enough Copyright Ninjas currently within the United States, we will simply issue more H1 Visas to bring them over from their native homeland." reassured an unidentified White House source. The source was hesitant to reveal which country was the "native homeland" of Copyright Ninjas.
"Intellectual Piracy is preventing the widespread of adoption of things like High-Definition DVDs and digital subscriber broadcasts. Copyright Ninjas will work to encourage the adoption of these new technologies, starting by politely silencing anyone who repeats the hex number, '09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0'. Anyone who so much as even prints '09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0' in a newspaper or blog will be gently murdered as a friendly reminder that it is a violation of the DMCA to do so." The aide has not been available for further comment.
Music Piracy has quickly risen to the No. 1 violent crime in only the past two years, surpassing even Rape, Homicide, and Gay Sex Between Two Consenting Adults combined.
Solomon
Lots of things flourished without the support of our mothers... like online porn.
And if you're one of the rare few whose mother encouraged your interest in porn, I really don't want to know.
Solomon
It sounds good until you realize that not all escorts are svelte runway models. Consider, for example, armed escorts making sure you leave the building while you are being fired from your sensitive government job, who will kill you if you so much as look at anyone funny...
Solomon
That's nothing. Right now, I'm going to threaten to expose every single SS number that has ever existed:
for ($i=1;$i1000000000;$i++) {
echo $i . "\n";
}
The first line of output is Strom Thurmond's or George Burns' SSN.
Solomon
> you're paying less when distributing marijuana or posessing cocaine, than you are to host MP3's
I once got modded down for saying this, but I predicted that the RIAA and Rockstar Games would create a new GTA to reflect the truly heinous crimes in the USA:
1 star: Making backups of your music
2 stars: downloading music off the internet
3 stars: living next door to someone downloading music off the internet
4 stars: living next door to someone *accused* of downloading music off the internet
5 stars: playing poker online for real money
6 stars: not having any real money
Shooting cops and beating up hookers have nothing on these crimes.
Solomon
Then, for Heaven's Sake, divert power from high-karma posts and meta-moderation!
Solomon