I'm starting to see a few user advantages to this approach- more or less. Theoretically, everything would be on-demand. So, every application would be instantly updatable, and trying new apps could be simpler, too. But it comes attached to a devil's bargain.
On the positive side, it would give developers a much better way to control their content and derive revenue from it. On the negative side, however, it would give developers a much better way to control their content and derive revenue from it. Since most of us are both, we probably experience some degree of ambivalence here.
Now maybe he can spend some time with his kids. The scene in the documentary with him playing DK while his kids were asking for his help really depressed me. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, I just hope he uses this as an impetus to start being a dad.
Now if we could only get a headline like "brains boost sex growth" then we'd be in business. Somehow if that were the case, I think high school would have been a very different experience for most of us.
What is this world coming to? I remember a time when all the words in a TV show's title were spelled with legitimate, God-fearing letters. I blame the Internet with its overtly sexual use of the @ symbol, which my grandson tells me has something to do with sodomy. My word! Millions of email addresses, all of them carrying a subliminal advertisement for taboo intercourse!
I find it weirdly ironic that some of the same people who have been drcrying Flash as the scourge of the Internet for a decade are now rushing to its defense, perhaps because Apple happens to be a bigger company and we all love a good David v. Goliath rumble. Regardless of the reason, a great number of us (even Flash developers) want to move on to something newer, better, and more standardized. That was true before the iPhone's release and it remains true to this day.
The dim, flickering light of rejectionism
on
Health Care Reform
·
· Score: 1
The underlying problem is that we are engaged in a panic economy. As fickle consumers of media, we have a taste for the loudest and the shrillest of voices, and even when we vehemently disagree or even mock them, we lavish hem with our attention. And in the age of 24-hour cable news and the Internet, attention is money. So, we essentially pay people to wave their hands in the air and yell "boo!" at the screen. It seems silly that so many of us are honestly surprised that people are scared.
The bill is going to be streamlined and fixed over the next few years in smaller bills. But who cares about that? It's so much easier to reject the whole thing out of hand over deliberate lies (death panels) or language that isn't actually in the bill (coverage for illegal aliens). Best of all, rejection gives you the freedom to sit back and complain without accepting any civic responsibility.
This thing is a long, dull process that's going to require that people stand up and state their case, over and over again, until this thing is right. So, at a time like this you have to ask yourself something. Are you the stand-and-fight sort of person or a rejectionist?
I get the impression that the Windows 7 launch is a lot like seeing an old girlfriend suddenly show up on your doorstep wanting to get back together. She's had some work done, apparently: stomach stapling to take off some of the weight, breast augmentation, and a radical nosejob to make her look as much like your current girlfriend as medical science will allow.
She's pretty, of course, almost too pretty. She still wears far too much makeup and carries that desperate look in her eyes. The fragrant haze around her is the perfume she overuses to mask the scent of failure.
But standing there in that low-cut top, you'd almost forget for a moment what a psycho she was- how she used to shut down in the middle of a date and forget everything you were talking about and how she was only happy when you were buying her things. You'd almost forget about carrying around her legacy baggage or those nights when, for seemingly no reason at all, she would simply stop speaking to you and when you asked what was wrong she'd just spit a string of hex code at you and expect you to figure it out.
You complained about her for years before finally deciding to get rid of her, and here she is again. Though, somehow she seems like a completely different person now.
"I'm up here," she says when she catches you staring at her chest.
Tempted though you may be, you know that over time she'll get bored and slow down on you just like she always does. And then you'll be right back where you started: trapped. She keeps you by convincing you that you don't have a choice. You're just not smart enough for one option or rich enough to afford the other.
"But I'm different now," she says, batting her eyes innocently. "I've changed."
Indeed she has. Apparently, she's really into Cabala now or something like that. It's helped her discover loads of untapped potential in herself. But it also means that you'll have to buy all new furniture to fit with her understanding of feng shui. That's not the only change she has in store for you. The minute you let her move in, she'll have a new alarm system put in that succeeds only in preventing your friends from coming over on poker night.
She doesn't love you, but she doesn't hate you, either. The truth is that she couldn't care less one way or the other. She's here because she doesn't want to be alone. Like all human beings, especially those well past their prime, she wants to feel wanted and, after a string of lost jobs and bad investments, she needs a place to stay.
But all in all, she's OK. She's a seven. She'll do, I guess.
After spending a month diving into the iPhone SDK and re-learning C NOW you tell me that I can make iPhone apps with Flash?
Will iPhone apps built in Flash still feature Flash's terrible bitmap scaling and rotation? Will it still allow for sloppy (and dangerous) typing and memory operations? Probably not, I suppose. Still, I can't see myself developing in Flash (or.net for that matter) just because it's more familiar. Tools for jobs. If I want to make a game for the web, I'll use Flash. If I want to make an iPhone app, I'll use X-Code thanks very much.
Did it seem like (after years of hype) Cameron made a simultaneous remake of Ferngully and Starship toopers? I still have hope that the movie will be better than the trailer, but you never know.
Here's an annotated version of the trailer to illustrate the point: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRTrWsKPKh8
Microsoft's new advertising push is focused on something they call the "Apple Tax," the notion that the relative cost differential between PC's and Macintosh computers amounts to an unfair surcharge for their products.
Apparently, the company's marketing wizards have surmised that after a quarter century of personal computing, no one has ever bothered to look from one price tag to another to notice that Macs cost more. And who can blame them? Consumers are busy people. Microsoft knows that, which is why they hired actors to do the comparison shopping for them.
For example, someone could buy a Vista-powered laptop for $1200 that would operate at full speed for about ten months before clogging up with registry errors, worms, and a tangled mesh of incompatible third party software and drivers. On the other hand, that same person could pay up to $200 MORE for a laptop that, according to customer feedback, works trouble-free for several years.
As you can see, the numbers just don't add up in Apple's favor- especially if you completely ignore issues like stability and reliability, which Microsoft has for decades.
What Apple doesn't want people to know is that Microsoft's Vista is a fantastic operating system for people who don't know much about computers and don't plan on using them very much.
In some sense, it comes down to temperament.
Mac users, it seems, just aren't cut out for the PC life. They're type-A personalities who push the power button and expect things to happen. For whatever reason, these special snowflakes seem to think that they feel they deserve a working computer just because they paid for it. They run several memory-intensive apps at the same time and when something does go wrong, it's such a rare occurrence that the spoiled brats actually have the temerity to get upset about it.
On those occasions, they flood Apple with complaints and demands that the company improve their products- as if they're special or something. Imagine how expensive PCs would be if Microsoft had to constantly tweak their products for better security and usability. Ridiculous, I know. That's why PC customers are lucky that Microsoft made the decision long ago to forego these areas and pass the savings onto users who would then, in turn, pass that money onto anti-virus companies.
A PC, on the other hand, teaches you how to take life as it comes, to roll with the never-ending series of punches that life, and this sparking metal and plastic brick in your den, have thrown your way. There's something very Zen about the PC user experience. When you encounter a catastrophic crash and lose your family photos, you blame yourself for not backing up regularly enough. When you re-install the OS for the third time in a year you completely understand when tech support informs you that you need to buy a whole new license or a new computer. You learn acceptance.
Buying a dogmeat-cheap PC is penny wise. You've suspected this all along, and thanks to Microsoft's new ad campaign, now everybody knows it. If your expectations and self-esteem are low enough, perhaps you too can be a PC.
A decade ago, the world danced to Microsoft's wonky, arhythmic tune. These days it's almost as if the company's business model is built around becoming Apple Computer- only from two or three years earlier.
A company I work for has started to offer next-gen video hosting services (w/ one-to-one tracking, etc.) to customers who heretofore thought they simply could not have due to the intransigence of their own IT departments. So far, it's been interesting to hear the stories of the people who feel trapped by the people they hired to make this sort of thing possible.
Here's a link to a tongue-in-cheek tutorial about how to make PA/CAD-like web comics with a minimum of effort or talent. Apparently, all you need are rules like "don't draw anything" and "don't write jokes"
I can imagine ordering one of those phones and you get it home and the thing doesn't work. You open it up to find it filled tainted cat food, the black paint has rubbed off on your hands. You might want to wash those before you eat.
For one thing, he feels that the Web is ruining "good music," though he was later forced to admit that he hadn't made any himself since 1974. Moreover, he worries that the Internet is preventing people from going out and interacting socially. People should walk away from their computers, he advised, and "go out to a cafe" because, as we all know, coffee shops like Starbucks have been suffering mightily since the rising popularity of the Internet forced its customers to stay home.
Worst of all, the Internet makes it easier for people to make their own music. Not only does this DIY material fail to measure up to Elton's high song-smithing standards, it tends to sell better as well, which is all the more galling.
The piece is clearly satire. There are notices to that effect all over the site, but all the same it's become sadly prophetic:
In what can only be described as a massive fraud, the American news media is trying to convince viewers and readers that the villain behind the VT massacre was 23-year-old student Cho Seung-Hui just because he was the one who happened to be holding the gun that happened to pump hundreds of rounds of ammunition into his unwitting classmates. Meanwhile, the real killer remains on the loose. Although our sources don't yet have definitive proof, we are now reasonably sure that Seung-Hui played violent videogames such as Counterstrike and Gears of War. Even more chilling, our experts tell us that unless something is done very soon, videogames will almost certainly kill again.
The best part is reading the comments below from people who think it's utterly serious.
PARIS, FRANCE-A panel of scientists from around the world issued the strongest research findings to date regarding the issue of global warming on Friday, effectively ending the long-running debate once and for all. The mountain of collected evidence, everything from ancient ice core samples to melting glaciers in Europe and Asia, appears to show conclusively the planet really is heating up at an alarming rate and that "human activity" appears to be the cause of it all.
The next step, of course, is to inform political leaders so that a solution can be found. Therein lies the problem, unfortunately. President Bush, who has in the past shown an unwillingness to accept unpleasant information, is a staunch disbeliever in Global Warming. Still, without his buy-in the world could very easily turn into the backdrop of a Kevin Costner epic within a few generations. Nervous scientists gathered in the Oval Office that afternoon to gently break the news that Santa Claus is not real after all, but Global Warming is.
Eyewitnesses report that the Commander in Chief ran screaming from the room and was not seen for several hours.
Cabinet members finally managed to convince Bush to unlock his bedroom door after suggesting that the Santa Claus intelligence might be less than certain. However, they insisted, the Global Warming bit really is true. The world is getting hotter and carbon emissions are responsible.
"La la la la," said President Bush, cupping his hands over his ears. "I can't hear you! Lalalalala."
The scientists explained that this was an intervention, and although the President didn't think he had a problem with carbon emissions and often claimed that he could give them up whenever he wanted, they assured him that it was a problem. He wasn't just hurting himself, they said. Everyone around him felt the pain of his problem as well. Climatologists calmly explained that the President must let go of everything the oil industry had told him and sign on to the Kyoto treaty or propose a new and feasible method for bringing the world's largest economy into carbon neutrality before it's too late.
"If these scientists are so bright," asked Bush, "why did they schedule their conference during the coldest time of the year? It's kinda hard to convince people that the world is heating up when it's freezing outside."
While his learned guests considered his point, Bush then ran out onto the putting green next to the White House rose garden and plopped his head into the sand trap. After a few minutes, Bush came to realize that the scientists would not leave until some progress on the issue had been made, so he decided to return.
"Gah," sighed Bush. "First it was all that junk about Jesus evolving from a monkey and now this. I'm starting to think this science stuff just isn't worth it."
Researchers attempted to explain that science and technology have allowed mankind to live longer, more fruitful lives over the centuries, but it wasn't until they told him that science also makes fighter planes and bombs that he finally came around to the idea. In the end, Bush agreed to seriously address the issue of Global Warming- as long as former Vice President Al Gore agreed not to say "I told you so" or any combination of the words "inconvenient" or "truth."
Beginning next week, Bush will initiate his aptly named War on Carbon, a comprehensive plan to reduce greenhouse gasses not by halting America's economy or forcing energy conservation but by bombing the snot out of developing nations throughout the world thereby dropping overall carbon levels and allowing SUV usage in the U.S. to double.
"I must admit, it's a brilliant plan," said Bush with a wide Cheshire grin. "And I couldn't have done it without my science pals."
REDMOND, WASHINGTON- With the launch of their newest solitaire engine, Vista, Microsoft hopes to bring the art of single player card games to a whole new level. Gone is the flat green background, replaced by a seductive green-to-dark-green gradient. The "play" and "quit" buttons are pleasantly shiny like beads of glass, softly inviting you to click them. Even the diamonds, hearts, spades, and clubs all have a sexy updated look. After poking around Vista for a few hours, it's difficult to imagine stacking sequential cards of alternating suits with anything less.
Even harder to believe is the steady stream of bad reviews for Vista. After five years of waiting, it would be understandable if some members of the press felt that Vista should represent a bigger jump from its predecessor than it does. For instance, they point to Microsoft's original promise that all versions of Vista would feature a common 64-bit architecture- but that makes no sense at all since the game only has 52 cards. It seems fairly clear that anyone talking trash about Vista just hasn't played it.
Slashdot Mirror
I can't be the only one who thought of Minecraft while reading that.
The Pro-Piracy PSA should be an exact copy of the Anti-Piracy PSA but the voice over should be read with a barely perceptible hint of sarcasm.
Sounds amazing. Still, I bet there will be a fine for sending your data packets through the downtown area during peak hours.
I'm starting to see a few user advantages to this approach- more or less. Theoretically, everything would be on-demand. So, every application would be instantly updatable, and trying new apps could be simpler, too. But it comes attached to a devil's bargain.
On the positive side, it would give developers a much better way to control their content and derive revenue from it. On the negative side, however, it would give developers a much better way to control their content and derive revenue from it. Since most of us are both, we probably experience some degree of ambivalence here.
Now maybe he can spend some time with his kids. The scene in the documentary with him playing DK while his kids were asking for his help really depressed me. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, I just hope he uses this as an impetus to start being a dad.
Now if we could only get a headline like "brains boost sex growth" then we'd be in business. Somehow if that were the case, I think high school would have been a very different experience for most of us.
What is this world coming to? I remember a time when all the words in a TV show's title were spelled with legitimate, God-fearing letters. I blame the Internet with its overtly sexual use of the @ symbol, which my grandson tells me has something to do with sodomy. My word! Millions of email addresses, all of them carrying a subliminal advertisement for taboo intercourse!
I find it weirdly ironic that some of the same people who have been drcrying Flash as the scourge of the Internet for a decade are now rushing to its defense, perhaps because Apple happens to be a bigger company and we all love a good David v. Goliath rumble. Regardless of the reason, a great number of us (even Flash developers) want to move on to something newer, better, and more standardized. That was true before the iPhone's release and it remains true to this day.
The underlying problem is that we are engaged in a panic economy. As fickle consumers of media, we have a taste for the loudest and the shrillest of voices, and even when we vehemently disagree or even mock them, we lavish hem with our attention. And in the age of 24-hour cable news and the Internet, attention is money. So, we essentially pay people to wave their hands in the air and yell "boo!" at the screen. It seems silly that so many of us are honestly surprised that people are scared.
The bill is going to be streamlined and fixed over the next few years in smaller bills. But who cares about that? It's so much easier to reject the whole thing out of hand over deliberate lies (death panels) or language that isn't actually in the bill (coverage for illegal aliens). Best of all, rejection gives you the freedom to sit back and complain without accepting any civic responsibility.
This thing is a long, dull process that's going to require that people stand up and state their case, over and over again, until this thing is right. So, at a time like this you have to ask yourself something. Are you the stand-and-fight sort of person or a rejectionist?
Personally, I'm spoiling for a fight.
I get the impression that the Windows 7 launch is a lot like seeing an old girlfriend suddenly show up on your doorstep wanting to get back together. She's had some work done, apparently: stomach stapling to take off some of the weight, breast augmentation, and a radical nosejob to make her look as much like your current girlfriend as medical science will allow.
She's pretty, of course, almost too pretty. She still wears far too much makeup and carries that desperate look in her eyes. The fragrant haze around her is the perfume she overuses to mask the scent of failure.
But standing there in that low-cut top, you'd almost forget for a moment what a psycho she was- how she used to shut down in the middle of a date and forget everything you were talking about and how she was only happy when you were buying her things. You'd almost forget about carrying around her legacy baggage or those nights when, for seemingly no reason at all, she would simply stop speaking to you and when you asked what was wrong she'd just spit a string of hex code at you and expect you to figure it out.
You complained about her for years before finally deciding to get rid of her, and here she is again. Though, somehow she seems like a completely different person now.
"I'm up here," she says when she catches you staring at her chest.
Tempted though you may be, you know that over time she'll get bored and slow down on you just like she always does. And then you'll be right back where you started: trapped. She keeps you by convincing you that you don't have a choice. You're just not smart enough for one option or rich enough to afford the other.
"But I'm different now," she says, batting her eyes innocently. "I've changed."
Indeed she has. Apparently, she's really into Cabala now or something like that. It's helped her discover loads of untapped potential in herself. But it also means that you'll have to buy all new furniture to fit with her understanding of feng shui. That's not the only change she has in store for you. The minute you let her move in, she'll have a new alarm system put in that succeeds only in preventing your friends from coming over on poker night.
She doesn't love you, but she doesn't hate you, either. The truth is that she couldn't care less one way or the other. She's here because she doesn't want to be alone. Like all human beings, especially those well past their prime, she wants to feel wanted and, after a string of lost jobs and bad investments, she needs a place to stay.
But all in all, she's OK. She's a seven. She'll do, I guess.
After spending a month diving into the iPhone SDK and re-learning C NOW you tell me that I can make iPhone apps with Flash?
Will iPhone apps built in Flash still feature Flash's terrible bitmap scaling and rotation? Will it still allow for sloppy (and dangerous) typing and memory operations? Probably not, I suppose. Still, I can't see myself developing in Flash (or .net for that matter) just because it's more familiar. Tools for jobs. If I want to make a game for the web, I'll use Flash. If I want to make an iPhone app, I'll use X-Code thanks very much.
Did it seem like (after years of hype) Cameron made a simultaneous remake of Ferngully and Starship toopers? I still have hope that the movie will be better than the trailer, but you never know.
Here's an annotated version of the trailer to illustrate the point:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRTrWsKPKh8
Special upgrade package just for disgruntled Vista Users
Windows 7: Fool Me Twice Edition(tm)
Duke's tombstone
Microsoft's new advertising push is focused on something they call the "Apple Tax," the notion that the relative cost differential between PC's and Macintosh computers amounts to an unfair surcharge for their products.
Apparently, the company's marketing wizards have surmised that after a quarter century of personal computing, no one has ever bothered to look from one price tag to another to notice that Macs cost more. And who can blame them? Consumers are busy people. Microsoft knows that, which is why they hired actors to do the comparison shopping for them.
For example, someone could buy a Vista-powered laptop for $1200 that would operate at full speed for about ten months before clogging up with registry errors, worms, and a tangled mesh of incompatible third party software and drivers. On the other hand, that same person could pay up to $200 MORE for a laptop that, according to customer feedback, works trouble-free for several years.
As you can see, the numbers just don't add up in Apple's favor- especially if you completely ignore issues like stability and reliability, which Microsoft has for decades.
What Apple doesn't want people to know is that Microsoft's Vista is a fantastic operating system for people who don't know much about computers and don't plan on using them very much.
In some sense, it comes down to temperament.
Mac users, it seems, just aren't cut out for the PC life. They're type-A personalities who push the power button and expect things to happen. For whatever reason, these special snowflakes seem to think that they feel they deserve a working computer just because they paid for it. They run several memory-intensive apps at the same time and when something does go wrong, it's such a rare occurrence that the spoiled brats actually have the temerity to get upset about it.
On those occasions, they flood Apple with complaints and demands that the company improve their products- as if they're special or something. Imagine how expensive PCs would be if Microsoft had to constantly tweak their products for better security and usability. Ridiculous, I know. That's why PC customers are lucky that Microsoft made the decision long ago to forego these areas and pass the savings onto users who would then, in turn, pass that money onto anti-virus companies.
A PC, on the other hand, teaches you how to take life as it comes, to roll with the never-ending series of punches that life, and this sparking metal and plastic brick in your den, have thrown your way. There's something very Zen about the PC user experience. When you encounter a catastrophic crash and lose your family photos, you blame yourself for not backing up regularly enough. When you re-install the OS for the third time in a year you completely understand when tech support informs you that you need to buy a whole new license or a new computer. You learn acceptance.
Buying a dogmeat-cheap PC is penny wise. You've suspected this all along, and thanks to Microsoft's new ad campaign, now everybody knows it. If your expectations and self-esteem are low enough, perhaps you too can be a PC.
A decade ago, the world danced to Microsoft's wonky, arhythmic tune. These days it's almost as if the company's business model is built around becoming Apple Computer- only from two or three years earlier.
Here's a more detailed account:
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?id=2263
I had the bush shoe-throwing game up the same day it happened:
http://ridiculopathy.com/crappy_flash_games.php?gamename=bushoes
The response basically broke my crappy comments system.
The Sarah Palin thing was earlier with awful production values and no taste or tact at all.
http://ridiculopathy.com/crappy_flash_games.php?gamename=sarah
Comcast: Because F*** You, That's Why
A company I work for has started to offer next-gen video hosting services (w/ one-to-one tracking, etc.) to customers who heretofore thought they simply could not have due to the intransigence of their own IT departments. So far, it's been interesting to hear the stories of the people who feel trapped by the people they hired to make this sort of thing possible.
Here's a link to a tongue-in-cheek tutorial about how to make PA/CAD-like web comics with a minimum of effort or talent. Apparently, all you need are rules like "don't draw anything" and "don't write jokes"
9 13
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?id=1
There's even a sample image generated using these rules.
I can imagine ordering one of those phones and you get it home and the thing doesn't work. You open it up to find it filled tainted cat food, the black paint has rubbed off on your hands. You might want to wash those before you eat.
from:
Internet to Shut Down Following Elton John Complaint
For one thing, he feels that the Web is ruining "good music," though he was later forced to admit that he hadn't made any himself since 1974. Moreover, he worries that the Internet is preventing people from going out and interacting socially. People should walk away from their computers, he advised, and "go out to a cafe" because, as we all know, coffee shops like Starbucks have been suffering mightily since the rising popularity of the Internet forced its customers to stay home.
Worst of all, the Internet makes it easier for people to make their own music. Not only does this DIY material fail to measure up to Elton's high song-smithing standards, it tends to sell better as well, which is all the more galling.
The piece is clearly satire. There are notices to that effect all over the site, but all the same it's become sadly prophetic:
The best part is reading the comments below from people who think it's utterly serious.
The next step, of course, is to inform political leaders so that a solution can be found. Therein lies the problem, unfortunately. President Bush, who has in the past shown an unwillingness to accept unpleasant information, is a staunch disbeliever in Global Warming. Still, without his buy-in the world could very easily turn into the backdrop of a Kevin Costner epic within a few generations. Nervous scientists gathered in the Oval Office that afternoon to gently break the news that Santa Claus is not real after all, but Global Warming is.
Eyewitnesses report that the Commander in Chief ran screaming from the room and was not seen for several hours.
Cabinet members finally managed to convince Bush to unlock his bedroom door after suggesting that the Santa Claus intelligence might be less than certain. However, they insisted, the Global Warming bit really is true. The world is getting hotter and carbon emissions are responsible.
"La la la la," said President Bush, cupping his hands over his ears. "I can't hear you! Lalalalala."
The scientists explained that this was an intervention, and although the President didn't think he had a problem with carbon emissions and often claimed that he could give them up whenever he wanted, they assured him that it was a problem. He wasn't just hurting himself, they said. Everyone around him felt the pain of his problem as well. Climatologists calmly explained that the President must let go of everything the oil industry had told him and sign on to the Kyoto treaty or propose a new and feasible method for bringing the world's largest economy into carbon neutrality before it's too late.
"If these scientists are so bright," asked Bush, "why did they schedule their conference during the coldest time of the year? It's kinda hard to convince people that the world is heating up when it's freezing outside."
While his learned guests considered his point, Bush then ran out onto the putting green next to the White House rose garden and plopped his head into the sand trap. After a few minutes, Bush came to realize that the scientists would not leave until some progress on the issue had been made, so he decided to return.
"Gah," sighed Bush. "First it was all that junk about Jesus evolving from a monkey and now this. I'm starting to think this science stuff just isn't worth it."
Researchers attempted to explain that science and technology have allowed mankind to live longer, more fruitful lives over the centuries, but it wasn't until they told him that science also makes fighter planes and bombs that he finally came around to the idea. In the end, Bush agreed to seriously address the issue of Global Warming- as long as former Vice President Al Gore agreed not to say "I told you so" or any combination of the words "inconvenient" or "truth."
Beginning next week, Bush will initiate his aptly named War on Carbon, a comprehensive plan to reduce greenhouse gasses not by halting America's economy or forcing energy conservation but by bombing the snot out of developing nations throughout the world thereby dropping overall carbon levels and allowing SUV usage in the U.S. to double.
"I must admit, it's a brilliant plan," said Bush with a wide Cheshire grin. "And I couldn't have done it without my science pals."