Do we have a good handle yet on exactly how many cubic acres of oil are being spilled per week?
No, but I believe it is several Volkswagens per minute, or about two football fields per hour. Those numbers are approximate, as until someone gives the exact figures in hogsheads, we can only guess.
Keeping the following rules in mind will help you to go far:
Don't pick your nose during meetings. And if you must, never eat what you got from inside your nose.
Don't expose yourself to your boss, even if she is an attractive woman. The only people who enjoy seeing your wrinkled nuts are the HR folk.
If you must make a photocopy of your naked ass, don't sign or in any way label the resulting printout.
Don't clean under your greasy fingernails with a bent paperclip.
If you must fart during a meeting, do so quietly and then glare in an accusing manner at the person nearest you.
It's okay to cry, just never on company time.
When you print out porn and then take it to the men's room to beat off, be sure to arrive at the printer well before your job comes out.
If a porn print job fails to appear for any reason, be sure to damage the printer severely enough that its repair will erase your missing print job.
Avoid grunting loudly or tapping your feet while you take a dump. It can be misunderstood to be a solicitation of gay sexual acts, and HR hates those.
Always address the HR person as "Your Majesty" or "Your Highness". They'll think highly of you, and your job will become more secure.
Always agree with your boss, no matter what he says. The only correct response is "yes sir, right away sir."
It's a good idea to install some kind of malware or spyware on your computer every month. The help desk guys get bored without the occasional challenge.
Keep private phone calls to a minimum, but remember that it is OK to stand up in the middle of the cube farm while discussing your genital warts or pubic lice with your mother. Everyone gets those from time to time, they'll understand.
If a recruiter or head hunter calls you at work, the politically correct thing to do is to yell loudly "DON'T EVER CALL ME HERE AGAIN! I LOVE WORKING HERE, AND WOULD NEVER CONSIDER LEAVING, YOU DAMN ROTTEN SCOUNDREL!" This works best if HR is within earshot.
Keep your red stapler in your desk drawer. Nobody likes a wiseass.
It's okay to burn the office building down, but you should never burn down more than two buildings in your career, so choose your targets carefully.
Never leave copies of your resume laying around. The same goes for all those sticky notes that you took during your last phone interview.
It's okay to unzip and let your junk hang out to get a little fresh air provided you're sitting face-in at your desk.
You know, we too get the occasional user who manages to get a trojan or a worm on their computer at work. When we get the request ticket in, first thing we do is remotely check their Browser history and cache. Generally it boils down to a Russian or Korean website that was visitted. In some cases, it gets referred to by a rollover ad on a legitamit web page, so we don't punish them, but there are other times when you see them visitting some chinese news blogs about a hundred times a week. In this even, we walk over, open a desk drawer, position their mouse hand such that their fingers are over the edge, and kick the drawer shut. Then we spend the next day or two cleaning up the blood. Yeah, it usually only takes a few hours. But the idea is to teach the rest of the users a lesson about visiting those websites, so keeping the blood splatters around for a while really helps.
It appears to be working.
The only other situation of security we've really come across was some guy in another department who clearly knew a bit about computers. He managed to tunnel into his own VPN to get past our firewall to run bittorrent and download movies, which he burned onto disc and was selling them apparently. When the IT manager, (My Boss) found out he went into quite a fit, launched a full IT investigation of the whole building, and in the end, so many people in that department were found to be visiting sites they shouldn't be, that half the department was taken out back and shot. Just an hour ago, when I walked out back on a smoke break, I could still smell the burned cordite and human excrement.
I think it was a little overboard, but I guess the message was very clearly sent and recieved, that building has had no problems ever since. A lot of people have had to learn to use their mouse with their left hand, but other than that minor inconvenience, I'd say our security policies are working very well.
What bothers me is knowing that my almost empty Facebook page will probably be "used against me" in a future IT job.
What do you mean? Used against you how? I would think the risk your FB page poses you in terms of getting a job increases as you put more information in it.
Isn't the whole point of CS to get really good at copypasta? I mean, that is what you'll be doing 90% of the time after you graduate and get a junior programming job.
It is unfortunate that something wasn't done earlier about Saddam Hussein, as it could have prevented War World I. And after he flew planes into the towers, World War II was the logical consequence. It's a good thing Churchill and Bush were such good friends, fighting against the Nazis led by Bin Laden.
Yeah, or at least made her shave before taking that picture. You'd need a machete and a week's worth of rations before setting off to visit that vulva!
At my school, we beat up the kids who said shit like "soh cah toa". Not that hard, and they always seemed to have a decent amount of lunch money on 'em. Good times, good times.
Obama Motors is just slandering Toyota to sell more cars. Recalls happen all the time.
Oh, how soon we forget. Bush approved the bailout of GM during his last few months in office; Obama inhereted the mess. Now, I'm no fan of Obama, but please, let's get the facts straight.
Slashdot Mirror
In Australian law? The one with the biggest tits.
And this is why I live in Australia. I love it here!
Do we have a good handle yet on exactly how many cubic acres of oil are being spilled per week?
No, but I believe it is several Volkswagens per minute, or about two football fields per hour. Those numbers are approximate, as until someone gives the exact figures in hogsheads, we can only guess.
No shit. I have tar balls wash up on my servers all the time. There's a whole pile of 'em in my home directory. It's a real mess, I tell ya!
Debt is good. It allows the few to control the many.
Old people are terrorists.
Hey! No feeding the wild animals! It only encourages them to become more aggressive!
People being forced to choose between becoming criminals and starving is a failure of the social system, not the legal system.
http://www.amazon.com/Miserables-Everymans-Library-Victor-Hugo/dp/0375403175
Grownups aren't paid for their time; they're paid for their results. I'm sorry to hear that you still work at McDonald's.
sudo mod parent up
Republican: "My opponent's ten-cent Titanium tax goes too far!"
Democrat: "My opponent's ten-cent Titanium tax does not go far enough!"
You know, we too get the occasional user who manages to get a trojan or a worm on their computer at work. When we get the request ticket in, first thing we do is remotely check their Browser history and cache. Generally it boils down to a Russian or Korean website that was visitted. In some cases, it gets referred to by a rollover ad on a legitamit web page, so we don't punish them, but there are other times when you see them visitting some chinese news blogs about a hundred times a week. In this even, we walk over, open a desk drawer, position their mouse hand such that their fingers are over the edge, and kick the drawer shut. Then we spend the next day or two cleaning up the blood. Yeah, it usually only takes a few hours. But the idea is to teach the rest of the users a lesson about visiting those websites, so keeping the blood splatters around for a while really helps.
It appears to be working.
The only other situation of security we've really come across was some guy in another department who clearly knew a bit about computers. He managed to tunnel into his own VPN to get past our firewall to run bittorrent and download movies, which he burned onto disc and was selling them apparently. When the IT manager, (My Boss) found out he went into quite a fit, launched a full IT investigation of the whole building, and in the end, so many people in that department were found to be visiting sites they shouldn't be, that half the department was taken out back and shot. Just an hour ago, when I walked out back on a smoke break, I could still smell the burned cordite and human excrement.
I think it was a little overboard, but I guess the message was very clearly sent and recieved, that building has had no problems ever since. A lot of people have had to learn to use their mouse with their left hand, but other than that minor inconvenience, I'd say our security policies are working very well.
What bothers me is knowing that my almost empty Facebook page will probably be "used against me" in a future IT job.
What do you mean? Used against you how? I would think the risk your FB page poses you in terms of getting a job increases as you put more information in it.
There ya go. Ruby is so easy!
Isn't the whole point of CS to get really good at copypasta? I mean, that is what you'll be doing 90% of the time after you graduate and get a junior programming job.
hardware_actuate_mandible_updown();
You made me spray V8 all over my keyboard, you brilliant bastard!
It is unfortunate that something wasn't done earlier about Saddam Hussein, as it could have prevented War World I. And after he flew planes into the towers, World War II was the logical consequence. It's a good thing Churchill and Bush were such good friends, fighting against the Nazis led by Bin Laden.
Thank you, Captain Obvious!
That's to cover the sound of my screwing her, in the back room. Your wife is really quite good in bed!
Yeah, or at least made her shave before taking that picture. You'd need a machete and a week's worth of rations before setting off to visit that vulva!
At my school, we beat up the kids who said shit like "soh cah toa". Not that hard, and they always seemed to have a decent amount of lunch money on 'em. Good times, good times.
My car's ECU reports the TPS values, and I don't think it even has electronic throttle control.
There's your problem right there. Is your car using the new TPS cover sheets for those values?
Obama Motors is just slandering Toyota to sell more cars. Recalls happen all the time.
Oh, how soon we forget. Bush approved the bailout of GM during his last few months in office; Obama inhereted the mess. Now, I'm no fan of Obama, but please, let's get the facts straight.
Jesus, that's worse than Perl! Go get a life, fuckwit!
stfu troll.