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User: Carp+Flounderson

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Comments · 317

  1. Re:I want cheese. on Reason Magazine on DRM · · Score: -1

    God damn, if this isn't a great fucking sandwich, I'll be a son of a bitch. Anyone else have a Quizno's sandwich shop nearby? We just got one here in San Jose and I wonder where these assholes have been all my life. Mmmmmmm.

  2. Re:This may or may not be on Linux Powers Digital Muppets · · Score: -1

    Grover was really bored, one day. Big Bird was collecting cans for the poor, and Oscar the Grouch was in one of his pissed-off moods again. So he decided to go over to Maria's house. "Hi, Maria!" Grover exclaimed as he entered. The sight he saw was one he would not soon forget.. Maria lay on the couch, wearing nothing but a pair of high-heeled shoes. She had one of her fingers deep inside her wet pussy, the digit probing and caressing her inner membranes. She looked up and saw Grover, and was startled; she had not expected any company. But a lewd grin soon replaced her initial look of apprehension; she invited Grover to join her on the couch. Now Grover, you see, was a virgin. He didn't ever admit it to any of the other Sesame Street gang, but he had never even felt a girl's tits. So you can imagine the wave of pleasure that swept over him.

    Without a word, Grover approached Maria, and crawled on top of her. Since muppets don't wear clothes, he didn't have to undress. He reached between his legs, and from the jungle of blue fur extracted a huge blue cock, hairy from end to end. It was already fully erect, and fit to burst. With one deft move, Maria parted her pussy lips, already wet from masturbation, and Grover soon filled her void with his heaving azure member. He pumped up and down on Maria, the sensuous movement bringing his excitement to a fever pitch. The puppeteers had their hands full that day! Maria was experiencing a whole new world of pleasure, herself; she had never fucked a muppet before, and it proved to be an incredible experience. Grover soon exploded inside her, his warm fuzzy dick going off like a cannon deep within Maria. She screamed, as she was climaxing at the same time. She grabbed a hold of Grover's blue shoulders, and almost wept on his shoulder, so powerful was the experience. But Grover wasn't done yet. His furry member had gone soft, and he wanted it hard again.

    So he leaned over, and took one of Maria's pert breasts in his mouth. His plush tongue caressed and fondled the nipple, and Maria moaned at the pleasure of it. The nipple was very hard, and Grover was having a delightful time, tasting bare tit for the first time. Soon Maria decided it was her turn to have a little "taste" of the action. She shoved Grover off her tit, and bent down. With both hands she grasped his monstrous cock, and began to stroke it, slowly at first, then with greater and greater intensity. Grover (actually Frank Oz) moaned and cried at the incredible feeling. The member was soon hard as a rock, and Maria lifted it to her eager lips. She devoured his cock with great appetite, sliding her mouth up and down the plush boner, and with her hands she stroked his blue balls. Grover, by this time, was about ready to come, and he cried out; simultaneously, great bursts of white cum exploded from his member into Maria's mouth, and she eagerly swallowed the divine nectar of his loins. She was pleasantly surprised to find it tasted like marshmallows.

    Grover knew he must have more. He turned Maria around, so she was on all fours; he licked and sucked her ass and pussy, burying his big furry head between her creamy thighs. Soon, he was erect again; and without another word, he proceeded to drive his massive rod into her ass, again and again. He was like an animal. Maria cried out in a mixture of pain and ecstasy: "Oh, Grover, Yes, Grover!" Grover knew, as he came one more time, that learning letters and numbers just wasn't going to cut it anymore.

    At about this time, Bert and Ernie stopped by Maria's. They were going to go miniature golfing. But when they saw the vicious fucking on the couch, they knew that they were staying right there. They quickly stripped, and Bert fucked Ernie's ass so hard that Ernie screamed. Bert bucked back and forth like a kid on a rocking horse, and held on to Ernie by Ernie's own cock.

    Of course, by this time, Grover and Maria were aware that they had company. They watched the pair butt fuck, becoming aroused themselves; then they decided that they wanted to join in. After Bert had climaxed, Maria shoved Ernie onto his back, and straddled him. She began rubbing her fuzzy mound, just to tease Ernie; he cried out for her to stop. She then took his swollen member in her hand, and guided it gently into her soaking wet pussy. She began to move up and down; she became so aroused that vaginal juices were dripping down from her pussy onto Ernie's pubic region. Before Ernie could come, she pulled herself up off him; and then, without a word of explanation, turned around, and sat down on his cock with her back facing him. She leaned forwards, as if to touch her toes, and Ernie was amazed at how deep he could penetrate her in this position. Regions of Maria never touched before by muppet dick were now being slammed again and again by the furious force of Ernie's dick. He finally came, great bursts of white hot jizzum swimming through her inner recesses like a school of fish. She moaned in ecstasy, knowing that muppets make the best lovers. All this time, don't think for a minute that Grover and Bert were idle.

    Janice, from the muppet show, had stopped by; and God knows Janice never misses an opportunity for a good fuck. She had stripped within seconds, and lay down on the floor with her legs spread far apart. Bert knelt down in front of her, and shoved his massive cock into her tight hot pussy. Janice cried for Grover, and he crammed his dick into her eager mouth. Janice was having a fine time, let me tell you! She hungrily ate up Grover's dick, and deep-throated it, quite an accomplishment when you take its size into account. With one hand, she rubbed and fondled Grover's balls. With the other, she assisted Bert, spreading apart her pussy lips, and guiding him in as efficiently as possible. Soon, Bert came, in a furious thunderclap of semen; and just as she felt his burning love course through her, Grover's dick spurted in her mouth, the delicious elixer trickling down her thirsty throat.

    Before long, Maria and the muppet's energy were spent.They had had a fine time, and Grover had learned a lot about women. Grover's sexual knowledge before was minimal; Cookie Monster had once tried to explain masturbation to him, but a strange look in his eyes had frightened Grover away. The count insisted that sucking blood was only one thing you could suck, and certainly not the best thing. And when the big purple two-headed monster tried to show Grover that it actually had four heads, he ran away screaming. But now Grover knew about the intimate parts of women very well.

    Some questions remained unanswered, however; questions that he knew may never be answered.

    Why is Oscar so grouchy all the time? Does it have anything to do with Elmo?
    What sex is Big Bird, anyhow?
    How big is the snuffolafagus?
    Where is Kermit's pecker? He doesn't seem to have one at all.
    Is that really Gonzo's nose?
    Why is Miss Piggy such a bitch all the time? (refer to #4)
    Why are there so many little kids always running around?
    What do the "Pigs in Space" do for fun? Do they all share Miss Piggy?
    Are those two old guys in the balcony gay or something?
    How come there are no Native American muppets?
    What does Mr. Rogers do all day in that big house of his?
    Why watch it?
    The day had drawn to a close, and the five of them decided to get a bite to eat. They went to a local deli for some peanut butter sandwiches. On the way there, the five discussed their feelings and concerns, and how the next time could be more satisfactory for all involved. After their meal, they all joined in a rousing chorus of "rubber ducky." Bert suggested the number of the day be "69," and they all laughed. All around, a good time was had by all, and a feeling of fellowship drifted over Sesame Street that night.

  3. Re:Please explain.... on Hubble's Upgrade: Pretty Pictures · · Score: -1

    Grover was really bored, one day. Big Bird was collecting cans for the poor, and Oscar the Grouch was in one of his pissed-off moods again. So he decided to go over to Maria's house. "Hi, Maria!" Grover exclaimed as he entered. The sight he saw was one he would not soon forget.. Maria lay on the couch, wearing nothing but a pair of high-heeled shoes. She had one of her fingers deep inside her wet pussy, the digit probing and caressing her inner membranes. She looked up and saw Grover, and was startled; she had not expected any company. But a lewd grin soon replaced her initial look of apprehension; she invited Grover to join her on the couch. Now Grover, you see, was a virgin. He didn't ever admit it to any of the other Sesame Street gang, but he had never even felt a girl's tits. So you can imagine the wave of pleasure that swept over him.

    Without a word, Grover approached Maria, and crawled on top of her. Since muppets don't wear clothes, he didn't have to undress. He reached between his legs, and from the jungle of blue fur extracted a huge blue cock, hairy from end to end. It was already fully erect, and fit to burst. With one deft move, Maria parted her pussy lips, already wet from masturbation, and Grover soon filled her void with his heaving azure member. He pumped up and down on Maria, the sensuous movement bringing his excitement to a fever pitch. The puppeteers had their hands full that day! Maria was experiencing a whole new world of pleasure, herself; she had never fucked a muppet before, and it proved to be an incredible experience. Grover soon exploded inside her, his warm fuzzy dick going off like a cannon deep within Maria. She screamed, as she was climaxing at the same time. She grabbed a hold of Grover's blue shoulders, and almost wept on his shoulder, so powerful was the experience. But Grover wasn't done yet. His furry member had gone soft, and he wanted it hard again.

    So he leaned over, and took one of Maria's pert breasts in his mouth. His plush tongue caressed and fondled the nipple, and Maria moaned at the pleasure of it. The nipple was very hard, and Grover was having a delightful time, tasting bare tit for the first time. Soon Maria decided it was her turn to have a little "taste" of the action. She shoved Grover off her tit, and bent down. With both hands she grasped his monstrous cock, and began to stroke it, slowly at first, then with greater and greater intensity. Grover (actually Frank Oz) moaned and cried at the incredible feeling. The member was soon hard as a rock, and Maria lifted it to her eager lips. She devoured his cock with great appetite, sliding her mouth up and down the plush boner, and with her hands she stroked his blue balls. Grover, by this time, was about ready to come, and he cried out; simultaneously, great bursts of white cum exploded from his member into Maria's mouth, and she eagerly swallowed the divine nectar of his loins. She was pleasantly surprised to find it tasted like marshmallows.

    Grover knew he must have more. He turned Maria around, so she was on all fours; he licked and sucked her ass and pussy, burying his big furry head between her creamy thighs. Soon, he was erect again; and without another word, he proceeded to drive his massive rod into her ass, again and again. He was like an animal. Maria cried out in a mixture of pain and ecstasy: "Oh, Grover, Yes, Grover!" Grover knew, as he came one more time, that learning letters and numbers just wasn't going to cut it anymore.

    At about this time, Bert and Ernie stopped by Maria's. They were going to go miniature golfing. But when they saw the vicious fucking on the couch, they knew that they were staying right there. They quickly stripped, and Bert fucked Ernie's ass so hard that Ernie screamed. Bert bucked back and forth like a kid on a rocking horse, and held on to Ernie by Ernie's own cock.

    Of course, by this time, Grover and Maria were aware that they had company. They watched the pair butt fuck, becoming aroused themselves; then they decided that they wanted to join in. After Bert had climaxed, Maria shoved Ernie onto his back, and straddled him. She began rubbing her fuzzy mound, just to tease Ernie; he cried out for her to stop. She then took his swollen member in her hand, and guided it gently into her soaking wet pussy. She began to move up and down; she became so aroused that vaginal juices were dripping down from her pussy onto Ernie's pubic region. Before Ernie could come, she pulled herself up off him; and then, without a word of explanation, turned around, and sat down on his cock with her back facing him. She leaned forwards, as if to touch her toes, and Ernie was amazed at how deep he could penetrate her in this position. Regions of Maria never touched before by muppet dick were now being slammed again and again by the furious force of Ernie's dick. He finally came, great bursts of white hot jizzum swimming through her inner recesses like a school of fish. She moaned in ecstasy, knowing that muppets make the best lovers. All this time, don't think for a minute that Grover and Bert were idle.

    Janice, from the muppet show, had stopped by; and God knows Janice never misses an opportunity for a good fuck. She had stripped within seconds, and lay down on the floor with her legs spread far apart. Bert knelt down in front of her, and shoved his massive cock into her tight hot pussy. Janice cried for Grover, and he crammed his dick into her eager mouth. Janice was having a fine time, let me tell you! She hungrily ate up Grover's dick, and deep-throated it, quite an accomplishment when you take its size into account. With one hand, she rubbed and fondled Grover's balls. With the other, she assisted Bert, spreading apart her pussy lips, and guiding him in as efficiently as possible. Soon, Bert came, in a furious thunderclap of semen; and just as she felt his burning love course through her, Grover's dick spurted in her mouth, the delicious elixer trickling down her thirsty throat.

    Before long, Maria and the muppet's energy were spent.They had had a fine time, and Grover had learned a lot about women. Grover's sexual knowledge before was minimal; Cookie Monster had once tried to explain masturbation to him, but a strange look in his eyes had frightened Grover away. The count insisted that sucking blood was only one thing you could suck, and certainly not the best thing. And when the big purple two-headed monster tried to show Grover that it actually had four heads, he ran away screaming. But now Grover knew about the intimate parts of women very well.

    Some questions remained unanswered, however; questions that he knew may never be answered.

    Why is Oscar so grouchy all the time? Does it have anything to do with Elmo?
    What sex is Big Bird, anyhow?
    How big is the snuffolafagus?
    Where is Kermit's pecker? He doesn't seem to have one at all.
    Is that really Gonzo's nose?
    Why is Miss Piggy such a bitch all the time? (refer to #4)
    Why are there so many little kids always running around?
    What do the "Pigs in Space" do for fun? Do they all share Miss Piggy?
    Are those two old guys in the balcony gay or something?
    How come there are no Native American muppets?
    What does Mr. Rogers do all day in that big house of his?
    Why watch it?
    The day had drawn to a close, and the five of them decided to get a bite to eat. They went to a local deli for some peanut butter sandwiches. On the way there, the five discussed their feelings and concerns, and how the next time could be more satisfactory for all involved. After their meal, they all joined in a rousing chorus of "rubber ducky." Bert suggested the number of the day be "69," and they all laughed. All around, a good time was had by all, and a feeling of fellowship drifted over Sesame Street that night.

  4. Re:Before the posts get out of hand... on Jordan Hubbard Resigns from FreeBSD Core · · Score: -1

    Haha.. you make no fucking sense. You think I got hooked cause I replied to something with crap? HAHAHAHA I'll post crap all day and go home and sodomize your mom, your sister, and your cat all night and not give a shit. Trolling? I don't think so.

  5. Re:Before the posts get out of hand... on Jordan Hubbard Resigns from FreeBSD Core · · Score: -1
    The correct answers are:

    1: The team leftover after everyone else gets layed off. They are in charge of closing down the shop.

    2: Ever since they announced BSD is dying.

    3: On the core team.

    4: Trick question... after the core team closes up the business, all core team members will be layed off and not be replaced because BSD will have died at this point.

    5: About half... meaning BSD is HALF dead. They expect the rest of the shop to close up in a few weeks.

  6. Re:To take his rightful place.... on Jordan Hubbard Resigns from FreeBSD Core · · Score: -1

    You guys have Scientology all wrong... its not that bad really. Check out our website for more information. Theres a good personality test on there that will show you how we can help you.

  7. Re:Crouching Tiger? on Nebula Award Winners · · Score: 0

    Also... Bill Cosby's pudding pop commercials are science fiction too since no REAL human would enjoy pudding that much.

  8. Re:Crouching Tiger? on Nebula Award Winners · · Score: 0

    I guess that would make Winne the Pooh Science Fiction as well? There IS a difference between fiction and SCIENCE fiction.

  9. Re:i hope for their sake on PCs Pilfered, Paralyzing Populace · · Score: -1
    If only criminals in America were as laid back. Heh.

    We are... in fact I'm eating your donuts and posting from your PC at work right now... just taking a break before we steal it.

  10. Re:You gotta wonder about wipout.net... on Wipout Essay Results · · Score: -1

    oh and one other thing... whats that? you say you use lynx because you managed to hack some code together to get lynx to run on your toaster? great... this is like sitting on your neighbors trailer roof naked while masturbating... still a rediculous solution to any problem.

  11. Re:You gotta wonder about wipout.net... on Wipout Essay Results · · Score: -1

    Seriously, whats wrong with you retards? Lynx? Oh yeah, I love applying the most ineffective solution to all problems... for example, I also like to knit fresh socks every morning right after I take a nice refreshing sponge bath using a q-tip. Whats that you say? Its nostalgic? Go ride your donkey into town and get yourself a computer capable of running code 20 years old. Whats that? Its faster because there's no images to download? Leaner meaner faster better? Eat a dick... here's why: Lets say you need to transportate yourself to your job as a part time sheep shaver. An effective solution would be to get into a car and drive there... this is a solution comparable to MSIE. However those lynx types would prefer to sit naked on the roof of their trailer masturbating to the latest issue of ESR's "Scat Weekly", hoping that god miracles their ass to work. Now as much fun as that sounds, don't forget the goal was to get your fat ass to work which isn't going to happen in this second scenario. Conclusion: Using lynx is NOT the same as browsing the web... using lynx is browsing through windows full of unreadable broken html.

  12. Linux doesn't hurt... on Sharing Still Doesn't Hurt · · Score: -1

    but the accompanying unlubricated anal sex sure does!

  13. Re:WTF? on DreamWorks Switches to Linux · · Score: -1

    What if he doesn't really exist? Would you be less ashamed? What if you don't really exist? Does that mean we all would cease to exist also? If not, should we be ashamed? What does it all mean Vern?

  14. Re:totally free! on Worst Buy · · Score: -1

    Damn! I just tried one of these license numbers on a new install and instead of getting the default blue desktop, I got a goatse image! Is this some new sort of copy protection from M$???

  15. Wide is good on Gates Testifies in Antitrust Suit · · Score: -1

    Widen This Page!

  16. Re:BYE-BYE SLASHDOT... on The Lone Gunmen Are Dead · · Score: -1

    Thats the least of my worries for his ass if he keeps hanging out with slashbots.

  17. props to the recipe troll on Do You Know Where Your Privacy Is? · · Score: -1

    I've been using this one for years... its easily customized and it scales easily.

    Throw this stuff in a big slow cooker for about 8 hours and stir it once in a while:

    2 lbs of lean hamburg (browned in a large skillet)
    2 16 oz cans of kidney beans
    2 8 oz cans of tomato paste
    2 16 oz cans of tomato sauce

    (amounts of the following depends on how much you like these items... I load up on garlic and peppers but skimp on the onion.)

    finely chopped garlic (try 1/2 to a full clove)
    chopped onion (maybe 1/2 an onion)
    chopped jalapenos (I like to use about 8-9)
    dump in some chili powder
    sprinkle in some ground cumin
    sprinkle in some ground red pepper

    THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO LET IT COOK IN THE SLOW COOKER ON LOW HEAT FOR AT LEAST 6 HOURS. My favorite way to eat it is top of a plate of white rice. That way, you can use varying amounts of rice to buffer the heat when needed.

    The best part of this recipe is that it smells sooo good while its simmering for all those hours... it really makes ya hungry for it by the time its done!

  18. Re:Mile High BEEF WITH BROCOLLI Club on 64kbps @ 40,000 ft. · · Score: -1

    Yo recipe troll... I've got a request. Do you know any good vegetarian dishes?

  19. Re:Sniff Sniff Memories.... on The Past and Future of the Hard Drive · · Score: -1

    I once saw a tandy with a read only hard drive. This is one of the funniest ways to reduce tech support... I can't wait till Dell re-discovers this cost saver!

  20. Re:Sniff Sniff Memories.... on The Past and Future of the Hard Drive · · Score: -1
    SNIFF SNIFF???

    You damn perverts make me sick!

  21. Re:f1rst p0st! on The Past and Future of the Hard Drive · · Score: -1

    join in for the penii intifada.

  22. Patent granted on page widening! on Patent Granted on Sideways Swinging · · Score: -1

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  23. Women's Panties, Sniffed by Strangers on Streaming RealAudio From a Commodore 64 · · Score: -1

    A new victim of my slumlord moved in a few apartments down the hall. His balcony has a wonderful view straight in the 5th floor laundry room. One night, we decided that the unique view had to offer some sort of value... soon we discovered that the value was in its potential humor.

    We decided to take a pair of his girlfriend's thong panties and leave them in this laundry room on the table where we could observe from his balcony. Next, we camped out near his balcony door with a Dreamcast and a lot of booze. The results of this experiment are shown bellow.

    That evening, 5 men and 3 women entered the laundry room. In an embarrassing display of man's weakness in the "dignity vs. horniness" department, our research shows that 4 out of 5 men will sniff an unknown stranger's thong panties.

    Next weekend we will repeat the experiment with some "un-sexy" women's underwear.

  24. Re:Bla on Trouble Ahead for Java · · Score: -1

    now thats just fuckin embarassing! Not only did you try to FP as an AC, but you also failed to noticed the wonderful topic of the story that any GOOD troll would have had a field day with. *Java is DYING.

  25. Re:Damn, this page is WIDE! on Slashback: Favoritism, Alternacy, Moo · · Score: -1

    Wide = Funny.