Interesting, seeing as how this was the first posted link to the cache. It's even more interesting that the later-arriving dupe of this post is not marked as redundant.
Slacking For Dummies aka "Slacking HOWTO" by Nastard
1.) INTRODUCTION
This document intends to provide the most accurate and up to date information on the art of slacking. For all intents and purposes, it should be considered the defacto source for slacking information, and the maintaining of ones own ability to slack.
1.1) History
This is the first distributed version of this document. Therefore there can be no history.
1.2) Comments
All comments regarding this document should be directed to nastard@nastard.com
1.3) Copyrights and Trademarks
All material henceforth contained within the boundaries, electronic or otherwise, of this document are the property of SlackersGuild.com and its respective owners. Any attempt to steal, borrow, copy, plagiarize, or otherwise rip off my work will result in the immediate legal action of our team of attack lawyers. By downloading, reading, having read, or having someone read to you the contents of this document, you agree to forfeit all of your worldly possessions, including any and all trademarks, patents, copyrights, or other intellectual property you may own. You also agree to jump up and down twelve times while patting your head and screeching like the little monkey that you are.
This document (c) 2000 SlackersGuild.com All Rights Reserved, so fuck you.
1.4) Acknowledgements
First off, I would like to thank myself for creating such a wonderful document, and being such a supportive source of inspiration to myself. Thank you, me.
I would also like to thank: batman
2.) TOOLS
2.1) Sunglasses
Never underestimate the power of hiding your eyes. The eyes are the gateway to the soul. They can give you away, or they bluff you out of a bad situation. They also close when you sleep. So, obviously, it would make sense that hiding them can be an advantage.
2.2) Shoes/Clothing
There are two primary modes of slacking: Hiding It, and Not Giving A Shit. Bearing this in mind, clothing is as important a tool to a slacker as a hammer is to a carpenter. If you are intent on hiding your slacking and progressing through the corporate ladder undetected, it is best to look damn good, to counteract the obvious slacking. Distraction is the key. If not giving a shit is more your style, then let it show. Get some comfortable shoes, wear a bathrobe to work, and just say "fuck the dress code". You may as well be comfortable during your (most likely short) stay at work.
2.3) The Joys of Nerf
Make no mistake about it, there will be others like you at your place of employment. Others who share your love of fucking off instead of working. Utilize this, for when the shit hits the fan, and it probably will, it's far better to have someone there with you to distribute the blame upon. The more employees involved, the less guilty you look.
So what do you do to pass the time with co-workers? Well, you could talk to them, but that is more likely to bore you than to help pass the time. So instead, I recommend that you bring toys. Nerf guns are the best. You can bring other things, like laser-tag sets, or water pistols, but they are noisy and wet, respectively. Check out http://www.nerf.com/ and http://www.toysrus.com/, these are the best places to get a good idea of what you want for those epic Nerf battles on slow days.
2.4) Web-Based Slacking
If you are amongst the fortunate who have internet access at work, count yourself lucky. Working in fast food or construction involves much more work, and seriously hinders your ability to slack, but it also takes away your ability to spend countless hours staring at a monitor pretending to work.
So what do you do? Well, I doubt I need to tell you how much information there is out there on the net, but you may not realize that there is an almost UNLIMITED amount of hours you can spend slacking using this tool. So, USE IT. I recommend visiting sites with lots of content so you can immerse yourself in them. This helps to pass the time.
Slackers Guild, Slashdot, and TheForce.net are my personal favorites, for there is so much to be read on each of these sites. Also, they have user comment sections, which allow for others like you to contribute to the entertainment of others. User comments are the bread and butter of sites that know how to utilize them, and are an exercise in slacking in their own right. What better way to slack off and have your site boom than to have your users post the content for you?
3.) GETTING STARTED
3.1) Why Slack?
Good question. No, wait, I take that back. It's a stupid question, and proves how new you are at this. At any rate, I will answer it.
The benefits of slacking have been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt by the scientific community time and time again. Well, not really. In fact, you will probably get your ass fired if you don't do it right. But if you DO manage to do it right, it can be the best thing that ever happened to you. Just think: No more hard labor. No more long tedious projects. No more stress. No more concerns about how much effort you put into your work. Life is beautiful when you slack. It allows you to put more time into doing the things you really love. Spending time with your loved ones without being stressed out, watching TV, reading, and even sleeping better can all be achieved through proper slacking techniques.
3.2) Microslacking
How do you get yourself into slacking mode? Well, if you are a hard working American, it may be hard for you. If you are like me, and generally hate doing anything that doesn't directly benefit you or the people you actually care about, slacking comes much easier.
If you find yourself in the first group, you may need a little practice before you jump into the slacker pool. That's okay, you just need a little practice.
Start by doing little things. Take 10 minutes per day to just sit there. Gradually increase the time period as you get used to it. Also, spend more time surfing the web. Pretty soon you will get lost in what you are doing and forget work completely.
Another good way to get practice is to spend more time on smoke breaks. Have 2 smokes instead of just 1. Or, if you don't smoke, start. The amount of money I have accumulated for being on extended smoke breaks could probably put your kids through college. Or at least feed some starving kids.
Stay up later than you should. This way, you will be tired and lethargic through your work day. But don't fall asleep at work. Not until you have mastered the art of slacking.
3.3) "I'd Rather Be..."
Every day, when you first get to work, ask yourself, "what would I rather be doing than spending time working?" When you have satisfactorily answered yourself, DO IT. Whatever it is you would rather be doing, spend your time and energy on that. I personally like to read, and I get a lot of reading done at work. In fact, the amount of literature I've gone through while on the clock would put your local library to shame.
Some people might say "I'd rather be rock climbing". Well, for a very select few, this might be a viable option. For the rest of us, its probably not a good idea. Besides, cubicles offer very little in the way of jagged rocks. Instead, read up on it. Learn about it. Make plans to do it on your time off. Even better, use your works' internet connection to order items related to your favorite outdoor activities.
4.) BETTER LIVING THROUGH SLACKING
4.1) Incorporating Slacking Into Your Personal Life
Using these slacking techniques in your day-to-day life is actually very easy. Just do what you want to do. Screw mowing the lawn, I wanna watch TV. Screw doing the dishes, I wanna watch Mallrats for the 800th time. It's just as easy as slacking at work. Just take what you don't want to do, and replace it with something you DO want to do.
4.2) Lying to Friends and Family to Avoid Favors
Have you ever been asked by a friend or family member to do something you just didn't *feel* like doing?
"I need you to take me to the airport" "Can you help me move?" "Would you mind killing my father for me?"
Why waste your time helping others, when you could spend that time indulging in self-serving activities like watching porn? Well, you don't have to. That's right, no more favors. Just follow these easy steps.
Step 1: Come up with a damn good lie. It wouldn't hurt to have a prefabricated list ahead of time. Step 2: Check your lie. Nothing will get you in more trouble than getting caught in a lie. Step 3: BELIEVE YOUR LIE. No single step is as important as this one. If *you* don't believe your lie, why should anyone else? Step 4: Follow through with your lie. Allude back to it later on, and hint at portions of the lie. Don't lay it on too thick, just enough to remove any thoughts that you may have been lying.
I certainly don't advocate lying about everything. I am obviously referring to laziness and work avoidance here, not covering up a murder or cheating on your spouse/partner/loved one. There's a line between little white lies to get out of work, and a cold blooded lie. Please lie responsibly.
4.3) Inviting Others to Slack With You
They say misery loves company. Well, so does apathy. Slacking is fun enough alone, but when you get a friend to join you, it elevates to a whole new level. Here's a few tips on choosing a slacking mate:
Beware of friends who seem to enjoy their jobs. It's fine for someone to like what they do, perhaps even admirable. But these people are most likely to try to convince you to do work. The last thing you need while slacking is a good influence.
Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT bring children into your slacking adventures. Children have the nasty habit of being honest, and that could mean your ass.
Watch your slack mate. See what they do. You will learn, fairly quickly, what lines you shouldn't cross. Slacking with friends is great, but remember, unless this person is a very trustworthy friend, they could sell your ass out at any time if you do something worse than what they have done. Be careful not to overstep that line
4.4) Slacking for Fun and Profit
Slacking is always fun, that's a given. What about profit? Is it possible to actually make extra money by doing it? Sure. There are plenty of ways to do it, all you need is to look. All Advantage pays you to surf, and if you remember, we covered earlier how important surfing is to slacking. Set up an AllAdvantage account at work, and have the checks sent to your home. If you can convince a few co-workers to sign up with you as their referrer, this can add up *very* quickly.
Another option is to start a comment-based website and collect ad revenue. I would recommend visiting www.slashdot.org for an excellent example of this.
5.) GETTING AWAY WITH IT
5.1) Looking Busy
There's no such thing as looking too busy. The busier you look, the more people will believe that you are an upstanding, hardworking employee worthy of praise. A technique I recommend is one I like to call the "Costanza". On NBC's Seinfeld, George once pointed out how busy people thought he was when he simply looked irritated. I use this one *constantly*, and let me tell you, it works. Coincidentally, I also wear a lot of black. And a black trench coat. It may seem retarded, but I will tell you, there is a noticeable difference in the way I am treated when I have my coat on, than when I don't. It really helps to make me look pissed off.
Another way to go is to look confused. If you look perplexed over some problem or another, even if you are literally just staring at a wall, others will either leave you alone, or offer to help. If they offer to help, just explain that you have it under control, and a solution is more satisfying when you reach it without assistance. This goes a LONG way towards making you look like a good worker.
5.2) Knowing When To Slack
As with many things, there is a right and wrong time to slack. If your boss is gone and you are left to fend for yourself, go all out with a Nerf gun fight. If the company's owner is standing right behind you, you probably shouldn't be looking at porn sites (or this site). Use your good judgment here.
5.3) Excuses
Touching back on the subject of lying, excuses are a huge part of slacking. If you get caught, do you want to be stuttering all over the place and looking like a jackass, or do you want to quickly explain yourself and get on with what you were doing? I can guess which way you would answer that. Have an excuse prepared ahead of time. Recite it. Know it. BELIEVE it.
The best defense is a good offense. This is also true with excuses. If you get caught or accused of slacking, come back with some accusations of your own. The accuser will immediately be put on the defense, and completely forget why they ever even bothered you. Or at least regret it. Use this one with caution, you don't want to look like a jackass.
6.) GETTING AHEAD BY DOING NOTHING
6.1) Taking Credit for Other People's Work
SlackersGuild.com (us) runs slashcode. I assure you, I did NOT write slashcode. I didn't help write slashcode. I was barely able to install slashcode. This is a great example of using someone else's work as your own.
The one thing I will say about this is DON'T BE STUPID. Please don't be an idiot and take credit for someone's hard work while they are sitting right next to you. Only morons and soap opera characters do this. There is a line between taking credit and stealing, and we certainly don't advocate stealing. Borrow, recycle, and reinvent all you like, but please do not steal.
6.2) Feigning Interest In What Others Have to Say
Three words: smile and nod.
6.3) Surviving Meetings
A true slacker knows how to look interested and important while surrounded with peers and superiors. That being said, here are a few things you can work on to survive, and even look good, in meetings:
- Ask questions. I'm not saying pay attention, I'm just saying ask questions. The best way to do this is to rephrase what the speaker just said, throwing in lots of colorful adjectives and big words.
- Bring a pad and paper. Don't let anyone see what you are writing, but keep your pen moving. It gives the appearance that you are taking notes.
- If you own a palm device (like the Handspring Visor - http://www.handspring.com/), take it into the meeting with you. Even if you are drawing pictures or sending email, it makes you look busy and cool.
6.4) Being an "Idea Man"
This is my favorite step. It's so easy to extrapolate where a suit is going when he/she is talking and jump to the conclusion before they do. If you pull it off, they will almost think that you came up with the idea, or at least get the impression that you are on the same wavelength as them, which is guaranteed to make them like you. Everyone likes their own ideas, especially corporate types. Use this.
If you have an idea, no matter how stupid, tell your boss. It makes you look interested and concerned in the direction the company is going. Brownie points abound for even the lamest of ideas. If it's a good idea, you are almost guaranteed a promotion and/or raise.
7.) OBTAINING MORE INFORMATION
For more information, visit the main page of www.slackersguild.com. We are constantly updating and adding more resources for slackers and slackers-in-training. The user comments are also a good place to look for information. Chances are, someone has an idea or point that I have missed here.
As you know, I received an email yesterday from Wiley Publishing, Inc., threatening legal action if I did not discontinue use of their trademark in the "Slacking for Dummies" document. It probably goes without saying, but the document is parody, which is protected as speech under the First Amendment. As such, I'm placed into a position of choice; I can bend over and take it from a corporation looking to litigate the little guy into complacency, or I can stand up and defend what I think is one of the best things about America.
I've done my share of complaining that free speech is being stripped away from us in increasingly larger chunks, and I've had a word or two to say about people who let that happen. Now that I find myself in a position to stand up for what I believe in, I have a moral obligation to do it.
Below is my reply to Kimberly of Wiley Publishing.
>>>
Dear Kimberly,
I've given serious thought to your request, and while, as an artist, I can appreciate your company's desire to protect it's intellectual property, I feel it is also my responsibility -- again, as an artist -- to protect my own rights. The work in question is parody, which is considered speech, and is protected by the first amendment. For a parody to be at all effective, it logically must include the name and/or image of the objects or ideas being parodied. Since I am obviously not a corporate entity, and the work in question does not exist for the purpose of generating profit, and since the law offers more protection to non-commercial speech than commercial speech, I feel that I am completely within my rights.
Under normal circumstances, I would have been glad to reach a compromise and alter the work in such a way as to keep both of our interests in mind. However, your first course of action was to imply threat of legal ramifications should I not comply, which tells me that my interests are of no concern to you. Therefore, I believe your interests to be of no concern to me.
Furthermore, your concern that people may be confused by the document on my web site is ridiculous, since, outside of the name and an image that is quite obviously satirical in nature, there is no implied connection to your company. Even the copyright information, which is itself a joke, makes no mention of Wiley Publishing, Inc. It would take a person severely lacking in intellectual capacity to confuse my work for anything your company has published, which is ironic, considering that your books are marketed to people you refer to as "dummies". However, it is my audience that I write for, and for the nearly two years that this item has been available on my site, not one person has contacted me with any degree of confusion on the matter.
I can only assume that your intent was to scare me into complying. Perhaps you assumed that I was not familiar with the law or my rights, and I would simply give in. This is not the case. If you're willing to respect my rights and discontinue your reliance on litigious behavior, it would be both appreciated and noted to other free speech advocates. If not, I have no choice but to defend my rights.
What in the world are you talking about? What commercial product are you talking about? Who's this "random anonymous guy"? What source code access access problems are you referring to?
Gnucleus is noncommercial, primarily developed by John Marshall, and has it's source code available here. Either you are very confused or you're referring to all the other file-share options and am being very unclear.
"How about a system that scores posts based on the amount of replies they recieve?"
So, you want "flamebait" to receive the most karma? It's the insightful comments that receive the least replies, as they would most likely just "yeah, you're right" posts (save for the few that are further insightful, with thought inspired by the original). There is no sensible, reply-count-based system of rating.
However, given your taste in posts, maybe you should join kuro5hin, where one might say that posts that get people talking (and thus thinking, hopefully) are the most desired.
I read/. summary and the MSNBC article and have yet to find some insight as to why this is conisdered a crime.
I'm allowed to create a site with advertisements on it, but not if someone else has a website with a similar address? Really, WTH are they arguing that is winning these suits?
"Just as we mentioned on the previous page, under Jedi Knight 2 the performance of the majority of these cards is governed primarily by CPU speed... you'd be better off with a more powerful CPU than you would be going after a faster graphics card." -- Recent AnandTech Roundup
Only with the note that it was a particularly strenuous test that isn't representative of the stress that will be found in the release of the game, I present a counter-example: UT2003 CPU-Scaling benchmarks on cards of today
"...Added Warcraft III clienttag (or
maybe it's just the beta clienttag, only time will tell)...
Added more War3 packet info in bnet_protocol.h..." BNETD 0.4.26 ChangeLog entry
...reminds me of the ShowEQ project, months ago, feverishly releasing fixes for changes made by Verant. Not all of those (if any) were intentional, though.
Good way to scare people away from using the internet at all, no?
This foolery could very well have been conducted from multiple fronts (including non-web methods), but, AIUI, it wasn't.
Multimedia support is not linux's weakness
on
Wired Talks Wine
·
· Score: 2, Insightful
"...anything multimedia works poorly if at all."
I definitely have to disagree to this broad statement. Recently I've found myself rebooting into Linux just to play movies. Mplayer is the video player I've used any operating system.
The following quotes a developer on it's major strengths -- speed, synchronization, and support (It's accompanying dozens of codecs & builtin format support doesn't hurt either):
I didn't write any codecs, just some players. I spent a lot of time finding the best way to parse bad damaged input files (both MPEG and AVI) and to do perfect A-V sync with seeking ability. My player is rock solid playing damaged MPEG files (useful for some VCDs), and it plays bad AVI files which are unplayable with the famous windows media player. Even AVI files without index chunk are playable, and you can rebuild their indexes with the -idx option, thus enabling seeking! As you see, stability and quality are the most important things for me, but the speed is also amazing.
How well have previous 'ported anime movies done in the theatres? I would love to see the Escaflowne movie on the big screen (was too far back in the line for the OTAKON showing, years ago: \ ), but I wonder if there are any legitimate reasons for the producers to be so apprehensive with it's release.
I got the idea that anime was selling well in our (US) theatres. Why are producers only interested in releasing to such a limited area?
I participated in FIRST competitions for three years-- as a part of MAST Academy/Cordis's (Cordis == a Johnson&Johnson co.) team, Cordzilla --and, while building robots is an important part of the event, it is only one of two competitions: engineering/robotics and computer animation.
My three years of experience have been in the comp. anim. team, experimenting with modeling, animation, and texturing & lighting. The competition gives students a chance to get their hands on top quality modeling/animation software ("educational" version, and full if you win; I dunno what the difference is) legitamitely. That is, of course, in addition to team ethic, a trip to Orlando with a Disney inter-park pass, and so on, which I picked up from my time in it as well.
Slashdot Mirror
Moderation Totals: Redundant=1, Informative=3, Total=4.
Interesting, seeing as how this was the first posted link to the cache. It's even more interesting that the later-arriving dupe of this post is not marked as redundant.
Slacking For Dummies
aka "Slacking HOWTO"
by Nastard
1.) INTRODUCTION
This document intends to provide the most accurate and up to date information on the art of slacking.
For all intents and purposes, it should be considered the defacto source for slacking information, and
the maintaining of ones own ability to slack.
1.1) History
This is the first distributed version of this document. Therefore there can be no history.
1.2) Comments
All comments regarding this document should be directed to nastard@nastard.com
1.3) Copyrights and Trademarks
All material henceforth contained within the boundaries, electronic or otherwise, of this document are
the property of SlackersGuild.com and its respective owners. Any attempt to steal, borrow, copy, plagiarize,
or otherwise rip off my work will result in the immediate legal action of our team of attack lawyers.
By downloading, reading, having read, or having someone read to you the contents of this document, you
agree to forfeit all of your worldly possessions, including any and all trademarks, patents, copyrights,
or other intellectual property you may own. You also agree to jump up and down twelve times while
patting your head and screeching like the little monkey that you are.
This document (c) 2000 SlackersGuild.com All Rights Reserved, so fuck you.
1.4) Acknowledgements
First off, I would like to thank myself for creating such a wonderful document, and being such a supportive
source of inspiration to myself. Thank you, me.
I would also like to thank:
batman
2.) TOOLS
2.1) Sunglasses
Never underestimate the power of hiding your eyes. The eyes are the gateway to the soul. They can give
you away, or they bluff you out of a bad situation. They also close when you sleep. So, obviously, it
would make sense that hiding them can be an advantage.
2.2) Shoes/Clothing
There are two primary modes of slacking: Hiding It, and Not Giving A Shit. Bearing this in mind, clothing
is as important a tool to a slacker as a hammer is to a carpenter. If you are intent on hiding your slacking
and progressing through the corporate ladder undetected, it is best to look damn good, to counteract the
obvious slacking. Distraction is the key. If not giving a shit is more your style, then let it show. Get
some comfortable shoes, wear a bathrobe to work, and just say "fuck the dress code". You may as well be
comfortable during your (most likely short) stay at work.
2.3) The Joys of Nerf
Make no mistake about it, there will be others like you at your place of employment. Others who share your
love of fucking off instead of working. Utilize this, for when the shit hits the fan, and it probably will,
it's far better to have someone there with you to distribute the blame upon. The more employees involved, the
less guilty you look.
So what do you do to pass the time with co-workers? Well, you could talk to them, but that is more likely to
bore you than to help pass the time. So instead, I recommend that you bring toys. Nerf guns are the best.
You can bring other things, like laser-tag sets, or water pistols, but they are noisy and wet, respectively.
Check out http://www.nerf.com/ and http://www.toysrus.com/, these are the best places to get a good idea of
what you want for those epic Nerf battles on slow days.
2.4) Web-Based Slacking
If you are amongst the fortunate who have internet access at work, count yourself lucky. Working in fast food or
construction involves much more work, and seriously hinders your ability to slack, but it also takes away your
ability to spend countless hours staring at a monitor pretending to work.
So what do you do? Well, I doubt I need to tell you how much information there is out there on the net, but you
may not realize that there is an almost UNLIMITED amount of hours you can spend slacking using this tool. So,
USE IT. I recommend visiting sites with lots of content so you can immerse yourself in them. This helps to
pass the time.
Slackers Guild, Slashdot, and TheForce.net are my personal favorites, for there is so much to be read on each of
these sites. Also, they have user comment sections, which allow for others like you to contribute to the entertainment
of others. User comments are the bread and butter of sites that know how to utilize them, and are an exercise in slacking
in their own right. What better way to slack off and have your site boom than to have your users post the content
for you?
3.) GETTING STARTED
3.1) Why Slack?
Good question. No, wait, I take that back. It's a stupid question, and proves how new you are at this. At any
rate, I will answer it.
The benefits of slacking have been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt by the scientific community time and time again.
Well, not really. In fact, you will probably get your ass fired if you don't do it right. But if you DO manage to do
it right, it can be the best thing that ever happened to you. Just think: No more hard labor. No more long tedious
projects. No more stress. No more concerns about how much effort you put into your work. Life is beautiful when you
slack. It allows you to put more time into doing the things you really love. Spending time with your loved ones
without being stressed out, watching TV, reading, and even sleeping better can all be achieved through proper slacking
techniques.
3.2) Microslacking
How do you get yourself into slacking mode? Well, if you are a hard working American, it may be hard for you. If you
are like me, and generally hate doing anything that doesn't directly benefit you or the people you actually care about,
slacking comes much easier.
If you find yourself in the first group, you may need a little practice before you jump into the slacker pool. That's
okay, you just need a little practice.
Start by doing little things. Take 10 minutes per day to just sit there. Gradually increase the time period as you get
used to it. Also, spend more time surfing the web. Pretty soon you will get lost in what you are doing and forget
work completely.
Another good way to get practice is to spend more time on smoke breaks. Have 2 smokes instead of just 1. Or, if you don't
smoke, start. The amount of money I have accumulated for being on extended smoke breaks could probably put your kids through
college. Or at least feed some starving kids.
Stay up later than you should. This way, you will be tired and lethargic through your work day. But don't fall asleep at
work. Not until you have mastered the art of slacking.
3.3) "I'd Rather Be..."
Every day, when you first get to work, ask yourself, "what would I rather be doing than spending time working?" When you
have satisfactorily answered yourself, DO IT. Whatever it is you would rather be doing, spend your time and energy on that.
I personally like to read, and I get a lot of reading
done at work. In fact, the amount of literature I've gone through while on the clock would put your local library to shame.
Some people might say "I'd rather be rock climbing". Well, for a very select few, this might be a viable option. For the
rest of us, its probably not a good idea. Besides, cubicles offer very little in the way of jagged rocks. Instead, read
up on it. Learn about it. Make plans to do it on your time off. Even better, use your works' internet connection to
order items related to your favorite outdoor activities.
4.) BETTER LIVING THROUGH SLACKING
4.1) Incorporating Slacking Into Your Personal Life
Using these slacking techniques in your day-to-day life is actually very easy. Just do what you want to do. Screw mowing
the lawn, I wanna watch TV. Screw doing the dishes, I wanna watch Mallrats for the 800th time. It's just as easy as
slacking at work. Just take what you don't want to do, and replace it with something you DO want to do.
4.2) Lying to Friends and Family to Avoid Favors
Have you ever been asked by a friend or family member to do something you just didn't *feel* like doing?
"I need you to take me to the airport"
"Can you help me move?"
"Would you mind killing my father for me?"
Why waste your time helping others, when you could spend that time indulging in self-serving activities like watching porn?
Well, you don't have to. That's right, no more favors. Just follow these easy steps.
Step 1: Come up with a damn good lie. It wouldn't hurt to have a prefabricated list ahead of time.
Step 2: Check your lie. Nothing will get you in more trouble than getting caught in a lie.
Step 3: BELIEVE YOUR LIE. No single step is as important as this one. If *you* don't believe your lie, why should anyone else?
Step 4: Follow through with your lie. Allude back to it later on, and hint at portions of the lie. Don't lay it on too thick,
just enough to remove any thoughts that you may have been lying.
I certainly don't advocate lying about everything. I am obviously referring to laziness and work avoidance here, not covering up
a murder or cheating on your spouse/partner/loved one. There's a line between little white lies to get out of work, and a cold
blooded lie. Please lie responsibly.
4.3) Inviting Others to Slack With You
They say misery loves company. Well, so does apathy. Slacking is fun enough alone, but when you get a friend to join
you, it elevates to a whole new level. Here's a few tips on choosing a slacking mate:
Beware of friends who seem to enjoy their jobs. It's fine for someone to like what they do, perhaps even admirable. But
these people are most likely to try to convince you to do work. The last thing you need while slacking is a good influence.
Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT bring children into your slacking adventures. Children have the nasty
habit of being honest, and that could mean your ass.
Watch your slack mate. See what they do. You will learn, fairly quickly, what lines you shouldn't cross. Slacking with
friends is great, but remember, unless this person is a very trustworthy friend, they could sell your ass out at any time
if you do something worse than what they have done. Be careful not to overstep that line
4.4) Slacking for Fun and Profit
Slacking is always fun, that's a given. What about profit? Is it possible to actually make extra money by doing it? Sure.
There are plenty of ways to do it, all you need is to look. All Advantage pays you to surf, and if you remember, we covered
earlier how important surfing is to slacking. Set up an AllAdvantage account at work, and have the checks sent to your
home. If you can convince a few co-workers to sign up with you as their referrer, this can add up *very* quickly.
Another option is to start a comment-based website and collect ad revenue. I would
recommend visiting www.slashdot.org for an excellent example of this.
5.) GETTING AWAY WITH IT
5.1) Looking Busy
There's no such thing as looking too busy. The busier you look, the more people will believe that you are an upstanding,
hardworking employee worthy of praise. A technique I recommend is one I like to call the "Costanza". On NBC's Seinfeld,
George once pointed out how busy people thought he was when he simply looked irritated. I use this one *constantly*,
and let me tell you, it works. Coincidentally, I also wear a lot of black. And a black trench coat. It may seem retarded,
but I will tell you, there is a noticeable difference in the way I am treated when I have my coat on, than when I don't.
It really helps to make me look pissed off.
Another way to go is to look confused. If you look perplexed over some problem or another, even if you are literally
just staring at a wall, others will either leave you alone, or offer to help. If they offer to help, just explain that
you have it under control, and a solution is more satisfying when you reach it without assistance. This goes a LONG way
towards making you look like a good worker.
5.2) Knowing When To Slack
As with many things, there is a right and wrong time to slack. If your boss is gone and you are left to fend for yourself,
go all out with a Nerf gun fight. If the company's owner is standing right behind you, you probably shouldn't be looking at
porn sites (or this site). Use your good judgment here.
5.3) Excuses
Touching back on the subject of lying, excuses are a huge part of slacking. If you get caught, do you want to be stuttering
all over the place and looking like a jackass, or do you want to quickly explain yourself and get on with what you were doing?
I can guess which way you would answer that. Have an excuse prepared ahead of time. Recite it. Know it. BELIEVE it.
The best defense is a good offense. This is also true with excuses. If you get caught or accused of slacking, come back
with some accusations of your own. The accuser will immediately be put on the defense, and completely forget why they ever
even bothered you. Or at least regret it. Use this one with caution, you don't want to look like a jackass.
6.) GETTING AHEAD BY DOING NOTHING
6.1) Taking Credit for Other People's Work
SlackersGuild.com (us) runs slashcode. I assure you, I did NOT write slashcode. I didn't help write slashcode. I was
barely able to install slashcode. This is a great example of using someone else's work as your own.
The one thing I will say about this is DON'T BE STUPID. Please don't be an idiot and take credit for someone's hard
work while they are sitting right next to you. Only morons and soap opera characters do this. There is a line between
taking credit and stealing, and we certainly don't advocate stealing. Borrow, recycle, and reinvent all you like, but
please do not steal.
6.2) Feigning Interest In What Others Have to Say
Three words: smile and nod.
6.3) Surviving Meetings
A true slacker knows how to look interested and important while surrounded with peers and superiors. That being said,
here are a few things you can work on to survive, and even look good, in meetings:
- Ask questions. I'm not saying pay attention, I'm just saying ask questions. The best way to do this is to rephrase
what the speaker just said, throwing in lots of colorful adjectives and big words.
- Bring a pad and paper. Don't let anyone see what you are writing, but keep your pen moving. It gives the appearance
that you are taking notes.
- If you own a palm device (like the Handspring Visor - http://www.handspring.com/), take it into the meeting with you.
Even if you are drawing pictures or sending email, it makes you look busy and cool.
6.4) Being an "Idea Man"
This is my favorite step. It's so easy to extrapolate where a suit is going when he/she is talking and jump to the conclusion
before they do. If you pull it off, they will almost think that you came up with the idea, or at least get the impression
that you are on the same wavelength as them, which is guaranteed to make them like you. Everyone likes their own ideas,
especially corporate types. Use this.
If you have an idea, no matter how stupid, tell your boss. It makes you look interested and concerned in the direction the
company is going. Brownie points abound for even the lamest of ideas. If it's a good idea, you are almost guaranteed a
promotion and/or raise.
7.) OBTAINING MORE INFORMATION
For more information, visit the main page of www.slackersguild.com. We are constantly updating and adding more resources for
slackers and slackers-in-training. The user comments are also a good place to look for information. Chances are, someone has
an idea or point that I have missed here.
As you know, I received an email yesterday from Wiley Publishing, Inc., threatening legal action if I did not discontinue use of their trademark in the "Slacking for Dummies" document. It probably goes without saying, but the document is parody, which is protected as speech under the First Amendment. As such, I'm placed into a position of choice; I can bend over and take it from a corporation looking to litigate the little guy into complacency, or I can stand up and defend what I think is one of the best things about America.
I've done my share of complaining that free speech is being stripped away from us in increasingly larger chunks, and I've had a word or two to say about people who let that happen. Now that I find myself in a position to stand up for what I believe in, I have a moral obligation to do it.
Below is my reply to Kimberly of Wiley Publishing.
>>>
Dear Kimberly,
I've given serious thought to your request, and while, as an artist, I can appreciate your company's desire to protect it's intellectual property, I feel it is also my responsibility -- again, as an artist -- to protect my own rights. The work in question is parody, which is considered speech, and is protected by the first amendment. For a parody to be at all effective, it logically must include the name and/or image of the objects or ideas being parodied. Since I am obviously not a corporate entity, and the work in question does not exist for the purpose of generating profit, and since the law offers more protection to non-commercial speech than commercial speech, I feel that I am completely within my rights.
Under normal circumstances, I would have been glad to reach a compromise and alter the work in such a way as to keep both of our interests in mind. However, your first course of action was to imply threat of legal ramifications should I not comply, which tells me that my interests are of no concern to you. Therefore, I believe your interests to be of no concern to me.
Furthermore, your concern that people may be confused by the document on my web site is ridiculous, since, outside of the name and an image that is quite obviously satirical in nature, there is no implied connection to your company. Even the copyright information, which is itself a joke, makes no mention of Wiley Publishing, Inc. It would take a person severely lacking in intellectual capacity to confuse my work for anything your company has published, which is ironic, considering that your books are marketed to people you refer to as "dummies". However, it is my audience that I write for, and for the nearly two years that this item has been available on my site, not one person has contacted me with any degree of confusion on the matter.
I can only assume that your intent was to scare me into complying. Perhaps you assumed that I was not familiar with the law or my rights, and I would simply give in. This is not the case. If you're willing to respect my rights and discontinue your reliance on litigious behavior, it would be both appreciated and noted to other free speech advocates. If not, I have no choice but to defend my rights.
Sincerely,
Nastard
You can find the usual Google cahce here
What in the world are you talking about? What commercial product are you talking about? Who's this "random anonymous guy"? What source code access access problems are you referring to?
Gnucleus is noncommercial, primarily developed by John Marshall, and has it's source code available here. Either you are very confused or you're referring to all the other file-share options and am being very unclear.
"How about a system that scores posts based on the amount of replies they recieve?"
So, you want "flamebait" to receive the most karma? It's the insightful comments that receive the least replies, as they would most likely just "yeah, you're right" posts (save for the few that are further insightful, with thought inspired by the original). There is no sensible, reply-count-based system of rating.
However, given your taste in posts, maybe you should join kuro5hin, where one might say that posts that get people talking (and thus thinking, hopefully) are the most desired.
...talking in the third person; get out of here, Pressman.
That link has been dead since the 31st, at least. Is news moderation that slow around here or did the poster forget to check the link.
No SVG build? No more nightly builds hosted on ftp.mozilla.org? What's an SVG fiend to do?
C'mon, Mozilla. What's up?
... What did he do wrong?
/. summary and the MSNBC article and have yet to find some insight as to why this is conisdered a crime.
I read
I'm allowed to create a site with advertisements on it, but not if someone else has a website with a similar address? Really, WTH are they arguing that is winning these suits?
// No, this is not intended to be a joke.
Can you point out the section in the VS.NET final license that prohibits this?
FPS example
FPS example
Non-FPS example
Only with the note that it was a particularly strenuous test that isn't representative of the stress that will be found in the release of the game, I present a counter-example: UT2003 CPU-Scaling benchmarks on cards of today
Oh yeah, APRIL FOOLS!
...reminds me of the ShowEQ project, months ago, feverishly releasing fixes for changes made by Verant. Not all of those (if any) were intentional, though.
Good way to scare people away from using the internet at all, no?
This foolery could very well have been conducted from multiple fronts (including non-web methods), but, AIUI, it wasn't.
"...anything multimedia works poorly if at all."
I definitely have to disagree to this broad statement. Recently I've found myself rebooting into Linux just to play movies. Mplayer is the video player I've used any operating system.
The following quotes a developer on it's major strengths -- speed, synchronization, and support (It's accompanying dozens of codecs & builtin format support doesn't hurt either):I got the idea that anime was selling well in our (US) theatres. Why are producers only interested in releasing to such a limited area?
- kaoruAngel
My three years of experience have been in the comp. anim. team, experimenting with modeling, animation, and texturing & lighting. The competition gives students a chance to get their hands on top quality modeling/animation software ("educational" version, and full if you win; I dunno what the difference is) legitamitely. That is, of course, in addition to team ethic, a trip to Orlando with a Disney inter-park pass, and so on, which I picked up from my time in it as well.
Do you also blame the receivers of anthrax mailings?