Michael's just pissed off because Shrek's been downloaded more times in one day than the Little Mermaid II, Tarzan, and that Sleeping Beauty thingamacrappy-sequel all rolled up in one really putrid sack with a ribbon on top. I'm sure after all those months he's spent hearing Mickey go on and on about how Minnie's riding his arse for not bringing home the bacon, Mr. Eisner's had just about enough.
The people at the Mousehouse had better whip him up an extroverted and irascibly witty talking trashcan along with a shy, yet very good-hearted dancing toilet plunger who yearns to be spitshined, so he can set out on some sort of adventure in which he sings and dances Disney's way back to decent animated features.
Ah, who am I kidding? They'd be better off just hiring Dreamworks to do it for them.
But I'm afraid conversing via rational letters just doesn't appeal to the RIAA, or the MPAA for that matter.
God knows I've sent Jack Valenti and Hilary Rosen a hefty number of 600-word letters expressing my eagerness to work with Hollywood to find "technically feasible, cost effective solutions" for planting my foot in their asses, and they've never once bothered to reply.
Ingrates. At least Mr. Fritz sent me a letter telling me he's not involved with any digital-rights medium hearings. I like to see honesty in elected representatives!
I demand that all cards transferred via this system that Hallmark is utilizing be transmitted via a private encryption system. If the rights of greeting card artists are blatantly ignored by people who can simply steal these cards upon receiving them, and send them to others without any proper repayment to the cards' creators, what will stop entire underground cartels from springing up and allowing people to share them freely?! I don't care if Hallmark licenses it, they have to work to protect the people how MAKE these things! The little guys! That's who they're here for, right?
The GIAA is swiftly working to put a stop to this kind of filthy behavior, by developing a private network that transmits greeting cards in a proprietary.NIP format, but their system won't be in place for another year! We must work to protect the rights of greeting card fashioners the world over, lest all fairness and equality within the internet be lost forever. What's to stop some clod from printing one of these cards that I've fashioned, and giving it to a friend for free? Nothing. And that's just not right. Not at all. I should be paid for every single use of it. I deserve that much, for all the hard work it takes to come up with an illustration of a naked man sitting unawares on a toilet bowl with the caption "Caught You At A Bad Time, Huh?" over the top!
Tsk tsk, such thoughtless copyright violating... when will people learn?
So Paint The ASCII Green And ...
on
Textmode Quake 2
·
· Score: 3, Offtopic
Taa-daa! Instant Matrix in a box!
Keanu: "What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge rockets?"
Bad Mutha Lawrence Fishburne the III:"No, Keanu. I'm trying to tell you that, when you're ready... you won't have to."
Keanu: (pauses) "Dude, you just don't want me camping on the railgun, do you?"
Bad Mutha Lawrence Fishburne the III: "Damn, you've figured me out! Now eat my boomstick!"
Who must continually suck at the bitter fountain of filth spewed by the RIAA, as it gently chokes the life from every alternative source of music in existence. Never mind the entities involved; when you pay more than ten dollars for a CD, you are being screwed. And not only are you being screwed, but the artists themselves are being screwed.
Think of it this way. Imagine music as... well, imagine music as a sort of cheddar cheese. And picture the average music listener as a... a cheese afficianado. Now, say that this cheese costs about four dollars a pound to make, and that you could, if all cheese was supplied directly, pay about six dollars per pound of delicious cheese. Everyone's happy, the cheesemakers get paid a decent living, and the better their cheese is, the more they sell.
But WAIT!
Hold on!
Now, all of a sudden, some middleman named Zagat the Great steps in and starts telling people which cheese is the best. And, to top it off, he starts packaging that cheese in special wrappers. Of course, to make sure everything's good for him, Mr. Zagat the Great then ups the price to about sixteen dollars per pound, taking eleven and a half dollars for himself and leaving only half a dollar for the cheese maker. Everyone who wants to sell lots of cheese must go to Mr. Zagat, but in exchange for being famous the cheesemakers get very little in return. Anyone who wants to sell the popular cheeses and thus become profitable, must also suck up to Mr. Zagat, even though Mr. Zagat isn't doing anything to make the cheese. He's just supplying wrapping paper.
To make matters worse, the cheese eaters of the world now have to pay nearly three times the price they used to! And why? Because Mr. Zagat refuses to let anyone else sell the good cheeses! Of course, there are some special places, like Thailand and maybe Hong Kong, where you can by the very same cheese for about five dollars a pound, but Mr. Zagat dismisses that as inferior quality. Secretly, though, he starts funneling inferior cheeses into his own stocks, because now that he controls the entire cheese kingdom, he can decide what is paid for what, without giving a flip about competition or quality.
All of a sudden, some people discover some form of "magic that allows them to exchange the cheese freely among themselves, without paying Mr. Zagat's outrageous prices and the like. Of course, everyone who consumes is happy with this. But Mr. Zagat is not, since it threatens his grip on the cheese industry. So he wipes out anyone who uses the "magic" and declares them to be unethical.
Soon, though, some people suggest a compromise. People can pay a dollar and a half per quarter-pound of cheese, and thus pick what cheese they like, and how much of each cheese to receive via the "magic." But Mr. Zagat says that's entirely wrong too, unless he can tell you where to eat it and what things to eat along with it. That way, he'll at least still have cultural control over the things you do and use, and thus sustain his presence within the economy.
Naturally, that's stupid. So people resort to ferrying cheese in secret, all as Mr. Zagat wails away at the "unfairness" of him not getting his 200%.
Never mind the brazen and utterly ruthless manner in which he foists second-rate cheese onto the world with a wide grin, knowing that no one can oppose him so long as he controls the sources.
Now, who in the seven names of Sega's failed game consoles could say that the world is a better place because of Mr. Zagat?
Stewardess- "Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll please look at the color code bar fastened against your seat backs, you can tell whether you have been seated in your requested section or not. Please recall that all seats with a gold border are regions 1-3, all seats with a silver border are region 4-6, and all seats with slate border are not allowed access. Remember, color denotes permissable access. Red bars denote pornography, blue bars denote warez, green bars denote live video feeds of you looking at the green bars, orange bars denote a block on port 6667, yellow bars denote smoking *and* pornography, and purple bars denote seats not yet installed with broadband access. Also, remember that the color beige does not actually signify anything; that is the color of seatbacks without digital panels. Please do not request assistance on manipulating your seatback. No matter how hard you push, it will not sprout a flat panel display. Thank you for observing all regulations."
Step 2- Convince blonde that humming sound
on interior of tower is an ice cream dispenser (or any similar delivery mechanism).
Step 3- Attach blonde's face to open
case through nefarious or non-nefarious means.
Step 4- Inform blonde that ice cream
dispenser (or whatever delivery mechanism you have
selected for your fiendish trickery) only operates when you "give it a blow."
Step 5- Overclock and marvel at the volumes
of air motivated by your new cooling unit.
Today, on Springer! Men reveal secret
fetishes to their significant others, with
slurpy results!
Guest: "Jerry, I've been having a secret space affair with an algal bloom on the blue planet known as Earth, and I'm here today to tell
the truth to my space lover. I want her or him
or it, whatever you call an amorphous sillicon
entity, not that I actually know but man, the things he, she, or it can do... but anyway, I want him, her, or it to know how much he, she, or it means to me."
Jerry: "Oh really? Well, space man, we've got a surprise for you! Turns out your dalliances on Earth created something you didn't quite expect... so let's bring them in, right now! Sneaky space twinkie, say hello to the entire human race!"
Techie #2: "We're getting two hundred and fifty four thousand requests for Knight Rider!"
Techie #1: "Fools! We told them not to hand out signup sheets at GenCon!!"
Techie #2: "And it's not just any episode of Knight Rider, but the really bad one... with the fake KIT!"
Techie #1: "Dear God, NO! The one with KARR?! And super-speedo-superhero David Hasslehoff portraying Micheal Knight's evil twin brother Horag!? NOT HORAG!"
Techie #2: "Garth!"
Techie #1: "What?"
Techie #2: "Garth. Micheal's evil twin non-brother was Garth!"
Techie #1: "... sure."
Techie #2: "You could tell it wasn't Micheal Knight because he was all evil and cold, and he wore that goatee and sinister smile that said 'in Germany, I am a star.'"
Techie #1: "Uh... Jesus, Ted, how long have you been working in here?"
Techie #2: "Long enough to know this system can't support that much bad acting and hope to survive! We'll have to pipe in some Battlestar Galactica and hope they don't notice the slight increase in acting ability!"
Techie #1: "Uh... and that fixes the problem how, exactly?"
Techie #2: "It's either that or an episode of Homeboys in Space!"
Slashdot Mirror
Michael's just pissed off because Shrek's been downloaded more times in one day than the Little Mermaid II, Tarzan, and that Sleeping Beauty thingamacrappy-sequel all rolled up in one really putrid sack with a ribbon on top. I'm sure after all those months he's spent hearing Mickey go on and on about how Minnie's riding his arse for not bringing home the bacon, Mr. Eisner's had just about enough.
The people at the Mousehouse had better whip him up an extroverted and irascibly witty talking trashcan along with a shy, yet very good-hearted dancing toilet plunger who yearns to be spitshined, so he can set out on some sort of adventure in which he sings and dances Disney's way back to decent animated features.
Ah, who am I kidding? They'd be better off just hiring Dreamworks to do it for them.
But I'm afraid conversing via rational letters just doesn't appeal to the RIAA, or the MPAA for that matter. God knows I've sent Jack Valenti and Hilary Rosen a hefty number of 600-word letters expressing my eagerness to work with Hollywood to find "technically feasible, cost effective solutions" for planting my foot in their asses, and they've never once bothered to reply. Ingrates. At least Mr. Fritz sent me a letter telling me he's not involved with any digital-rights medium hearings. I like to see honesty in elected representatives!
Leave it to our good ol' Merkin government to make sitting on one's ass and eating potato chips a crime punishable by back taxes.
I demand that all cards transferred via this system that Hallmark is utilizing be transmitted via a private encryption system. If the rights of greeting card artists are blatantly ignored by people who can simply steal these cards upon receiving them, and send them to others without any proper repayment to the cards' creators, what will stop entire underground cartels from springing up and allowing people to share them freely?! I don't care if Hallmark licenses it, they have to work to protect the people how MAKE these things! The little guys! That's who they're here for, right? The GIAA is swiftly working to put a stop to this kind of filthy behavior, by developing a private network that transmits greeting cards in a proprietary .NIP format, but their system won't be in place for another year! We must work to protect the rights of greeting card fashioners the world over, lest all fairness and equality within the internet be lost forever. What's to stop some clod from printing one of these cards that I've fashioned, and giving it to a friend for free? Nothing. And that's just not right. Not at all. I should be paid for every single use of it. I deserve that much, for all the hard work it takes to come up with an illustration of a naked man sitting unawares on a toilet bowl with the caption "Caught You At A Bad Time, Huh?" over the top!
Tsk tsk, such thoughtless copyright violating ... when will people learn?
Taa-daa! Instant Matrix in a box!
... you won't have to."
Keanu: "What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge rockets?"
Bad Mutha Lawrence Fishburne the III:"No, Keanu. I'm trying to tell you that, when you're ready
Keanu: (pauses) "Dude, you just don't want me camping on the railgun, do you?"
Bad Mutha Lawrence Fishburne the III: "Damn, you've figured me out! Now eat my boomstick!"
BANG!
Who must continually suck at the bitter fountain of filth spewed by the RIAA, as it gently chokes the life from every alternative source of music in existence. Never mind the entities involved; when you pay more than ten dollars for a CD, you are being screwed. And not only are you being screwed, but the artists themselves are being screwed.
... well, imagine music as a sort of cheddar cheese. And picture the average music listener as a ... a cheese afficianado. Now, say that this cheese costs about four dollars a pound to make, and that you could, if all cheese was supplied directly, pay about six dollars per pound of delicious cheese. Everyone's happy, the cheesemakers get paid a decent living, and the better their cheese is, the more they sell.
Think of it this way. Imagine music as
But WAIT!
Hold on!
Now, all of a sudden, some middleman named Zagat the Great steps in and starts telling people which cheese is the best. And, to top it off, he starts packaging that cheese in special wrappers. Of course, to make sure everything's good for him, Mr. Zagat the Great then ups the price to about sixteen dollars per pound, taking eleven and a half dollars for himself and leaving only half a dollar for the cheese maker. Everyone who wants to sell lots of cheese must go to Mr. Zagat, but in exchange for being famous the cheesemakers get very little in return. Anyone who wants to sell the popular cheeses and thus become profitable, must also suck up to Mr. Zagat, even though Mr. Zagat isn't doing anything to make the cheese. He's just supplying wrapping paper.
To make matters worse, the cheese eaters of the world now have to pay nearly three times the price they used to! And why? Because Mr. Zagat refuses to let anyone else sell the good cheeses! Of course, there are some special places, like Thailand and maybe Hong Kong, where you can by the very same cheese for about five dollars a pound, but Mr. Zagat dismisses that as inferior quality. Secretly, though, he starts funneling inferior cheeses into his own stocks, because now that he controls the entire cheese kingdom, he can decide what is paid for what, without giving a flip about competition or quality.
All of a sudden, some people discover some form of "magic that allows them to exchange the cheese freely among themselves, without paying Mr. Zagat's outrageous prices and the like. Of course, everyone who consumes is happy with this. But Mr. Zagat is not, since it threatens his grip on the cheese industry. So he wipes out anyone who uses the "magic" and declares them to be unethical.
Soon, though, some people suggest a compromise. People can pay a dollar and a half per quarter-pound of cheese, and thus pick what cheese they like, and how much of each cheese to receive via the "magic." But Mr. Zagat says that's entirely wrong too, unless he can tell you where to eat it and what things to eat along with it. That way, he'll at least still have cultural control over the things you do and use, and thus sustain his presence within the economy.
Naturally, that's stupid. So people resort to ferrying cheese in secret, all as Mr. Zagat wails away at the "unfairness" of him not getting his 200%.
Never mind the brazen and utterly ruthless manner in which he foists second-rate cheese onto the world with a wide grin, knowing that no one can oppose him so long as he controls the sources.
Now, who in the seven names of Sega's failed game consoles could say that the world is a better place because of Mr. Zagat?
Yeah, that's right. No one but him.
And that's why the consumer is the real loser.
Piddly Website == Lenny the Hamster,
Slashdot == Pack of Roving Pirahna,
Submitting Piddly Website To Slashdot == *burp*
(inside the plane of the future ...)
Stewardess- "Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll please look at the color code bar fastened against your seat backs, you can tell whether you have been seated in your requested section or not. Please recall that all seats with a gold border are regions 1-3, all seats with a silver border are region 4-6, and all seats with slate border are not allowed access. Remember, color denotes permissable access. Red bars denote pornography, blue bars denote warez, green bars denote live video feeds of you looking at the green bars, orange bars denote a block on port 6667, yellow bars denote smoking *and* pornography, and purple bars denote seats not yet installed with broadband access. Also, remember that the color beige does not actually signify anything; that is the color of seatbacks without digital panels. Please do not request assistance on manipulating your seatback. No matter how hard you push, it will not sprout a flat panel display. Thank you for observing all regulations."
Step 1- Open tower case.
Step 2- Convince blonde that humming sound on interior of tower is an ice cream dispenser (or any similar delivery mechanism).
Step 3- Attach blonde's face to open case through nefarious or non-nefarious means.
Step 4- Inform blonde that ice cream dispenser (or whatever delivery mechanism you have selected for your fiendish trickery) only operates when you "give it a blow."
Step 5- Overclock and marvel at the volumes of air motivated by your new cooling unit.
I Made Love To An Algal Bloom
... but anyway, I want him, her, or it to know how much he, she, or it means to me."
... so let's bring them in, right now! Sneaky space twinkie, say hello to the entire human race!"
Today, on Springer! Men reveal secret fetishes to their significant others, with slurpy results!
Guest: "Jerry, I've been having a secret space affair with an algal bloom on the blue planet known as Earth, and I'm here today to tell the truth to my space lover. I want her or him or it, whatever you call an amorphous sillicon entity, not that I actually know but man, the things he, she, or it can do
Jerry: "Oh really? Well, space man, we've got a surprise for you! Turns out your dalliances on Earth created something you didn't quite expect
Guest: "Uh-oh."
Techie #1: "What's that beeping sound, sir?"
... this can't be happening!"
... with the fake KIT!"
... sure."
... Jesus, Ted, how long have you been working in here?"
... and that fixes the problem how, exactly?"
... we're screwed ..."
Techie #2: "My God
Techie #1: "What, sir?!"
Techie #2: "We're getting two hundred and fifty four thousand requests for Knight Rider!"
Techie #1: "Fools! We told them not to hand out signup sheets at GenCon!!"
Techie #2: "And it's not just any episode of Knight Rider, but the really bad one
Techie #1: "Dear God, NO! The one with KARR?! And super-speedo-superhero David Hasslehoff portraying Micheal Knight's evil twin brother Horag!? NOT HORAG!"
Techie #2: "Garth!"
Techie #1: "What?"
Techie #2: "Garth. Micheal's evil twin non-brother was Garth!"
Techie #1: "
Techie #2: "You could tell it wasn't Micheal Knight because he was all evil and cold, and he wore that goatee and sinister smile that said 'in Germany, I am a star.'"
Techie #1: "Uh
Techie #2: "Long enough to know this system can't support that much bad acting and hope to survive! We'll have to pipe in some Battlestar Galactica and hope they don't notice the slight increase in acting ability!"
Techie #1: "Uh
Techie #2: "It's either that or an episode of Homeboys in Space!"
Techie #1: "My God