I saw an episode of the Jerry Springer show and the topic was "transvestites and the men who love them." And the guy was on with his "girlfriend" and he said "to me, this is a beautiful woman, she's got a perfect body, beautiful blonde hair, everything. I love her and I love making love to her, does that make me gay?"
Most of the audience thought so and so did I. But it got me thinking about what is and isn't gay.
Discussing sex with a guy is gay. Discussing sex with a woman is straight, even telling a woman "sometimes I wonder what it would be like to suck a cock," is straight.
Sports are gay, especially contact sports, unless you're the only guy on both teams in which case it's straight. Gyms are always gay because afterwards in the locker room you're showering with guys and that is gay.
Watching pornography alone is neutral, like eating a sandwich: it's neither straight nor gay. Watching pornos with one or more other guys in the room no matter how many other women are also in the room is also gay. Watching porn, even gay porn, with one or more women only, is straight.
Here's an interesting one: kissing a gay guy on the cheek or letting him kiss you on the cheek is neutral, as long as the guy is out of the closet. Hugging or kissing a straight guy is gay.
See, look, I know I'm homophobic, but not about gay guys, they don't bother me at all. It's straight guys who don't know they're gay: they fuck my shit right up. Like a guy calls me up and says, "A bunch of us guys are gonna sit around in our underwear and watch a football game and drink beer and eat chips and maybe wrestle with eachother, you know, just us guys, do you want to come over?" And I'm like, "no."
If you've got a guy sucking your dick and even if he's dressed like a woman, even if he's got the best breast implants you've ever seen, even if you're saying "suck it bitch, I know you like it you slut, you whore!" That's gay. Conversely, if a woman straps on a dildo and you're dressed like a woman and you're sucking her cock and she's saying "you like it, don't you, you like sucking my dick you fucking faggot!" And then she rolls you over and fucks you in the ass and says "you love it, you little pussy boy, you love getting fucked in the ass, I bet you wish I was a man, I bet you wish I was a man," and you're getting off on it like you've never gotten off before..." that's still straight.
But then, when you go off to a bar and you discuss this, or any other sexual experience with a guy: that's gay.
Here's the most interesting one: sucking a guy's cock can, under certain circumstances, be straight. Let's say you've gotten into a betting game with a woman and the bet is whoever loses has to be the other one's sex slave for a night, the kind of thing that happens in Penthouse Forum all the time and you lose, and the woman makes you have sex with another guy: that's not gay. I don't know exactly why, but it's not.
Re:first time for everything
on
Arguing A.I.
·
· Score: -1
Unless you have a very unusual keyboard, it doesn't have amoebae living on it. You must have extraordinarily small fingers to be crushing microorganisms with your fingertips.
While you're licking my smelly asshole, why not move up a bit and give my nuts a wash? You can say hi to your mom, I'm sure you'll run into her down there.
I just heard the sad news on CBC radio. Comedy actor/writer Alan Thicke was found not dead in his home this morning. Even though you never watched his work, you can appreciate what he did for 80's television. Truly a Canadian.
He won't be missed:(
If you're sucking a guy off, and right when he's about to come he cuts a mean fart, but you keep going anyway, that counts as doing him two favors, right?
I'm just wondering because me and my man are settling up the tabs for January, and I contend that he owes me two hummers for that one.
For those of you who would point out the errors in these lyrics, I submit that the text was taken directly from deadmilkmen.com, the definitive (even if incorrect) dead milkmen resource.
furthermore to these beers, we would like three of your finest, cheapest cigars
You know what, Stuart, I LIKE YOU. You're not like the other people, here, in the trailer park.
Oh, don't go get me wrong. They're fine people, they're good Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybe watch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57, maybe kick back a cool, Coors 16-ouncer. They're good, fine people, Stuart. But they don't know... what the queers are doing to the soil!
You know that Jonny Wurster kid, the kid that delivers papers in the neighborhood. He's a foreign kid. Some of the neighbors say he smokes crack, but I don't believe it.
Anyway, for his tenth birthday, all he wanted was a Burrow Owl. Kept bugging his old man. "Dad, get me a burrow owl. I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live." So the guy breaks down and buys him a burrow owl.
Anyway, 10:30, the other night, I go out in my yard, and there's the Wurster kid, looking up in the tree. I say, "What are you looking for?" He says "I'm looking for my burrow owl." I say, "Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick. Everybody knows the burrow owl lives. In a hole. In the ground. Why the hell do you think they call it a burrow owl, anyway?" Now Stuart, do you think a kid like that is going to know what the queers are doing to the soil?
I first became aware of this about ten years ago, the summer my oldest boy, Bill Jr. died. You know that carnival comes into town every year? Well this year they came through with a ride called The Mixer. The man said, "Keep your head, and arms, inside the Mixer at all times." But Bill Jr, he was a DAAAREDEVIL, just like his old man. He was leaning out saying "Hey everybody, Look at me! Look at me!" Pow! He was decapitated! They found his head over by the snow cone concession.
A few days after that, I open up the mail. And there's a pamphlet in there. From Pueblo, Colorado, and it's addressed to Bill, Jr. And it's entitled, "Do you know what the queers are doing to our soil?"
Now, Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large US city, there's a big undeground homosexual population. Des Moines, Iowa, for an example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart. You can't build on it; you can't grow anything in it. The governmentsays it's due to poor farming. But I know what's really going on, Stuart. I know it's the queers. They're in it with the aliens.They're building landing strips for gay Martians, I swear toGod.
You know what, Stuart, I like you. You're not like the other people, here in this trailer park.
shock!
i got a new life
you would hardly recognize me
i'm so glad
how can a person like me care for you
why do i bother
when you're not the one for me
is enough enough
i saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
i saw the sign
life is demanding without understanding
i saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
i saw the sign
no one's gonna drag you up
to get into the light where you belong
but where do you belong
under the pale moon
for so many years i've wondered
who you are
how can a person like you bring me joy
under the pale moon
where i see a lot of stars
is enough enough
i saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
i saw the sign
life is demanding without understanding
i saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
i saw the sign
no one's gonna drag you up
to get into the light where you belong
but where do you belong
i saw the sign and it opened up my mind
and i am happy now
living without you
i've left you
i saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
i saw the sign
no one's gonna drag you up
to get into the light where you belong
i saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
i saw the sign
Sad news today. This morning my left nut was found dead at age 25. The cause of death is under investigation. My left nut is survived by my right nut. Donations and flowers can be sent to my pants.
I'm sure we're all going to miss my left nut, but we should try to remember the good times we had together.
I was wondering if any of your readers have any experience in the professional cock sucking industry. See, I'm tired of having to work my way up my company's hierarchy with hard work. I'd rather just suck off the appropriate people and let the raises roll in.
If any of your readers have any experience sucking cock (like knowing whose cock to suck [damn that janitor]), I'd love to hear them.
Jesus was way cool
Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine
And if he wanted to
He could have turned wheat into marijuana
Or sugar into cocaine
Or vitamin pills into amphetamines
He walked on the water
And swam on the land
He would tell these stories
And people would listen
He was really cool
If you were blind or lame
You just went to Jesus
And he would put his hands on you
And you would be healed
That's so cool
He could've played guitar better than Hendrix
He could've told the future
He could've baked the most delicious cake in the world
He could've scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
He could've danced better than Barishnikov
Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
Jesus was way cool
He told people to eat his body and drink his blood
That's so cool
Jesus was so cool
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
So they killed him
But then he rose from the dead
He rose from the dead, danced around
Then went up to heaven
I mean, that's so cool
Jesus was way cool
I just sit around all day. I suppose it would be trivial to write a perl script to refresh slashdot's rss file for me, and, if it's been updated go and jam some post vars at em, but that would be taking the whole thing way to far. Some of these trolls have actually gone so far as to write programs designed for crapflooding and whatnot. While I do think it's cool as hell that even the feeble minded can write programs to suit their idiotic needs, I can't help but wonder who the hell has that much free time on their hands.
In the end, I'm worse than them, I suppose. See, it's not like sitting around reading slashdot is taking away time from more amusing activities. I have nothing else to do. There is no need for me to take timesaving measures, since there is no reason for me to save time.
Should certain software be illegal? For example, if you look at this page, you will see a recipe for a very annoying page widener. Should this code be banned from slashdot? Am I a total bastard for writing such a thing?
Discuss.
Oh, and note that it's super tightness allows for greater expandibility while keeping character count low. Daredevils may wish to expand.
Slashdot Mirror
You've gotta dig the fact that despite the huge ramifications of being stuck in time, Bill decided to get some tail.
Good call. Groundhog Day, too. Who among us wasn't happy when he finally got to shag Andy McDowell?
Is there anything that doesn't taste better with some tabasco on it?
I saw an episode of the Jerry Springer show and the topic was "transvestites and the men who love them." And the guy was on with his "girlfriend" and he said "to me, this is a beautiful woman, she's got a perfect body, beautiful blonde hair, everything. I love her and I love making love to her, does that make me gay?"
Most of the audience thought so and so did I. But it got me thinking about what is and isn't gay.
Discussing sex with a guy is gay. Discussing sex with a woman is straight, even telling a woman "sometimes I wonder what it would be like to suck a cock," is straight.
Sports are gay, especially contact sports, unless you're the only guy on both teams in which case it's straight. Gyms are always gay because afterwards in the locker room you're showering with guys and that is gay.
Watching pornography alone is neutral, like eating a sandwich: it's neither straight nor gay. Watching pornos with one or more other guys in the room no matter how many other women are also in the room is also gay. Watching porn, even gay porn, with one or more women only, is straight.
Here's an interesting one: kissing a gay guy on the cheek or letting him kiss you on the cheek is neutral, as long as the guy is out of the closet. Hugging or kissing a straight guy is gay.
See, look, I know I'm homophobic, but not about gay guys, they don't bother me at all. It's straight guys who don't know they're gay: they fuck my shit right up. Like a guy calls me up and says, "A bunch of us guys are gonna sit around in our underwear and watch a football game and drink beer and eat chips and maybe wrestle with eachother, you know, just us guys, do you want to come over?" And I'm like, "no."
If you've got a guy sucking your dick and even if he's dressed like a woman, even if he's got the best breast implants you've ever seen, even if you're saying "suck it bitch, I know you like it you slut, you whore!" That's gay. Conversely, if a woman straps on a dildo and you're dressed like a woman and you're sucking her cock and she's saying "you like it, don't you, you like sucking my dick you fucking faggot!" And then she rolls you over and fucks you in the ass and says "you love it, you little pussy boy, you love getting fucked in the ass, I bet you wish I was a man, I bet you wish I was a man," and you're getting off on it like you've never gotten off before..." that's still straight.
But then, when you go off to a bar and you discuss this, or any other sexual experience with a guy: that's gay.
Here's the most interesting one: sucking a guy's cock can, under certain circumstances, be straight. Let's say you've gotten into a betting game with a woman and the bet is whoever loses has to be the other one's sex slave for a night, the kind of thing that happens in Penthouse Forum all the time and you lose, and the woman makes you have sex with another guy: that's not gay. I don't know exactly why, but it's not.
and you never shall.
but jesus loves you, anyway
Unless you have a very unusual keyboard, it doesn't have amoebae living on it. You must have extraordinarily small fingers to be crushing microorganisms with your fingertips.
While you're licking my smelly asshole, why not move up a bit and give my nuts a wash? You can say hi to your mom, I'm sure you'll run into her down there.
...jackass!
Dear Sir,
Lick my smelly asshole.
thank you,
me
I am sending copies of this post to both President Bush and Alan Hale, both of whom are more than welcome to lick my smelly asshole.
Again, I thank you for your quick compliance with my requests.
Perhaps someone should publish a standard for determining the disgusting act / sexual favor ratio.
real men keep going anyway. real women should, too.
ain't it cool?
those who defend free speech must endure those who speak freely.
and widely
quite tasty
jesus loves you, all night long
I just heard the sad news on CBC radio. Comedy actor/writer Alan Thicke was found not dead in his home this morning. Even though you never watched his work, you can appreciate what he did for 80's television. Truly a Canadian. :(
He won't be missed
rhyming ass with ass
fucking genius
jesus loves you, all night long.
If you're sucking a guy off, and right when he's about to come he cuts a mean fart, but you keep going anyway, that counts as doing him two favors, right?
I'm just wondering because me and my man are settling up the tabs for January, and I contend that he owes me two hummers for that one.
For those of you who would point out the errors in these lyrics, I submit that the text was taken directly from deadmilkmen.com, the definitive (even if incorrect) dead milkmen resource.
furthermore to these beers, we would like three of your finest, cheapest cigars
You know what, Stuart, I LIKE YOU. You're not like the other people, here, in the trailer park.
... what the queers are doing to the soil!
Oh, don't go get me wrong. They're fine people, they're good Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybe watch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57, maybe kick back a cool, Coors 16-ouncer. They're good, fine people, Stuart. But they don't know
You know that Jonny Wurster kid, the kid that delivers papers in the neighborhood. He's a foreign kid. Some of the neighbors say he smokes crack, but I don't believe it.
Anyway, for his tenth birthday, all he wanted was a Burrow Owl. Kept bugging his old man. "Dad, get me a burrow owl. I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live." So the guy breaks down and buys him a burrow owl.
Anyway, 10:30, the other night, I go out in my yard, and there's the Wurster kid, looking up in the tree. I say, "What are you looking for?" He says "I'm looking for my burrow owl." I say, "Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick. Everybody knows the burrow owl lives. In a hole. In the ground. Why the hell do you think they call it a burrow owl, anyway?" Now Stuart, do you think a kid like that is going to know what the queers are doing to the soil?
I first became aware of this about ten years ago, the summer my oldest boy, Bill Jr. died. You know that carnival comes into town every year? Well this year they came through with a ride called The Mixer. The man said, "Keep your head, and arms, inside the Mixer at all times." But Bill Jr, he was a DAAAREDEVIL, just like his old man. He was leaning out saying "Hey everybody, Look at me! Look at me!" Pow! He was decapitated! They found his head over by the snow cone concession.
A few days after that, I open up the mail. And there's a pamphlet in there. From Pueblo, Colorado, and it's addressed to Bill, Jr. And it's entitled, "Do you know what the queers are doing to our soil?"
Now, Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large US city, there's a big undeground homosexual population. Des Moines, Iowa, for an example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart. You can't build on it; you can't grow anything in it. The governmentsays it's due to poor farming. But I know what's really going on, Stuart. I know it's the queers. They're in it with the aliens.They're building landing strips for gay Martians, I swear toGod.
You know what, Stuart, I like you. You're not like the other people, here in this trailer park.
In response to your anti-widening bitch, my legal department has prepared the following statement:
Dear Sir,
Choke on a cock.
Sincerely,
Us
Thank you for bringing this issue to our attention. Please direct further correspondence to our local office.
shock!
i got a new life
you would hardly recognize me
i'm so glad
how can a person like me care for you
why do i bother
when you're not the one for me
is enough enough
i saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
i saw the sign
life is demanding without understanding
i saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
i saw the sign
no one's gonna drag you up
to get into the light where you belong
but where do you belong
under the pale moon
for so many years i've wondered
who you are
how can a person like you bring me joy
under the pale moon
where i see a lot of stars
is enough enough
i saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
i saw the sign
life is demanding without understanding
i saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
i saw the sign
no one's gonna drag you up
to get into the light where you belong
but where do you belong
i saw the sign and it opened up my mind
and i am happy now
living without you
i've left you
i saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
i saw the sign
no one's gonna drag you up
to get into the light where you belong
i saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
i saw the sign
Sad news today. This morning my left nut was found dead at age 25. The cause of death is under investigation. My left nut is survived by my right nut. Donations and flowers can be sent to my pants.
I'm sure we're all going to miss my left nut, but we should try to remember the good times we had together.
Don't we all?
from the i love to suck cock dept.
I was wondering if any of your readers have any experience in the professional cock sucking industry. See, I'm tired of having to work my way up my company's hierarchy with hard work. I'd rather just suck off the appropriate people and let the raises roll in.
If any of your readers have any experience sucking cock (like knowing whose cock to suck [damn that janitor]), I'd love to hear them.
( Read More... )Jesus was way cool
Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine
And if he wanted to
He could have turned wheat into marijuana
Or sugar into cocaine
Or vitamin pills into amphetamines
He walked on the water
And swam on the land
He would tell these stories
And people would listen
He was really cool
If you were blind or lame
You just went to Jesus
And he would put his hands on you
And you would be healed
That's so cool
He could've played guitar better than Hendrix
He could've told the future
He could've baked the most delicious cake in the world
He could've scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
He could've danced better than Barishnikov
Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
Jesus was way cool
He told people to eat his body and drink his blood
That's so cool
Jesus was so cool
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
So they killed him
But then he rose from the dead
He rose from the dead, danced around
Then went up to heaven
I mean, that's so cool
Jesus was way cool
No wonder there are so many Christians
I just sit around all day. I suppose it would be trivial to write a perl script to refresh slashdot's rss file for me, and, if it's been updated go and jam some post vars at em, but that would be taking the whole thing way to far. Some of these trolls have actually gone so far as to write programs designed for crapflooding and whatnot. While I do think it's cool as hell that even the feeble minded can write programs to suit their idiotic needs, I can't help but wonder who the hell has that much free time on their hands.
In the end, I'm worse than them, I suppose. See, it's not like sitting around reading slashdot is taking away time from more amusing activities. I have nothing else to do. There is no need for me to take timesaving measures, since there is no reason for me to save time.
Thank you for your inquiry.
Your lord, saviour and pal,
Jesus
all hail me. damnit.
If you'd like to see more spicy, beefy comments, add a +6 bonus to them in your preferences[your.preferences.org]
Also, remember to feed the fish, if they're hungry.
My IP will be banned soon (if it isn't already), so I bid you all a good night.
your lord and saviour, jesus (sweet and sour, with some nice tea)ps:
Hi.
Should certain software be illegal? For example, if you look at this page, you will see a recipe for a very annoying page widener. Should this code be banned from slashdot? Am I a total bastard for writing such a thing?
Discuss.
Oh, and note that it's super tightness allows for greater expandibility while keeping character count low. Daredevils may wish to expand.