I did not write this. Just as the poster it replies to was not the author of what he posted. It has been passed around left and right just as the original has.
To the citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland:
We welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum!
However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the majority of the world.
To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt:
1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "aluminum" (note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually producing aluminum was developed by an American and a Frenchman (not an Englishman).
However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Charles Minor.
2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue.
3. Review your basic arithmetic. (Hint 100 - 98.85 = 1.15 and 100 - 97.85 = 2.15)
4. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing pretty well with music, so keep up the good work on that front.
5. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule Brittania ditty, it's toetapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle In The Wind" again for you guys.
6. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without having your fans start an international incident.
7. Learn how to cook. England has some top notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps when you finally realize the French aren't the spawn of satan they'll teach you how to cook.
8. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second problem is pricing, it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies.
9. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".
Thank you for your time. Yu can now return to watching bad Australian soap operas.
Instead of spending $500 on hookers, I can set up some cameras and pay a porn star $500 and cast myself as the leading man! Then I even have it on VIDEO afterwards!
Porn profit margins, you ain't kidding. You've solved the puzzle: 1) (some crap) 2) ???// insert porn here! 3) profit!
Never thought I'd actually find genius on Slashdot...
I have a Dell laptop right now, and it's nice, but in terms of quality across-the-board, it doesn't approach the same ballpark as the PowerBook I had before it. I have the Dell right now because I need an x86 machine.
That's true too. Keynote's a shameless Powerpoint clone but is even more pleasant to use IMO. If Apple was on top of their own take on OneNote, then that'd be sweet too.
CodeWeavers gets my cash as soon as Crossover can bring me my OneNote.
Wonder if there's any chance of being able to drag and drop images from Firefox as can be done in Windows. Haven't really looked into whether Crossover handles such clipboard, copy/paste stuff...
I'd buy an Apple tablet, but only if M-m-m-m-m... m-m-m-m.... m-m-m-m-m-m-Miiicrosoft (whew that was hard to say) ported a version of OneNote to OS X.
Damn MS and OneNote. I live by OneNote on my laptop (not even a tablet) PC, and am desperately trying to find a way to run it in Linux short of a full-blown VMWare environment...
The problem with your argument: a desktop that is "really neat" in 1995 is not "really neat" years later.
1995: We'll have really neat X11 desktops Real Soon Now(TM)! See, here's a demo!
1998: We'll have really neat X11 desktops Real Soon Now(TM)! See, here's a demo!
2000: We'll have really neat X11 desktops Real Soon Now(TM)! See, here's a demo!
All of these have been met. Maybe not as timely as would be nice, but met. What you don't seem to understand is that "really neat" is a moving target.
>> The main thing is, if something breaks, the company just puts its hands up and says "opps, sorry it's a Beta", and I bet there will still be plenty of users (businesses) who are willing try them.
Can't say that this is much worse than now, when the company just puts its hands up and says "it's your PC manufacturer's fault".
Slashdot Mirror
I'm really happy I could help.
Like, duh.
SUBJECT: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland:
We welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum!
However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the majority of the world.
To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt:
1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "aluminum" (note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually producing aluminum was developed by an American and a Frenchman (not an Englishman).
However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Charles Minor.
2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue.
3. Review your basic arithmetic. (Hint 100 - 98.85 = 1.15 and 100 - 97.85 = 2.15)
4. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing pretty well with music, so keep up the good work on that front.
5. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule Brittania ditty, it's toetapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle In The Wind" again for you guys.
6. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without having your fans start an international incident.
7. Learn how to cook. England has some top notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps when you finally realize the French aren't the spawn of satan they'll teach you how to cook.
8. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second problem is pricing, it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies.
9. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".
Thank you for your time. Yu can now return to watching bad Australian soap operas.
P.S. -- Regarding WW2: You're Welcome.
Why didn't I think of that?
// insert porn here!
Instead of spending $500 on hookers, I can set up some cameras and pay a porn star $500 and cast myself as the leading man! Then I even have it on VIDEO afterwards!
Porn profit margins, you ain't kidding. You've solved the puzzle:
1) (some crap)
2) ???
3) profit!
Never thought I'd actually find genius on Slashdot...
Yes.
If I can't have my raga MP3s, what's the point of having a computer at all?
I have a Dell laptop right now, and it's nice, but in terms of quality across-the-board, it doesn't approach the same ballpark as the PowerBook I had before it. I have the Dell right now because I need an x86 machine.
Does this mean I'd have to, like... TALK to him?
Nevermind then.
CodeWeavers gets my cash as soon as Crossover can bring me my OneNote.
Wonder if there's any chance of being able to drag and drop images from Firefox as can be done in Windows. Haven't really looked into whether Crossover handles such clipboard, copy/paste stuff...
Damn MS and OneNote. I live by OneNote on my laptop (not even a tablet) PC, and am desperately trying to find a way to run it in Linux short of a full-blown VMWare environment...
Then get the fuck over it already.
Seriously, I'm plenty critical of MS, but this continues to be stupid.
We're all living in Amerika
Amerika ist wunderbar
I'd Rather Drag a Linux than Run a Windows!
No. Just because something is related to video games does not mean it's primarily for kids, grandpa.
Wait, that doesn't make sense...
Under what license?
All of these have been met. Maybe not as timely as would be nice, but met. What you don't seem to understand is that "really neat" is a moving target.
Easy! Dual licensing!
*calculates using the current "strength" of the US dollar...*
"35 cents".
Can't say that this is much worse than now, when the company just puts its hands up and says "it's your PC manufacturer's fault".