In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.
Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.
4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
5. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."
8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables... Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.
12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") - roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.
13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.
14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sol
I don't get it; don't cell phone companies make too much money as it is? Now they're selling personal information for a little extra profit on the side. Doesn't privacy mean anything anymore?
It makes me sick to think how some people make money.
I'm sick of people trying to censor information on the internet. I'm going to make my own internet... with hookers and gambling. In fact, forget the internet.
IMHO the internet is as popular as it is because of the amount and the freedom of information available to anyone. An uncensored internet is tool for the entire world to use, for what ever their purpose (even *pr0n*). Censoring takes away from the effectiveness of that tool and gives power to what ever body controls it. I believe that I should have access to any information I want (that someone else has made available) regardless of any body (government or otherwise).
Isopropyl alcohol does not damage the hardware at all and is a great solvent. I use it to clean everything from fans to NICs. Just let the hardware soak for a few hours and *boom* just like new. Just make sure it's comply dry before you use it.
This beamrider idea may have some potential.
So what if you made, lets say, a ship with a solar sail. Could you not beam energy to the sail via a big laser pointed at the sail? There would be less power sent the further away the ship was but it would far more powerful the light from a star. The little extra push could be what a ship like that needs to get from one solar system to the next.
I guess CNN would rather keep Americans from finding out how their freedoms are being sold. NBC paid good money for your attention; you shouldn't have the right to choose from what source you watch.
Slashdot Mirror
Dear Citizens of America,
In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.
Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.
4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
5. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will
be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."
8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables... Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.
12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") - roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.
13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.
14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sol
is that what they call 'green' power?
I don't get it; don't cell phone companies make too much money as it is? Now they're selling personal information for a little extra profit on the side. Doesn't privacy mean anything anymore? It makes me sick to think how some people make money.
I'm sick of people trying to censor information on the internet. I'm going to make my own internet... with hookers and gambling. In fact, forget the internet. IMHO the internet is as popular as it is because of the amount and the freedom of information available to anyone. An uncensored internet is tool for the entire world to use, for what ever their purpose (even *pr0n*). Censoring takes away from the effectiveness of that tool and gives power to what ever body controls it. I believe that I should have access to any information I want (that someone else has made available) regardless of any body (government or otherwise).
Isopropyl alcohol does not damage the hardware at all and is a great solvent. I use it to clean everything from fans to NICs. Just let the hardware soak for a few hours and *boom* just like new. Just make sure it's comply dry before you use it.
Where can I pick up a bending unit?
Too bad we couldn't somehow suppress political speech before it happens.
This beamrider idea may have some potential. So what if you made, lets say, a ship with a solar sail. Could you not beam energy to the sail via a big laser pointed at the sail? There would be less power sent the further away the ship was but it would far more powerful the light from a star. The little extra push could be what a ship like that needs to get from one solar system to the next.
I can now take "killing Rick James" off my list of things that should be done for betterment of mankind
I guess CNN would rather keep Americans from finding out how their freedoms are being sold. NBC paid good money for your attention; you shouldn't have the right to choose from what source you watch.