User: Cr0w T. Trollbot

Other things John Dvorak is "advocating"

On: Dvorak Avocates Open Sourcing OS X

• A naked jello-wrestling match between Angelina Jolie and Natalie Portman
• The Wall Street Journal hiring John Dvorak for triple his current salary to be their technology editor.
• Bill Gates driving up to his house and pitch-forking stacks of $100 bills onto his lawn.

All of these ideas have the following in common with Dvorak's "advocating" opensourcing all of OS X:

• Each would benefit Dvorak greatly.
• Each would benefit those with the actual power to implement his suggestions not at all.
• Each has 0% chance of coming to pass.

Crow T. Trollbot

Put down the crack pipe, John

On: Dvorak Avocates Open Sourcing OS X

OK, it's been scientifically proven that John Dvorak is smoking crack. (And by "scientifically proven," I mean "more likely than anything Dvorak has ranted about this year.") His friends really need to have an intervention for him before he's found curled up at the bottom of a dumpspter in San Francisco, ranting at the rats and cockroaches about how Network Appliances will take off "any day now."

C'mon, John, the first step is to admit you have a problem.

Crow T. Trollbot

Heretics Must Be Burned

On: Global Warming Dissenters Suppressed?

That's because it's not about science, it's about religion.

"Today, one of the most powerful religions in the Western World is environmentalism. Environmentalism seems to be the religion of choice for urban atheists. Why do I say it's a religion? Well, just look at the beliefs. If you look carefully, you see that environmentalism is in fact a perfect 21st century remapping of traditional Judeo-Christian beliefs and myths. There's an initial Eden, a paradise, a state of grace and unity with nature, there's a fall from grace into a state of pollution as a result of eating from the tree of knowledge, and as a result of our actions there is a judgment day coming for us all. We are all energy sinners, doomed to die, unless we seek salvation, which is now called sustainability. Sustainability is salvation in the church of the environment. Just as organic food is its communion, that pesticide-free wafer that the right people with the right beliefs, imbibe. Eden, the fall of man, the loss of grace, the coming doomsday---these are deeply held mythic structures. They are profoundly conservative beliefs. They may even be hard-wired in the brain, for all I know. I certainly don't want to talk anybody out of them, as I don't want to talk anybody out of a belief that Jesus Christ is the son of God who rose from the dead. But the reason I don't want to talk anybody out of these beliefs is that I know that I can't talk anybody out of them. These are not facts that can be argued. These are issues of faith. And so it is, sadly, with environmentalism. Increasingly it seems facts aren't necessary, because the tenets of environmentalism are all about belief. It's about whether you are going to be a sinner, or saved. Whether you are going to be one of the people on the side of salvation, or on the side of doom. Whether you are going to be one of us, or one of them."

- Crow T. Trollbot

Slashdot? Socially Challanged?

On: Device Developed To Help Socially Challenged

For once, this really IS "news for nerds!"

- Crow T. Trollbot

"MAGGOT! Are you ready to burn through $10M?"

On: NYT on Paul Graham's YCombinator Bootcamp

"Sir, yes sir!"

"I can't hear you!"

"SIR, YES SIR!"

"Are you ready to convince angel investors that your fooseball table is an integral part of your creative environment?"

"SIR, YES SIR!"

"Are you ready to convince gullible members of the public that your particular URL is worth several million dollars?"

"SIR, YES SIR!"

"You, maggot! Front and center! What's you're name?"

"Smith, sir!"

"And what do you do, Smith?"

"Program, sir!"

"Well goddamn, a white boy who thinks he can program! Are you half-Asian, boy?"

"No, sir!"

"And what do you think your non-Asian ass is going to be programming in?"

".NET, sir!"

".NET?!?!? .NET!?!? What sort of goddamn candyass faggot shit is that??? No VC is going to give no sucking-his-momma's tit .NET programmer jack! You will program in JAVA, and you will LIKE IT!"

"Sir, yes sir! Java, sir!"

"Now drop into that Aeron chair and give me 20 lines of code!"

Crow T. Trollbot

Why No Examples?

On: Unipage - A PDF Alternative?

I see a lot of headers at the top of the Unipage page (FAQ, Contact, Download, etc.); why do I not see a page that says something like "Here are some examples of pages saved by Unipage"? Why have screenshots rather but not, you know, actual examples of pages produced by the application?

"Yes sir, our program produces amazing pages!"

"Can I see them?"

"Yes sir, really, really amazing pages!"

"So could I see an example of-"

"Yes sir, really, really, really amazing pages!"

Wake me when the wizard steps out from behind the curtain.

Crow T. Trollbot

Communism vs. Spamming

On: Outrunning China's Web Cops

Communism vs. Spamming....Communism vs. Spamming...

OK, I have to go with Communism being more evil than spamming (mainly due to that little "one hundred million people killed by it" problem). On the other hand, Spam has certainly inflicted more personal harm on me than communism in the last ten years...

Crow T. Trollbot

Pope Stallman Rejects Another Herasy

On: RMS says Creative Commons Unacceptable

My take is the same it's always been: Stallman's view of open source is that of a rigid, impractical ideologue far more concerened with being ideologically pure than in getting things done, that his "My Way or the Highway" attitude hurts the open source movement far more than it helps it, and that there's a reason extremist open source zelotry is called "Stallmanism."

There are many times when "Screw you guys, I'm going home" is a valid response, but Stallman has done it so many times, about so many Open Source projects that don't adhere to Pope Stallman's ex cathedra Encyclical on The True and Only GPL that it's lost all meaning. Yeah, RMS, we've figured out nothing that you haven't personally blessed is pure and holy enough for you. Next question.

Perhaps his most impressive feat is making Eric Raymond look reasonable by comparison...

Crow T. Trollbot

"I would like to return this car"

On: Microsoft Won't Offer Patch Before Worm Strikes?

"Why do you want to return it?"

"Because there's a car bomb on it set to go off on Friday."

"Sorry, that's not our car bomb."

"No, but when I bought the car, there was a modular plug next to the engine with PLACE CAR BOMB HERE written on it!"

"Sorry, not our problem. You knew this car was prone to car bombs when you bought it, and your purchase agreement specifically spells out that we're not responsible for car bomb damage."

"Can you at least remove the car bomb?"

"Sorry, but your contract specifically states that we're under no obligation to remove any car bombs attached to your car. Now, if you would be interested in purchasing our special Car Bomb Insurance..."

- Crow T. Trollbot

So now that the UN is behind it...

On: U.N. Lends Backing to the $100 Laptop

...we can expect the idea to fail miserably, just as most of the projects the bloated, corrupt, and inefficient UN bureaucracy takes on, such as:

• The Iraqi Oil for Food Scandal
• The Peacekeepers in the Congo, who seemed more intent on committing child rape than doing their job
• The horrificly slow Tsunami response, where the US and Australian navies did all the heavy lifting while the bureaucrats drove around in rented Mercedes Benzs.

My guess is that failure is just around the corner.

Crow T. Trollbot

A Ruthless, Abrasive , Arrogent Talk Show Host...

On: Family Guy's Stewie to Host Talk Show

...who longs to take over the world.

Nah, no one will ever buy that...

Crow T. Trollbot

Re:Sorry, I couldn't help it...

On: On the Subject of Slashdot Article Formatting

Don't worry, the two "to"s will be corrected to "too"s in twelve hours when this article is duped...

Crow T. Trollbot

"Network Appliance"

On: Robert X. Cringely Weighs in on 2006

The next big consumer market will be a network computing appliance.

My prediction of three things we'll see before "network computing" being the next big consumer computer market:

1. Practical Cold Fusion on your desktop.
2. Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore co-hosting a telethon for gay dyslexic evengelical gun-owning welfare cheats.
3. Monkeys flying out of Robert X. Cringley's butt.

Crow T. Trollbot

Has anyone told Robert J. Sawyer?

On: Wikipedia Founder Edits Own Bio

His Wikipedia entry is so longb and fawning that no one other than Sawyer could have written it.

Crow T. Trollbot

Private Sector Detours

On: U.S. Engineers Undercounted

You get a lot of American engineers who found out (at least during the dotcom boom) that they could make more money as programmers, technologists, SysAdmins (etc.) than they could in an entry-level engineering job. A lot of them may end up going back to get their degree later, or else starting their own company. Makes it hard to compare to an economy when credentialism is mroe important.

Crow T. Trollbot

Maybe it's due to famine...

On: On The Feminine Form In Gaming

I just assumed there was a good reason for women in all those games to have to smuggle two cantelopes around in their shirt everywhere they go...

Crow T. Trollbot

DMCA vs. Prohabition passage

On: RIAA vs Linux and DVDs

our brilliant government passed the Eighteenth Amendment commonly referred to as Prohibition.

It is misleading to say "our brilliant government" passed Prohabition. It would be more accurate to say "our brilliant GOVERNMENTS" passed Prohibition, as it required a 2/3rds majority of votes in both the House and Senate, as well as being ratified by the legislatures of three-fourths of the states. Grave mistake though it was, Prohabition was still an issue whose passage was sufficiently popular to overcome the step hurdles against amending the constitution.

The DMCA, by contrast, has shown no such popular support, and did not go through nearly as rigerous a process or well-debated to be enacted into law. That's a rather fundamental difference, and one that renders his anaology to inexact to be meaningful, if not his overriding point.

Crow T. Trollbot

"Most Extreme"

On: Blazing Dual Channel Thumb Drive

"If you want the fastest, sleekest, and most extreme drive currently on the market, this is the one to get."

I'm sorry, but due to the terms of the Federal Hype Reduction Act of 2001, use of the phrase "extreme" in any technical product review is punishable by a mandatory 1 year sentence in a Federal DeHyping Educational Camp. Enjoy hours of knitting and watching PBS from within the soothing pastel confines of Club Fed, my friend...

Crow T. Trollbot

Advantages of Digital HD BBC

On: Brit TV Won't Go Digital Till 2012

1. You'll now be able to get a nice, close-up view of that sterling British dentistry.
2. The cardboard Daleks from Dr. Who will look even faker (if that were possible).
3. Every mole and blackhead of every British Parliment member will finally be crystal clear.
4. Ditto Keith Richards.
5. Cooking shows will finally offer extreme closeups of Spotted Dick.
6. There is no...point number six.

Crow T. Trollbot

Check out their stock performance

On: Apple - What A Difference Eight Years Can Make

Here's a comparison of Apple's stock vs. Dell's stock over the past five years.

Buying Apple five years ago would have netted you a 450% profit. Buying Dell five years ago would have netted you...a small loss.

Crow T. Trollbot

But surely flashing LEDS make it go faster!

On: The Impact of Memory Latency Explored

After all, that's the main feature of Crucial Ballistix Tracer Memory. I'm sure those LEDS must be worth at least 10 fps in Doom 3...

Crow T. Trollbot

Ten Points

On: Are Media Writers Biased Towards Apple?

1. Dvorak is an idiot.
2. Yes, Apple does get disproportiante coverage compared to its overall market size, but not given its rate of innovation.newspapers cover Apple today because that's where the rest of the industry will be tomorrow. Remember, the first three letters in "News" are "New." American International Group makes tons more money than Google, but the insurance industry isn't exactly sexy. This isn't a conspiracy, it's called "giving readers what they want."
3. Dvorak is an idiot.
4. Being both a hardware and software company, Apple naturally gets two areas of opportunity for coverage, where Dell and Microsoft only get one each.
5. Dvorak is an idiot.
6. What's the last box Dell released that was notably different than the previous Dell box? As for Microsoft, they get loads of publicity, its just that much of it is for the latest Windows virus.
7. Dvorak is an idiot.
8. As far as reporters covering certain types of computers because they use them, I don't remember terribly many stories on Amstads and Wangs in the late 70s and early 80s.
9. Dvorak is an idiot.
10. With the success of their music line, Apple has celebrities like Bono, etc. flocking to endorse the iPod and iTunes, something that generates loads of free publicity. How many celebrities do you see bragging about usoing Windows?

Crow T. Trollbot

Example of Bias: "Islamofascist"

On: Nitpicking Wikipedia's Vulnerabilities

For another example of the "PC Mentality" prevelant in Wikipedia, look at how they made the term Islamofascist disappear entirely.

Crow T. Trollbot

"2-3 main characters, before it starts to suck"

On: Spider-Man 3 Villains: Sandman & Venom

How many "main characters" did Traffic have? Or The Lord of the Rings movies? Crow T. Trollbot

I was searched quite politely on the Tube

On: London Tube Dangerous for Technophiles?

I was in the UK in August, on my way to Heathrow Airport, when a police officer asked to search my suitcase. (Understandable, since it was a large suitcase, and had I been an Islamofascist, I could have packed quite a lot of explosive in it.) He was quite polite about the whole thing, it took less than two minutes, and then he gave me a note describing me and the bag I was carrying in case another officer wanted to stop me.

Don't know why Mr. May had such a hard time of it. Sounds more like an abberation than a trend, and it's impossible to contruct a trend line from a single point of data.

Crow T. Trollbot