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http://www.techcomedy.com/ is still my favorite

Innotek... don't you mean Initech?

Notice the GP didn't advocate writing down usernames or the purpose of the passwords

If the starfish* can't remember their password, what in the Wide, Wide World of Sports makes you think they can remember their usernames??

*slang for stupid users. It's a Tech Support Comedy thing. You see, starfish use the same openign to eat and excrete (everyone in tech support knows users talk shit), and it's not that bright.

Try working in tech support.

http://www.techcomedy.com/

You'd realize that for every person that knows enough html to get into trouble on myspace there are about ten people that think their Operating system is Internet Explorer. These people don't know what a firewall is, the concept of viruses is pure magic. They call in because their email box is full and they can't get more mail (the same thing happens at the post office?). They will install weather bug and accuse you of selling their email to spammers. You can explain it to them all damn day and when things finally get fixed they think *you* finally fixed whatever the hell it was that *you* originally broke. You could compare this with people calling auto mechanics so the mechanic can walk them through an oil change, except mechanics get both paid and credit. Yes complex systems are significantly abstracted in everyday devices such as cars, but to say that "normal people" don't need professionals like mechanics is just asinine. Your only saying it because you THINK you've mastered your computer - not true by any means, just like no mechanic will ever completely master all cars you will NEVER master all software that runs on your system.

Yes "normal people" need nerds/geeks to install and uninstall software in fact that's exactly what I get paid to do every day all day long 40 hours a week, it pays shit and you support users at ALL levels of experience (trust me, I've talked to well respected slashdot interviewees on the phone). This attitude that my job is easy enough for some sixteen year old script kiddie (or less) to complete and that my value in life is just "ego masturbation" is the icing on the cake after being screamed at by some asshole that won't pay his regular tech support guy to fix his network (because the problem required physical access) and now the bank has frozen his funds. Seriously, it doesn't matter what you do but you're worthless, your job, your opinion mean nothing and no matter how hard you work or what you know will ever prove anything to these dip-shits that can't take sound advice from a professional when they ask for it.

Honestly Go Fuck yourself.

Try some humility.

Compared to some of the stuff people in tech support see this is absolutely nothing. Check out http://techcomedy.com/ to get a taste of just how stupid some people can be. Knowing computers is a bit of a curse, everyone that knows you assumes you are their own personal computer bitch.

Over at Tech Support Comedy we call people "starfish" who don't know what they are doing and for a long time they've been called "lusers" by others. These are the people making IT policy in schools these days and have been since time out of mind.

These are "tail wags the dog" imbeciles who were the other half of Apple scam to get into civilian homes through the children by putting used and wholly inadequate Apples in the schools. These are the idiots who thought that typing teachers should teach BASIC on Commodore PETs, the same dimbulbs who gave gifted classes LOGO instead of serious languages like C.

These are the sort of people still to this day deciding IT policy in the local schools and often enough, in the towns of those schools. People without proper education, background, aptitude, wisdom, or intelligence. Hiring a Must Call Someone Else (MCSE) with three years experience fixing neighbors' computers is no improvement either, and that often enough is as far towards proper people as they go. Loony.

The schools have 60s sci-fi television and AOL newbie levels of knowledge about basic data processing, elementary PC workings, and an understanding of pop media topics like viruses and spyware as shallow as a plate of spaghetti two seconds after it gets in front of Kirstie Ally. the average twelve year old knows a thousand times more than his forty-eight year-old teacher.

Why? Well, other than the fact that we only really pay lip service to the idea of proper education of children in the US as well shown by the schools spending more resources on fighting the No Child Left Behind Act than they actually do on teaching the children, it has long been known that the majority of public school teachers come from the bottom quartile of the colleges and universities. IOW, those who couldn't excel teach. Those who could get private sector jobs.

It's clearly not a matter of salary either when teachers do the bulk of their job for only nine months of the year and have starting salaries in excess of telecommunications technicians with fifteen years of experience who actually have bonafide standards and goals to stick to.

Politics rules the teaching world, always has, and will until we demand higher college scores from would-be teachers, force total financial divestiture and separation of the teachers' unions from leftist political groups who have dominated them for decades, and start taking serious stock of what kids already know versus what they don't and need to and start teaching based on that and not politics of the day.

Seriously, touchy-feely political claptrap and pop media nonsense have farked up the US schools to the point they are next to useless as educational vehicles, parents more and more know it, and the country's social landscape makes it glaringly obvious. The kids don't need twenty bazillion courses on AIDS, the environment, and tolerance, they need to frigging understand 2+2, what the capital of their own state is, and how to spell their own last name correctly. Since the schools would rather not bother with those things and instead focus on indoctrination, I'm not surprised they'd leave the passes on the PCs and then punish the kids for using them. Why not just leave some matches and magnesium strips out in front of them in science class while the teacher goes for a half-hour smoke break in the middle of class? (Actually, this happened when I was in school in my class and that was 1983 or so.)

...a valid dogbert tactic (point 19). Unfortunately, dilbert.com seems to no longer exist, and I can't see any archives of the actual cartoon anywhere, but nevertheless would probably get legal threats if I dug out and posted a copy on the 'Net.

These posts and others like them should really be placed on www.techcomedy.com

"I hate these people. I want to kill every single last one of them until they die from it. You can obviously read or that sentance wouldn't start with "It says" now flex that big grey muscle under your skull and figure out what those words mean. I don't need to sit here on the phone with you for half an hour listening to you install our software and occasionally telling you to do what it says RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. Read, comprehend, DO. How do these people figure out how to breed? I stick it where? In her ear?"

Or you can just head over to TechComedy.com. I prefer my Techie humour online, not in books...

I don't know that this fits the bill totally, but the people here often have stories similar to this one, and do talk about various company's problems(sometimes - depends on whether they work for the company or not). Tech Support Comedy

But as in another comment on this story - this is an inditement of HP support - possibly tech support in general from big companies - than where the support is provided. I can't speak from tech support myself, but I did work in a call center, and often even though we could help the customer we were not allowed too - even ordered to provide obviously bullshit or unitelligable responses to some questions. I believe this is the case with tech support call centers also - see http://www.techcomedy.com someday to read from many callcenter techs the crap they have to do to keep their jobs.

This all is a management issue with callcenters, and maybe a training issue, but has nothing to do with where the call center is.

I just shudder to to think that this will train people, to the point where eventually most tech support calls will sound like this. Do the people who came up with this actually think they'll be making things easier on themselves?

For other tech support stories and recordings like the mouse one, see http://www.techcomedy.com/new_stories.php. Disclaimer: I'm not affiliated with the website, I just remembered reading some funny things there that popped into mind when I read this story.

I just shudder to to think that this will train people, to the point where eventually most tech support calls will sound like this. Do the people who came up with this actually think they'll be making things easier on themselves?

For other tech support stories and recordings like the mouse one, see http://www.techcomedy.com/new_stories.php. Disclaimer: I'm not affiliated with the website, I just remembered reading some funny things there that popped into mind when I read this story.

I can much more easily picture Morpheus dancing around the Zion cave shouting "DEVELOPERS! DEVELOPERS!" ad naseum, than Neo.

Like this?

True, most level-1 techs are good at what they do, and they typically don't enjoy it too much. In fact, it's all they (we) can do to keep from saying, "Take this job and shove it."

And I don't think that 5-10 minutes of tech support will work for a large number of people. Don't believe me? Read some of the stories at Tech Support Comedy. Every time I feel bad that I've got to deal with some of the dumbest people on the planet, I just read some of the stories on this site. I suddenly feel much better and realize that it could always be worse.

Yes, never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. I don't exactly remember the source of the quote (although I'm sure it's from a movie of some sort), but it sure seems to fit: "A person is smart. People are dumb."

Post your stories here: http://www.techcomedy.com/ I never get tired of reading new tech support horror stories.

Time to watch that old Steve Ballmer clip again.

Time to watch that old Steve Ballmer clip again.

Then call tech support :)

You know another fun site is this one > www.techcomedy.com kinda like slashdot but full of tech stories and recorded calls

If you like tech comedy this site is hilarious. It's got audio and video clips as well as stories.

Also techcomedy.com