Star Wars: AOTC Reviews Pour In

spoiler by dirvish · 2002-05-09 17:30 · Score: 4, Funny

Spider-Man spoiler? How is that possible? Anyone who is a fan knows every possible story line they could use in the sequal.

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Overwhelmingly Positive Reviews by TheMonkeyDepartment · 2002-05-09 17:32 · Score: 5, Interesting

The reviews have, for the most part, been overwhelmingly positive. Chris Gore's review at Film Threat is a good example. He says AOTC is second only to Empire Strikes Back in quality. (It is important to note that he thought Phantom Menace was total crap, in fact he was one of its harshest critics.)

Re:Overwhelmingly Positive Reviews by spike+hay · 2002-05-09 17:48 · Score: 5, Informative

For those to lazy to register:

AFTER sitting through "Star Wars: Episode II -- Attack of the Clones," I'm tempted to quote an evergreen Public Enemy song: don't believe the hype. But really, belief is beside the point. The promotional machinery around the "Star Wars" franchise exists beyond fervor or skepticism; it is a fact of life. When the fifth installment in George Lucas's pop-Wagnerian cycle opens nationally on Thursday (after being shown at the first TriBeCa Film Festival on Sunday afternoon), the event will have all the spontaneity and surprise of an election day in the old Soviet Union.

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Like weary Brezhnev-era Muscovites, the American

moviegoing public will line up out of habit and compulsion, ruefully hoping that this episode will at least be a little better than the last one, and perhaps inwardly suspecting that the whole elephantine system is rotten. Even the true believers camped out on the sidewalks with their toy light sabers (or the ones at the screening I attended who burst into applause at the appearance of the 20th Century Fox and Lucasfilm company logos) seem more dutiful than enthusiastic.

Already I can hear the equally habitual murmurs of protest: Oh, come on, lighten up! It's only a movie.

Well, for one thing, given the scale and expense (reportedly $140 million) of the enterprise, not to mention its ability to command the money and attention of audiences around the world, there's nothing "only" about it. And for another, while "Attack of the Clones" is many things -- a two-hour-and-12-minute action- figure commercial, a demo reel heralding the latest advances in digital filmmaking, a chance for gifted actors to be handsomely paid for delivering the worst line readings of their careers -- it is not really much of a movie at all, if by movie you mean a work of visual storytelling about the dramatic actions of a group of interesting characters.

Twenty-five years ago the first "Star Wars" picture, which we are now supposed to call "Episode IV -- A New Hope," offered a revelatory combination of whimsy and grandeur. The big, archetypal themes were there and would emerge into sharper relief through the next two films, but they were leavened by a cheeky sense of fun grounded in Mr. Lucas's love of old serials and B-movies. The solemn drama of Luke Skywalker's Oedipal struggle with Darth Vader was offset by, among other things, the twinkling Gable-and- Lombard sexiness of Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher as Han Solo and Princess Leia. The special effects were spectacular and elaborate, but there was also something jaunty in the inventiveness that produced them.

That was a long time ago. In reviving the saga, and setting out to chronicle Luke's genealogy and the earlier history of the Jedi order, Mr. Lucas seems to have lost his boyish glee. As the effects have grown more intricate and realistic, their ability to yield pleasure and astonishment has diminished.

"Clones" takes place 10 years after "Episode I -- The Phantom Menace," and it is as thick with exposition as an undergraduate history course. An early reference to disgruntled miners on one of the moons of Naboo elicits a spasm of anxiety: will this be on the final? Footnotes to the earlier (which is to say, to the later) episodes are interesting in a scholastic kind of way. Now, at long last, we know the parentage of Boba Fett, the vengeful bounty hunter from the first three films.

But where are the clones? Send in the clones! Patience, young Jedi. They're already here, on a distant, storm-tossed planet, waiting for their big climactic battle scene. First, however, you must attend to the political turmoil that threatens the stability of the republic. Separatists in far-flung solar systems, apparently in cahoots with the dark side, are causing all kinds of trouble, and the beleagured Jedi and the fractious senate are ill equipped to contain it. This leads to some earnest palaver among the sinister chancellor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) and the Jedi elders, who include Samuel L. Jackson, Jimmy Smits, Ewan McGregor and Yoda, as well as assorted masked and computer-animated space knights and politicos.

Mr. McGregor, revisiting the role of Obi-Wan Kenobi and looking ever less likely to age into Sir Alec Guinness, must also undertake some intergalactic police work, trying to find those responsible for an attempt on the life of Senator Padmé Amidala (Natalie Portman), who has become a legislator after her tenure as the elected (and apparently term-limited) queen of Naboo. (Jar Jar Binks, the notorious duck-billed racial caricature from "The Phantom Menace," has also returned, accent and all. Now you may call him Senator Binks. Whether this makes the character less offensive or more is something to ponder.)

Obi-Wan's apprentice, Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen), is assigned to be Padmé's bodyguard. He promptly falls in love with her, which occasions some of the most embarrassing romantic avowals in recent screen history. The gifted Anakin also manifests some of the traits that will eventually pull him over to the dark side: arrogance, a hot temper and contempt for democratic institutions. It is clear by now that the purpose of the saga is to do for Anakin/ Darth Vader what Robert A. Caro has been doing for Lyndon B. Johnson, but Mr. Lucas lacks Mr. Caro's feel for human psychology and his insight into the workings of politics.

The story of a young, ambitious knight's corruption, set against a backdrop of incipient civil war, has enormous potential, but Mr. Lucas (who wrote the script with Jonathan Hales) is, at best, a haphazard storyteller. He also has lost either the will or the ability to connect with actors, and his crowded, noisy cosmos is pyschologically and emotionally barren. Mr. Christensen and Ms. Portman are timid and stiff, and uncertain of their diction. They alternate between the august tones of high-school Shakespeareans and the suburban soap-opera naturalism of "Dawson's Creek." Only Mr. Jackson, Frank Oz (the voice of Yoda) and, later, the formidable Christopher Lee seem comfortable in their performances, perhaps because they know better than to take the proceedings too seriously.

Now is perhaps the time to say that the special effects -- the scaly critters and planetary landscapes, the swordplay and the spaceship chases -- demonstrate impressive polish and visual integrity. But now is also the time to say: so what? Yes, the battle scenes and the monster rallies are superior to anything in "The Mummy," "The Mummy Returns" or "The Scorpion King," but that lowbrow franchise at least has the good sense to acknowledge its silliness. "Attack of the Clones," in contrast, like "The Phantom Menace," lumbers along in the confining armor of bogus wisdom.

There are two moments, one early and one late, in which the sententious hooey is cast off and some of the old "Star Wars" spirit peeks out. The first is an aerial chase through traffic-clogged skies, in which the great cinematic challenge of conveying flight is breathtakingly surmounted. The other is a light- saber duel between the evil Count Dooku (Mr. Lee) and Yoda. Watching the elfin, leaping Yoda mix it up with the tall, graceful British bad guy momentarily dispels the ponderous tedium that has come before, but it is too little, too late.

Given Mr. Lee's long career in horror films, the contest also recalls one of those debates that erupt among third graders about the relative prowess of fictional characters. ("No way could Batman beat up Superman. He doesn't even really have powers." "Yuh-uh, 'cause what if Batman had some Kryptonite?" "Yeah, but neither one of them could beat the Incredible Hulk.") Could Yoda beat up Dracula? Good question. But the more relevant one is whether Anakin Skywalker can beat Spider-Man. The answer, young Jedi, is in your hands.

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Re:Overwhelmingly Positive Reviews by Shelled · 2002-05-09 17:59 · Score: 3, Interesting

From the Film Threat review:
Let me put it to you this way, "Clones" is not a good movie - but it is an incredibly awesome Star Wars movie!
If this is an example of a Chris Gore rave, I'm dying to read one of his pans.
Re:Overwhelmingly Positive Reviews by wmansir · 2002-05-09 21:49 · Score: 5, Interesting

It's odd how I hear all these fanboys saying that 90% of the reviews are positive, or the critics hate/don't get Star Wars movies. Let's take a look at the early results:
At this point Clones has 58%.
As a comparison, TPM as a 58% positive review rating. Compared to Star Wars at 97%, Empires at 97%, and Jedi at 79%.
If we look at the cream of the crop section (AKA the real film critics), TPM has a miserable 33% positive, but still beats Clone's current rating of 25%.
Re: Overwhelmingly Positive Reviews by Black+Parrot · 2002-05-09 23:31 · Score: 3, Funny

> For those to lazy to register:

LMAO. If the movie's half so entertaining as that review, it should do OK.

I'm not holding my breath, though.

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Re:Overwhelmingly Positive Reviews by dswensen · 2002-05-10 02:26 · Score: 3, Insightful

Well, a couple of things:

1) There's still a week to go before the film is released, and plenty of critics don't release reviews until opening day.

2) Sci-fi films of any kind rarely do well with film critics, regardless of their pedigree.

3) Films that are absolute critical flops often appeal to filmgoers a great deal. Witness Titanic.

4) As long as there's a Star Wars fan or film critic still alive who grew up with the original Star Wars, none of the new movies will ever get rated higher than the classic trilogy, especially ESB.

5) Some people will like it regardless of the quality of the movie.

6) Some people will hate it regardless of the quality of the movie.
Re:Overwhelmingly Positive Reviews by Telastyn · 2002-05-10 04:05 · Score: 2

I dunno. Reading the reviews on imdb they are all very positive, and all bring up the same/similar points. The user reviews there it seems to me give a good indication of differing people's tastes and are pretty genuine.

It bodes very well as it is quite rare for movies to get unanimously good reviews there.
Re:Overwhelmingly Positive Reviews by dswensen · 2002-05-10 12:07 · Score: 2

I stand corrected. No film that ever bombed with the critics was EVER a runaway box-office hit. Ever.

Okay, bad example, but you know what I mean.

Plot twist to come by ObviousGuy · 2002-05-09 17:32 · Score: 2, Funny

The Jedi are destroyed and the remaining few are scattered about the galaxy.

Anakin turns to the Dark Side and becomes Darth Vader.

Jar Jar Binks is the worst Star Wars character ever.

Lucas should have gone for real foreign languages instead of giving everyone bad accents.

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One also at Fox News by Drizzten · 2002-05-09 17:35 · Score: 3, Informative

Star Wars Returns for Better or Worse

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Re:One also at Fox News by dimator · 2002-05-09 20:27 · Score: 2

Some other quotes from that site: The Simpsons is awesome; CNN sucks; Friends sucks; When Animals attack 32 is great.

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Having seen the movie... by Obiwan+Kenobi · 2002-05-09 17:44 · Score: 5, Informative

...thanks to a friend of a friend of an executive, I can tell you that the movie is a Star Wars fans' dream. I'm going spoiler-free this time out.

The Good:

The visuals are amazing. From start to finish, while Lucas may be in love with the computers a bit too much, what is here is fantastic and you will definitely hear gasps during several points of the movie.

The Yoda battle. If you've seen the TV commercials you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, think green, think three feet tall, think Jedi. He's not called a master for nothing.

Ewan McGregor. The man is a genius and his little ticks and manerisms put him in the character so well it makes the rest of the actors look bad. The Score. Oh man, Williams sealed the Oscar nod about twenty minutes in. You'll see what I mean. It's beautiful, beautiful stuff.

What's Bad:

The dialogue stinks. While witty banter is sparse, and mostly kept to the great Obiwan/Anakin discussions found in different spots, make not mistake that the romance story's wooden, dead-before-it-leaves-their-mouths lines are cringe-inducing.

Hayden Christenson. Not bad, per se, just..eh. Not a lot going on here. He tries too hard and sometimes it's hard to swallow. He does nail it in a few key scenes, most specifically near the climax of the movie, and that's what counts.

Jar-Jar. Even when he's reduced to 10 minutes of screen time, the damn guy still irritates the shit outta me.

Overall, this is a fun romp that as a film stinks, but as far as Star Wars and all that that implies, this is a fanboy's dream and not even Spider-Man comes close to the deep, heroin-junkie-like need to watch the movie again as soon as you see the end credits.

Prepare to geek out.

Re:Having seen the movie... by gosand · 2002-05-10 01:25 · Score: 2

Jar-Jar. Even when he's reduced to 10 minutes of screen time, the damn guy still irritates the shit outta me.
Please, for the love of Jebus, tell me he gets disemboweled. Decapitated? Maimed? Wounded? Something, ANYTHING!
They ran Episode I on Fox last night, and I ran across it during the battle with Maul, so I decided to watch it. I honestly forgot how bad most of that movie was. That annoying, catch-phrase spewing, attempt at mass-market appeal character was in way too much of the movie. And I am talking about Anakin Skywalker. jar-jar (I refuse to even capitalize it) was even worse.
I will go see AOTC, but I'll wait about a month or two. I am in no hurry. I heard that Yoda was completely CG this time around. Hopefully, Lucas' team did better than they have in the past.

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My beliefs do not require that you agree with them.
Re:Having seen the movie... by colmore · 2002-05-10 02:57 · Score: 2

If Episode 1 was Lucas' "tribute" to his fans, then he's got less sense that I thought.

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Re:Having seen the movie... by gosand · 2002-05-10 04:06 · Score: 2

Now Mr. Lucas, don't hide behind that Anonymous Coward login. If I hurt your feelings, you should have thought twice about so blatantly trying to cash in on your success.
Episode I will always be known as the "Godfather III" of the Star Wars series. That isn't my fault. Come on, the movie would have been a hit, everyone was waiting for it. Everyone was excited about it because the other 3 were so good. Even though they progressively slipped towards marketing and catering to the lowest common denominator, they were still OK. Episode I made the huge leap from teetering on the edge to being a full-blown crap-fest. To me, it tainted Lucas. And not JUST because of that stupid clown-character. There were two of them. He betrayed the series and the story by making Anakin Skywalker a buffoon. Yes, he was a kid - but this is Darth Vader we are talking about!
Now I am no zealot, I don't have Star Wars underoors, bedsheets, or any collectibles. I had a couple of figures when I was little, and a cool big comic book. But those are long gone. I am not one of those losers who would wait in line on opening day for ANY movie. I don't dress up in costumes from the movie, or go to conventions. All you people really need a reality check. I am just a fan, and was sorely disappointed by Episode I. Other people were too. If that dissatisfaction wasn't voiced, AOTC probably would be just as bad or worse. Lucas had clearly lost touch, and completely sold out. Which is so very ironic because he was guaranteed that the movie would be popular. He has a chance to redeem himself in the eyes of his fans by not doing the same dumbass things he did in that movie. Hopefully he listened to the harsh criticism, and made some changes. I am going to wait for all the hype to die down before I see it. If it is similar enough, I may just forego plunking down my money for it.
Sorry to run on, but I thought my response deserved a little more than a few "blah blahs" and "yadda yaddas". Maybe just saying "you suck" would have been more your style, but not mine.

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Other mainstream reviews... by koganuts · 2002-05-09 17:46 · Score: 3, Informative

AotC got a C+, while Spider-Man got a B (different reviewer though).

AotC reviews have also been summarized at Studio Briefing (first headline under "Film"), although it mistakenly points out that Episodes IV-VI are the top-selling DVDs (instead of the top-REQUESTED DVDs) on Amazon.com, and listed at Rotten Tomatoes.

My AotC tickets by rosewood · 2002-05-09 17:49 · Score: 2

First, let me say that I saw TPM @ 12:01 AM CST just on a whim. There were news stories about these dorks in costumes waiting DAYS and DAYS to get their tickets and get in. My friend and I got done with a meeting late and decided what the hell. We got there @ 11:30PM, bought two tickets, got some drinks and pop-corn -- no lines for either activity -- and grabbed two half decent seats and watched the movie.

Well, this time I pre-bought tickets but thats because Dickinson Northrock 14 here in Wichita has anounced it will have TI's DLP starting with Episode Two on opening night. I now have 3 tickets for me and friends for the 12:01 showing -- but in DLP. I am not a star wars fan (Ive never seen EP 6, although I have it in DivX) but I wanna check out this DLP shit -- I hear its gonna kick ass and at least my eyes will be brought to orgasm if the movie is not that pleasing.

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Re:My AotC tickets by troc · 2002-05-10 01:18 · Score: 4, Informative

Interestingly, DLY has nowhere near the resolution or colour saturation etc of NEW 35mm film. A brand spanking new reel of old-fashioned film is a better visual medium.

Where DLP wins is that after a few showings it is still dust free and as good as new. So theoretically if you canch an early showing you should really go to a film version but if you wait a week - then go to a DLP version.

It's only 330 or so Gigs after all.

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Re:My AotC tickets by Tackhead · 2002-05-10 03:36 · Score: 2

> It's only 330 or so Gigs after all.
With 80G drives down to $120, I was thinking of picking one up, but I wondered if I'd ever fill the damn thing.
I wondered that about five years ago when 6.4G drives became cheap, and then I discovered MP3s.
It's reassuring to know that pirated content will continue to grow fast enough to keep hard drive manufacturers in business, at least to the 10-Terabyte level. Woohoo!
Re:My AotC tickets by Webmonger · 2002-05-10 05:41 · Score: 2

You can't have better resolution than the original. Displaying a digitally-produced movie using a digital projector eliminates an information-losing digital-to-analog conversion.

I saw Shrek on a digital screen, and I could sure tell. It was more like watching TV than watching a movie, but I mean that in a good way-- There was no flicker, no film grain. The image was stable, sharp, and the colour was good.

For digitally-produced works, digital projection Just Makes Sense, and I expect the day will come when it beats out film projection even for film-based movies.
Re:My AotC tickets by troc · 2002-05-10 06:37 · Score: 2

Only when the resolution of the digital projector is the same (or better) than that of the movie.

If they have to downsample (which I believe they do for the Texas Instruments DLP projectors they use) then there is a loss of information.

Hence there is more resolution on a 35mm film than on current DLP projectors, therefore, despite the slight loss going from digital to analogue, the picture is better than going from lotsapixels (tm) digital to notquitesolotsapixels (tm) . Until the analogue copy starts to degrade........

Troc

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Troc's dubious podcast and blog: http://www.trocnet.net

...and it's already on the net! by VValdo · 2002-05-09 17:50 · Score: 4, Interesting

According to The LA Times, you can find AOTC on irc chat.

From the article:

The pirating of "Attack of the Clones" lends fuel to the film industry's efforts in Washington to crack down on piracy. While the studios' trade association steps up its enforcement activities, their lobbyists are pushing for laws that would require computers and consumer electronics to be modified to deter unauthorized copying.

"It's an extremely serious threat," said Jean Murrell Adams, head of the litigation department at DreamWorks SKG. "I'm not surprised that it's on the Internet. I talk to pirates because I want to find out why they're doing this. And what I've been told is that they were eagerly anticipating who would be first to do this. It's a challenge for them."

Apparently it's a version videotaped in the theater, which they're worried will cut into DVD sales (?)

W

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This is my SIG. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

Re:...and it's already on the net! by rosewood · 2002-05-09 17:55 · Score: 3, Funny

I have 100+ DivXs sitting here next to me
I dont have a single DivX of a movie I would buy on DVD or havent seen on a theatre screen

Its been shown time and again that p2p etc. does not cut into sales

Weirdos

I guess I just dont understand - its like the free art museum that wont let you take pictures to show your friends half way across the world that will NEVER SEE THIS ART

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Re:...and it's already on the net! by RAVasquez · 2002-05-09 18:00 · Score: 2

It's interesting how Lucas was so gung-ho about AoTC being end-to-end digital, which ironically may hasten its appearance as a first-gen-quality .mpg on the warez boards. I wonder how heavily Lucasfilm lobbied behind the scenes for the CBDTPA.

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Re:...and it's already on the net! by GutBomb · 2002-05-09 19:51 · Score: 2

he was not justifying his stealing. he was pointing out that the mpaa is talking out of thier collective asses.
Re:...and it's already on the net! by neema · 2002-05-09 23:10 · Score: 2

My general trend right now is I'll download a movie on DivX, watch it and if I like it, buy it on DVD if it's that good. In my opinion, a well made DVD (read: lots of special editions, or most of the Criterion collection) has superb quality and lots of other goodies that destroy downloaded or ripped movies.

I live in NYC and they sell rip off DVDs all the time around here... I don't buy any for these reasons.

Instead of working on forcing the product down everyone's throat, they should work on improving the quality. My DVD collection reflects the fact that, I for one, will buy on such quality.
Re:...and it's already on the net! by yesthatguy · 2002-05-10 08:46 · Score: 2

From a digital movie, it's a much shorter chain to your computer. Basically:
Theater (nearly pristine) Copy --(compression)--> your computer
For analog, you go from the pristine film to a degraded copy that's been shown a few times to a low-quality handheld video camera that's showing the movie being played in the theater, so you get to see shakes, heads, hear tinny mini-mic sounds and such, to a PC via capture card or firewire, to compression, to you.

The quality of a digital bootleg has the potential to be really quite good. If you have the bandwidth to download a few gigs, you could probably get something that's at least VHS quality.

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Yes! That guy!

recipe for comments in this discussion: by jdbo · 2002-05-09 18:07 · Score: 4, Funny

mix-n-match to your pleasure:

claim to righteousness:

"I haven't seen it, and..." (modded up as insightful)
"I have seen it, and..." (lying, modded up as informative)
"I have seen it, and..." (true, modded down as troll)

claim of truth:

"...it sucks!..." (modded up as insightful)
"...it rocks!..." (modded up as insightful)
"...it sucks and (LOTR/Spider-Man/Matrix) rocks!..." (modded up as insightful)
"...it rocks and (LOTR/Spider-Man/Matrix) sucks!..." (modded up as insightful)
"...[perverse rant about Natalie Portman]..." (continously modded up as interesting and down as troll)
"...what about the MPAA?..." (modded down as flamebait)
"...[actual thoughtful review]..." (modded down as redundant)

parting declaration:

"...Lucas has lost it!..." (modded up as insightful)
"...Lucas is the king!..." (modded up as insightful)
"...the FX are incredible!..." (modded down as redundant)
"...I've done better FX on my basement 486 using POVRAY..." (modded up as interesting)
"...it's OK. Go see it if you're interested, ignore it otherwise, and by all means wait for the swarming masses of raving geeks to dissipate..." (ignored by moderators)
"...[desparate plea for a date with Natalie Portman]..." (modded up as funny)

Re:recipe for comments in this discussion: by wiredog · 2002-05-10 00:01 · Score: 2

Select "B" from group 1, "G" from group 2, and "E" from gouop =3, and you get this...

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Ripoff by miracle69 · 2002-05-09 18:10 · Score: 5, Funny

This movie is an obvious ripoff of two highly successful movies from two different eras: Strange Brew and Spiderman

Let's Compare.

Strange Brew : Star Wars EP II
Flying Dog : Flying Green Muppet
Plot to take over world : Plot to take over universe
Evil hockey players : Stormtroopers
Beer is source of power : "Midichlorion" microbrew
Bob and Doug : Obi and Anakin
Based on Hamlet : Based on ancient myths
Max von Sydow : Ian McDiarmid

Clearly, this movie is just a poor-rehash of Strange Brew with one twist - Spiderman special effects and the "spider sense" redone in an effort to trick the viewer into liking this poor-rendition of the greatest movie ever made, Strange Brew.

I don't buy it.

Kooookokokokokokokooooooo!

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NYT accounts deleted (karma whoring too) by shird · 2002-05-09 18:14 · Score: 2, Informative

Anyone else notice the blah/blah and yada/yada login/passwords don't seem to work at New York Times anymore. Perhaps they have noticed the huge number using those accounts and cancelled them. Use this link instead.

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Re:NYT accounts deleted (karma whoring too) by Stormie · 2002-05-09 19:21 · Score: 4, Funny

Anyone else notice the blah/blah and yada/yada login/passwords don't seem to work at New York Times anymore.

Well, I created a new account to read this. Username is something like sdkfgdkfs and password is something like pwejorowebn. (email is sdkufgsdf@ksfsdf.com)

If they want another one like that added to their database every time they have a story linked to by Slashdot, they're more than welcome to it.
Re:NYT accounts deleted (karma whoring too) by Alsee · 2002-05-09 23:06 · Score: 2

you're free to fill up their databases with junk.

EXACTLY!

Some idiot connects his database to the internet and allows full anonymous write privileges of un-verified data. You really expect the result to be a reliable database?

The fact that they are reqesting PERSONAL info makes it laughable.

The fact that they want the info so they can SPAM just makes it.... oh, wait a minute, it's already laughable. This brings it is so far beyond laughable as to be... grotesque.

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Re:NYT accounts deleted (karma whoring too) by Performer+Guy · 2002-05-10 03:57 · Score: 2

Their logs let them know where the originating link is from so they DO KNOW where the traffic is from.
Re:NYT accounts deleted (karma whoring too) by Alsee · 2002-05-10 14:21 · Score: 2

Someone leaves her car unlocked at the grocery store, do you really expect it to be there when she gets back?

Answer: No, but I do expect people will think the person who absconded with it is a low-life thief.

No, this person is parking her car so that it blocks the door to the grocery storey and forcing people to crawl through it to get into the store. The car is still there, but people tracked mud and bubblegum all over.

-

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- - You can't take something off the Internet! That's like trying to take pee out of a swimming pool.

AOTC by Anonymous Coward · 2002-05-09 18:22 · Score: 5, Funny

Since I have nothing witty to say, I will state for the record that Chewbacca is a better actor than Worf.

Re:AOTC by Jarvo · 2002-05-09 20:10 · Score: 2

I'll second that.

Although, "Maybe this IS a good day to die... PREPARE FOR RAMMING SPEED!!" was pretty funny.

Movie reviews and best-seller lists by Infonaut · 2002-05-09 18:39 · Score: 3, Insightful

I couldn't help but notice how we're all watching like hawks to see how the new Star Wars movie is being reviewed, especially in the context of Slashdotters' comments about bestseller lists.

I wonder what it is that makes us so skeptical of the perceptions of others when it comes to books, but so eager to hear the opinions of others when we're talking about movies.

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Re:Movie reviews and best-seller lists by Malcontent · 2002-05-09 18:59 · Score: 4, Insightful

The truth of the matter is that it does not matter how good or bad this movie is. The last one sucked massively yet everybody went to see it anyway. Everybody will rush out and see this one too just because it says star wars in the title and geekboys think they will be super cool if they are first in line.

There is a sucker born every minute and two to take him. Lucas knows how to milk the suckers for all they are worth.

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War is necrophilia.
Re:Movie reviews and best-seller lists by Znork · 2002-05-09 20:33 · Score: 2

Nah, last one I saw because I happened to pass by a movie theatre the day after it went up. I figured that well, the last half of return of the jedi stank, but maybe Lucas hadnt gone senile after all.

Of course, he had.

As far as I'm concerned, I've given Starwars a second chance, and unless I get several good reviews from friends I'm not going to bother.

It really is too bad. Starwars had a lot of potential, but overdosing on comic relief characters and fluffy teddybears makes it apparent that Lucas should concentrate on childrens cartoons. Not that that's a bad thing, only Lucas just hasnt got what it takes to make good movies of this calibre anymore. The later films are not epic in any other sense than 'epically embarrasing almost-slapstick comedy'.

I do wonder what exactly it was that destroyed Lucas tho. Was there some specific even in his life that made him lose his touch? Where did things go wrong for him (or 'right')?
Re:Movie reviews and best-seller lists by Malcontent · 2002-05-10 19:51 · Score: 2

" but overdosing on comic relief characters and fluffy teddybears makes it apparent that Lucas should concentrate on childrens cartoons"

In a very real sense that's what these movies are children's cartoons. There is no evidence of any adult level interaction between any of the characters. Not even a kiss.

--
War is necrophilia.

nice review, new york times.... by transiit · 2002-05-09 18:41 · Score: 2

I'm reminded of a Bloom County strip I read many years back where a film review was being written down at ye olde Bloom Picayune: "It did for cinema what Jonestown did for Kool-Aid".

Sometimes the reviewers are on to something, sometimes they just sound like elitist pricks. As I recall, Siskel & Ebert gave "The Usual Suspects" two thumbs down, which remains one of my favorite movies to date. I've plans to see this one, but I'm not sure I have the interest to go out of my way to see it opening night. I'm even busy enough with the approaching finals that I'd probably miss any lone-gunmen-are-dead reviews around these parts

-transiit

Re:nice review, new york times.... by MtViewGuy · 2002-05-10 00:58 · Score: 2

That's why I tend to avoid the reviews from the New York Times, both Chicago newspapers, and the Los Angeles Times. The reviews often have a snooty attitude that ends up turning off readers of their reviews and then some.

I'll never forget the sniping back and forth between James Cameron and LA Times movie critic Kenneth Turan over Titanic. Or how about The Sound of Music being heavily panned during its initial release in 1965?

Reviewers often nowadays are missing the point of why a movie was made a certain way, especially those aimed for summer release.

**Whaooomph!** by n4zgl · 2002-05-09 18:45 · Score: 3, Informative

that was the sound of the LotR gauntlet landing

This movie had to be better. Watching the 'love' version preview in theatres playing Fellowship of the Rings gave you a feeling similar to watching the kid next door show of his supermario brothers LCD two days after you got a C64...

I am glad to hear Lucas and Co have pulled it off. Bring on the talent!

Britney? by Ogerman · 2002-05-09 18:59 · Score: 4, Funny

Is it just my imagination or is queen Amidala dressed almost precisely like Britney Spears in that one scene? Tight vinyl pants and top, belly showing, etc. Except it's a white outfit instead of red.. How lame can you get? Lucas has definitely sold out to corporate America. Sad really..

Re:Britney? by delong · 2002-05-09 22:02 · Score: 2

Hey genius...

Lucas IS CORPORATE AMERICA.

Woof.

Derek
Re:Britney? by sharkey · 2002-05-10 05:55 · Score: 2

Well, what would you rather she wore?

Less. A lot less.

--

--
"Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
Re:Britney? by PCM2 · 2002-05-10 06:36 · Score: 3, Funny

Is it just my imagination or is queen Amidala dressed almost precisely like Britney Spears in that one scene? Tight vinyl pants and top, belly showing, etc. Except it's a white outfit instead of red.. How lame can you get? Lucas has definitely sold out to corporate America. Sad really..
You would have preferred her naked and petrified, perhaps?

--
Breakfast served all day!

Stephen Spielberg's comments by antdude · 2002-05-09 19:08 · Score: 2

Link: "I saw CLONES two weeks ago up at George's. For the record, of all the STAR WARS they've made, this is my second favorite just ehind EMPIRE," Spielberg told us. "It was great. The action scenes looked like George had been inspired by James Cameron because they were as good as any of the action scenes in T2, and I think George did his best directing with this one too."

Well, it should be better than The Phantom Menace (episode 1) then. :)

--
Ant(Dude) @ Quality Foraged Links (AQFL.net) & The Ant Farm (antfarm.ma.cx / antfarm.home.dhs.org).

Re:Seeing it ...ahem... digitally by rosewood · 2002-05-09 19:11 · Score: 2, Insightful

Wow - I hope you are just trolling

I dont dare discount the culture of NYC

However, if your ignorant statement is a true reflection of your beleif then you can see why so many people hate New Yorkers and their fucking snobby attitude

Can you sleep at night in the dark and quiet and have a cool non-polluted breeze come through your open window that no one is going to break in through?

Can you drive 15 miles and be in the middle of no-where?

I live in a City of half a million. Sure, thats small but I can go to a festival this weekend w/o fear and enjoy and have a good time.

As for Gas-n-Go - well here its Quick Trips, the best convinience stores known to man-kind - I can go in there after midnight and not fear it will get robbed. I can shit on their toilet and not get some disease.

Oh, I can also get a tech job in Wichita - and $65,000 goes a long way here

Cost of living here is way low, and quality of living aint shabby at all

--
The ultimate network admin tool needs HELP!

random login gateway link by majcher · 2002-05-09 19:11 · Score: 4, Informative

http://www.majcher.com/nytview.html?url=http://www . ytimes.com/2002/05/10/movies/10STAR.html&submit

Generates a random login every time and jumps to the page ... until they change the registration format again, that is...

Re:random login gateway link by Alsee · 2002-05-09 22:16 · Score: 2

they provide you with free content. It's not a right it's a privilege. So stop abusing the fuck out of it

Oh, let me guess. You also expect us to enter vaid address, birthday, occupation, and salary data?

LMAO. They're *LUCKY* if I enter a valid gender half the time!

-

--
- - You can't take something off the Internet! That's like trying to take pee out of a swimming pool.
Re:random login gateway link by Puk · 2002-05-10 03:33 · Score: 2

There's a flaw in this logic. Just because it's free to you doesn't mean it's free to them. On top of that, it's not really free to you -- the cost is your info (which has value for statistical/marketing purposes). Just because you don't pay case doesn't mean it's free.

If they truly send you "spam"/marketing info from partners/subscription offers (which some percentage of people -- not necessarily you -- will take), and you don't register, you are using their services (which cost them money) without letting them earn any back.

Note that I'm just arguing the logic, not the morality of using their services without registering. That said, I generally do not read NYT online articles because I don't want to give them my info, and I'm too lazy to use the workarounds. :)

-Puk

Spoilers by kraf · 2002-05-09 19:14 · Score: 2, Interesting

I've been quite spoiled for this movie, reading the script and spy reports, downloading the pics etc.
It can be quite frustrating to know that a couple of my favourite scenes has been cut from the final, so I'm staying spolier free for EPIII.

Re:Spoilers by Tattva · 2002-05-10 08:20 · Score: 2

Anakin loses many bodyparts which are replaced with bionic devices, making him more machine than man.
Twisted and Evil, too.

--
personal attacks hurt, especially when deserved

Re:$100 says... by droopus · 2002-05-09 19:40 · Score: 3, Interesting

A) The RIAA represents music labels not movie studios. That's the MPAA. B)

B) The two copies out are both pretty bad: one a cam and one a Telesync. Neither are screeners.

C) I got it, I watched it, but I'll still go see it at the cinema. Having the film early didn't do anything to change my desire to experience it in a theater, but once the DVDIVX comes out, no.. I won't buy the DVD and neither will about a half a million other people. They aren't worried about some crappy cam cutting into home video sales: they are worried about the super high quality High Def rips and DVDIVX encodes that are perfectly fine substitutes for DVDs for most people.

It'll still sell but anyone who doesn't think filesharing isn't the death of the music and (eventually) film businesses might do well to study the 1940's business models of the studios and labels, and realize...they're fucked.

3 out of 4 music business employees will be out of work in five years. Remember where you heard it.

Lacquer and celluloid business models don't do well against silicon and glass fiber.

--
"The pie shall be cut in half and each man shall receive.....death. I'll eat the pie."

The dread disease Midichlorian-itis! by Spirit+of+Vengeance · 2002-05-09 19:43 · Score: 2, Funny

Midichlorian-itis predicted in record numbers!

Thats right, the dread disease Midichlorian-itis will once again make itself known in a mere 6 days!

Symptoms include but not limited to:

Hyper tension
High blood pressure
Trembling muscles and nervous twitches
Cold Sweat
High anxiety (generally manifest in high piched voice with constant arm waving and muttering "Oh my! We're doomed!"
Loss of appetite followed by craving for popcorn
Red and black markings on the patients head and body along with yellow horns protruding from the head.
Breathing problems, (the most common manifestion is when the patient breathes deeply on a regular basis)
Craving for roasted Ewok
Desire to skip work or school
Hallucinations of an army of Jar Jar Clones! (Warning! this symptom is indicative of an impending psychotic episode! Consult your Doctor right way! Failure to receive treatment on time can result in being carbon frozen!)

On May 16th please report to your local movie theatre, where for (insert ticket price here) you can receive your annual innoculation for the next 3 years.

If after the over 2 hour innoculation procedure is not enough, you can spend more $$ to repeat the dosage or else swing over to another part of the theatre for an arachnid booster shot

This public service message brought to you by Coruscant Medical Institute, the Friendly Family Doctors!

Re:The dread disease Midichlorian-itis! by jimmcq · 2002-05-09 20:30 · Score: 3, Interesting

I think you'll pleased to find not a single mention of Midichlorians in Attack of the Clones.

Re:I DOWNLOADED THE MOVIE by Anonymous Coward · 2002-05-09 19:50 · Score: 2, Funny

You are mistaken. This episode reveals that Luke's father is actually Jar-Jar.

Re:Digital? by GutBomb · 2002-05-09 20:01 · Score: 2

Irvine Spectrum and some no name theatre in burbank.

Re:Pirate scum by warmcat · 2002-05-09 21:11 · Score: 2

Hm. 99% of your 'support' is going in the pockets of the media companies which market the product you are interested in, not the artists.

Ultimately people resort to unauthorized copying because of arbitrary restrictions made in the interest of the copyright owner (for movies, in availability in the different media over time) or pricing (eg, music, tickets & food with cinemas) which they perceive as unfair. Many people are willing to trade off media quality against beating these restrictions. It will never go away.

I find it hard to get worked up about ''there not being enough money for an episode 3'' when the SW franchise has brought in billions of dollars and my kids are being continually marketed to by companies that are not satisfied with making their money through the films alone, but want to sell fecal-burgers and toys on the back of kid-friendly characters.

Anyhow, best of luck pouring your money into these huge corporate beasts so your conscience doesn't make you feel bad.

Who wants any surprises? by starX · 2002-05-09 23:31 · Score: 2, Interesting

The guy at the NYTimes seems to have this strange notion that Star Wars fans don't already know the essentials of the plot, and could actually be surprised by this movie. Really, with an established timeline before and after this movie, how much possibility for surprise can there possibly be, but then again, I for one don't want to be surprised, I want Star Wars.

In the grand scheme of things, Star Wars is not, nor should it be high art. George Lucas is a cinematographic genius, but he is no Bergman, Hitchcock, or Lang. What most people don't seem to catch is that he never pretends to be. He has said in numerous interviews that Star Wars is based on the old movie serials from his youth, and those are inherently melodramatic, bombastic, and completely archetypal battles between good and evil. Is there ever any doubt in are minds that Darth Vader is evil incarnate? No, not until Lucas started listening to his critics with Jedi.

Stars Wars never pretends to be high art, but perhaps something so simple, and yet so appealing is more than high art. Let us not fool ourselves, The Illiad and Beowulf were so popular in their times because they are entertaining; we still read them today because they are inherently good stories. Star Wars is a good story, and no matter what the agenda of the reviewer, or what marketting deals have already been made, Lucas will never let it be otherwise.

Short version: NYTimes reviewer has missed the point by a few parsecs.

Re:Who wants any surprises? by Spencerian · 2002-05-10 01:53 · Score: 2

Hear, hear!

If you want art, go to the freakin' Googenheim. If you want something to talk about (that's usually fun) go see Star Wars--any one of them.

Even "Phantom Menace" is enjoyable compared to pieces of celluoid like "Mullholland Drive." It wasn't a bad movie, but then I don't want to have to read Cliff's Notes before seeing it.

Honestly, I still see the saber duel in TFM as Pretty Damned Cool.

--
Vos teneo officium eram periculosus ut vos recipero is.
Re:Who wants any surprises? by RAVasquez · 2002-05-10 05:28 · Score: 2

I for one don't want to be surprised, I want Star Wars.

That may explain why some of the reviews I've seen so far comment on how dutiful and exposition-bound AotC feels -- as if its only purpose is to follow the familiar Anakin-turns-to-the-dark-side thread with just as much fleshing out as needed to fill out two hours.

Speaking as a non-Star Wars fan, I don't care how well Episode II advances the mythos. I want to know if the movie is any fun. Phantom Menace wasn't much fun, and despite Lucas's fondness for those classic serials, it remained hidebound in its mock-seriousness. It was too pretentious to be a classic popcorn movie, and its story was too uninvolving to be engaging.

I'm not saying that George Lucas has to direct Seven Samurai (a great action movie, btw). But just because it's a "simple" action movie doesn't mean it can't be high art as well -- look at Raiders of the Lost Ark, or even The Empire Strikes Back. I certainly don't agree that Attack of the Clones must be judged by a lower standard just because it aims low.

--
--- Work, worry, consume, die. It's a wonderful life. -- Bill Griffith

SPOILER!!! by phunhippy · 2002-05-09 23:57 · Score: 2

Great ruin it for me!! Now i know there are Jedi's in episode 2!!! thanks guys!!!

Take Critics Reviews with a Grain of Salt by Spencerian · 2002-05-10 01:42 · Score: 2

It should be noted that:

1) Most critics from popular mags like Entertainment Weekly probably weren't even BORN when the original Star Wars movie showed up.

2) Those same critics (whose reviews I've read a lot of) seem to believe that "Star Wars" should be always upbeat. It's quite the opposite for the Episodes 1-3. All the Jedi are going to DIE and Anakin's going to be the one to kill them (mostly). Nothing upbeat there. For upbeat, see Episodes 4-6.

It's still a story. Lucas just ingratiated us with more explosions. Makes sense--when Yoda has to open up a can of whoopass in a SW movie, you KNOW things are getting bad for the good guys.

--
Vos teneo officium eram periculosus ut vos recipero is.

Pirated Edition on the Web by Alien54 · 2002-05-10 01:46 · Score: 3, Interesting

I noted this morning that Radio Free Nation has a item on how the pirated edition of the film has made it to the web.

This is sure to open a can of worms.

Of course it got pirated so quickly because it is huge, but you know this will feed arguments in other forums.

--
"It is a greater offense to steal men's labor, than their clothes"

I think it's highly ironic... by Lethyos · 2002-05-10 02:02 · Score: 2

...that no where in any of the StarWars movies does there appear a "marketing droid." You would think that such a character would be central to the plot-line. Perhaps it would be responsible for helping fund the Rebel Alliance...

--
Why bother.

Re:Why is George Lucas so Greedy? by malducin · 2002-05-10 02:10 · Score: 2

Well for one thing he is really an independent (the richest one though). Remember he basicly quit the Directors Guild after Star Wars, though I think he rejoined before starting Phantom Menace because of requirements. For him the merchandise is another way of funding his other ventures, since he owns the rights to Star Wars (bought them way back). As he stated in that lame CNN - Connie Chung interview, he doesn't have to go through crap like screening his films through test groups, studio meddling with content and editing etc.

If there is demand he has the supply. Maybe some fans don't find the stuff as disappointing as you. For the record nowadays I just get a few items. It's your choice what to buy and how much.

All I can say is... by gamgee5273 · 2002-05-10 02:36 · Score: 2

I actually like TPM - but I'm the type of guy who can watch a flick from the eyes of a four-year-old and not a 29-year-old and, from my four-year-old eyes, TPM was pretty cool.

As for AOTC: It's gotta be better than ROTJ. My personal ranking is this (based on the originals of each flick, not any special editions):

1. ESB
2. ANH
3. TPM
4. ROTJ

I give ROTJ SE and TPM a tie at 3 because the SE ending is so much better than the original...

I predict that AOTC will go to 2 or 3 on my personal list. I'll see at 12:01am next Thursday...

Re:Hulk movie too... by swordgeek · 2002-05-10 02:44 · Score: 2

Ye Gods!!!

Sequels and comics. Comics and sequels. Can't anyone think up an original movie, just once?

Look at the Sci-fi/action stuff we've had lately or are getting soon: Spiderman (and sequel), the Hulk, Star Wars (episodes 2,3,7,8, and 9!), X-men (and sequel), etc. etc. etc.

The Matrix was actually a good and original movie, amazingly. They could have spent more time on the social aspects and ramifications instead of BIGGER GUNS, but that wouldn't be a box-office smash of course. However like all other franchises, once you hit paydirt you run it into the ground. The Matrix II is coming soon (as is MiB 2), and you can be sure that they'll keep grinding out sequels of sequels of sequels until people stop paying obscene amounts of money to see them.

It would be nice if someone came up with a good movie. A neat, well crafted, original, and complete movie. Unfortunately, it ain't gonna happen.

--

"People who do stupid things with hazardous materials often die." -- Jim Davidson on alt.folklore.urban

ok, so wtf? by Ender+Ryan · 2002-05-10 03:00 · Score: 2

"Apparently it's a version videotaped in the theater, which they're worried will cut into DVD sales (?)"

Ok, so some jackass taped the movie in the theater and distrubuted it on the net? What would the film industry propose legislators do to stop this? Completely ban all video playing/recording software that can play non-DRMed video?

Wouldn't that require that PCs basically become set-top boxes? Wouldn't that damage the computer industry more than the entire film industry is worth?

See, the #1 thing the computer industry has going for it with regards to fighting this type of legislation is that it is worth far, far more than the entire film industry. But when senators and congress-critters are in the pockets of media companies, they throw the economy out the window to line thier own pockets with dirty money from Hollywood.

In my humble opinion, that is such a great betrayal of the public trust as to be worthy of death. Think about it, legislators knowingly damaging the economy to line their own pockets. That, to some degree at least, puts people out on the street, broke, without healthcare, etc.

necessary disclaimer: when I say "worthy of death", I don't mean they should be killed, I'm strongly against the death penalty. I simply mean that thier life is worth nothing to the world, and in fact the world would be a better place without them.

--
Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken - Tyler Durden

Best comment in NYTimes review by peter303 · 2002-05-10 03:18 · Score: 2

"Star Wars: Episode II -- Attack of the Clones" is rated PG (Parental guidance suggested). It has many violent scenes, none of them terribly upsetting or, for that matter, interesting.

Re:Obligatory by swordgeek · 2002-05-10 03:40 · Score: 2

For my part...

YES DAMMIT!

You can't gut anything that you're supporting and propping up. The MPAA is going to get richer and more powerful, and the price of tickets (and slimy popcorn, and watery pop, and...) for mediocre sequels to mediocre movies is going to go up as long as you happily throw your money and support behind them.

The same with the RIAA. It's time to start a guerrilla war against the media conglamorates. The only way to save culture and freedom is to destroy the pop-culture industry.

--

"People who do stupid things with hazardous materials often die." -- Jim Davidson on alt.folklore.urban

Re:Positive reviews .. by stevey · 2002-05-10 03:44 · Score: 2

haha

The point I was trying to make is that thre is usually some good reviews around for all films which come out .. regardless of their quality.

(The line about the Queen of the Damned was a tounge-in-cheek reference to this; the reviews say it blows, but I liked the books and my sister who has seen it said 'yeah it wasn't great, but there were lots of cute goth girls in it'. Sounds ideal to me ;)

Repeat business by epepke · 2002-05-10 05:09 · Score: 2

I saw TPM in the theater once.

I saw the original release of Star Wars seven times. I saw the first re-release two times. After that, I lost count.

Star Wars has been successful because it has included the kind of movie that people will go back to see several times on the big screen. Getting away from this is a big mistake.

FilmThreat by bonch · 2002-05-10 05:42 · Score: 2

It's like you paraphrased FilmThreat's review.

Death of studios != dearth of art content by OmniGeek · 2002-05-10 06:21 · Score: 2

I guess the title says it most succinctly. Yes, many of the MPAA/RIAA members may tank as time goes on, but I seriously doubt that the world will be less rich in art/film/music for their passing. The artists surely won't suffer on the whole, 99% get cheated by the pimps^H^H^H^H^Hstudios as things are. In any case, there's not one thing the XXAA can do to stop the process -- except to adapt to a bits-are-essentially-free world. Some will survive, I'm sure.

Another poster wonders whether the XXAA want PCs to be merely set-top boxes: the answer is clearly and explicitly "Yes, they do." These mugs are very threatened by the general-purpoose PC and the distributed power the 'Net creates. Too bad for them...

--

"My strength is as the strength of ten men, for I am wired to the eyeballs on espresso."

OT: "War On Terror Not Over Yet" Emperor Declares by Namarrgon · 2002-05-10 07:32 · Score: 2

CORUSCANT -- Presiding over a memorial service commemorating the victims of the attack on the Death Star, the Emperor declared that while recent victories over the Rebel Alliance were "encouraging, the War on Terror is not over yet."

"We will continue to fight these terrorists, and the rogue governments who harbor them, until the universe is safe, once and for all, and the security of the Neo-New Cosmik Order ensured."

It was one year ago today that the Death Star, perhaps the greatest symbol of the Empire's might, was destroyed in an attack by fanatic Rebels, who used small, single-person crafts to infiltrate seemingly impenetrable defenses. Thousands of mourners were on hand to remember and pay tribute to the victims and their families.

"We lost our innocence that day," reflected one mourner. "I guess we thought we were immune from the kind of violence that happens in other galaxies. We were wrong." "I lost hundreds of buddies that day," said one teary-eyed Stormtrooper. "Guys whose only crime was trying make the Universe a safer place."

Although the day was colored by sadness, the mourners found some relief in the news of a decisive victory over the Rebels. In an attack led by Darth Vader, Empire forces were able to rout hundreds of Rebels from a network of caves underneath the surface of the planet Hoth. "We're not sure we got them all," says a Vader spokesman. "There are a lot of places to hide in those caves. But we've delivered a powerful blow to the terrorist's infrastructure, that's for sure. Today, the Empire has struck back."

Initial reports are unclear as to the fate of Luke Skywalker, a hero among the Rebels, who is rumored to have delivered the fatal blow to the Death Star. Skywalker, a former desert-dweller from the planet Tattooine, became a part of the Rebellion after family members were killed. Skywalker was trained by a militant wing of the Rebels, known as "Jedi Knights." Fanatical in their religious beliefs, the Jedi Knights claim to derive their power from the mystical "Force."

It's believed that Skywalker was specifically trained by infamous terrorist O bin Wankanobi. Wankanobi, occasionally called "Ben" and easily recognized by his bearded visage and long, flowing robes, achieved near-martyr status among the Rebels after his death last year during a spy mission. His more fervent followers believe that Wan Kenobi lives on within them today, some even claiming to hear his voice during times of duress.

The attack on the Death Star came shortly after the Empire's destruction of Alderstaan, a planet whose government was known to harbor terrorists. Responding to criticism over the total annihilation of the planet, Vader stated, "There is no middle ground in the War on Terror. Those who harbor terrorists are terrorists themselves. Alderaan was issued ample warning. The fight for continuing Freedom is often burdened by terrible cost."

The cost of this war can still be seen today in the continuing efforts to build a coalition government on Tattooine. Longstanding animosities among the planets various ethnic groups, including the Jawas, Tusken Raiders and scattered human settlers, have been an impediment to the peace process. The Empire continues to maintain a small peace keeping force until a provisional government is finally in place.

Much of the difficulty in fighting the Rebel forces stems from their lack of a central organizing structure. "They don't play by the traditional rules of war," complained one spokesman. "They come in all shapes and sizes, united only by their single-minded desire to destroy the Empire before it destroys them."

The Emperor closed his comments today by stating that "the cowardly attack on the Death Star left a deep scar on the Empire. However, we will not stop fighting until every last evildoer has been brought to justice." He paused for several moments, wiping away a tear and then added with determination, "We will never forget."

"I wish we could all just get along," said one of the mourners. "But it's hard to offer an olive branch to a cult of religious fanatics whose main tool is violence and who insist on calling us the Dark Side." (OK, it's old. So sue me.)

--
Why would anyone engrave "Elbereth"?

Lucky Slashdotter. by DA_MAN_DA_MYTH · 2002-05-10 08:18 · Score: 2

I have a connection that works at Fox and often I get to go to premeires or media screenings, so when I was offered to see AOTC a week and half before everyone else I leapt at the chance. The only problem was I sat next to a newspaper movie critic who wouldn't shut up. I came this close to crushing his larynx while quoting, "A find your lack a faith disturbing."

Not giving anything away, it is awesome. There are more lightsabers in this movie that you can shake a errr... lightsaber at. The problem I can forsee that people would have is the acceptance of Anakin being Anakin. Well nobody really liked the first kid so why should we like the second. They are probably going to be some complaints about this movie, but I didn't have any. AOTC definetly has the best land war of any of the Star Wars movies including EOB. Anyway great movie, I just wonder if it would be any better seeing it in one of the digital theatres.

--
"It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it."

Re:Except by Alsee · 2002-05-10 14:16 · Score: 2

That despite giving a valid email address to the NYT I've never once received any spam from them. Amazing that.

NYT is too smart to sully their image sending you spam directly. That's what affiliates are for.

--
- - You can't take something off the Internet! That's like trying to take pee out of a swimming pool.

My review (no unmarked spoilers) by Dr.+Spork · 2002-05-12 15:34 · Score: 2

I was trying to sum up for my curious friends my overall impression of AOTC and I think I finally said this: Lucas obviously spent a lot of money, but not a lot of thought on this movie. In some scenes I remember my eyes were involuntarily rolling so much that I thought I might really hurt myself.

The plot was actually quite dumb, on par with recent films starring The Rock. Of course, those movies don't have the hubris to try doing romantic dialogue. AOTC tried, and it was absolutely terrible. Actually, let's face it: Lucas sucks at dialogue. The characters get about as much development as is necessary in a tale aimed at 6-year olds. Everybody is a total cliche. But of course, we're used to that from Lucas. I think he would say that everybody is an archetype--which is Jungian mumbo-jumbo for "stereotype."

Many wondered how the fact Darth Vader's rising up against the Emperor and revealing himself as Anakin Skywalker (ep6) suddenly made him a good guy, though he was directly responsible for the death of thousands of innocent people. Those of us who thought "Huh? Isn't a repentant war criminal still a war criminal?" will be saying "Huh?" many more times during this movie.

spoiler--can't resist:

&nbsp

One example: It's only after Senator Brunette-Britney, who is supposed to be righteous, finds out that her suitor killed a whole village of innocent children that she decides she really loves him. Maybe if he also killed their dogs, he'd get a blow job. Or something.

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Star Wars: AOTC Reviews Pour In

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